Lip Jokes
114 lip jokes and hilarious lip puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lip that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of lip jokes that cover everything from big lips, to duck lips, to hair lips, and more! Whether you're looking for something to make you giggle or a way to lighten the mood, these jokes are sure to give you a good chuckle.
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Funniest Lip Short Jokes
Short lip jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lip humour may include short curly jokes also.
- If I'm reading their lips correctly, my neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door.
- The population of the countryside were almost wiped out entirely by a rare breed of ticks that live and breed inside the mouths of Alpacas. The survivors now live in a post Alpaca lip tick wasteland.
- Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter
- My wife thinks it's seductive to bite her lip. I haven't the heart to tell her it's supposed to be the bottom one.
- The problem with kissing a perfect 10 is that Sometimes it's cold when your lips touch the mirror
- Why do British prostitutes always carry Vaseline? Because their lips have so many chaps on them!
- Where are you only allowed to swim if you have red hair, a lip piercing, three brothers, a missing finger, are slightly overweight and have a birthday in december? The specific ocean.
- At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I gasped as she squeezed and pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd ever seen.
- Lip Balm To My Wife Earlier today my wife asked me to pass her some lip balm but I ended up giving her superglue by mistake. She's still not talking to me.
- What's black and white and goes "Oooooo"? A cow with no lips.
(Credit goes to my 8-yr-old.)
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Lip One Liners
Which lip one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lip? I can suggest the ones about lipstick and fingernails.
- The problem with kissing a perfect 10 Is how cold the mirror feels on your lips.
- What do you call a deaf gynecologist? A lip reader.
- Why don't women wear skirts in the winter? chapped lips
- How did the hipster burn his lips? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
- What goes "Ooooooooooo!"? A cow with no lips.
- My friend Phillip got his lip removed yesterday.. we call him Phil now
- Did you hear about the deaf gynecologist? He had to read lips.
- Why do deaf people make the best gynecologists? Because they're good at reading lips.
- How do skeletons kiss Skeletons don't have lips, they just bone.
- Why do girls never wear skirts when it's cold? Because their lips get chapped.
- What does a cow with no lips say? OOOOOOOOO
- Ever heard of the blind gynecologist? He could read lips
- What has 4 legs and goes AAaaah? A sheep with no lips
- What does a deaf gynecologist do? Read lips.
- Q: Why don't women wear dresses in the winter? A: They could get chapped lips!
Hair Lip Jokes
Here is a list of funny hair lip jokes and even better hair lip puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I asked this lady if I could touch her hair. She said yea. So I rubbed my finger across her top lip and that's how the fight started, your honor
- What do you call the hair on a cows lip? A Moo-stache.
> The perks of having too much free time in a call center. - At the supermarket... I asked a lady if I could touch her hair, she said yes, so I put my hand above her upper lip, and that's how the fight started
- My wife has a path of hair above her lip. It's tuft to look at.
- What says "Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark! Mark!" ? A dog with a hair lip
- I asked this lady if I could touch her hair She said yes, so I ran my finger across her lip and that's how the fight started.
- Yo mama's lips are so big when you smile you wet your hair.
- One day I asked my wife If I could touch her hair. She said that I could...so I ran my finger across her top lip. That's when the fight started....
- I told a woman that I liked her hair and asked if I could run my fingers through it. She said yes. The fight started after I stroked her upper lip
- Q. What makes this sound: Mark, mark, mark, mark, mark! A. A dog with a hair lip.
Lip Balm Jokes
Here is a list of funny lip balm jokes and even better lip balm puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My wife holds grudges over the smallest things. She asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. Even after a few weeks, she's still not speaking to me
- Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm.
And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.
It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me! - My sister asked me for her lip balm. I accidentally gave her superglue She's still not talking to me.
- My wife asked me to pass her lip balm but I accidentally handed her superglue instead. She's still not talking to me.
- My wife asked me for Lip balm and I gave her superglue, She hasn't talked to me since
- My wife asked me to pass the lip balm.... ...by mistake I gave her the super glue and now she wont talk to me.
- What does Joan Jett use when her lips are chapped? Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry balm!
- A company testing on animals just got sued for testing a chapstick on horses that made their lips burn off. They called it neigh-balm.
- Duck waddles in to a pharmacy and asks for some lip balm. "Certainly sir, will that be cash or credit?." "Just put it on my bill."
- Looking for a gift that will leave her speechless? Gorilla glue lip balm.
Big Lip Jokes
Here is a list of funny big lip jokes and even better big lip puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Today, I got to kiss my crush. I leaned in, ready for the big moment, with the suspense building up... Then my lips hit the mirror
- All your mom wants this mother's day is something big and between her lips A smile.
- I have a hair lip, a big belly, and a lazy eye. What am I? Ugly.
Upper Lip Jokes
Here is a list of funny upper lip jokes and even better upper lip puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- .I was asked why I had small amounts of drugs taped to my upper lip . I said it's mustash
- What did the black guy see when he went down the roller coaster? His upper lip.
- Why do the British give terrible blow jobs? The stiff upper lip.
- British people must really like Leia in the new Star Wars movie. Stiff upper lip!
- Why are the British known for keeping a stiff upper lip? Because it hides their teeth.
- My dad said there's a throbbing pain coming from the f**... hair above his upper lip. It mustache.
Cleft Lip Jokes
Here is a list of funny cleft lip jokes and even better cleft lip puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What sound does a dog with a cleft lip make...? "Mark...Mark!"
- What do you call a dying man's son with a cleft pallet? Heir lip
- Why did the kleptomaniac dislike the insultingly boisterous man with a cleft palate? He couldn't take any more lip!
- What did the dog with the cleft lip say? **MARK!** **MARK!** **MARK!**
Witty Lip Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about lip you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hair lip jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lip pranks.
My wife bites her lip to look s**...
I just don't have the heart to tell her you're meant to bite the bottom lip.
An Englishman, Frenchman and a Soviet go to an art exhibition.
They come to a marble bust of Adam and Eve. The Englishman says "Look at their calm repose, their stiff upper lip. They must have been English."
The Frenchman says "Look at their nakedness, their natural artistic beauty. They must have been French."
The Soviet goes "No no. They have no food, no water, no clothes and no shelter, and they're told they live in a Paradise. They're obviously Russian!"
Joke best told with very bad accents
I attended a self-defence course.
At the end of it, the person that ran the course said, "Ok, buddy, so for the week you owe me...£380."
"I refuse to pay," I told him.
"You have to," he insisted.
"Well then, you'll have to fight me for it."
So we fought, and he absolutely battered me. Left me b**..., bruised and beaten.
He said, "£380. Cough it up."
"No," I told him, wiping my lip. "Because it was clearly a waste of money."
Kiss The Mirror
A middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched. The custodian took a long-handled brush, dipped it into the nearest toilet, and proceeded to scrub the mirror. From that day on, the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated.
Women really do hold grudges over the smallest things...
My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm and I accidentally gave her a tube of super glue. It's been a week now and she's still not talking to me.
My girlfriend started biting her lip to look s**......
How do I tell her it's supposed to be the bottom lip?
A middle school in Oregon
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled brush, dipped it into the toilet and scrubbed the mirror.
Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
Lipstick Girls
A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. When applying it in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints.
Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together that wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm. They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them.
The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean.
The custodian then demonstrated. He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.
That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.
My SO thinks it's s**... to bite her lip...
I haven't got the heart to tell her it should be the bottom one....
A cyclops was doing a crossword puzzle and asked his wife, "Hun, how do you spell Hawaii?"
Biting her lip, she replied, "I think you need 2 'i's."
A penguin talks his snowmobile in to get fixed.
The mechanic takes a look at it and says "looks like you blew a seal." penguin replies "no, that's just frosting on my lip."
How to attract women:
My friend keeps complaining that he can't attract women. I told him "Why don't you try a s**... look...like lowering your eyelids and biting your lip?"
My friend takes the advice and runs off. He comes back complaining "I TRIED YOUR SUGGESTION AND THE GIRLS KEPT RUNNING AWAY SCREAMING!"
"Hmmm... can you show me what you were doing?"
Friend bites his lip and squints his eyes.
"AH! I see the problem...next time try biting your LOWER lip..."
What do you call it when an Irish band is caught lip syncing?
Sham rock.
If I'm good at lip reading correctly...
Then my neighbours are calling the police about some creepy guy staring at them through the window next door.
A duck walks into a drug store,
He goes and puts lip stick on the check out counter.
The cashier asks, "will this be cash or check?"
The duck says, "neither; just put it on my bill."
I'm 29..
*Wife was in ICU*
Doc: seems like she is in a coma.
Husband: Please save her, she is just 30.
*Suddenly the ECG starts beeping, her hand moved, her lip mumbled*
And she spoke: I'm 29
My wife keeps trying to be s**... by biting her lip
I don't have the heart to tell her it's the bottom one
A man is at a barber's shop getting his f**... hair s**......
The barber gives him a piece of rubber ball to put between his teeth and inside of lower lip so he can give him a cleaner shave. While getting the shave, the customer asks, "what if I accidentally s**... the rubber ball?"
"You can return it tomorrow" answers the barber. "Like everyone else does".
My wife gazed at me and bit her lip seductively.
Unfortunately it was her top lip so she just looked like a piranha.
My girlfriend tried to look s**... by biting her lip
She doesn't realize that she's supposed to bite her lower lip.
"I've been a naughty, naughty girl" she said to me, biting her lower lip, "and I need to be punished"
So I installed Windows 10 on her laptop.
Penguin is driving down the road...
when his car breaks down. He gets it towed to the nearest mechanic who tells him it will be a while before it's fixed, so he goes to the diner next door to get some lunch while he waits.
He comes back an hour or so later and asks the mechanic what happened with his car...mechanic tells him that he blew a seal. He looks at the mechanic, wipes his lip, and says 'nope, that's just tartar sauce.'
Somebody told my g/f it was s**... to bite her lip posing for photographs....
I still haven't found the courage to tell her its the bottom lip you bite......
(you just tried to bite your upper lip)
A boy with a wooden eye asked a girl with a hairy lip to the prom...
Seeing how nobody else would likely go with them, the boy with the wooden eye asks the girl with the hairy lip, "Would you like to go to Prom with me?".
The girl with the hairy lip, surprised and excited says, "Would I!?".
"HAIRY LIP", replied the boy.
The result of a silly mistake...
Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me!
What does a deaf Gynaecologist do?
Lip reading
A new gynaecologist just opened near my area but, people are saying he is deaf...
I guess he is a really good lip reader...
I asked a friend why she did a lip augmentation again.
She said *bo look bepper*.
What do you call a deaf person who can't lip read?
Anything you want!
There was once a party for the disabled...
There was once a party for the disabled. A man with a wooden eye sees a women with a hare lip and is instantly attracted. He approaches her and asks if she would like to dance. She enthusiastically replies Would I! Would I! .
So that man replies Hare lip! Hare lip!
What do you call a cow with a hairy lip?
Moooostached
You might be a r**... if your girlfriend can pack a lip and go down on you at the same time...
...and still know what to spit and what to s**....
Hey, this girl keeps staring at my lips whenever I'm talking, I think she wants to kiss me
Never mind she's deaf and she's trying to lip read
Was on Twitter earlier telling everyone about how I had this tiny spot on my top lip that turned into a massive cold sore…
It's gone viral…
Helen Keller was blind and deaf.
She would still lip sync better than Mariah Carey.
Two snakes are slithering through the desert....
One named Fred, and one named Henry.
Henry turns to Fred and says: Fred, are we the kind of sssssnakes that kill by consssstriction or we the kind of sssssnake that kill with a deadly venomousssss bite?
Fred thinks about it for a second and reply's Henry, we are the kind of sssssnakes that kill by consssstriction.
Henry say oh thank God for that, I just bit my lip.
A blonde went to an Alaskan sledding race.
She stood near a brunette as the race began. "There is absolutely *nothing* sexier than a man in a doggy-sled race," she said, biting her lip.
"Iditarod," the brunette corrected her.
The blonde woman scoffed. "So? I've used a cucumber, but this is still hotter."
My dad just got a job lip reading
He found out about it by word of mouth
I've come up with a way to stop homosexuality
Lip balm! - Rub it around your a**... and it keeps the chaps away
It's not h**...
I burned my lip on a hot sausage.
I wanted to be a gynecologist...
But I don't want to deal with all the lip.
My friends call me El Chapo...
...because I always keep at least an ounce of Burt's Bees lip balm on me at all times.
