The Best 36 Literal Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Literal jokes. There are some literal entries jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these literal edit puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Literal Jokes and Puns

Literal People Anonymous

Welcome to Literal People Anonymous, would everyone please take a seat. NO, WAIT! BRING THOSE CHAIRS BACK!

Someone literally said this in class

Teacher: "Half the world is a cess pool"

Student: "The middle east isn't half the world"

This literally made my day.

Earth's rotation.

Literal joke, This literally made my day.

I am literally the worst at self-deprecation

I came up with it all by myself!

What is literally the most important fact you'll ever learn, that will totally blow your mind?

That people exaggerate.


Enough is Enough...

Literally, it's the exact same thing.

I literally drove through the Drive-thru at Burger King.

But I'm a new driver. Why don't you give me a brake?

Literal joke, I literally drove through the Drive-thru at Burger King.

Maybe It's You

The debut album from the literal chorus of Taylor Swift exes.
Available for download from iTunes soon.

If you're literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my obsession on pointing out doors to people well..

There's the door.

(ROGUE ONE SPOILER) So the nickname...

Throughout the movie, you see Galen calls Jyn his stardust, I thought it was pretty cute.

I just didn't expect it to be so literal though.

The audible adverts are telling me to feel every word...

But that would make me a literal sex offender

You can explore literal purely reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean literal literalist dad jokes. There are also literal puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


The pros and cons of being overly literal

PROS:

People who profit as a result of their occupation.

CONS:

People found guilty of a criminal offense.

Literally just saw a dude in the city center humping a trash can...

When I asked him why he was doing that he said, "It's cleaner than my ex wife."

Two toothpicks are hanging out in a forest,

... when all of a sudden they see a hedgehog passing by. So, one of them shrugs and goes like, "Hm, I didn't even know they had public transportation here."

[my gf's fav joke, literal translation from German]

Norwegian last names seem so literal...

So why can't we take a leif out of their book?

Afternote: I know I'm wrong about the language or country or something. Can someone tell me how so?

Interviewer: your resume says you're very literal

Me: my resume talks??

Literal joke, Interviewer: your resume says you're very literal

I love it when companies live up to their literal name

Sinclair Broadcasting Group is certainly in sync.

Literally the guy you asked for

A woman looking for a relationship places an ad, saying, Looking for a guy that won't beat me, won't run away on me and will satisfy me nicely. Am good looking, excellent cook.

Three days later, there's a loud knocking at her door. Behind it there's a guy with no arms and no legs, smiling expectantly. Dear Amy, he says, I have no arms so I couldn't even beat you if I tried. I have no legs and I can't run away on you. I'm your guy.

That's very nice, says Amy, surprised, but how will you be able to satisfy me?

His smile widens, You did hear the knocking, didn't you?

A literal dictatorship...

..is a potato boat named Richard.

^^^kill ^^^me


If an anime was based around the Ottoman Empire...

It would be a literal Harem anime.

When your not clever enough for metaphors...

I've found literal comparisons make great fact similes.

The other day I found this literal fossil of a PC...

It had about a trilobyte of storage on it!

What's heavier?

What's heavier; a pound of feathers or a pound of steel?
A pound of feathers because you have to deal with the weight of plucking a literal pound of feathers from all those poor birds.

Boeing is working on cloud

Would it be virtual cloud or literal cloud?

Literally makes senseπŸ˜‰

I stepped on a corn flake, now i am officially a cereal killer.

I'm literally shaking right now...

Just found out that I have Parkinson's disease

For literally everyone (dads this is for you)

now that its after new years, tell literally everyone you know now

# wow! I haven't seen you in a year!

Abraham's Four-Step Plan

Step 1: become religious

Step 2: receive the literal word of God

Step 3: ???

Step 4: prophet

Today I got fired from my other job...

I guess I shouldn't have taken baby sitting too literal.

I literally just wrote a song about the Coronavirus, but I will never let anyone hear it.

It's too catchy. It'll be with you for weeks.

I have an Asian friend who never says anything untrue.

Literal Lee.

Therapist: So what brings the two of you here today?

My wife: It's impossible to live with him. He's too literal.

Me: My truck.

Last week we had an earthquake, a hurricane, and a LITERAL serpentine fire so, on this auspicious day, I'd just like to say:

OK, Earth Wind & Fire...

WE REMEMBER THE 21ST NIGHT OF SEPTEMBER!!!

No one: Literally no one:

0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Interviewer: Your resume says that you are extremely literal.

Me: Holy shit. My resume is talking now?

This is literally what my non-religious brother said to my Astronaut colleague.

Colleague :Hey Abraham, you are a Jew right?

Abraham : Well, not exactly. I'm Jew-ish.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the literal figurative jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working literal interpret piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes