Liter Jokes
67 liter jokes and hilarious liter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about liter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Liter Short Jokes
Short liter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The liter humour may include short lettuce jokes also.
- A coma in a sentence can literally change everything. For example: *Ben is in a hurry.*
*Ben is in a coma.* - Therapist: So what brings the two of you here today? My wife: It's impossible to live with him. He's too literal.
Me: My truck. - I feel like, in mythology, Neptune is just a copy of Poseidon Like whoever created neptune literally read what Poseidon's main powers were and was like Ctrl C
- What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac? A comma.
A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally. - Why are there no transvestites in space? Because there is zero drag.
^^I ^^literally ^^came ^^up ^^with ^^this ^^one ^^2 ^^hours ^^ago.
- The last time my wife and I had a fight it ended up with her literally crawling to me on her hands and knees. She said "Get out from under that bed and fight like a man!"
- What did the valley girl say when her pen ran out of ink? I LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN WRITE NOW
- Someone asked me, since you have autism does that mean you take everything literally? I replied, no, that's a kleptomaniac.
- Never literally taking cooking instructions… It said chill in the fridge for an hour
I nearly died - When it comes to trick plays, you have to hand it to Tom Brady... Literally. He can't catch.
Share These Liter Jokes With Friends
Liter One Liners
Which liter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with liter? I can suggest the ones about isle and lever.
- What's the only drink size they allow in North Korea? A supreme liter
- Leather armor is the best for sneaking because it's literally made of hide.
- Being a dog walker is so easy It's a literal walk in the park.
- It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs... Because they always take things literally.
- Got a tattoo of a digital watch on my wrist. I regretted it literally one minute later.
- Why can't you use sarcasm with a kleptomaniac? Because they take things literally.
- How much soda does Kim Jung Un drink in a day? A Supreme Liter.
- Why do thieves have such a hard time understanding sarcasm? They take things literally
- I have a superiority complex It's literally my ONLY flaw.
- Never explain puns to thieves. They take things literally.
- World's most masculine name: Guy Chapman
(It literally means "Man Manman") - Using Homeopathy is really easy There's literally nothing to it.
- I know a burglar who doesn't understand figurative language He takes things literally
- It's crazy that they only have one unit of measurement in North Korea. A supreme liter
- once you use mac you never go back. there's literally no escape
Gather Around for Heartwarming Liter Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about liter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lichen jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make liter pranks.
A woman walks into a grocery store...
... she grabs a 2 liter bottle of coke zero and a big bag of sugar. she pays for the pop and leaves the store. she is later arrested fro shoplifting. when the police ask why she payed for the coke but not the sugar she said "well it said sugar free"
How much liquid can Monica Lewinskys mouth hold?
One U.S. Liter
Why is a 12oz can of Coca-Cola more popular in St. Paul and Minneapolis than a 2 liter?
Because it's a mini soda.
Literal People Anonymous
Welcome to Literal People Anonymous, would everyone please take a seat. NO, WAIT! BRING THOSE CHAIRS BACK!
A fascist walks into a bar..
he orders 1 strong liter.
Literary position.
Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.
"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"
"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."
"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."
"How do you figure that?"
"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Someone literally said this in class
Teacher: "Half the world is a cess pool"
Student: "The middle east isn't half the world"
This literally made my day.
Earth's rotation.
What literary genre is Frozen?
Bildungsnowman.
(OC)
What literary devices do butchers use?
Meataphors.
I am literally the worst at self-deprecation
I came up with it all by myself!
Why'd the Literature Student Break Up With Her Boyfriend?
Improper use of the colon.
Who's in charge of all the liquid measurements?
The liter.
Kevin fills a beaker of water and places it on the machine...
"One liter of water." it read.
Kevin gasped and sat back in his chair
"This speaks volumes..."
What is literally the most important fact you'll ever learn, that will totally blow your mind?
That people exaggerate.
What is Kylo Ren's favorite beverage?
Supreme Liter Coke
Literary alcohol puns
I saw someone post some the other day. Has anyone thought of any new ones?
Here are a couple my friends and I thought of...
50 Shades of Grey Goose,
Into the Wild Turkey,
Beer and Present Danger,
Patriot Drinking Games,
The Sum of All Beers (I like Tom Clancy),
The Red Badge of Liquid Courage.
I literally drove through the Drive-thru at Burger King.
But I'm a new driver. Why don't you give me a brake?
I rather have a bottle of soda for President than Donald Trump.
This way, we could truly have a Liter of the Free World.
What is the most literary vegetable?
A punion
If someone helps you drink 2.114 pints
They're literally your liter ally
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a human corpse float?
Two scoops ice cream, one scoop human corpse, and half a liter of root beer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Literally just saw a dude in the city center h**... a trash can...
When I asked him why he was doing that he said, "It's cleaner than my ex wife."
Why is a liter in North Korea more than a liter anywhere else?
Because they have a Supreme Liter
What's the difference between Santa Clause, Kim Jong Un, and 34 ounces of printer ink?
One's a deer leader, one is a Dear Leader, and the other is a dear liter.
Literary joke
My local theatre group are putting on a gritty drama about the shortage of publications in an Essex town's library.
It's called Book Lack in Ongar
Why does North Korea use the metric system?
How else will they have a Supreme Liter?
Why were all the big bottles following the little bottle?
The little bottle was a liter.
What would a literary person call a bot-test in a wheat field?
Captcha in the Rye.
Literally the guy you asked for
A woman looking for a relationship places an ad, saying, Looking for a guy that won't beat me, won't run away on me and will satisfy me nicely. Am good looking, excellent cook.
Three days later, there's a loud knocking at her door. Behind it there's a guy with no arms and no legs, smiling expectantly. Dear Amy, he says, I have no arms so I couldn't even beat you if I tried. I have no legs and I can't run away on you. I'm your guy.
That's very nice, says Amy, surprised, but how will you be able to satisfy me?
His smile widens, You did hear the knocking, didn't you?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A literal dictatorship...
..is a potato boat named Richard.
^^^kill ^^^me
Literary historians recently found a Briton recipe for a citrus-based sauce translated by Samuel Taylor Coleridge
It was called the 'Lime of the Ancient Marinade'
What did the alien say to the glass of water?
Take me to your liter.
What did the 24oz bottle of soda say to the 32oz bottle of soda?
Take me to your liter
Why are drinks so large in Korea?
They have a supreme liter
If every Literary Fiction character to ever exist fought, who would win?
Personally, my bet is on God.
Why is Metric Better?
Imperial is lit, but Metric is Liter
What did the motivational speaker ask the bottle of water?
Do you have what it takes to be a liter?
I literally just wrote a song about the Coronavirus, but I will never let anyone hear it.
It's too catchy. It'll be with you for weeks.
What would it take to get America to switch to the metric system?
The right liter ship
Alcohol Addiction
My anxiety has been in overdrive since the start of the Pandemic. I feel like I need more and more alcohol everyday.
I am going through at least a liter of the hard stuff everyday.
I start using as soon as I wake up and don't stop until I go to bed each night.
My Dr. says I need to slow down now. Even in the short term my addiction is affecting my fertility, damaging my immune system, and dehydrating my skin.
Before the start of the Pandemic, I never would have thought my hands could consume more alcohol than my mouth.
This is literally what my non-religious brother said to my Astronaut colleague.
Colleague :Hey Abraham, you are a Jew right?
Abraham : Well, not exactly. I'm Jew-ish.
I literally just last week realized there is no such thing as "the heavy end" 🤦
I am a 28 year old male, and for as long as I can remember every time me and my dad move something, such as a chair, or a couch, or a coffee table, he said "alright I'll get the heavy end" and idk why I always just assumed he was being nice and getting the heavier side.
And it literally just occurred to me within the last few weeks when we picked something up, there's no heavy end. They're both the same weight 😭😭😭
[Literally just happened] My wife told me to stop quoting the Ferris Bullier movie...
I replied, "I've only done it nine times"
She said, "I didn't think it was that many"
I said, "I've got it right here in from of my computer..."
I couldn't afford a weight set so I tried to work out using 3 liter bottles of Dr Pepper, but instead of getting stronger it made me feel sad.
It was just soda pressing.
A literary analysis asked why Bilbo had such a long life, even for a hobbit.
I answered: Because old hobbits die hard.
Literary Humor.
I ordered a martini with an olive and a twist of lime.
The bartender served it with no olive or twist.
I gave him the Dickens.
Never literally taking cooking instructions…
After my first attempt to make a cake, the fireman told me that when it says to grease the bottom of the pan, they meant to say the inside of the pan . . .
