The Best 59 Lions Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Lions jokes. There are some lions mufasa jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lions sea lion puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Lions Jokes and Puns

A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins...

could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his
supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way
back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly
stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting
gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

Why did the liontamer stop using WinZip?

...because lions only understand .rars

They say male lions will often turn to cannibalism when they're desperate for food.

They just have to swallow their pride.

Lions joke, They say male lions will often turn to cannibalism when they're desperate for food.

Why aren't lions cannibals?

They can't swallow their pride.

I give lions haircuts by the river for a living

What I do is all but manestream.

Why don't the circus lions eat the clowns?

They taste funny!

Lions sleep 18 hrs a day..

If hard work is the secret to success , then donkeys would have been the kings of jungle!

Lions joke, Lions sleep 18 hrs a day..

What do you call a group of homosexual lions?

gay pride

A guy is standing in Times Square hitting two sticks together

A police man walks up to him, thinking he is crazy, and asks "what in the world are you doing?"
The man replies "I'm keeping the mountain lions away!"
The police man says "there's not a mountain lion within 1000 miles of here!"
The man grins "I know I'm doing a pretty good job, aren't I?"

Why do only 99.9% of dentists recommend Listerine?

Because the other .1% is too busy out hunting lions

How do you get Americans to care about the Sudanese genocide?

Dress them up as dead lions

You can explore lions antelopes reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lions tiger dad jokes. There are also lions puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

If you call a group of lions a pride, and a group of crows a murder; what do you call a group of pedophiles?

The British Parliament

Just found out that male lions sometimes engage in homosexual behavior.

Must have a lot of gay pride.

Today, I was trapped on my horse and was surrounded by lions, dragons, and many other animals.

I got off the carousel.

My friend went camping in the Serengeti with all sorts of lions roaming around

It was in tents

Names for groups of animals

We all know some of the common names: pride of lions, murder of crows, etc. But some aren't so well known:

construction site of cranes
chomp of alligators
giggle of girls
cancer of lawyers

Lions joke, Names for groups of animals

I capture lions for a living...

I guess you could say I take pride in my work.

I don't understand why the Lions and Vikings get to play on thanksgiving.

Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium?

Why was the lions stomach enormous?

Because he finally swallowed his pride

Sea lions can run and swim faster than humans

Which means when you compete against one in a triathlon you really need to make up time on the cycling.

Talking to women is like...

Walking a tightrope over a lion cage.

And the tightrope is on fire.

And the lion cage is on fire.

And the lions are on fire.

Why is there so much fire?

Because fire is dangerous and so are women.

All of the lions went missing from my local zoo

The zoo's ok, they lost nothing but their pride.

Carl opened a zoo.

Carl opened a zoo and made the entry fee $60. No one turned up.

Carl made the entry fee $30. Yet again, no one turned up.

So, Carl made the zoo free to enter, soon enough, it was full.

Carl shut the gates, released the lions, and made the exit fee $60.

Did you hear about the zookeeper who failed miserably by letting his lions escape?

He lost his pride.

Some lions just escaped a nature reserve in South Africa

They were rejected from their group.
They could maybe ask to be let in the group again
But their pride wouldn't let them.

TIL lions can jump higher than houses

This is due to the fact that houses are not able to jump

TIL lions perform oral sex on each other.

Talk about swallowing your pride.

TIL about a pack of lions that had a massive orgy at the end of last Summer

They were the pride that came before the Fall

Lions are strictly on a vegan diet.

They consume about 10 to 15 pounds of vegans a day.

What do you call a pack of prancing lions?

A gay pride!

What do Billy Graham and the Detroit Lions have in common?

Both can make 20,000 people stand up and yell, "JESUS CHRIST!"

Why do lions only mate in the summer?

Because the pride cometh before the fall

To the poachers I saw smuggling lions into the country:

The cat is out of the bag.

Just remember - An annoying song about a Lions nocturnal habits.....

.... is never more than 'A Whim Away....'

A young missionary on his first term in Africa..

..was reading his bible in a clearing when a lion came up and laid down beside him. As he quietly prayed for deliverance, another lion came out of the bush and laid down on his other side. Convinced that this was a test of his faith, he returned to reading his bible. As soon as he did, the two lions pounced on him and devoured him. Moral: Do not try to read between the lions.

How do Lions like their meat prepared?

Apparently poached.

Never play cards with big cats...

... They're all cheaters and Lions!

I was on a safari in Africa when I saw two male lions having sex with each other in the open.

I thought to myself, Have they got no pride?

I once ate an entire family of lions

I was filled with pride.

My friend has a unique ability; he can always tell if there are lions near by.

He's got a great sense of pride.

Why dont Lions have concerns for Elephants?

Cause their size is irrelephant.

Two lions spoke at a funeral...

First lion sighed and said: "I'm really sorry about the loss of your kids, bro..."

Second lion nodded and bowed his head: "Yes, may they rest in peace. Sometimes I blame myself, but they were so delicious!!"

Why is a Detroit Lions fan the easiest to date?

Her standards are so low, because every year she gets disappointed by 55 men.

Why are lions more honorable than tigers?

A lion wouldn't cheat on his mate, but a Tiger Wood.

What do you call a group of rabbits

A nest

What do you call a group of birds
A flock

What do you call a group of Lions

Today I was turned away from an LGBTQ organized event. To think I thought they were inclusive.

This is the last time I take my pack of lions to a pride parade.

A friend of mine is writing a book on Californian sea lions.

I assured him that paper would be much easier.

What's a lions favourite subreddit?


The Ohio and Michigan Institute of Lions and Tigers and Bears.


I completely misunderstood pride month...

Who wants to buy 15 lions?

Why do lions stay with their families in June?

Because that's **Pride** Month!

Most people think that in Africa...

We ride lions and elephants to work.

That's ridiculous.

We dont have jobs.

Completely misunderstood pride month.

Does anyone want to buy 15 lions?

You might have read about nature photographers disguising their cameras as herd animals to photograph lions...

Don't believe it.

Fake Gnus

Why don't lions hang out with other species?

**Their pride gets in the way.**

Teacher: children, what's your biggest fear?

Tom (5): snakes!

Emily (6): lions!

Stanley (5): the unbelievable senselessness of life, and that we will all die a terrible death in our nightmares!

Lilly (6): Stanley!

What did the Detroit Lions fan say when they won the super bowl?

Why, why did you wake me up? I was having such a nice dream!

If a group of lions is called pride, what do you call a group of humans?


What do you call a Lions player with a Super Bowl ring?

A Thief

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lions lion king jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lions lions club piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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