liter Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious liter puns

What's the only drink size they allow in North Korea?

A supreme liter

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How do you make a human corpse float?

Two scoops ice cream, one scoop human corpse, and half a liter of root beer.

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Kevin fills a beaker of water and places it on the machine...

"One liter of water." it read.
Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair
"This speaks volumes..."

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Literary position.

Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.

"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"

"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."

"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."

"How do you figure that?"

"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."

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How much soda does Kim Jung Un drink in a day?

A Supreme Liter.

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What is Kim Jong-Un's favorite beverage size?

A supreme liter.

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Literal Penguins

A man was driving down the road with three penguins in the back seat of his car. He's pulled over by police officer.

"Can I see your license and regi...what are you doing with three penguins in your car? You can't have these penguins! Go take them to the zoo right now, get out of here..."

The man drives off to the zoo. The next day the man is driving down the same road with the same three penguins in the back of his car. The penguins are all wearing sunglasses, have towels, and sunscreen on their beaks. The same cop see's him again and pulls him over.

"You again, and still with the penguins! I thought I told you to take them to the zoo?!?!"

The man replied, "I did take them to the zoo. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

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Husband: I lost my wife says to Inspector

Husband: I lost my wife; she went shopping & hasn't come back yet.
Inspector: what is her height?
Husband: I never checked.
Inspector: Slim or Healthy?
Husband: Not Slim can be healthy.
Inspector: color of eyes?
Husband: Never Notice.
Inspector: color of hair?
Husband: Changes According to season.
Inspector: What was she wearing?
Husband: Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit.
Inspector: Was she driving?
Husband: yes.
Inspector: Color of the car? ...
Husband: Black Audi A8 with supercharged 2.0 liter V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight- speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door….an then the Husband started crying…
Inspector: Don not worry sir,… we will find your car.

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What did the alien say to the glass of water?

Take me to your liter.

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Never go 69 if you have a dentist's appointment!

After An Excitingly Hot 69 Position With His Girlfriend, Jerry Remembered He Had A Dentist Appointment.

He Was Afraid That The Dentist Would Smell Pussy On His Breath So He Brushed His Teeth 7 Times, Used Dental Floss 8 Times & On Top Of That Gargled 1 Liter Of Listerine.

As He Arrived At The Dentist He Sucked Two Strong Minutes. His Turn Came Up & The Dentist Told Him To Take A Seat.

Feeling Confident & Relaxed, Jerry Opened His Mouth Wide.

The Dentist Got Close Enough & Said: Man, Did You Have 69 Before You Came Here?

Jerry Asked: Why? Does My Breath Smell Like Pussy?

The Dentist Replied: No, Your Forehead Smells Like Shit.

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Why were all the big bottles following the little bottle?

The little bottle was a liter.

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A group of 8 year old kids mysteriously get drunk at a slumber party

A boy has 5 of his friends over for a slumber party. His friends mom buys the kids two 2 liter bottles of Root Beer and begins serving it to the kids. Before the kids get through the first bottle they begin to act drunk, and the parents begin to notice that they smell like alcohol. One of the kids then throws up and the parents confirm that the kid has thrown up an alcoholic beverage. The parents set aside the rest of the Root Beer and call the police. The police arrive and inspect the rest of the Root Beer in the bottle from which the kids were being served. They find absolutely no trace of alcohol in the Root Beer, and are at first stumped, until one of the officers notices the glasses in which the parents were serving the Root Beer. The officer then looks at the parents and says "Here's the problem right here." Both parents look at each other, baffled. The officer concludes: "You served the kids Root Beer in square glasses."

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How much liquid can Monica Lewinskys mouth hold?

One U.S. Liter

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What did the 24oz bottle of soda say to the 32oz bottle of soda?

Take me to your liter

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I rather have a bottle of soda for President than Donald Trump.

This way, we could truly have a Liter of the Free World.

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Someone literally said this in class

Teacher: "Half the world is a cess pool"

Student: "The middle east isn't half the world"

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A woman walks into a grocery store...

... she grabs a 2 liter bottle of coke zero and a big bag of sugar. she pays for the pop and leaves the store. she is later arrested fro shoplifting. when the police ask why she payed for the coke but not the sugar she said "well it said sugar free"

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Literally just saw a dude in the city center humping a trash can...

When I asked him why he was doing that he said, "It's cleaner than my ex wife."

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What would a literary person call a bot-test in a wheat field?

Captcha in the Rye.

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first orders a liter

The second orders a half liter

The third orders a quarter liter

The fourth orders a 1/8th of a liter

The fifth orders a 1/16th of a liter

Eventually the bartender pours 2 liters and says, "you mathematicians. you just don't know your limits."

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What's a North Korean's favorite drink?

A supreme liter

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How many literalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.

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Who's in charge of all the liquid measurements?

The liter.

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What is the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

1 U.S. Liter.

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A literal dictatorship...

..is a potato boat named Richard.


^^^kill ^^^me

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Why are drinks so large in Korea?

They have a supreme liter

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Why does North Korea use the metric system?

How else will they have a Supreme Liter?

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Literary alcohol puns

I saw someone post some the other day. Has anyone thought of any new ones?

Here are a couple my friends and I thought of...

50 Shades of Grey Goose,
Into the Wild Turkey,
Beer and Present Danger,
Patriot Drinking Games,
The Sum of All Beers (I like Tom Clancy),
The Red Badge of Liquid Courage.

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If every Literary Fiction character to ever exist fought, who would win?

Personally, my bet is on God.

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Why are the literacy rates in North Korea so low?

Because there can only be *one* supreme reader.

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"I'm literally done with this shit"

I say, as I flush the toilet.

Bye, shit. I never needed you anyway.

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Literature for the blind

What did the blind man say when he picked up a cheese grater?

This is the most violent story I've ever read!

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I literally drove through the Drive-thru at Burger King.

But I'm a new driver. Why don't you give me a brake?

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Literary historians recently found a Briton recipe for a citrus-based sauce translated by Samuel Taylor Coleridge

It was called the 'Lime of the Ancient Marinade'

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This literally made my day.

Earth's rotation.

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What are the most funny Liter jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Liter? Well, here are the best Liter dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Liter pick up lines to share with friends.

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