Lipstick Jokes
98 lipstick jokes and hilarious lipstick puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lipstick that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Lipstick Short Jokes
Short lipstick jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lipstick humour may include short nail polish jokes also.
- Do you know how Chris Brown's girlfriend found out that he had been cheating on her? She found another girl's lipstick on his fist.
- My girlfriend found lipstick in my jacket pocket. I told her straight up I was cheating. There's no way that I was going to confess that I sell Avon
- British Joke I remember waking up one morning, and my wife asked me, "Honey, give me the lipstick." I accidentally gave her a glue-stick! She hasn't talked to me since...
- I got my wife an amazing new lipstick that makes you lose weight. It's called "Superglue".
- I once asked a Scottish man... What's under a kilt?
He didn't miss a beat. On a good day,
He said, lipstick. - Courtesy of my 8 year old: Why did the lipstick, eyeliner, and foundation keep fighting each other? Because they could never makeup!
- Why did the blonde have lipstick all over her steering wheel? She was trying to blow the horn
- What's an easy way to tell if you have a blown head gasket? Just look for lipstick marks on your crank shaft.
- Why is lipstick losing market share in the makeup industry? Because we live in a mask era.
- My friend was putting lipstick on her forehead She said she was trying to make-up her mind
Share These Lipstick Jokes With Friends
Lipstick One Liners
Which lipstick one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lipstick? I can suggest the ones about lip balm and makeup.
- What's the only acceptable thing for a Scotsman to wear under his kilt? Lipstick
- I replaced my best friend's lipstick with super glue. She's not speaking to me
- Why did the blonde have makeup on her forehead? I told her to make up her mind.
* - I gave my mother superglue instead of her lipstick. She didn't even complain afterwards.
- Check your lipstick before you come for me.
- Why did the blonde wear green lipstick? Because red means stop ;D
- Why does Mary Kay walk funny? Her lipstick
- why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead? She wanted to make up her mind.
- Q: What do lipstick and mascara do when they get in a fight?
A: They make up. - I gave my wife lipstick for her birthday. Didn't work. Her lips didn't even slow down.
- What's red and bad for your teeth? Lipstick
- Lipstick is a girl's beauty. Removing it is a boy's duty.
- Lipstick Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
- What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull terrier? Lipstick!
- Nice lipstick! Does it come in circular?
Lipstick Day Jokes
Here is a list of funny lipstick day jokes and even better lipstick day puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The other day I've mixed my wives lipstick with a glue stick My model plane fell completely apart!
- A couple of days ago I ate three lipsticks and some mascara and haven't pooed since... You really can't sh*t this make up.
- I put lipstick on the other day which wasn't very challenging. But as soon as my mum saw me, she said: "Steve, you've changed."
Laughter Lipstick Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about lipstick you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean mascara jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lipstick pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There are three women. One is dating, one is engaged, and one is married. They decide to get k**... with their men and really pull out all the stops to make it extra special. The woman who is dating says, “Okay, so I bought black leather, red lipstick, fishnet stockings, and really got crazy. He loved it so much he thinks he’s in love.” The woman who is engaged says, “I showed up to his work after hours wearing only a red coat. Let’s just say he wants to move the wedding date up!” The woman who is married says, “Okay, I really went all out. I got a babysitter for the kids, and bought a black mask and a whip. My husband gets home, goes straight to the fridge, and grabs a beer. Then he plops down on the couch and says, 'Hey Batman! Where the f*c**... is dinner?!?'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yo' Mama is so s**..., she voted for a pit bull wearing lipstick.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?
Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the d**... atrocious.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you guys hear the one about the mascara and the lipstick?
The relationship was alright, but the make-up s**... was amazing.
A middle school in Oregon
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled brush, dipped it into the toilet and scrubbed the mirror.
Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
Horrible Accident
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
Lipstick Girls
A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.
Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm. They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them.
The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean.
The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.
That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.
Why did the blonde have lipstick on her forehead?
She was being really indecisive, so I told her to make up her mind.
A man stumbles into his house early in the morning...
after a night of partying and heavy drinking, just as the sun is coming up. His wife is waiting for him at the kitchen table, glaring at him.
"Is there a reason you're coming home at 6 in the morning with alcohol on your breath, lipstick on your collar?" She shouts at him.
"Yes there is," he replies.
"I would like some breakfast"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What causes arthritis?
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be d**...," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
How do you know if a blonde has been in the refrigerator?
There's lipstick on the cucumbers.
Father, what causes arthritis?
A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, ''Father, what causes arthritis?''
''Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,'' the priest replied. ''Imagine that,'' the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: ''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'' ''I don't have arthritis, Father,'' the drunk said, ''but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.''
It's the kid's Joke time..
Here's a lovely joke for all:
Papa : Why is your mummy sitting silently today.
Son : Nothing papa. She asked for lipstick and i heard fevistick(glue).
Papa: (With tears in eyes) God bless you son.
what causes arthritis?
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"
"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Mom, can I wear my short skirt to school today?"
"No."
"Can I at least wear your new glossy lipstick?"
"I said NO."
"Well can I PLEASE wear my new pink bra?"
"I said NO, Justin!"
The Silent Wife
Father : hey Son! why is your mother sitting so silent today?
Son: nothing Dad. She asked for lipstick and i heard
" GLUE STICK "
Father : God bless u son !!
A duck walks into a pharmacy
grabs a tube of lipstick, puts it on the counter and the cashier says "that'll be $3.50. The duck says "just put it on my bill"
Kiss The Mirror
A middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched. The custodian took a long-handled brush, dipped it into the nearest toilet, and proceeded to scrub the mirror. From that day on, the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated.
Oriflame More by Demi Lipsticks Review Swatches- Coral Red, Hollywood Red & Cherry Delight
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A "your mama joke for the books.
Your mama is so s**... she puts lipstick on her forehead... Just to make up her mind.
A poster at the door of a church said, "If you are tired of your sins, come in."
Someone used lipstick to write her number beneath it and added "Call me, if not."
The school's bus driver wasn't surprised when he saw Billy wearing lipstick and mascara.
The school had already asked him to go back and get the young student after he completed his make up exam.
Billy's parents called the school on the afternoon he completed his make up test,
they wanted to know why he was wearing lipstick and mascara.
Why do Angelina Jolie's shirts have such big pockets?
For her lipstick :D
(modified joke originally from Sickipedia)
How can you tell when a native girl has her period?
The flies are wearing lipstick
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If one more y**... asks me what a Scotsman wears under the kilt.
If one more y**... asks me what a Scotsman wears under the kilt. They'll be told...
Your mothers lipstick!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Preist & The Drunkard
A man flops down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie is
stained, his face is plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty
bottle of gin sticks out of his torn coat pocket.
He opens his newspaper and begins reading. After a few minutes, the
disheveled guy turns to the priest and asks, "Say, Father, what causes
arthritis?"
"It's caused by loose living, cheap women and too much alcohol!"
"Well, I'll be d**...!" the drunk mutters, returning to his paper.
The priest thinks about what he has said, nudges the man and apologizes.
"I'm very sorry. I shouldn't have been so unpleasant about it. Tell me,
how long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the pope does!"
My girlfriend stormed into the room.
"Why is there lipstick on your collar?" she yelled.
"It's part of the design," I said, opening up my wardrobe, "Look, I have the entire collection."
My wife just put lipstick on. She only does this on special occasions...you know what's next fellas.....
We're going to church.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hillary Clinton and her chauffeur are driving on a country road. Suddenly, a pig runs in front of the car.
The chauffeur has no time to react, and runs over it, giving it instant death.
The chauffeur stops the car, gets out and looks around. He spots a small farm-house in the distance. Hillary says to her chauffeur, "You should at least tell them that you've killed the pig"
The chauffeur does as he's told.
A couple of hours later, the chauffeur stumbles out of the farmhouse, covered in lipstick kiss-marks and a bottle of champagne in each hand.
As he stumbles to the passenger side window, Hillary exclaims, "Jesus, what did you tell them?"
"Exactly what you told me boss: Hi I'm Hillary Clinton's chauffeur and I've just killed the pig."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hillary Clinton was being driven in a private limo to a rally...
... when suddenly, the car hit a large and old-looking cow.
The driver got out and checked to see if it was dead. After confirming the death, he saw the tag on it that said it belonged to a nearby farm. He told Hillary Clinton that he would be going over to the farm to tell the farmers what happened.
About an hour later, he returned. His clothes were messed up, he was covered in lipstick, he had an expensive cigar in his mouth, and in both hands were two full bottles of the most expensive champagne ever.
"What happened?", Hillary asked.
"When I went to the farm, they eagerly invited me in. Then, the husband gave me this cigar, the wife gave me the wine, and their two daughters gave me the best s**... of my life!", the driver said with a huge smile on his face.
"What did you say to them?", Hillary asked.
"I said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I just killed the old cow', and the rest happened so quickly I couldn't do anything!"
Did you hear about the woman who's addicted to lipstick?
It's so crazy, it's something nobody could makeup!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Donald Trump and his chauffeur are driving on a country road.
Suddenly, a pig runs in front of the car. The chauffeur has no time to react, so he runs over the animal, killing it instantly. They get out of the vehicle, look around and spot a small farm in the distance. Trump says:
The pig probably came from there. You should at least tell them that you killed the pig...
So the chauffeur does as he's told. Few hours later, he comes out of the farmhouse, covered in lipstick kiss marks, and a champagne in each hand. Trump asks:
Jesus! What did you tell them?
What you told me to;
"Hi I'm Donald Trump's chauffeur, and I've just killed the pig!"
Took my girlfriend out last night.
The evening was going well until I ran into friends from work and they asked why my right hand had lipstick on it.
Man Meets friend and notices
Man Meets Friend & Notices He's wearing lipstick. When Did U Start Wearing Lipstick? Friend- Ever Since My Wife Found It In My Car.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wife asks husband: How did you get the stain of lipstick on you shirt?
Husband replies " I'm also in shock , i was full n**... that time"
Did you hear about the duck who went to the store to get lipstick?
The cashier asked him if he was paying cash or charge. He said just to put it on his bill.
So yesterday I wore a costume....
I am a male and I wore a see through shirt and pants. I completed my ensemble with a stuffed bra, long haired wig and lipstick. I pushed a baby doll around all night in a stroller holding the baby bottle....
I was a transparent transparent.
My karate teacher wore lipstick to class
He looked senseitional
...edit- but sadly his own master wouldn't talk to him. It was a sensei shun.
Julie Andrews withdraws her endorsement
Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Revlon Vibrant Shades lipstick, as she claims it breaks too easily and makes her breath smell.
In a statement she said, "The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis."
My girlfriend came home at three in the morning and her lipstick was smudged.
Poor woman. Someone must have been really jealous she had it
My wife came home with smudged lipstick at two in the morning
She should learn how to apply make up properly
Sometimes for fun, I like to put on a blonde wig with red lipstick and chase my friends with my pants around my ankles.
I usually stop before it gets weird though.
I pranked my wife when she asked for her lipstick and gave her a glue stick instead.
I think she is really mad. She still isn't speaking to me.
I couldn't decide what to get my mother for Christmas, so I put some lipstick on my forehead
My dad kept telling me to makeup my mind.
My wife said I put chapstick on like a serial killer. I asked her "How do you know?"
She said "I don't know. It's just weird, like, you're trying too hard to look like you're not putting on lipstick"
"Oh... Okay. I was worried you found something in the basement."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys in a helicopter are crossing a mountain range when the rotor breaks and the chopper is going to c**....
As they are falling to their certain death, the pilot calmly reaches to his pocket and pulls out a bright red lipstick. He puts lipstick on, then tears the steering wheel out of the dashboard and shoves it up his a**.... Passenger looks at the pilot in horror and shouts "what the h**... are you doing, we are going to die!" Pilot quietly answers "there's nothing we can do, I'm just giving the c**... investigators something to think about."
Pedro gets a New Secretary.
Pedro gets a New Secretary.
He faces a volley of rapid fire questions from his wife, who is always a bit suspicious of her husband's roving eye.
Dora (Pedro's wife): Does your new secretary have nice legs?"
Pedro: Didn't quite notice."
Dora: "What color are her eyes?"
Pedro: Haven't had the time to check."
Dora: "What are the nail polish colors she uses, metallic, gel or neon ?"
Pedro: Not a clue in the world."
Dora: "Does she wear matte, glossy or frosted lipstick?
Pedro: I barely spoke to her, so don't know.
Dora: "How does she dress?"
Pedro: "Very quickly
I walked through the front door after work and our parrot said "Don't tell my husband", which I thought was rather peculiar.
So I walked upstairs to my wife, whose lipstick was smudged, her skirt a mess, and face covered in sweat.
"Everything ok?" she asked, flustered.
"Honey," I said, "I've got a question to ask you..."
"Yes! Sure!" she panicked, straightening her clothes, "What is it?"
I said, "Since when was our parrot married?"
BREAKING NEWS ! Mary Poppins will no longer be endorsing 'Rimmel Vibrant Shades' lipstick - she claims it breaks too easily and it makes her breath smell .
She gave the following statement:
The super colour fragile lipstick gives me halitosis ..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Judas: the one I bestow with a kiss is the christ
Roman soldier: can't you like... point at him or something?
Judas (putting on lipstick): I don't tell you how to do your job!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
v**... Mary would like to return to earth once.
God allows it, but only on the condition that she calls heaven every evening. No sooner said than done.
On the first evening, Mary calls Heaven: "This is the v**... Mary. I saw myself a beautiful skirt. May I buy it?" "Yes, you may. But call back tomorrow night."
The second night, "Here's the v**... Mary. I saw such a nice lipstick. Can I buy it?" "Sure, see you tomorrow."
On the third evening: "Here is Mary."
