The Best 82 Lipstick Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Lipstick jokes. There are some lipstick suspenders jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lipstick highlighter puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Lipstick Jokes and Puns
why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
She wanted to make up her mind.
Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?
Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious.
Did you guys hear the one about the mascara and the lipstick?
The relationship was alright, but the make-up sex was amazing.
A middle school in Oregon
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled brush, dipped it into the toilet and scrubbed the mirror.
Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
Why did the blonde have makeup on her forehead?
I told her to make up her mind.
*
Lipstick Girls
A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.
Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm. They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them.
The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean.
The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.
That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.
Why did the blonde wear green lipstick?
Because red means stop ;D
Why did the blonde have lipstick on her forehead?
She was being really indecisive, so I told her to make up her mind.
A man stumbles into his house early in the morning...
after a night of partying and heavy drinking, just as the sun is coming up. His wife is waiting for him at the kitchen table, glaring at him.
"Is there a reason you're coming home at 6 in the morning with alcohol on your breath, lipstick on your collar?" She shouts at him.
"Yes there is," he replies.
"I would like some breakfast"
How do you know if a blonde has been in the refrigerator?
There's lipstick on the cucumbers.
Father, what causes arthritis?
A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, ''Father, what causes arthritis?''
''Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,'' the priest replied. ''Imagine that,'' the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: ''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'' ''I don't have arthritis, Father,'' the drunk said, ''but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.''
You can explore lipstick gangrene reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lipstick moisturizer dad jokes. There are also lipstick puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
It's the kid's Joke time..
Here's a lovely joke for all:
Papa : Why is your mummy sitting silently today.
Son : Nothing papa. She asked for lipstick and i heard fevistick(glue).
Papa: (With tears in eyes) God bless you son.
What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?
If it's a good day lipstick
Vladimir Putin has declared there is a cure for homosexuality
Lipstick. Apparently it keeps the chaps away.
"Mom, can I wear my short skirt to school today?"
"No."
"Can I at least wear your new glossy lipstick?"
"I said NO."
"Well can I PLEASE wear my new pink bra?"
"I said NO, Justin!"
Why did the blonde have lipstick all over her steering wheel?
She was trying to blow the horn
Breakfast
An angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come stumbling in here at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."
The Silent Wife
Father : hey Son! why is your mother sitting so silent today?
Son: nothing Dad. She asked for lipstick and i heard
" GLUE STICK "
Father : God bless u son !!
A duck walks into a pharmacy
grabs a tube of lipstick, puts it on the counter and the cashier says "that'll be $3.50. The duck says "just put it on my bill"
Why does Mary Kay walk funny?
Her lipstick
Kiss The Mirror
A middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched. The custodian took a long-handled brush, dipped it into the nearest toilet, and proceeded to scrub the mirror. From that day on, the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated.
Why do Avon ladies walk funny?
..because their lipstick
A "your mama joke for the books.
Your mama is so stupid she puts lipstick on her forehead... Just to make up her mind.
A poster at the door of a church said, "If you are tired of your sins, come in."
Someone used lipstick to write her number beneath it and added "Call me, if not."
Billy's parents called the school on the afternoon he completed his make up test,
they wanted to know why he was wearing lipstick and mascara.
How did Floyd Mayweathers wife find out that he was cheating?
She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles
If one more yank asks me what a Scotsman wears under the kilt.
If one more yank asks me what a Scotsman wears under the kilt. They'll be told...
Your mothers lipstick!
My girlfriend stormed into the room.
"Why is there lipstick on your collar?" she yelled.
"It's part of the design," I said, opening up my wardrobe, "Look, I have the entire collection."
My wife just put lipstick on. She only does this on special occasions...you know what's next fellas.....
We're going to church.
My girlfriend found lipstick in my jacket pocket. I told her straight up I was cheating.
There's no way that I was going to confess that I sell Avon
How did Rihanna know Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found the other girls lipstick on his knuckles.
My wife asked me to hand her a tube of lipstick, but I mistakenly handed her a tube of Super Glue
Now she won't talk to me.
What did the duck say to the cashier after buying some red lipstick?
Just put it on my bill
My friend was putting lipstick on her forehead
She said she was trying to make-up her mind
What did the lipstick and the eye-shadow do after they got into a fight?
Had makeup sex
On the train in Bangkok....
...a young, long-haired, busty Thai sat down directly opposite me & started putting on lipstick.
I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection."
But he did.
Did you hear about the woman who's addicted to lipstick?
It's so crazy, it's something nobody could makeup!
Your mama so fat....
She uses a paint roller to apply lipstick.
Do you know how Rihanna can tell when Chris has been cheating on her?
He has someone else's lipstick on his knuckles.
I gave my wife lipstick for her birthday.
Didn't work. Her lips didn't even slow down.
What's the only acceptable thing for a Scotsman to wear under his kilt?
Lipstick
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick.
I accidentally gave her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
Mom, I'm 16! Why are you still not allowing me to apply my lipstick?
mom: "shut up billy!"
I put lipstick on the other day which wasn't very challenging.
But as soon as my mum saw me, she said: "Steve, you've changed."
Man Meets friend and notices
Man Meets Friend & Notices He's wearing lipstick. When Did U Start Wearing Lipstick? Friend- Ever Since My Wife Found It In My Car.
Wife asks husband: How did you get the stain of lipstick on you shirt?
Husband replies " I'm also in shock , i was full naked that time"
Did you hear about the duck who went to the store to get lipstick?
The cashier asked him if he was paying cash or charge. He said just to put it on his bill.
I got my wife an amazing new lipstick that makes you lose weight.
It's called "Superglue".
You can put lipstick on a pig
But no one is going to believe it's your girlfriend that has been missing for 2 weeks.
So yesterday I wore a costume....
I am a male and I wore a see through shirt and pants. I completed my ensemble with a stuffed bra, long haired wig and lipstick. I pushed a baby doll around all night in a stroller holding the baby bottle....
I was a transparent transparent.
My karate teacher wore lipstick to class
He looked senseitional
...edit- but sadly his own master wouldn't talk to him. It was a sensei shun.
I replaced my best friend's lipstick with super glue.
She's not speaking to me
What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What does a duck say when buying lipstick?
Put it on my "Bill".
You can put lipstick on a pig,
but he'll probably arrest you.
Julie Andrews withdraws her endorsement
Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Revlon Vibrant Shades lipstick, as she claims it breaks too easily and makes her breath smell.
In a statement she said, "The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis."
I once asked a Scottish man...
What's under a kilt?
He didn't miss a beat. On a good day,
He said, lipstick.
My girlfriend came home at three in the morning and her lipstick was smudged.
Poor woman. Someone must have been really jealous she had it
My wife came home with smudged lipstick at two in the morning
She should learn how to apply make up properly
A man wearing lipstick isn't gay,
He's actually making it not gay for when he gives brojobs
What can you find under a man kilt?
Lipstick, on a good day
I accidentally passed my Wife the super-glue instead of her Lipstick..
She hasn't spoken to me for days.
Do you know how Chris Brown's girlfriend found out that he had been cheating on her?
She found another girl's lipstick on his fist.
Sometimes for fun, I like to put on a blonde wig with red lipstick and chase my friends with my pants around my ankles.
I usually stop before it gets weird though.
I accidentally handed my wife superglue instead of lipstick
Now she won't talk to me
How did Rihanna know Chris Brown had cheated on her?
She saw another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
Women are weird
They are able to identify 350 colors of lipstick but they are not able to recognize idiot from normal guy.
Lipstick is a girl's beauty.
Removing it is a boy's duty.
I pranked my wife when she asked for her lipstick and gave her a glue stick instead.
I think she is really mad. She still isn't speaking to me.
I couldn't decide what to get my mother for Christmas, so I put some lipstick on my forehead
My dad kept telling me to makeup my mind.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
Lipstick
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
Now she won't even say a word to me.
My girlfriend asked me to hand her some lipstick and I accidentally gave her a glue stick
She still isn't talking to me
Courtesy of my 8 year old: Why did the lipstick, eyeliner, and foundation keep fighting each other?
Because they could never makeup!
The other day I've mixed my wives lipstick with a glue stick
My model plane fell completely apart!
How did Chris Browns girlfriend find out he was cheating on her?
She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her the lipstick but I passed her glue by mistake
She still isn't talking to me
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles
Why is lipstick losing market share in the makeup industry?
Because we live in a mask era.
My wife said I put chapstick on like a serial killer. I asked her "How do you know?"
She said "I don't know. It's just weird, like, you're trying too hard to look like you're not putting on lipstick"
"Oh... Okay. I was worried you found something in the basement."
Two guys in a helicopter are crossing a mountain range when the rotor breaks and the chopper is going to crash.
As they are falling to their certain death, the pilot calmly reaches to his pocket and pulls out a bright red lipstick. He puts lipstick on, then tears the steering wheel out of the dashboard and shoves it up his ass. Passenger looks at the pilot in horror and shouts "what the hell are you doing, we are going to die!" Pilot quietly answers "there's nothing we can do, I'm just giving the crash investigators something to think about."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lipstick lip jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lipstick blush piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.