Following is our collection of funniest Literally jokes. There are some literally suddenly jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these literally deny puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
*Ben is in a hurry.*
*Ben is in a coma.*
I don't think I ever got over
my grandmother's death when I was a kid.
My grandmother died from a heart attack
during my ninth birthday party.
Literally while she was eating cake.
And I guess that must have screwed me up a little bit.
I mean, I still have birthday parties.
But now I'm just careful what I wish for.
βAnthony Jeselnik
Because they take everything literally.
Because they always take things literally.
Because they take things literally.
Apparently he took "When you're here, you're family" too literally.
They literally can't even.
Dishcipline
This is literally a joke I told in a dream and I remembered it when waking up.
Because they take everything, literally.
It's literally my ONLY flaw.
They take things literally
You can explore literally hannah reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean literally drastically dad jokes. There are also literally puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Literally everyone I ask doesn't know.
Because there is zero drag.
^^I ^^literally ^^came ^^up ^^with ^^this ^^one ^^2 ^^hours ^^ago.
I LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN WRITE NOW
I told him, "Dude, we literally drive on the right side."
Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally Hitler.
So my dentist says to me, "you're the cleanest patient I've had all week!"
Then I respond, "Wow I deserve a plaque!"
This literally just happened. She lost it.
Because they literally can't even.
Because they take everything, literally....
A kleptomaniac!
Because they literally can't even.
I regretted it literally one minute later.
Because they take things literally.
Literally
I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.
Guy Chapman
(It literally means "Man Manman")
Because they literally can't even.
He literally built and ended his own career with his bare hands.
He says, "I can literally walk up to the oval office and say, 'President Reagan, I don't like the way you are running this country' and I won't get into any problem at all!"
The Soviet replies, "I can do the exact same, too. I too can literally walk up to the Red Square and say, 'Comrade Brezhnev, I don't like the way President Reagan is running this country' and not get into any problem!"
Back in the 1970's there was a cult in California who believed that they could save California by appeasing the San Andreas. There were parts of San Andreas that literally gaped open wide, and members of the cult were noted for throwing all their earthly possessions down into the amazingly deep cracks in the Earth's crust. Of course, skeptics accused the cult of being merely generous to a fault.
But I don't need this. There are local singles in my area literally dying to meet me.
He was jack off all trades.
I needed to grab a quick shower as I let him watch cartoons in the living room. When I came out, there was black permanent marker all over my 55 inch TV screen. I LITERALLY FREAKED OUT. Does anyone know what is best used to clean blood out of a carpet?
Google: We really value your privacy
Twitter: We'd never collect anything
Apple: We securely encrypt everything on-device
Facebook: Literally gives you an ad for something you dreamt about
It has literally kept me alive for years.
Literally. He can't catch.
Because she literally can't even.
A woman looking for a relationship places an ad, saying, Looking for a guy that won't beat me, won't run away on me and will satisfy me nicely. Am good looking, excellent cook.
Three days later, there's a loud knocking at her door. Behind it there's a guy with no arms and no legs, smiling expectantly. Dear Amy, he says, I have no arms so I couldn't even beat you if I tried. I have no legs and I can't run away on you. I'm your guy.
That's very nice, says Amy, surprised, but how will you be able to satisfy me?
His smile widens, You did hear the knocking, didn't you?
Literally the worst mechanic of the Luftwaffe
She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"
They take things literally.
A literalist takes things literally and a kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
Its literally made of hide.
Since they always take things literally.
Therapist: What brought you two here today?
Her: I hate how he takes things so literally.
Therapist: And you?
Him: A car.
He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.
The dog spat out water and stood upβ the lifesaver saved it.
"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"
"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "I'M LITERALLY SOAKING!"
Because they literally can't even.
They take everything literally
They just, like, literally can't even
Because there are always taking things... literally.
Because they take everything literally.
Because they literally can't even.
Because they take things, Literally
A comma.
A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.
He's literally a giant Banner.
Because they literally can't even
Now my work is literally killing me.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him
Note: saw it on 9gag but I had to share it because I literally was laughing out loud
Me: When the hell did my resume learn to talk?
Colleague :Hey Abraham, you are a Jew right?
Abraham : Well, not exactly. I'm Jew-ish.
After all, they're literally pro-pain...
Me: "I can't complain."
Coworker: "Hey it's great you're having a good day!"
Me: "No I mean I literally can't complain. HR said it's affecting morale."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the literally priceless jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working literally essentially piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.