The Best 61 Lit Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Lit jokes. There are some lit illumination jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lit ignite puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Lit Jokes and Puns

How many fuq bois does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None it's always lit fam

How many "sup dude"s does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, it's already lit fam.

What not to put in one's mouth

One day, the teacher asked the children in class to give examples of what was not good to put in one's mouth.

Little Johnny says, It is not good to put a lit light bulb in one's mouth.

The teacher says, That is correct, but why?

Little Johnny answers, I don't know, but my mom always tells my dad, 'Turn off the light before you put it in my mouth!'

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

‎...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

Oxygen and potassium went on a date...

...it went ok.

Oxygen and magnesium went on a date.

The other chemicals were like 'omg'!

Two noble gases went on a date.

There was no reaction.

Two protons went on a date.

There was no attraction.

Hydrogen and chlorine went on a date.

They felt a little sour after it.

Hydrogen and nitrogen went on a date.

They had a basic night out.

Sodium and chlorine went on a date.

There was assault.

Potassium and water went on a date.

It was lit.


Stalin and Roosevelt were arguing over whose bodyguards were more loyal...

...and ordered them to jump out of the window on the fifteenth floor. Roosevelt's bodyguard flatly refused to jump, saying "I'm thinking about the future of my family." Stalin's bodyguard, however, jumped out of the window and fell to his death. Roosevelt was taken aback.

"Tell me, why did your man do that?" he asked.

Stalin lit his pipe and replied:

"He was thinking about the future of his family, too."

Why did Gollum leave the room every time Sam and Frodo lit their pipes?

He couldn't stand being around such filthy habitses.

About to mix gasoline with a lit match, AMA

How many suh dudes does it take to change a light bulb?

None. It's already lit fam

I bought my mom a fridge as birthday present

Her face really lit up when she opened it.

The wife

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. 

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!  

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!  

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table. 

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck. 

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?" 

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

You can explore lit extinguish reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lit ablaze dad jokes. There are also lit puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Egg timer

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. 

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!  

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!  

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table. 

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck. 

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?" 

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

If you can keep the candle lit, you win.

Don't blow it.

Today I decided to burn some calories..

So I lit a fat kid on fire.

Stopped by the police

I spilled some gas on my sleeve while gassing up one day. Got back on the highway and lit up a smoke and started my sleeve on fire. I put my arm out the window but the flames did not go away. I sped up to 70 then 80 when I noticed the flashing lights behind me. The cop says "looks like I'm going to have to write you a couple of tickets " I said I know I was speeding but what else?"
"Possession of a firearm sir "

A guy in a dimly lit bar turns to the woman next to him and says hey you want to hear a blonde joke?

The woman responds, before you tell your blonde joke, let me tell YOU something. I'm a professional MMA fighter and I'm blonde. The woman next to me is a professional kickboxer and she's blonde too. Oh and next to her, a judo instructor. Also blonde. You still want to tell me that blonde joke?

The man turns back to his beer. Ughh. Not if I have to explain it THREE times.

Police Shooting

A lady was filling up the gas tank in her car and lit a cigarette to pass the time. After which a piece of ash fell onto her arm and started a fire. As she's flailing about trying to put the fire out, a police cruiser pulls into the station. Instinctively, she starts running towards the officer in an effort to get help. The police officer sees the lady running at him and shoots her, killing her

I guess you shouldn't run towards police officers if you have a firearm

Did you hear about the guy who lit his pants on fire?

He made an ash of himself!

^^how ^^ember ^^assing...

2 guys are on a boat with 3 cigarettes and no fire source to lit them

So they throw 1 cigarette out the boat and the boat comes a cigarette lighter


This year, I tried to smoke a turkey.

But I rolled it too tight and couldn't get the end lit.

A place got lit on fire

But the firefighters were too late to reach and put it out. Media arrived as well to which one of the firefighter giving report said, "I've got a good news and a bad news, the bad news is, 41 children died in that fire. But the good news is it was an orphanage, so I have no parents to notify"

The chicken and the egg were lying in bed after having sex...

The chicken sighed happily, fluffed the pillows, and lit up a cigarette. The egg frowned and then rolled over in bed. "Well I guess that answers *that* question." he muttered.

Doesn't matter how lit you are...

Rubbish is litter.

I quit smoking and I'm using gum as an alternative...

It sure is hard to keep lit.

So I was at a conference for experimental philosophy...

and it was getting a bit dull so I turned to the guy next to me and asked

"So, what do you do?"

He lit up, eager to tell all.
"Well, I'm studying the effects of introducing rodents to Nihilistic thinking through an intricate series of signals and experiments. Nice to meet cha!"

Ah, I replied.....

Mice to Nietszche.

I just read Fahrenheit 451.

That book is lit.

A couple of outdoorsmen were on a lake in their kayak when they started getting cold. But when they lit a fire in their craft it immediately began to sink, proving once and for all that...

...you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Have you ever been to a store that only sells lamps?

I've heard it's pretty lit.

What did the egg say when it turned up?

Om lit

Apparently women really care about belly buttons

I told this girl I had an outtie and her eyes lit up

Today at the church, the lady next to me lit a cigarette and started smoking it...

I almost dropped my beer in shock.

How does an Amish girl know....

... if it's a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular dinner?

What's the main cause of Climate Change?

Somebody lit the dinosaurs on fire.

Little Johnny and the Salesman

A salesman knocks on a door. A few seconds later the door opens. Little Johnny is standing there with a bourbon and Coke in one hand and lit cigar in the other hand.

The salesman looks at him for a second and then asks "Little boy, is your mommy here?"

Johnny flicks some cigar ash on the carpet, rubs it into the carpet with his shoe. Then he looks at the salesman and asks "What do you think?"

Imagine if we started replacing 'i' with 'li'

It would be lit.

My friend works for the telephone company, repairing fiber optic cables. I've told him he should wear eye protection when working on lit cables, because the laser energy can cause permanent eye injury.

He said he would look into it.

Just wait till 2020 turns 21 and starts drinking.

It's gunna be lit.

How many trap producers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, but it's lit

How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None because it's already lit fam
^I'm^^so^^^sorry

I swear to god, people these days have no morals whatsoever

I was at church today and some scumbag lit a cigarette with an alter candle, I was so shocked I almost dropped my beer

MY FAVORITE FILM IS THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME.

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

Also I've heard that Notre Dame is lit af...

Little Timothy comes from school...

"How was school?" Asked the mom

"It was a blast! We got to make huge fires!"

"Oh that sounds scary! Are you going to do that again tomorrow at school?"

"Well there's no more school, so I can't say mom."

"Well why not?"

"It got pretty lit in there."

"You kids must've been all fired up!"

"It was blazing."

Why does everyone hang out with matches?

Because they're lit.

How many light bulbs do you need to light up a room full of milennials?

None. They're already lit.

How many stoners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, it's already LIT!

(Bonus:
-What do you call a stoner who recently broke up with his girlfriend?

-Homeless)

You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.

Rome was pretty lit at the time.

I bought my wife a fridge for her birthday.

She must've really loved it because her face lit up when she opened it.

If I ever have a rave it'll be called the Beacons of Gondor

It's gonna be lit

As a young man, I used to love my birthday parties

, but now anytime my birthday candles are lit state law requires that a fire extinguisher be present.

Some words look lit when read upside down

Like " sapnu puaS "

What did Bill Cosby say when he was in a bar and he accidentally slipped a pill into one of those drinks you light on fire and then the bartender lit it on fire?

The roof', the roof', the roofies on fire!

How many, "Suhhh Dudes", does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, it's already lit, Fam!

(Seagull laugh) | opinional

Did you hear about the party at the English department?

It was Lit af

What's the best thing to bring to your holiday party?

A Christmas tree. Because they're lit.

So I bought a fragrant candle the other day, but when I lit it nothing happened...

It just didn't make scents.

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?

Crisp Kringle.

I lit my lantern with a match but now I'm too tired to carry it

I should have used a lighter flame

Did you hear what happened to the dark side of the moon today?

It was pretty lit!

My six year olds joke: What happened when the joke came out of the man's head?

Me: What happened?
Kiddo: He lit on fire and turned into a joke ghost.

How many people at a Music Festival does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Zero, its already lit

I found some cheap old paint and used it to decorate my beadroom. That night, the whole room lit up...

Turned out to be LED based paint.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lit candlelit jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lit match piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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