Lite Jokes
59 lite jokes and hilarious lite puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lite that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Lite Short Jokes
Short lite jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lite humour may include short isle jokes also.
- The Nintendo DS' cheaper version was the DS Lite. A cheaper Nintendo Switch would be The Nintendo Lite-Switch
- My buddy asked if I wanted a beer... And I was like, "Sure what do ya got?"
And he said, "Coors Lite, Miller Lite, and Mike's Hard"
I said, "Good for Mike. I'll take a Coors." - Hurricane Bud is expected to pass over Mexico and cross the border into the United States. By the time it reaches us, it'll be Bud Lite.
- In the beginning... Miller Brewing said, "Let there be Lite."
The Fat Broad said, "Less filling, but I'm not sure it tastes great." - Sunlight What does the doctor recommend you take if you have a Vitamin D deficiency?
Some sunlight
What does the doctor recommend you take if you have too much Vitamin D?
Some Sun-Lite - What do Christian's in Wisconsin believe God said on the seventh day? "Let there be lite...Beer."
- I wrote in my diary and went through it with a bright yellow marker. It was the hi lite of my day.
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Lite One Liners
Which lite one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lite? I can suggest the ones about lichen and lamp.
- What distance does light travel on a diet? Lite years.
- What Beer does Mr. Potato Head drink? Spud Lite
- I'm an outgoing diet-communist A socia-Lite, if you will.
- What do you call a Bitcoin that lost weight? a lite coin
- I hate it when people put cigarette butts in urinals. They get soggy and hard to lite.
- Recently I bought a DS-Lite, and was surprised by how heavy it was... No pun nin-tendo!
- The makers of Pedia-Lite are making emory boards for kids. They call them Pedia-Files.
- Remember that song, Groove is in the Heart? I always thought it was Dee Liteful.
- People always ask me why I prefer the taste of Bud Lite Lime. because i'm an alcoholic
- Who is the protagonist of Death Note at 144p? Lite Yagami
- For Mother's Day, I got my mom a case of Bud Lite. After all, I'm the reason she drinks.
- Lite: the new way to spell "Light," now with 20% fewer letters!
- New Miller Lite flavor Miller Lite Me on Fire I Want to Die
- If Budweiser is renaming its beer "America" Would Bud lite be renamed Canada?
- Lite beer is like making love in a canoe. They're both f***ing close to water!
Amusing & Witty Lite Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about lite you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean loud jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lite pranks.
Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?
He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than neither will I."
Three vampires walk into a bar.
The first one says, "I'll have a pint of blood."
The second one says, "I'll have one, too."
The third one says, "I'll have a pint of plasma."
The bartender says, "So, that'll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?"
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a ...case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart...
...'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of ...face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband... "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.
The husband says, 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price....'
Literal People Anonymous
Welcome to Literal People Anonymous, would everyone please take a seat. NO, WAIT! BRING THOSE CHAIRS BACK!
Literary position.
Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.
"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"
"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."
"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."
"How do you figure that?"
"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Someone literally said this in class
Teacher: "Half the world is a cess pool"
Student: "The middle east isn't half the world"
This literally made my day.
Earth's rotation.
What literary genre is Frozen?
Bildungsnowman.
(OC)
What literary devices do butchers use?
Meataphors.
I am literally the worst at self-deprecation
I came up with it all by myself!
Why'd the Literature Student Break Up With Her Boyfriend?
Improper use of the colon.
What is literally the most important fact you'll ever learn, that will totally blow your mind?
That people exaggerate.
Literary alcohol puns
I saw someone post some the other day. Has anyone thought of any new ones?
Here are a couple my friends and I thought of...
50 Shades of Grey Goose,
Into the Wild Turkey,
Beer and Present Danger,
Patriot Drinking Games,
The Sum of All Beers (I like Tom Clancy),
The Red Badge of Liquid Courage.
I literally drove through the Drive-thru at Burger King.
But I'm a new driver. Why don't you give me a brake?
What is the most literary vegetable?
A punion
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Literally just saw a dude in the city center h**... a trash can...
When I asked him why he was doing that he said, "It's cleaner than my ex wife."
Why is a liter in North Korea more than a liter anywhere else?
Because they have a Supreme Liter
Literary joke
My local theatre group are putting on a gritty drama about the shortage of publications in an Essex town's library.
It's called Book Lack in Ongar
What would a literary person call a bot-test in a wheat field?
Captcha in the Rye.
Literally the guy you asked for
A woman looking for a relationship places an ad, saying, Looking for a guy that won't beat me, won't run away on me and will satisfy me nicely. Am good looking, excellent cook.
Three days later, there's a loud knocking at her door. Behind it there's a guy with no arms and no legs, smiling expectantly. Dear Amy, he says, I have no arms so I couldn't even beat you if I tried. I have no legs and I can't run away on you. I'm your guy.
That's very nice, says Amy, surprised, but how will you be able to satisfy me?
His smile widens, You did hear the knocking, didn't you?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A literal dictatorship...
..is a potato boat named Richard.
^^^kill ^^^me
Literary historians recently found a Briton recipe for a citrus-based sauce translated by Samuel Taylor Coleridge
It was called the 'Lime of the Ancient Marinade'
What do literature critics always praise about the Shawshank Redemption?
The prose and the cons
If every Literary Fiction character to ever exist fought, who would win?
Personally, my bet is on God.
The best literary scholars on the planet...
...were the 9/11 firefighters.
Those guys went through hundreds of stories in *seconds!*
For literally everyone (dads this is for you)
now that its after new years, tell literally everyone you know now
# wow! I haven't seen you in a year!
I literally just wrote a song about the Coronavirus, but I will never let anyone hear it.
It's too catchy. It'll be with you for weeks.
This is literally what my non-religious brother said to my Astronaut colleague.
Colleague :Hey Abraham, you are a Jew right?
Abraham : Well, not exactly. I'm Jew-ish.
I literally just last week realized there is no such thing as "the heavy end" 🤦
I am a 28 year old male, and for as long as I can remember every time me and my dad move something, such as a chair, or a couch, or a coffee table, he said "alright I'll get the heavy end" and idk why I always just assumed he was being nice and getting the heavier side.
And it literally just occurred to me within the last few weeks when we picked something up, there's no heavy end. They're both the same weight 😭😭😭
[Literally just happened] My wife told me to stop quoting the Ferris Bullier movie...
I replied, "I've only done it nine times"
She said, "I didn't think it was that many"
I said, "I've got it right here in from of my computer..."
A literary analysis asked why Bilbo had such a long life, even for a hobbit.
I answered: Because old hobbits die hard.
Literary Humor.
I ordered a martini with an olive and a twist of lime.
The bartender served it with no olive or twist.
I gave him the Dickens.
Never literally taking cooking instructions…
It said chill in the fridge for an hour
I nearly died
Never literally taking cooking instructions…
After my first attempt to make a cake, the fireman told me that when it says to grease the bottom of the pan, they meant to say the inside of the pan . . .
