Little Girl Jokes
115 little girl jokes and hilarious little girl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about little girl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Little Girl Short Jokes
Short little girl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The little girl humour may include short young girl jokes also.
- A little girl asks her grandad... "Would you make a frog noise for me?"
The grandad, confused asks, "why?"
The little girl replies, "dad says when you croak we are all going to disneyland". - A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."
- "Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? " "No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
- When I was a little boy, my dad taught me that any little boy or girl, even me, could grow up and become President someday... I'm starting to believe him.
- A little girl says to her mommy, instead of buying me clothes for my birthday can you send them to all of the little girls that haven't got any, you know the ones. The ones on daddy's computer.
- I got arrested the other day for holding a little girl's hand They wanted to know where the rest of her body was
- A teacher told her first grade class, "A single dolphin can have two hundred off-spring!" A little girl gasped, "How about the married ones?"
- The pastor asked a little girl why one should remain quiet in church The little girl replied 'because everyone is sleeping.'
- Most people think I'm sick and twisted... But I'm not! I have the heart of a little girl.
In a jar.
On my desk. - Why don't girls have willys... A little boy came running into the kitchen an declared, "Mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow."
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Little Girl One Liners
Which little girl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with little girl? I can suggest the ones about baby girl and little boy.
- Where did the little Asian girl go when the little boy dropped by? Everywhere.
- I used to love going to dinner parties as a little girl My wife hated it though.
- Little drummer Boy grew up and became a father to twin girls: Anna 1, Anna 2
- Why did the little girl cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.
- I've suffered from identity crisis since I was a little boy. I mean girl.
- Hey girl are you Little Caesar's? Cus you're hot and I'm ready
- I'll never forget my little girl's first words... "Where are my parents?"
- Why was the little girl scared of the computer programme? He was a PDF file
- What did the little girl's parents want for Christmas? A better son.
- What do you call a little girl who can't stop laughing? LOLi
- Why did the little girl fall off of her bike?
Because she didn't have any arms. - Who brings Purell and wet wipes to all the good little OCD girls and boys? Sani Claus.
- why did the little girl keep a goldfish in her pocket? To smell like a big girl
- How do you turn a little boy into a little girl? With a small loan of a million dollars.
- What do you call a little girl who's very close to her dog? Nina
Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Little Girl Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about little girl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean little kid jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make little girl pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"
Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.
When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"
A little girl asks her father: "Daddy, what is corruption?"
-- Go bring me a beer and I'll tell you.
-- But mommy said you should stop drinking!
-- Get yourself an ice-cream too while you bring me that beer.
-- Oh, okay!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl was walking home from school when a man on a motorcycle pulled up beside her.
Man: Hey little girl, want to ride on the back of my motorcycle?
Girl: No.
Man: Come on sweetie, I'll give you five dollars if you ride with me.
Girl: Get away from me or I'll call the cops.
Man: How about twenty dollars, just get on the back with me.
Girl: (Starts running) No way!
Man: Okay, final offer, twenty dollars and a bag of candy.
Girl: Look, Dad, you had to buy a Honda instead of a Harley, you ride it!
A blonde girl sets out to prove blonde aren't dumb
A blonde girl rents out a stadium and invites as many blondes as she can and sure enough 80,000 blondes fill the stadium and she films it all on live television. She invites a little 4 year old girl out in front of everyone and asks her what's 2+2? The little girl shivers and squeaks out T-three? The crowd erupts yelling Give her another chance! So they do and ask her again what's 2+2? The girl stands there for a moment before answering is it 4? The crowd starts chanting once again Give her another chance!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did Santa get you that?
Cop on horse says to little g**... bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*c**... goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
A little girl walks into a pet shop
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper bends down to her level, smiling, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby, or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl leans forward and whispers, "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike...
A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike and says, Did Santa get you that?
Yes, replies the little girl.
Well, says the policeman, tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year, and fines her $5.
The girl looks up at the policeman and says, Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that? The policeman chuckles and replies, He sure did!
Well, says the little girl, next year, tell Santa the a**... goes on the back of the horse and not on top of it.
Little girl goes up to her father and says "Daddy talk like a frog"
Dad says "get out of here, talk like a frog." The next day again the little girl says "daddy talk like a frog."
Dad says "I told you yesterday beat it with the frog stuff."
Again on the next day she says to her dad "Daddy please can you talk like a frog?"
Her dad looks at her and says "okay what's going on, what's the big deal with this frog business, why do you want me to talk like a frog?
The little girl looks at him and says "because mommy said when you croak we get to move to Hawaii"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lady almost 9 months pregnant falls down some stairs and knocks herself out...
When she wakes up, she is in a hospital bed.
Doctor: "We had to deliver your fraternal twins while you slept, but they are completely healthy. Also, your brother stopped by and named them for you"
New Mother: "My brother named them? But he's an idiot! What are their names?"
Doctor: "Well, the little girl is named Denise."
New Mother: "Well, that's not so bad. What about my son?"
Doctor: "Denephew."
A little girl was drawing a picture of Jonah inside the whale in class...
Her teacher asked her "What's that?"
"It's Jonah inside the belly of the whale from the Bible." She replied
The teacher, an atheist, told her "You know that didn't really happen."
She kept drawing "When I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah."
"What if he's not in heaven? The teacher admonished.
The girl, still drawing "Then you ask him"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What would a Skyrim guard say if he saw you choking a little girl?
No loli gaggin'
A little girl is attending her first wedding...
And as the priest is reading the vows, she leans over to her mother and whispers, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explains, "and today is the happiest day in her life."
The child ponders this for a moment and then asks, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl and boy are in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl starts to cry so the little boy asks her "What's wrong?"
The little girl responds "I have to get a blood test so they're going to cut open my finger."
The little boy's jaw drops and he says "Oh no! I'm getting a u**... test."
Daddy, what's it like being drunk?
A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confused, replies "But daddy, there is only one telephone pole over there"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
3 little girls walk up to their father
The first little girl asks, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
and the dad says, "because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head, so we decided to call you rose."
The second little girl asks, "Daddy, why is my name Lily?"
and the dad says, "because when you were born, a lily petal fell on your head, so we decided to call you Lily."
The third little girl says, "hurdddurflbbbbb dur."
and the dad says, "shut up Cinderblock."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl says to her mother "mommy, I hate daddy's guts!"
Her mother replies "shut up and keep eating."
Sorry if this has been posted already, a teacher of mine told my class this and i had to share!
Roll call on the first day of school in London, England....
Ahmed Al Sheriah ............................."Here."
Mustafa Al Sheriah ............................"Here."
Fatima El Bindihiri ............................."Here."
Ali Acmah Shabeeb ............................."Here."
Ali Sun Al En ..........................No answer.
Ali Sun Al En?
A little girl at the back stands up and yells .... "It's pronounced Alison Allen, for Christ's sake!"
Lemonade
A man stumbles upon a little girl's lemonade stand and asks, "How much for a glass?" "First one's twenty-five cents," she responds. He hands her the money, downs the lemonade, and asks for another. "The second cup is twenty-five dollars", she states. Confused, the man asks, "Why?"
"This one has the antidote."
A little girl runs up behind us (this really happened)...
...while my GF and I were shopping at Target. The girl was maybe 5 and running from her mom. I made the comment, "Look Honey, a free daughter!" GF's reply was "Raising a child is not free." To which I replied, "Yes, but in this case you get a discount on the labor!"
A cute little girl walks into a pet store and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"
She, in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did you ask?
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him: "Daddy, what is s**...?" The Dad was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.
He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.
The father asked her: "Why did you ask this question?"
The little girl replied,"Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
A little girl asks her mum: Mummy, why do we never visit grandma?
Oh darling, you don't remember? She fell of the balcony…
And where is she now?
Well… she went to heaven
The little girl thinks about it for a moment…
Wow, that's a big bounce
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My little girl loves helping me when I'm doing the cooking, because I always let her lick the spoon.
The sooner she's old enough to buy her own h**..., the better.
A little girl and her mother are at Church...
...when the little girl starts to feel sick. Her mother tells her to go throw up in the bushes behind the church.
When the little girl returns, her mother asks her if she threw up.
"Yes," the girl says. "But I didn't have to go all the way around the back. There was a box near the front door that said 'For the Sick.'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump visits an elementary school
Trump visits an elementary school to greet the students and teachers. He asks the students, what do you all want to be when you grow up?
A farmer, shouts one.
An astronaut, shouts another.
The President of the United States, confidently says a little girl.
Who said that, shouts Trump. The little girl raises her hand and he darts eyes at her. He begins to fume, are you joking? Are you brainless? Are you a complete m**...? Are you s**...? Are you an idiot?
The little girl, taken aback, says, on second thought, nevermind! That sounds like too many requirements!
A little girl asks her mother why her name is Feather
"You see, daughter - when you were born, a feather blew in through the window and landed on your head." she replies.
"Then why is my name Leaf?" Asked her little brother. "You see," replied his mother - "when you were born, a leaf blew in through the window and landed on your head."
In comes the youngest brother, and yells:
"BLARRRG BLARR BLARR!"
His mother calmly replies,
"Please be quiet, Refrigerator."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl goes to the pet store
She ask the owner of the store if he has any bunnies.
Well sure sweetie! He says and takes her to where the bunnies are, I have a few different bunnies I have this white one with floppy ears, or this fluffy little brown one, or I even have this cute one with black spots! What kind of bunny did you have in mind?
So the little girl looks over the bunnies and then back to the pet store owner and replies, quite frankly mister I don't think my snake gives a d**....
A little girl and a little boy were sitting in a bathtub together..
The little girl looks down and asks, "can I touch it?" He answers, "NO WAY- YOU ALREADY BROKE YOURS OFF!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. At one point in the discussion, the teacher remarked that it was physically impossible for a whale to s**... an entire human being because
…even though the whale was a very large mammal, its t**... was very small.
"But the whale swallowed Jonah," the little girl insisted.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not s**... a human. It was physically impossible, she said.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to h**...?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
A little girl tells her dad she wishes she had a sister
In an attempt to be clever, her dad explains, "You do, it's just you don't see her. Every time you come in the front door: she leaves out the back door.". The little girl replies, "ohhhh, just like my other daddy!"
Wittle Wabbit
little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"
The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The birds and the bees
A little girl came home from school quite confused after her first s**...-ed class, and asked her mother to explain.
"Well," said her mother, quite embarrassed, "There are birds and there are bees..."
"That's what I don't understand! Don't birds eat bees?"
Her father piped up from the next room, "That's lesson two!"
A teacher asks her class
to use the word "contagious". Roland, the teacher's pet, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland," says the teacher.
"Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie," says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Little Irish Sean jumps up and says in a broad Dublin accent, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two inch brush, and my dad says it will take the contagious."
A middle-aged teacher named Mrs. Jackson saw one of her first grade boys making rude faces at the preschoolers on the playground
She said "You know, Liam, when I was a little girl I was told that if I made ugly faces it might freeze and stay like that."
Liam replied "Well sorry Mrs. Jackson, but you can't say you weren't warned.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cats and ladders
A fire-fighter was working on the engine outside the station, when he noticed a little girl in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a fire-fighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The fire-fighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," he said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied. The fire-fighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's t**....
"Little partner," the fire-fighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Little Johnny's Game
Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," says his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A tourist is in Russia and they see a frail little babushka sitting in front of her house, smoking a cigarette and drinking v**....
So he stops and asks her: "Excuse me, but are you celebrating something?"
"No, I drink a few bottles of v**... every day. Always have."
"Amazing. And the cigarettes?"
"At least four packs a day, since I was a little girl."
"That's amazing! May I ask, how old are you?"
"Twenty-five".
Can I touch it?
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy and asked him, "Can I touch it?" He replied, "No way -- you already broke yours off!"
A little girl was sitting on her granddad's lap while he read her a story. She kept taking her eyes of the book and reaching up and touching his old, wrinkled face.
After a few times doing this, she finally asked, "Grandpa, were you made by God?"
"Yes, dear." he replied. "I was made by God a long time ago."
The little girl paused for a moment and then asked, "And did God make me?"
"Of course, dear." replied her grandfather. "God made you not long ago."
The girl felt her own face and then her granddad's again, thought for a moment and then said, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Whats for Dinner
A man kills a Deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his Wife, decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.
The kids were eager to know what the
meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.
"Well," he said,
"It's what Mummy calls me, sometimes."
The little girl screams to her Brother,
"Don't eat it, it's an a**....."
A man was walking in Central Park in NYC...
Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says, "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl".
The man says, "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh ,then it will say in newspapers tomorrow morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" the policeman replied.
"But I am not even an American!" Says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?" The policeman asks.
The man replies, "I am a Saudi!"
The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog."
A little 3-year-old girl
was playing with her miniature tea set. Her father was in the living room and her mother was out shopping. The little girl came out to the living room and offered her father a cup of tea, which was in fact just water. He thought this was really cute, so she did it several more times. When the mother came home, the father had the mother stop and watch the little tea ritual, as her daughter brought the father another cup of tea (water) and he drank it. The mother said, Very nice. But has it occurred to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?
Always Wanted to get Married
My daughter always dreamed of getting married when she was a little girl.
So we converted to Islam.
An English tourist in a Cairo bazaar...
An English tourist in a Cairo bazaar was offered a large skull by a street-trader. "Dis de skull of great Queen Cleopatra, effendi," said the Egyptian, "only one hundred English pounds."
"No, thank you," said the Englishman. "It's far too expensive."
"How 'bout dis one, effendi?" said the street-trader, producing a small skull.
"Whose skull is that?"
"Dis de skull of great Queen Cleopatra when she was little girl!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl went with her father to the barber to get his hair cut....
...and her father gave her a snack cake to keep her quiet.
As she she frolicked around the barber shop with it, the barber warned, "Little girl, you are going the get hair on your t**...!"
She replied, "I know! I'm gonna grow boobies too!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"
"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."
Satisfied, the child goes away.
Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"
"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a feather floated down and landed on your head."
The little girl smiles and goes on her way.
A few moments later the youngest child runs into the room and says: "WARGLBARGLAAHRGLB?"
The mother says: "Shut up, Refrigerator."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Little Girl Catches Her Parents Having s**...
One night, a little girl decides to peek inside her parent's bedroom. She is shocked by what she sees, for she catches a glimpse of mommy bouncing up and down on top of daddy.
That very next morning, she asks her mom, "Mommy, why were you hopping up and down on top of daddy?"
The mom replies, "Oh, umm, well, I was just trying to help lose weight by pushing the air out of him."
The girl says, "Well that won't work mommy."
Puzzled, the mother replies, "Well why not, honey?"
"Well, every week while you're at work, the pretty girl from across the street comes to blow him back up!"
Whenever she was asked her name, a little girl told people, I'm Mr. Anderson's daughter.
Her mother told her this was wrong. Instead, she must say, "I'm Sarah Anderson."
At the grocery store she was approached by a friend of her fathers. He asked, "Aren't you Mr. Anderson's daughter?"
Sarah replied, "I thought I was, but my mother says I'm not."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So there were 4 people on a private jet
Oprah Winfrey, Donald trump, Barack obama, and this little girl.
In the middle of there flight, the engine shuts down and and there going to c**....
So Oprah Winfrey says the world needs me and grabs a parachute and jumps off.
Then Donald trump grabs a parachute and jumps off without saying anything.
Then there's only one parachute left.
Barack Obama says to the girl, little girl, you are the future to our country, you take the last parachute.
Then the little girl says actually there's two left.
Barack Obama says how ?
Then the little girl says because trump just took my school backpack.
A dad puts his little girl to sleep...
And the girl says, "Goodbye Grandpa" and the dad asks why she said grandpa, the girl replied, "I don't know it just felt right".
The next day the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just a coincidence.
The dad puts the girl to sleep and a few months later she says, "Goodbye Grandma" and the dad went along with it.
The next day the grandma died and the dad thought that she knew who would die next!
Several weeks later, the dad puts his girl to sleep and the girl says, "Goodbye Daddy" and the dad freaked out when he left the room.
He stayed at the office until midnight jumping at every sound he heard. When he came to his house at 1am and crawls into the bed, his wife says
Wife :: Why were you at work so late?
Husband :: I had a terrible day..
Wife :: What happened?
Husband :: I don't want to talk about it.
Wife :: Well, you won't believe the day I had! My golf pro died right in front of me during golf lessons!
Edit : Formatting
A little girl asks her father where people came from.
He explained about Adam and Eve and they were our original ancestors and they had babies and that's where we came from.
Later that day the girl asked her Mom who explained that their ancestors were monkeys and apes and humans evolved from the monkeys. "So, our relatives are monkeys?" "That's right, dear"
Now the little girl was angry and stomped into the living room to see her Dad and told him what her Mom said. "You lied to me!" the little girl shouted at him.
No I didn't honey. Your Mom was talking about her side of the family
A little girl in her Sunday best was running...
A little girl in her Sunday best was running as fast as she could to get to Sunday school on time. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late. Dear Lord, please don't let me be late." At that moment she tripped and fell getting her clothes all dirty. She got up, brushed herself off and started running again, praying... "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late, but don't shove me anymore!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher was teaching her class about whales.
She said that it was physically impossible for a whale to s**... a human being as even though it was a gigantic animal, its stomach was very small. A little girl put up her hand and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher insisted that a whale couldn't possibly s**... a human. The little girl said, When I get to Heaven, I'll ask Jonah.
The teacher replied, What if Jonah went to h**...?
The girl said: Then you ask him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
49ers Fan
On the first day of school, a first grade teacher explains to her class that she's a Seahawks fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Seahawks fans. Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand? 'Because I'm not a Seahawks fan' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you aren't a Seahawks fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I'm a 49ers fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you're a 49ers fan?' "Because my mom's a 49ers fan, and my dad's a 49ers fan, so I'm a 49ers fan too!" "Well" said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that's no reason for you to be a 49ers fan. You don't have to be like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a m**..., what would you be?' Janie smiled and said 'I'd be a Seahawks fan.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In a classroom
The teacher is talking to little girls about Johnny's awful language 'Remember girls, when Johnny starts swearing just go out of our classroom.' Johnny came in and sat down. The teacher asked what are the buildings under construction in town. Kids say many things but then Little Johnny says 'They are building a w**... nearby'. And so every girl got up and started heading for the door. Then Johnny shouted 'Wait up w**..., it will be done in a month, what's the rush'
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A homicidal r**... is holding hands with a little girl.
They are walking through a dense and eerie forest at night. Sounds of owls, wolves and other animals echos around. "This place is really scary sir" says the girl. The man looks around. The sound of wolves send chills down he's spine. He looks at the girl and says: "Yeah. Imagine me that I have to return by myself".
Can little girls have babies?
Little Johnny asks his mom "Can little girls have babies?"
Little Johnny's mom looks puzzled and replies "Of course not."
Little Johnny excitedly runs back to the window and yells to little Sally "It's OK! we can play that game again!"
We have a beautiful little girl
who we named after my mom; in fact, Passive Aggressive Psycho turns five tomorrow.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Fireman See's a Little Girl
that has her own homemade firetruck with her dog and a red wagon.He says to the little girl, "That's a nice looking firetruck little missy!" She then says, "Thank You!" He keeps checking it out when he notices that the rope that's tied to the wagon is tied to the dogs t**....He tells the little girl, "Sweetie, I think your firetruck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied to the dogs neck." She replies, "Oh I know that Sir!But then it wouldn't have a siren!"
Maker
A grandfather and granddaughter were sitting and talking when the young girl asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.
A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?"
"Yes, He did," the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her
grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her
grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up.
"You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job
lately."
When our little girl was sick in hospital we bought her a lifetime supply of crayons.
It cost $3.
Who wants to go to heaven?
My wife used to teach Sunday school to 7 year olds,so in one of her classes,she asked the class,"Who wants to go to heaven"?Everyone raised their hand except this one cute little girl,so my wife asked her,"Why don't you want to go to heaven my angel"?
The little girl replied,
My mother told me that I must come home straight after Sunday school.
A little girl in charlottesville cries after the violence she's seen, I try to comfort her: "There there...
it's alt right"
A priest is walking down the street when he sees a little girl trying to reach a door knocker that is high-up on a front door.
"Let me help," he says, knocking on the door. "Now is there anything else I can do?"
"Yes," says the girl, "Now we run like crazy."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom.
"Holy F**k" she screams "and you want ME to see a doctor about s**... my thumb?!"
Islamic joke I saw somewhere
A man walking in New York's Central Park sees a Rottweiler attacking a little girl. He subdues the dog and saves her life.
A passing Fox News reporter says: You're a hero. Tonight's TV news bulletin will say: 'Brave New Yorker Saves Child.
The man replies: I'm a tourist from Saudi Arabia.
That night the news on Fox TV says: Islamic extremist kills New York dog.
A woman and her daughter are hosting a dinner party.
When all the guests arrive, the woman asks the little girl to say grace. She says, "But Mommy, I don't know what to say?" The mother says, "You've heard me pray. Just say you've heard me say." So the girl says, "Jesus, what was I thinking inviting all these people over to my house?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little girl went into her parents bedroom to find her parents in bed.
Well! she exclaimed. And you tell me off just for s**...
my thumb.
What's your dogs name?
An elderly couple were outside one day enjoying the fine weather. The wife was sitting on the porch. The old man was in the yard playing with their dog. A little girl walked by and was delighted to see the dog and said, hello mister, I like your dog, what's its name.? The old man paused for second and said, uh what's the name of that pretty flower, it's red. The little girl says , you mean a rose? The old man says yeah that's it! And he looks towards the porch and yells, HEY ROSE, WHAT DID WE NAME THE DOG?
Little Johnny asked one day, "Mommy can little girls give birth?"
"No son. Of course not"
"Oh OK... Hey Susie! Its OK to keep playing the game now!"
Mr Sugarbrown's daughter?
A little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say,"I'm Janey Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,"Aren't you Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter?" With her mother standing just a few feet away, the little girl replied, "I thought I was, but Mommy says I'm not."
A priest asks a little girl what she knows about the resurrection
She says "I don't know much other than that if it lasts for more than four hours then you should call a doctor"
