lisp Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious lisp puns

Never make fun of a fat girl with a lisp, she's probably thick and tired of it.

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A little girl walks into a pet shop

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

The shopkeeper bends down to her level, smiling, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby, or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl leans forward and whispers, "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

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Why do you never tease a fat girl with lisp?

Because she's thick and tired of it.

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Why should you never make fun of a fat person with a lisp?

Because he's thick and tired of it

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What does a horny mathematician with a lisp do on his spare time?

Math debate.

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A little girl walked into a pet shop and asked in the sweetest lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shop keeper's heart melted, he got down on his knees to her level, asking: "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like this cute widdle bwown wabbit over here?"
The little girl leaned forward and said: "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit."

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Imagine the Titanic with a Lisp

It's unthinkable

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What does a teenager with a lisp and a nun have in common?

Faith book

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Wittle Wabbit

little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabby over there?"

The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: "I don't fink my pyfon really giveths a thit."

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If you can't say something nice...

Then you might have a lisp

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Can you imagine the titanic with a lisp?

Neither can I... it's unthinkable!

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What do Einstein and an iceberg with a lisp have in common?

They both tried to think the unthinkable.

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If a deaf person is missing a finger...

...do they speak with a lisp?

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When a man with a lisp says buthneth...

you know he means business.

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Guy with a lisp turns up to a dinner party carrying a selection of cheeses and a couple of ducks under his arm

The host says, "thanks for bringing the cheese, but why the ducks?"

The guest replies, "can't have cheese without cwackers"

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Widdle wabbits

A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits? "
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks,
"Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there? "
She in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don't fink my pet python weally gives a thit. "

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Imagine The Titanic with a lisp.

It's unthinkable.

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Widdel Wabbits

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth,

"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks,

"Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"

She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,

"I don't think my python weally gives a thit."

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I tried to start a religious social media page called Faithbook...

...but it was deemed offensive by the American Lisp Association.

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Why shouldn't you tease a fat girl with a lisp?

She's probably thick and tired of it.

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Why is the most difficult phrase to pronounce if you have a lisp?

I love you

Source: my father has a lisp

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What do you call a locksmith with a lisp?

Keith

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Never make fun of an overweight person with a lisp.

They're probably thick and tired of it.

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Ever have sex with a girl only to realize they're completely insane?

For example, last week I hooked up with this cute red-head . She was smart, sexy, bit of a lisp. Everything seemed normal, but the second we got finished she started going on about how she was the Norse god of thunder.

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Never make fun of a heavy girl with a lisp.

She is thick and tired of it.

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The girl with the lisp and the big ass isn't at work today

She must've called in thick

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A salesman with a bad lisp...

came to my front door today. He was giving away a coupon for either free cologne or a free abortion. When I confronted him about it, he simply explained "Eidah way, you're gonna clear tha womb."

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Two intoxicated hobos were walking on a railroad track.

After a while of struggling, one of them slurred, "This must be the longest staircase in the world." The other replied in a drunken lisp, "That's not so bad. But, what's killing me are these low handrails.

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When someone with a lisp says bismuth...

You know they mean business.

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What did the blind kid with a lisp say when Theodore told him to open a door?

I cant Theodore.

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How is an illegitimate child with a lisp like a poop in the tub?

They're both bath turds.

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A heartbroken guy walks into his bar and orders a strong drink.

"You theem pretty upthet", the barman says, with a strong lisp, "I'm a good lithener if you wanna talk about it?"

The man swigs his beverage and tells the barman about how his wife has fallen out of love with him. He explains that he's decided to give her some room in hope that the time apart will make her miss him.

"No no, thath not the anthwer", says the barman and hands him a large bottle.

"Oh, I can't drink this", says the man, "I hate aniseed".

"It'th not for you, it'th for your wife... abthinthe makth the heart grow fonder".

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A precious little girl walks into a Pets Mart Shop and asks,

A precious little girl walks into a Pets Mart Shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?"
As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabbit over there?"
She, in turn, blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says, in a tiny quiet voice,
"I don't think my python weally gives a thit !!"

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What do you call a kid with an eye patch, braces and a lisp?

Names

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A man has a really bad lisp...

...so he goes to the doctor to figure out the cause. The doctor tells him, "Well, sir, the reason you have such a pronounced lisp is that your penis is abnormally long. I can do surgery on it and remove three inches, and that should take care of your lisp."

The man says, "Gee doctor, I thure would like to get rid of thith lithp tho juth do whatcha gotta do!"

Three weeks later, the guy was astounded by the improvement in his lisp; it was totally gone! However, he and his wife were not happy with his newly shortened penis. He eventually realized that he would rather have a lisp than have a tiny penis, so he went back to the doctor.

"Hey doc," he said, "I miss my dick. Any chance you could reattach those 3 inches?"

The doctor replied, "Thcrew you!"

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What are the most funny Lisp jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Lisp? Well, here are the best Lisp dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Lisp pick up lines to share with friends.

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