The Best 51 Lite Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Lite jokes. There are some lite soggy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lite papercut puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Lite Jokes and Puns
Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?
He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than neither will I."
3 Women In A Bar
A redhead asks the bartender for a ML:
Bartender - "what's a ML?"
redhead - " Miller Lite - DUH!"
The Brunette asks for a BL:
Bartender - "what's a BL?"
brunette - "Bud Lite - DUH!"
The Blonde asks for a "15"
Bartender - "what's a "15"?"
Blond - " Seven and seven - DUH!"
Three vampires walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood."
The second one says, "I'll have one, too."
The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."
The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a ...case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart...
...'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of ...face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband... "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
The husband says, 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price....'
People always ask me why I prefer the taste of Bud Lite Lime.
because i'm an alcoholic
Literal People Anonymous
Welcome to Literal People Anonymous, would everyone please take a seat. NO, WAIT! BRING THOSE CHAIRS BACK!
Literary position.
Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.
"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"
"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."
"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."
"How do you figure that?"
"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."
Someone literally said this in class
Teacher: "Half the world is a cess pool"
Student: "The middle east isn't half the world"
This literally made my day.
Earth's rotation.
What literary genre is Frozen?
Bildungsnowman.
(OC)
What literary devices do butchers use?
Meataphors.
You can explore lite lit reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lite instagrams dad jokes. There are also lite puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I am literally the worst at self-deprecation
I came up with it all by myself!
In the beginning...
Miller Brewing said, "Let there be Lite."
The Fat Broad said, "Less filling, but I'm not sure it tastes great."
Why'd the Literature Student Break Up With Her Boyfriend?
Improper use of the colon.
What is literally the most important fact you'll ever learn, that will totally blow your mind?
That people exaggerate.
Enough is Enough...
Literally, it's the exact same thing.
Literary alcohol puns
I saw someone post some the other day. Has anyone thought of any new ones?
Here are a couple my friends and I thought of...
50 Shades of Grey Goose,
Into the Wild Turkey,
Beer and Present Danger,
Patriot Drinking Games,
The Sum of All Beers (I like Tom Clancy),
The Red Badge of Liquid Courage.
What does a vampire on a diet drink?
Blood Lite
Thanks Jim Butcher...
I literally drove through the Drive-thru at Burger King.
But I'm a new driver. Why don't you give me a brake?
Literature for the blind
What did the blind man say when he picked up a cheese grater?
This is the most violent story I've ever read!
If you're literally asking me to choose between our relationship and my obsession on pointing out doors to people well..
There's the door.
Why are the literacy rates in North Korea so low?
Because there can only be *one* supreme reader.
The Nintendo DS' cheaper version was the DS Lite. A cheaper Nintendo Switch would be
The Nintendo Lite-Switch
What is the most literary vegetable?
A punion
I hate it when people put cigarette butts in urinals.
They get soggy and hard to lite.
What distance does light travel on a diet?
Lite years.
A man walks into a bar...
And asks the bartender "Get me a drink. I'll take anything but Bud Lite."
Bartender asks "What do you have against Bud Lite?"
"Well last time I drank that stuff I killed 21 bottles, went home and blew chunks." He answered
"You must be stupid! Drinking 21 of anything will make you blow chunks." Replied the bartender
"I think you misunderstood." Says the man "Chunks is my dog!"
Literally just saw a dude in the city center humping a trash can...
When I asked him why he was doing that he said, "It's cleaner than my ex wife."
A rope walked into a bar
The rope asked the bartender: "can I get a
Bud Lite?"
The bartender responded: "Sir, we don't serve ropes"
The rope went into the bathroom with a knife and frayed himself, then went back to the bar
The rope asked again: "Can I get a Bud Lite?"
The bartender responded: "weren't you that guy who was here earlier?"
The rope responded: "I'm afrayed not sir"
Why is a liter in North Korea more than a liter anywhere else?
Because they have a Supreme Liter
My buddy asked if I wanted a beer...
And I was like, "Sure what do ya got?"
And he said, "Coors Lite, Miller Lite, and Mike's Hard"
I said, "Good for Mike. I'll take a Coors."
Literary joke
My local theatre group are putting on a gritty drama about the shortage of publications in an Essex town's library.
It's called Book Lack in Ongar
What do you call a Bitcoin that lost weight?
a lite coin
What would a literary person call a bot-test in a wheat field?
Captcha in the Rye.
Literally the guy you asked for
A woman looking for a relationship places an ad, saying, Looking for a guy that won't beat me, won't run away on me and will satisfy me nicely. Am good looking, excellent cook.
Three days later, there's a loud knocking at her door. Behind it there's a guy with no arms and no legs, smiling expectantly. Dear Amy, he says, I have no arms so I couldn't even beat you if I tried. I have no legs and I can't run away on you. I'm your guy.
That's very nice, says Amy, surprised, but how will you be able to satisfy me?
His smile widens, You did hear the knocking, didn't you?
A literal dictatorship...
..is a potato boat named Richard.
^^^kill ^^^me
Literary historians recently found a Briton recipe for a citrus-based sauce translated by Samuel Taylor Coleridge
It was called the 'Lime of the Ancient Marinade'
What do literature critics always praise about the Shawshank Redemption?
The prose and the cons
Hurricane Bud is expected to pass over Mexico and cross the border into the United States.
By the time it reaches us, it'll be Bud Lite.
3 Bats Walk Into A Bar...
One tells the bartender "I'll have a pint of blood". The next bat says "I'll have a pint of blood as well." The last bat says "I'll have a pint of plasma."
So the bartender says, "alright let me get this straight, you guys want two bloods and a blood lite?"
If every Literary Fiction character to ever exist fought, who would win?
Personally, my bet is on God.
The best literary scholars on the planet...
...were the 9/11 firefighters.
Those guys went through hundreds of stories in *seconds!*
Literally makes sense😉
I stepped on a corn flake, now i am officially a cereal killer.
Lite beer is like making love in a canoe.
They're both f***ing close to water!
I'm literally shaking right now...
Just found out that I have Parkinson's disease
Who is the protagonist of Death Note at 144p?
Lite Yagami
For literally everyone (dads this is for you)
now that its after new years, tell literally everyone you know now
# wow! I haven't seen you in a year!
What Beer does Mr. Potato Head drink?
Spud Lite
I literally just wrote a song about the Coronavirus, but I will never let anyone hear it.
It's too catchy. It'll be with you for weeks.
No one: Literally no one:
0 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
This is literally what my non-religious brother said to my Astronaut colleague.
Colleague :Hey Abraham, you are a Jew right?
Abraham : Well, not exactly. I'm Jew-ish.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lite flashlight jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lite fluorescent piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.