Lit Cigarette Jokes
17 lit cigarette jokes and hilarious lit cigarette puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lit cigarette that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Lit Cigarette Short Jokes
Short lit cigarette jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lit cigarette humour may include short cigarette jokes also.
- 2 guys are on a boat with 3 cigarettes and no fire source to lit them So they throw 1 cigarette out the boat and the boat comes a cigarette lighter
- Today at the church, the lady next to me lit a cigarette and started smoking it... I almost dropped my beer in shock.
- I swear to god, people these days have no morals whatsoever I was at church today and some scumbag lit a cigarette with an alter candle, I was so shocked I almost dropped my beer
- The spy must have sensed I was watching him, because he quickly lit a cigarette and started puffing while gazing at his reflection on a shiny metal wall. It was smoke and mirrors. I had no doubt.
- The spy sensed that I was following him. So he stopped, quickly lit a cigarette and stared at his imagine in the reflective glass.... I'd seen this bit of tradecraft before - "smoke and mirrors"
- Nowadays people are so disrespectful... I was at the church when a woman right in my front lit up a cigarette.
Got so shocked that I almost dropped my beer... - Your momma is sooooo broke When i walked into her house i stepped on a lit cigarette and she said "Who put out the heat!?"
- Yo mama so poor when I went to her house and stepped on a lit cigarette she said, "Who turned the lights out?"
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Cheeky Lit Cigarette Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about lit cigarette you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cigarette lighter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lit cigarette pranks.
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
Police Shooting
A lady was filling up the gas tank in her car and lit a cigarette to pass the time. After which a piece of ash fell onto her arm and started a fire. As she's flailing about trying to put the fire out, a police cruiser pulls into the station. Instinctively, she starts running towards the officer in an effort to get help. The police officer sees the lady running at him and shoots her, killing her
I guess you shouldn't run towards police officers if you have a firearm
The chicken and the egg were lying in bed after having s**......
The chicken sighed happily, fluffed the pillows, and lit up a cigarette. The egg frowned and then rolled over in bed. "Well I guess that answers *that* question." he muttered.
Look! Magic!
One day, an explorer was captured by native warriors and taken to their chieftain, a gigantic man with teeth filed to dagger-like points. Desperately, the explorer tried to think of a way to save him self. He pulled out his cigarette lighter, held it in front of the chief's face and lit it, exclaiming, "Look! Magic!"
The chief's eyes were huge in astonishment. "It certainly must be magic," he said. "I have never seen a lighter light on the first try!"
Went down the pub...
I went to a pub yesterday evening and ordered a pint. As the landlord put my drink down, I asked him for the wifi code because I needed to check a message.
"Oh no" he said, "No wifi in here, people used to sit talking in pubs, about their day, their families, work, politics, music, the lot. Now people just stare at their phones and it breaks my heart to see. Therefore, no wifi in this pub."
"You know what?" I replied, "You're right" and I put my phone away.
"Thank you", the landlord said "In this pub I want you to act as you would twenty years ago".
So I lit a cigarette, gave him 50p for the pint and said "Two can play at that game mate."
Tea Break
p**... was driving his lorry (truck) when he saw a bridge with a sign saying 10 foot max. headroom. He slowed down wondering if he could drive under it or not , 'A Shure an' Begorrah, I'll give it a go,' he thought only to find that his lorry got wedged tight underneath it. …
…
p**... sat back in his seat, poured out a cup of tea and lit a cigarette. A policeman arrived a short time later and knocked on the cab door which p**... then opened, 'what do you think you are doing?' asked the policeman in a sharp tone. …
…
'Sure I'm having me tea break,' replied p**...,
'And what do you work at?' asked the policeman,
'Agh shure I deliver bridges,!' smiled p**...!
A beautiful black woman was filling her car with gas...
I noticed that she wasn't paying much attention; she was looking at her phone as she removed the pump from her car and accidentally spilled gasoline on herself.
As she got into her car she pulled out a cigarette and lit it, but the gasoline on her arm set on fire. Luckily, there was a cop a couple pumps away, so she ran out of her car and ran at him, waving her burning arm at him for help.
The cop was completely caught off guard and, in his confusion, he shot her.
I wasn't that surprised though... it was her fault for running at him with a firearm.
s**... Joke (Long)
A guy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what guys and girls do on back roads some distance from town.
As things really started getting hot, the girl stopped the guy and said, I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a h**... and I charge $20 for s**....
The guy reluctantly paid her, and they went on with their business.
After they finished, the guy lit up a cigarette, sat back in the driver's seat and stared out the window.
Why aren't we going anywhere? asked the girl.
Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25.
A woman buys a pack of cigarettes....
And leaves the store to light one up and enjoy it. But as she was trying to take a drag of the wonderful cig, the rain extinguishes it, forcing her once again to light it, only again for the rain to stop her from enjoying it. So having given up on smoking at present she begins her walk down the sidewalk. As she is walking down the sidewalk, she happens upon another women happily enjoying her smoke in the rain.
"excuse me miss. But how do you keep you cigarette lit in this rain?" She asked.
"easy," says the woman " I just put a c**... over it to keep the rain off."
Flabbergasted by this idea the woman rushes back to the convenience store.
"did you forget something?" Asked the owner
"yes," she replied "I need condoms!"
"what size ma'am?" Asked the shopkeep
"anything large enough to fit a camel!" She said.