JokoJokes

Lion Jokes

140 lion jokes and hilarious lion puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about lion that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Need a laugh? Check out these hilarious Lion Jokes! From jokes about Cheetas to Gazelles and Leotards, we've got something that will tickle your funny bone!

Quick Jump To

Funniest Lion Short Jokes

Short lion jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lion humour may include short wolf jokes also.

  1. You're being chased by a Lion, you're on a horse to the left of you is a Giraffe and on the right a unicorn what do you do? You stop drinking and get off the Carousel.
  2. My urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
  3. First day as a pilot. Control tower: Can you give me your position? Me: I am next to a cloud that looks like a lion. Control tower: Can you be more specific? Me: Simba
  4. At any given time, the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away... A whim away, a whim away.
  5. Why do only 9/10 dentists recommend Crest toothpaste? The last dentist is busy killing a lion
  6. I found a lion in my wardrobe and I asked him what he was doing there. He said "Narnia business".
  7. My Dad has the heart of a lion and so much hate mail he had to shut down his dental practice
  8. Did you hear about the six year old that got eaten by a lion? He was ate before he was seven.
  9. I have the heart of a lion... and a lifelong ban from the zoo.
  10. What do you call a vegan lion? Dead

Share These Lion Jokes With Friends




Lion One Liners

Which lion one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lion? I can suggest the ones about elope and monkey.

  1. A lion would never drive while drunk. But a tiger wood.
  2. Dad: What's a lion and a witch doing in your wardrobe Me: it's Narnia Business....
  3. The urge to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is always just a whim away Aweem away
  4. A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood
  5. What do you call fifty guys watching the Super Bowl? The Detroit Lions.
  6. Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion Neutral
    As in
    Without an ion
  7. I completely misunderstood Pride month… Anyway, who wants to buy 12 lions?
  8. I have the heart of a lion, the eyes of an eagle... ..and a lifetime ban from the zoo. 😕
  9. what is the difference between a seal and a sea lion? An electron.
  10. How do you turn a seal into a sea lion? Remove an electron.
  11. My father has the heart of a lion... And also a lifetime ban from the zoo.
  12. I have the eye of a tiger, the heart of a lion, And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
  13. What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion? Ryan
  14. What happened to the overconfident lion-tamer? He was consumed by his own pride.
  15. I capture lions for a living... I guess you could say I take pride in my work.

Lion Pride Jokes

Here is a list of funny lion pride jokes and even better lion pride puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What happens when a lion becomes a cannibal? He swallows his pride...
  • Why do lions only mate in the summer? Because the pride cometh before the fall
  • People always told my dad that his pride would be the death of him and sure enough, he was eaten by his favorite lion just last Wednesday
  • Today I was turned away from an LGBTQ organized event. To think I thought they were inclusive. This is the last time I take my pack of lions to a pride parade.
  • Completely misunderstood pride month. Does anyone want to buy 15 lions?
  • Which of the7 deadly sins are lions guilty of? Pride!!
  • What do you call a group of homosexual lions? gay pride
  • I completely misunderstood pride month... Who wants to buy 15 lions?
  • Just found out that male lions sometimes engage in homosexual behavior. Must have a lot of gay pride.
  • Did you hear about the conceited, cannibalistic lion? He swallowed his pride.

Lion King Jokes

Here is a list of funny lion king jokes and even better lion king puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I asked Rick Astley if I could borrow some Disney DVDs... He said, "You can take Cars and Lion King but I'm never gonna give you UP!"
  • Lions sleep 18 hrs a day.. If hard work is the secret to success , then donkeys would have been the kings of jungle!
  • Do you want to know how i got these Scars? Joker asked Batman as he showed him his Lion king figurine collection.
  • If a lion is the king of the jungle... Then shouldn't they call it a reignforest?
  • What does The Lion King have a lot of? Simbalism
  • If The Lion King was a cow movie instead, what would their leader be called? Moofasa
  • Why does the lion say I'm the king of the jungle ? Because he has mane character syndrome
  • The Lion King has a lot of Simbalism badumtss
  • Why did the lion king die? Because he didn't mufasa
  • Why was Simba unable to save his dad in the Lion King? He couldnt Mufasa enough.
Lion joke, Why was Simba unable to save his dad in the Lion King?

Lion And Cheetah Jokes

Here is a list of funny lion and cheetah jokes and even better lion and cheetah puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A lion and a cheetah had a race. The lion said you are a "cheetah" and the cheetah said you are "lion."
  • All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose? Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.
  • Why did the two big cats get a divorce? Because one was lion and the other was a cheetah
  • Don't date African cats A lot of them are cheetahs and the ones who say they aren't are lion.
  • Why can you never trust African cats? Because they're all either lion or cheetahs.
  • Do you know why they don't play poker in the jungle? Because there's too many cheetahs. I'm not lion.
  • so a cheetah and a lion decide to have a race The cheetah wins and the lion says "you're a Cheetah"
    the Cheetah says 'nah you're Lion'
  • A lion and a cheetah have a game of chess and the cheetah ends up winning. Annoyed, the lion shouts, "You're a cheater!"
    The cheetah snapped back, "You're lyin'!"
  • I have the heart of a lion and the legs of a cheetah Needless to say, the zoo doesn't want me back.
  • There aren't that many casinos in Africa. Cause there are too many cheetahs.
    And if you meet one who claims he isn't a cheetah, he's probably lion to you.

Sea Lion Jokes

Here is a list of funny sea lion jokes and even better sea lion puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • How do you make a Sea Lion? You remove an electron from a Seal!
  • A friend of mine is writing a book on Californian sea lions. I assured him that paper would be much easier.
  • What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion? A couple electrons
  • A sea lion escaped from the Atlanta Aquarium... I heard they had to re-seal the tank...
  • What happens when you take an electron off a seal? You get a sea lion
  • The difference What is the difference between a portuguese woman and a sea lion ?
    One of them has shiny bodyhair and smells like cod, the other one is a mammal that lives in the sea.
  • Why did the sea lion buy Tupperware? He wanted to find a tight seal.
  • Sea lions can run and swim faster than humans Which means when you compete against one in a triathlon you really need to make up time on the cycling.
  • Why is a Seal just a neutral Sea Lion? Because it doesn't have an *ion*
  • What is a sea lion's favorite classroom subject? ART! ART! ART!
Lion joke, What is a sea lion's favorite classroom subject?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about lion can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of lion puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Cheerful Fun Lion Jokes for Lovely Laughter

What funny jokes about lion you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean unicorn jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make lion prank.

What do you call a same-s**... lion o**...?

Gay Pride.

What do you do when you are riding a horse, and you look to the left and see a running lion, and you look to the right and see a running giraffe?

What do you do when you are riding a horse, and you look to the left and see a running lion, and you look to the right and see a running giraffe?
**Get off the merry-go-round, you're drunk**

Irish pubs are the best

As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in Cork at my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of these claims. The Irishman swore every word was true, but they asked, "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times

Since there have been a few math jokes lately...

Q1. What do you get if you cross a mountain lion with a mountain goat?
A1. ||mountain lion|| ||mountain goat|| sin θ
Q2. What do you get when you cross a mountain lion with a mountain climber?
A2. You can't - the mountain climber is a scalar.

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe...

And says," Bartender! Get me a beer and one for my Giraffe as well!" so the two stand around drinking for hours until the Giraffe passes out on the floor. The man pays for him and the Giraffe and starts to leave when the bartender says," Hey! You can't leave that lyin' on the floor!" The man replies," That's not a lion, it's a Giraffe."

(OC) one I thought up this morning

What did the vegetarian lion say before going hunting?
"Lettuce prey"

Why aren't lions cannibals?

They can't s**... their pride.

A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"

A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."
He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the bartender grabs him by the shirt and says "Give me a bottle of beer." Bartender does, guy bites the top right off, c**... it down in one gulp and slams it down on the bar.
Bartender asks, "Ca-ca-can I getcha another?"
Guy says "Naw. I gotta get out of here. Big John's coming to town."

You're riding a horse, a giraffe is running next to you and a lion is chasing you. What do you do?

Get your drunk as off the carousel.

There are 500 bricks on a plane...

- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
499
- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge
- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge
- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?
Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.
- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
The alligators are all at the birthday party.
- Sally dies anyways. Why?
She got hit in the head by a flying brick

A woman walking down the city sidewalk with an adult lion is confronted by a police officer

He: "Lady, you must take that animal directly to the zoo!"
She: "I will do that right away, officer."
The next day, the officer is exasperated to see her and the lion walking down the sidewalk again.
He: "I told you to get that animal to the zoo!"
She: "That was yesterday. Today we are going to the beach."

A guy is standing in Times Square hitting two sticks together

A police man walks up to him, thinking he is crazy, and asks "what in the world are you doing?"
The man replies "I'm keeping the mountain lions away!"
The police man says "there's not a mountain lion within 1000 miles of here!"
The man grins "I know I'm doing a pretty good job, aren't I?"

A lion goes into a restaurant

He sits down, and starts looking through the menu. After a while, the waiter comes over.
"What would you like to drink, sir?" Asked the waiter.
"A glass of the house wine please." The lion responds.
"Excellent choice sir! Might I recommend the Salmon for the starter?"
"Sounds delicious!"
"And what can I get you for your main?"
"Oh, just a comb."

A Monkey passes away at a zoo, and they have no other Monkey's in the zoo

A desperate man is hired to dress in a Monkey Suit, after a few days he somehow falls into the lion pit. Suddenly he is yelling for help, the Lion approaches him and says, "Shut up or you're gonna get us both fired!"

How do you tell a lion to pick up the pace?

MUFASA!

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

How do you put an elephant in a fridge joke

A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left?
499.
How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge.
How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it?
The deer: He is still in the fridge.
An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party
Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How?
A brick falls from the sky and kills her.
Knock knock Who's there?
Not Mary

What do you call a lion with a fancy hat?

A dandy lion.

Harambe and Cecil the Lion walk into a bar

Bartender asks, "What'll you have?"
They respond, "Two shots, please."

What did the cannibalistic lion do?

s**... his pride.

The Lion with Christian feelings

Once upon a time... there was a m**... walking along the savannah when he suddenly encountered himself with a very hungry lion.
Scared to death, the m**... went down on knees and prayed "Oh dear Lord, please come down and give christian feelings to this poor criature".
After one second, the miracle occurred: the lion knelt down and prayed "Oh dear lord, bless this food you have provided me".

What is the hardest part about admitting you are a gay lion?

Having to s**... your pride.

A man and a Giraffe walk into a bar.

The Giraffe gets drunk and falls on the floor unconscious.
The bartender says "you can't leave that lyin' there."
The man says "its not a Lion, its a Giraffe"

My Grandfather has the heart of a lion!

And a ban from the cincinnati zoo

A man goes to the Doctor

*Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but we always used double
protection. Then, how is it possible?
*Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.
"There was a Hunter who always carried a
Gun wherever he went.
One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.
A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him.
In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a
Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died!
*Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!!
"Someone else must
have shot the Lion"
*Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .
Note: My friend just told me this joke so I'm not sure if it's been here before

My grandpa has got the heart of a lion

and a life time ban from the zoo.

My wife's pregnant

90yr man: My 18yr wife is pregnant,your opinion doc?
Dr: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrela instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, and sees a lion, lifts the umbrela, pulls the handle and BANG, The lion drops dead!
Old man: That's is impossible, sumone else must have shot the lion!
Dr: EXACTLY!!

A hungry lion roamed through the jungle looking for his next meal when he came upon two men.

One man was sitting under a tree reading a book. The other man was writing in a notebook. The lion quickly pounced in the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that reader's digest and writers cramp.

If there are 500 bricks on a plane and one falls off, how many are left?

499.
What are the 3 steps of putting an elephant into a fridge?
Open fridge, put elephant in fridge, close fridge
What are the 4 steps of putting a giraffe into a fridge?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.
The lion king is hosting a party. All but one of the guests show up. Who is missing?
The giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to go to the party, but she has to cross a crocodile-infested river to get there. She successfully swims across, how?
All the crocodiles are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, why?
She got hit in the head by a falling brick.

Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but I always wear contraception and the rubber never breaks

Doctor: Let me tell you a story, there once was a hunter who always carried a gun with him. But one day he forgot his gun and brought an umbrella with him instead (cause it was raining). Then a lion jumped at him but he shot it with the umbrella
Guy: Nonsense, someone else must have shot the lion!
Doctor: Ahh, so you understood my story. Next!

A lion wouldn't cheat on its mate

But a Tiger Wood

"Thank you Lord"

Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the o**... starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

God asked Adam to name the animals

Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…
Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too
Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…

Anyone hear about the t**... lion that became a vegetarian?

He was a her before.

I have the heart of a lion...

and a lifetime ban at the zoo

A very religious man went on a safari

When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some christian feelings".
That moment, the clouds parted and a beam of light came from above and touched the lion's heart. The lion raised his paws to the heavens and loudly prayed "Thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive."
PS: it was a beam of light.
PPS: 12 700 upvotes and 17 awards. Thank you so much. I haven't been this happy since Xmas.

What did Spartacus say when a Lion ate his wife?

Nothing. He was gladiator.

A lion is drinking from a puddle and his tail is up.

A gorilla walks up behind him, seizes the opportunity and has his way with him.
The gorilla takes off and the lion takes off after him. The gorilla runs into a hunter's camp, jumps into a tent, puts on a safari outfit and a pith helmet, grabs a copy of The Johannesburg Times, sits down and pretends to read.
The lion runs into the camp, sticks his head into the tent and roars, "Arrgg! Did a gorilla come through here?"
The gorilla says, "You mean the one that nailed you from behind?"
The lion says, "You mean it's in the paper already?"

4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion!

4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion. As they run, they cry out to God yelling, "PLEASE LORD! CONVERT THIS LION TO BE A CHRISTIAN LION!"
They run until they reach a dead end.
They hungry lion approaches slowly, as they cry out louder:
"PLEASE LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS AND CONVERT HIM!"
They lion stops walking, and the monks praise God.
The lion kneels down, puts his paws together and says:
"Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord, Amen."

First day as a pilot

Tower: Can you give me your position?

Me: I'm next to a cloud that looks like a lion?

Tower: Can you be more specific?

Me: Simba

Things that are difficult

Sometimes its hard to s**... your pride.
Unless you are a cannibal lion.

A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law.

One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.
Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!
"Quick, darling," the wife shouts frantically, "Do something!"
"Oh, no," the husband says, "That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!"

What do you get when you cross a parrot and a lion?

I don't know, but if it wants a c**... you better give it one

What happens when you put a zebra in a lion cage?

You get fired from the zoo

Q: You're riding on a horse at high speed chasing a zebra. To your right is a sheer dropoff. Two feet to your left is a grizzly bear. Right on the heels of your horse is an angry lion. What do you do?

A: Get your drunk a**... off the merry-go-round!

A man goes on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. Whilst stretching their legs outside the jeep a lion jumps out of the bushes and corners the mother-in-law

The man's wife screams at her husband 'Please! can't you do anything to help!'
The man replies 'The lion got itself into this mess, it can get itself out'

What do you get if you have the eyes of a hawk, heart of a lion, and the ears of a fox?

A lifetime ban from the zoo

What did the mountain lion say when it had to f**...?

Puma finger.

Pregnant girlfriend

Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.
Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.

The taxidermist mounted the wrong end of my prize lion on the wall.

It's a catastrophe!

(OC) A horse walks into a bar...

So a horse walks into a bar. He sits down and notices that the bartender is a very large lion who's having trouble picking up his comparatively tiny liquor bottles because he doesn't have fingers.
The lion bartender says "Hi," then stares at the horse for an entire minute.
The lion bartender finally continues,
"Why the long face?"
The horse laughs and replies,
"Why the big pause?"

A lion notices a monkey by a river, dipping a banana peel into the water

He watches her for a few minutes, as she dips the peel, keeps it under water, and then takes it out, watches the water a bit, repeats. Finally, the lion gives up trying to make sense of the sequence.
"Hey, monkey"
"Hey, lion"
"What in the world are you doing?"
"Ten bucks and I will explain"
The lion pays her.
"Thanks. I'm dipping a banana peel in the water"
"w**..., monkey? You're the biggest idiot I've ever seen!"
"Sure, I'm an idiot, but I'm making $40 an hour."

A priest was hiking in the woods when suddenly a mountain lion appeared…..

…. readyto devour the man whole.
The priest quickly falls to his knees, looks up to the heavens and prays, "Dear God, please teach this lion mercy and give him religion." A chorus of angels is heard as a beam of light shines down on the mountain lion.
The lion then drops to his knees, looks up to heavens and prays, "Dear God, bless you for this food I'm about to receive."

I saw that our local zoo has an interesting attraction : A lion and a sheep living peacefully in the same cage.


I asked the zookeeper whether they ever fight. He said, "Rarely."
I asked what happens when they do.
"We get another sheep."

Just sorted out the work rota for the zoo.

The lion sweeps tonight.

Lion joke, Just sorted out the work rota for the zoo.

jokes about lion

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these lion jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.