Little Bit Jokes
124 little bit jokes and hilarious little bit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about little bit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Little Bit Short Jokes
Short little bit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The little bit humour may include short slightly jokes also.
- My dentist told me "This might hurt a little bit. Are you ready?" I said "Yes, I'm ready."
He said "I'm sleeping with your wife." - I just watched a movie about a y=x graph The plot was a bit predictable
And a little flat
Good special f(x) though - During my interview today… I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed a little bit.
Nervous? asked the interviewer.
I simply replied No, I just always give 110% - I found 20 quid outside the supermarket and I felt a little bit guilty as I picked it up, so because it's good friday I thought to myself, What would Jesus do? . So I turned it into wine...
- In Black Panther, when she said "what are those", I cringed a little bit... I mean, Wakanda joke is that?
- I think my cholesterol might be too high, A mosquito bit me, grabbed it's little chest and keeled over.
- How do winter solstice celebrants turn ordinary ice into special ice? By adding a little bit of sol-stice.
- Why are men the best chefs? Because with only 2 nuts, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, they can fill a woman's stomach for 9 months.
- Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh.
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*My little brother told me this one; hit me with a little bit of nostalgia.* - People say it takes a long time to get over your ex girlfriend I just needed to step on the gas pedal a little bit harder
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Little Bit One Liners
Which little bit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with little bit? I can suggest the ones about little thing and bit of fun.
- Is the bakery hiring? Cause I think I'll knead a little bit of dough to get by.
- I have a pun about elton John It's a little bit funny...
- Would you like to try some binary cake? Sure, I'll have a little bit.
- Wanna hear my Elton John joke? It's a little bit funny…
- I've got a joke about Elton John. It's a little bit funny.
- So I'm obsessed with removing splinters. It's getting a little bit out of hand.
- I came up with a joke about Elton John It's a little bit funny
- Do you know how they manufacture minuscule drill bits? A little bit at a time.
- How long is a 0 or 1? Just a little bit.
- Why do black people have white palms? Because everyone has a little bit of good in them.
- Do you know how annoying it is to drill small holes? Only a little bit.
- Just watched Elton John's new standup act... It's a little bit funny.
- Let's be honest... Finn was a little bit on the Dark side...
- Life is a little bit like golf. You want to finish with as few strokes as possible.
- Everyone's got a little bit of racism in them. Not me tho, I'm pure.
Little Bit Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about little bit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean tiny jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make little bit pranks.
A cop just stopped me for jaywalking and then tasered me after exchanging a few words...
Police: Turn around.
Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round...
Police: TURN AROUND!!
Me: BRIGHT EYES, Every now and then I fall apart. And you I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ev--AHHHHHH!
A second girlfriend
To see her reaction,he told her that he wants a second girlfriend,
In the first day he didn't see anything.
In the second day he didn't see anything.
In the third day he began to see a little bit from his right eye.
I told my wife I found another girl just to see her reaction
On the first day, I saw nothing, the same thing for the second and third day... Fortunately, I started seeing a little bit with my left eye on the fourth day.
A cop sees a car driving slowly and wiggly, changing lanes for no reason and so on
He pulls the car over, a man and a woman sit in it.
Cop: "I had to pull you over, you can't drive like that!"
Man: "I'm sorry, I've drank a little bit to much..."
Cop: "That's not an excuse to let your wife drive!"
Getting a s**... change isn't that complicated.
Little bit of snipping.
Little bit of stitching.
And Bob's your aunt.
New s**... technique
A man and his wife are in bed and things start to heat up. After a little bit of foreplay the man suddenly stops. His wife asks "What's wrong? Is it me?" The man replies " No I learned this on Pornhub, it's called buffering."
I broke up with my Thai girlfriend today.
She was a little bit too c**... for my taste.
An Atheist was in the woods and a bear came after him,
He got so scared, he looked up to heaven and yelled "OH MY GOD! Help me!"
And a voice from Heaven came down and asked, "Does that mean you want to be a Christian?"
The Atheist thinks a little bit and says, "No, make the bear a Christian."
The bear, almost ready to attack, then a miracle happened. The bear's paws came together in prayer form, looked up to Heaven and said, "Bless this food which I'm about to eat."
-Frank De Lima
My boyfriend and I both drive Hondas.
He's got one of those boxy ones, and mine is a mid-size sedan. And neither of us has our own place, so we mostly end up just having s**... inside the car. His is a little bigger, so we usually use his.
Recently, however, he's been wanting to experiment a little bit, and he's saying we should try some things out while having s**... on top of his car, instead of inside it.
But if I'm gonna have s**... with my boyfriend in a way that's out of his Element, it will have to be on my own Accord.
People need to be a little bit more considerate of Trump's decision to skip the White House Correspondents' dinner.
The roasting waiting for him there would probably have made him the second black president.
Three apprentice vampire bats
Three apprentice vampire bats are taken out to a farm and told to get as much blood as they can find by their teacher. 15 minutes go by and the first vampire bay returns with a little bit of blood on his teeth.
'Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? That's where I got it.' the bat replied.
Shortly after the second vampire bat returns with blood dripping from his snout.
Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? That's where I got it.' the second bat replied.
Some time later the third bat returns with his whole face caked in blood.
Where did you get that blood!' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? Do you see that wall beyond the cow? I didn't.'
Pregnant Lady on the Train
A young boy ride's the train every morning to and from school. One day as we was getting off the train he saw how much of a rush this one pregnant women was in, so he stepped aside and said "after you ma'am," as he stepped aside and let her step off the train. From that day on they began to sit next to each other every single day, twice a day. They told each other about their days, their families, their problems, and their goals. They eventually got so close that the young boy was invited to the hospital just after the birth of her first child. at this moment she turned to the young boy and said, with a smile, "I'm going to name him after you"
Excited but a little bit confused the boy responded:
"I really appreciated that, but he's your child, I think you should name him first"
Jim and his s**... life...
A man named Jim has been married to his beautiful wife for 15 years. They have two wonderful kids, a dog and a nice home.
You see, Jim works really hard at his job, but lately his s**... life has suffered because of it.
Jim goes to his doctor to ask why he is so tired all the time.
Jim says to his doc "you know, I work 16 hour days and when I come home I just have no time to be intimate with my wife. I have no energy! What do I do!"
His doctor replies "Okay Jim I can see you're a little bit overweight so maybe you need some exercise to increase that stamina. Every day for 30 days I want you to walk a mile. I'll phone you after 30 days"
So Jim starts walking that day. He walks one mile every day, hoping this will help.
On the 30th day his doctor phones.
Doc: "Jim! Did you do what I told you?"
Jim: "Yeah I did doc."
Doc: "Well how's your s**... life? Did it improve?"
Jim: "I wouldn't know. I'm 30 miles from home!"
Told to me by my grandmother
A 90 year old man goes to the doctor.
Full disclosure, I got this joke from Tom Jones on Marc Maron's w**... podcast today. Tom's 80, mentally spry like he's 30, and he swears like a sailor.
----
90 year old man goes to the doctor.
Says Doctor, it used to be that I'd get these erections so hard that I couldn't even bend them with two hands! 16, 17, 18 years old, all through my twenties... 30, I could bend a little bit, 40s a little bit more. 50s and 60s I'm getting it to about a 90 degree angle, and now I'm 90 I can bend it in half!
I'm getting stronger, right?"
A graphic designer is working on a website...
...and his client says, "Could you make this banner a little more green?"
So he makes the color a little bit more green.
But his client says, "No, that's too green. Make it a little less so."
So he makes it a little less green.
The client says, "No, it's still a bit off."
So the artist, losing his patience, shouts, "On a scale of 0 to 255, how green do you want it!?"
Careful what you wish for!
I don't think I ever got over
my grandmother's death when I was a kid.
My grandmother died from a heart attack
during my ninth birthday party.
Literally while she was eating cake.
And I guess that must have s**... me up a little bit.
I mean, I still have birthday parties.
But now I'm just careful what I wish for.
—Anthony Jeselnik
My dentist told me "This might hurt a little bit. Are you ready?"
I said "Yes, I'm ready."
He said "Cash or credit card?"
What's the difference between a clown and an athletic rabbit?
One is a little bit funny and the other is a little fit bunny
I was driving the other day
I was driving the other day when I saw this beautiful woman standing on the side of the road. I slowed down a little bit to get a better look at her when the guy behind me rear ended me.
As soon as we both got out of our vehicles, I noticed he was a midget. As he was walking over to me I could tell he was mad. He approached me and yelled, "I'm not happy!"
I replied, "Well, which one are you?"
I was feeling lonely, so I bought some stocks...
It's nice with a little bit of company.
Found this on a "toilet paper" at my college.
Trial
A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit". When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table.
He then faced judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it was about one-tenth that hard."
I have a joke on Donald Trump.
It's a great joke. With a good buildup and a punch, and whatever. I showed it to my friends -- you know some of them are really good judge of jokes. I showed it to them and they said it's really funny. Almost everyone agrees it's good. Some of them says it's too good -- maybe a little bit too funny. You know they love to laugh. You maybe even say it's the funniest joke ever. I have THE BEST JOKE in the world.
A man went to his doctor...
Man: When i press here it hurts, when i press a little bit higher up it hurts and if i press on my leg it also hurts.
Doctor: Looks like you broke your index finger.
A farmer who knows a little bit of english wants his son to study at an english school.
One day he takes his son to a local english school for admission. A teacher gives him a form to fill in.He goes on filling the form and despite his bad english he manages to fill all the informations correctly. The last thing asked was to provide his son's
mother tongue. He fills with confidence "very long".
A man robs a bank wearing a balaclava.
'Did you see my face?' he asks the teller.
'Just a little bit.'
Bang. He shoots her.
'Did you see my face' he asks another teller.
'Only briefly' he says.
Bang. He shoots him.
He turns to a man standing beside him.
'Did you see my face?' he says 'No. I didn't,' says the man 'But my wife, she saw your face.'
Why can't Chinese people tie their shoes?
I would love to tell you, but I am afraid the answer is a little bit lacist.
Two trees in the forest one day noticed a seedling that was growing between them.
But the trees were so tall, they couldn't tell what kind tree it was.
One day a kindly b**... came by, and the two trees asked the b**... if he could tell them what kind of tree was growing between them.
The b**... started nibbling at the seedling and said, That's no son of a beech. He nibbled a little more and said, That's no son of a birch.
He nibbled a little bit more, and exclaimed, But that's the best piece of ash I've had in a long time!
Why men are the best cooks
Because with 2 eggs, a sausage, and a little bit of milk they can fill a girl's tummy for 9 months
I have a theory that consuming little bits of peanut butter encased in colored candy shells provokes silly rhymes.
I call it my Reeces Pieces Thesis.
.
.
.
.
I'll see myself out.
A Tesco Burger, produced in Ireland walks into a bar.
A Tesco Burger, produced in Ireland walks into a bar..
He says to the barman 'Can I have a pint please?'
Barman says 'Sorry pal, didn't quite catch that, speak up a bit'
Burger says 'Sorry there, I'm a little bit horse'
A nun comes over to a grocery store and yelps at the cashier: "A bottle of r**...".
The cashier obliged, but he couldn't help but ask: "I thought nuns don't drink". "Well, mother sometimes has constipation and a little bit of r**... helps her with that", the nun replied. The cashier nods and a few hours later in the evening, he closes the store and leaves home. On the way, he noticed the same nun, totally drunk, with an empty bottle of r**... in her hand. "I thought you said it was for the mother", the cashiet scolded her. "Well yea exactly, she'll s**... herself once she sees me!"
3 housewifes got fed up of cooking
so the 3 wives ( a british , a french and a russian ) decided not to cook for 3 days
at the end of the three days, they met again
the british said " the first day I didn't see anything new, the second day he went to the kitchen and started cooking"
the french said " the first day I didn't see anything, the second day he took me to a restaurant "
the Russian said " the first day I didn't see anything, the second day I didn't see anything either but the third day I could see a little bit with my left eye"
On a blind date, the girl told me, Tell me a little bit about yourself.
Me: I'm terrible with dates.
Her: Don't worry. You're doing fine so far.
Me: Christmas is on July 4th.
A married couple walks into a bar and the husband asks for whatever is on tap and cheap...
...the bartender reaches for the cheap stuff and pours them Busch. They drink a little bit and seem satisfied as the wife asks her husband,
"What beer is this? Who makes it?"
The husband, unsure due to his vague order asks the bartender "Hey, who makes this beer? My wife is curious."
The bartender replies, "Anheuser-Busch."
The husband looks at the bartender with a stern confusion and shouts,
"She waxes, but that's not any of your business! But seriously, who makes this beer?"
Cop: Turn around!
Me: Every now and then I get a little bit lonely
And you're never coming 'round
Cop: Turn around!
Me: Every...
\*Gets tazed\*
Your f**... is nothing to be ashamed about...
Unless it's to be humiliated! Then you should be ashamed about it you n**... little b**......
A man shuffles onto a crowded hotel elevator.
Since he couldn't press the floor button, he stated, "Ballroom please".
The lady next to him shuffles a little bit and replies "Sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you."
A blind guy walks into a bar
His knee hurts for a little bit afterwards but eventually he shakes it off and feels better.
It makes more sense now why Kevin Spacey helped Baby in Baby Driver
He saw a little bit of himself in Baby, figuratively and literally.
There was a male striper who absolutely hated his line of work and wanted to quit.
The pay was really good though, so he decided to stick it out for a little bit longer.
Two men get into a car wreck...
Both men are all right and meet to exchange information. The older man offers the younger man a drink to calm his nerves while they wait for the insurance investigator to arrive.
"Thanks for that drink, sir," the younger man says, emptying the little bit left in the bottle. "That was pretty scary."
"Don't thank me," the older man replies, casually tossing the empty bottle into the woods. "I'm a lawyer."
A man hails a cab...
...and gets inside. The driver starts, and decides to mess with the man a little bit. "I'm actually a spy you know" he says to his passenger. "Really?" The passenger says. "Yeah, you see the man on that bike? I need to take him down" He speeds up a bit and right when he's about to hit the bike messenger, he slows, just missing him. The driver then hears a thud, when the passenger says, "You missed him, but I got him with the door!"
Penguin driving home has car trouble...
A penguin driving home when his car begins to overheat. He parks at a garage and the mechanic says it will be a little bit before he can look at it.
The penguin decides to go across the street and get ice cream. The penguin slops ice cream all over himself from head to toe and returns to the mechanic. The mechanic comes out and says well it looks like you've blown a seal.
The penguin says no it's ice cream, honest.
I've recently learned a little bit about Dunning-Krueger effect.
But I'm quite certain it doesn't apply to me.
Men are the best cooks...
With 2 eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, we can fill a womans belly for 9 months!
So i said to my wife...
"Every time you correct my grammar, I love you a little bit fewer"
Why do rats run into a trap for a little bit of cheese? They are so s**....
Oh, honey, I'm home!
A Two-Fer: How is an onion different from a baby?
Answer 1: Onions don't scream when you peel off their skin.
Answer 2: I tear up a little bit when I'm chopping up onions.
The little bit of decent human being left in me finds cannibalism to be wrong...
but who cares, he was delicious!
"I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl.."
"Ok, that's three," interrupted the genie.
Doctor: how's the flu medicine going for you? I know it's a little bitter
Patient: No, the medicine's fine, can't even taste anything when I take it
They say Norio Suzuki died in an avalanche while searching for the yeti.
But think about it for even a little bit, you'll realize this so-called avalanche is really just a massive cover-up.
Give a man a fish
And he will be back hungry tomorrow.
Teach a man to fish and he becomes your competition.
Cut him up into little bits and he becomes your chum.
Learning English
So a man and his wife decided to speak in English at home to improve their language skills.
Her: Hunney, I'm going to rest a little bit.
Him: Sure hunney, rest in peace.
I was out driving last night, when I started feeling a little bit h**...…
I picked up a h**... and did her in the backseat and really enjoyed myself, but I think I failed my driving test…
Olives
Two olives are sitting on a table.
Olive #1: rolls to the end of the table and falls off
Olive #2: yells from the top of the table are you ok?
Olive #1: I'm a little bit sore but olive
My father always told me lick the knife to get the last little bit of meat juices.
Brilliant dad, terrible surgeon.
What's it called when you water down your shampoo to get that last little bit out of the bottom?
Shampee.
I'd rather vote for Monica Lewinsky than Hillary Clinton...
...because at least a little bit of Bill rubbed off on Monica!
I was on my bed, relaxing and eating popcorn, when I noticed my pillow was missing it's pillowcase.
I started looking for it in the darkness of my room(I still had a little bit of light). I saw a blanket-ish shadow in my peripheral vision. I reached for it, thinking it was the pillowcase. However, after pressing down on it and hearing the loud, crinkly noise of a near-empty bag of popcorn, I soon realized that was...
...not the case.