The Best 85 Lion Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Lion jokes. There are some lion lionel jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lion detroit lion puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Lion Jokes and Puns

A lion would never drive while drunk.

But a tiger wood.

What do you call a same-sex lion orgy?

Gay Pride.

What do you do when you are riding a horse, and you look to the left and see a running lion, and you look to the right and see a running giraffe?

What do you do when you are riding a horse, and you look to the left and see a running lion, and you look to the right and see a running giraffe?
**Get off the merry-go-round, you're drunk**

Lion joke, What do you do when you are riding a horse, and you look to the left and see a running lion, and you

Irish pubs are the best

As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in Cork at my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of these claims. The Irishman swore every word was true, but they asked, "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times

Who would you save first?

Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!


Since there have been a few math jokes lately...

Q1. What do you get if you cross a mountain lion with a mountain goat?

A1. ||mountain lion|| ||mountain goat|| sin ΞΈ

Q2. What do you get when you cross a mountain lion with a mountain climber?

A2. You can't - the mountain climber is a scalar.

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe...

And says," Bartender! Get me a beer and one for my Giraffe as well!" so the two stand around drinking for hours until the Giraffe passes out on the floor. The man pays for him and the Giraffe and starts to leave when the bartender says," Hey! You can't leave that lyin' on the floor!" The man replies," That's not a lion, it's a Giraffe."

Lion joke, A man walks into a bar with a giraffe...

(OC) one I thought up this morning

What did the vegetarian lion say before going hunting?

"Lettuce prey"

Why aren't lions cannibals?

They can't swallow their pride.

A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"

A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."

He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the bartender grabs him by the shirt and says "Give me a bottle of beer." Bartender does, guy bites the top right off, chugs it down in one gulp and slams it down on the bar.

Bartender asks, "Ca-ca-can I getcha another?"

Guy says "Naw. I gotta get out of here. Big John's coming to town."

What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion?

Ryan

You can explore lion leotard reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lion mufasa dad jokes. There are also lion puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How do you turn a seal into a sea lion?

Remove an electron.

You're riding a horse, a giraffe is running next to you and a lion is chasing you. What do you do?

Get your drunk as off the carousel.

A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood

There are 500 bricks on a plane...

- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

499

- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge

- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge

- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?

Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.

- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?

The alligators are all at the birthday party.

- Sally dies anyways. Why?

She got hit in the head by a flying brick

My urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away

a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

Lion joke, My urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away

A woman walking down the city sidewalk with an adult lion is confronted by a police officer

He: "Lady, you must take that animal directly to the zoo!"

She: "I will do that right away, officer."

The next day, the officer is exasperated to see her and the lion walking down the sidewalk again.

He: "I told you to get that animal to the zoo!"

She: "That was yesterday. Today we are going to the beach."

A guy is standing in Times Square hitting two sticks together

A police man walks up to him, thinking he is crazy, and asks "what in the world are you doing?"
The man replies "I'm keeping the mountain lions away!"
The police man says "there's not a mountain lion within 1000 miles of here!"
The man grins "I know I'm doing a pretty good job, aren't I?"

Why do only 9/10 dentists recommend Crest toothpaste?

The last dentist is busy killing a lion


A lion goes into a restaurant

He sits down, and starts looking through the menu. After a while, the waiter comes over.
"What would you like to drink, sir?" Asked the waiter.
"A glass of the house wine please." The lion responds.
"Excellent choice sir! Might I recommend the Salmon for the starter?"
"Sounds delicious!"
"And what can I get you for your main?"
"Oh, just a comb."

How do you make a Sea Lion?

You remove an electron from a Seal!

I have the heart of a lion...

and a lifelong ban from the zoo.

My Dad has the heart of a lion

and so much hate mail he had to shut down his dental practice

A Monkey passes away at a zoo, and they have no other Monkey's in the zoo

A desperate man is hired to dress in a Monkey Suit, after a few days he somehow falls into the lion pit. Suddenly he is yelling for help, the Lion approaches him and says, "Shut up or you're gonna get us both fired!"

A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe walk into a bar

The bartender asks what they're having.

The witch replies "Narnia business."

How do you tell a lion to pick up the pace?

MUFASA!

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

How do you put an elephant in a fridge joke

A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left?
499.

How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge.
How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it?
The deer: He is still in the fridge.
An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party
Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How?

A brick falls from the sky and kills her.

Knock knock Who's there?

Not Mary

What do you call a lion with a fancy hat?

A dandy lion.

Harambe and Cecil the Lion walk into a bar

Bartender asks, "What'll you have?"

They respond, "Two shots, please."

My father has the heart of a lion...

And also a lifetime ban from the zoo.

What did the cannibalistic lion do?

Swallow his pride.

The Lion with Christian feelings

Once upon a time... there was a missionary walking along the savannah when he suddenly encountered himself with a very hungry lion.

Scared to death, the missionary went down on knees and prayed "Oh dear Lord, please come down and give christian feelings to this poor criature".

After one second, the miracle occurred: the lion knelt down and prayed "Oh dear lord, bless this food you have provided me".

What is the hardest part about admitting you are a gay lion?

Having to swallow your pride.

A man and a Giraffe walk into a bar.

The Giraffe gets drunk and falls on the floor unconscious.
The bartender says "you can't leave that lyin' there."
The man says "its not a Lion, its a Giraffe"

My Grandfather has the heart of a lion!

And a ban from the cincinnati zoo

A man goes to the Doctor

*Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but we always used double
protection. Then, how is it possible?

*Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.

"There was a Hunter who always carried a
Gun wherever he went.

One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.

A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him.
In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a
Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died!

*Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!!

"Someone else must
have shot the Lion"

*Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .

Note: My friend just told me this joke so I'm not sure if it's been here before

I found a lion in my wardrobe and I asked him what he was doing there.

He said "Narnia business".

My grandpa has got the heart of a lion

and a life time ban from the zoo.

What do you call a vegan lion?

Dead

Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion

Neutral

As in

Without an ion

What happens when a lion becomes a cannibal?

He swallows his pride...

My wife's pregnant

90yr man: My 18yr wife is pregnant,your opinion doc?

Dr: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrela instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, and sees a lion, lifts the umbrela, pulls the handle and BANG, The lion drops dead!

Old man: That's is impossible, sumone else must have shot the lion!

Dr: EXACTLY!!

A hungry lion roamed through the jungle looking for his next meal when he came upon two men.

One man was sitting under a tree reading a book. The other man was writing in a notebook. The lion quickly pounced in the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that reader's digest and writers cramp.

If there are 500 bricks on a plane and one falls off, how many are left?

499.

What are the 3 steps of putting an elephant into a fridge?
Open fridge, put elephant in fridge, close fridge

What are the 4 steps of putting a giraffe into a fridge?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.

The lion king is hosting a party. All but one of the guests show up. Who is missing?
The giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.

Sally wants to go to the party, but she has to cross a crocodile-infested river to get there. She successfully swims across, how?
All the crocodiles are at the party.

Sally dies anyway, why?
She got hit in the head by a falling brick.

I've got the heart of a lion and the eye of an eagle...

And now i'm banned from entering the zoo.

Why do lions only mate in the summer?

Because the pride cometh before the fall

Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but I always wear contraception and the rubber never breaks

Doctor: Let me tell you a story, there once was a hunter who always carried a gun with him. But one day he forgot his gun and brought an umbrella with him instead (cause it was raining). Then a lion jumped at him but he shot it with the umbrella

Guy: Nonsense, someone else must have shot the lion!

Doctor: Ahh, so you understood my story. Next!

Dad: What's a lion and a witch doing in your wardrobe

Me: it's Narnia Business....

A lion wouldn't cheat on its mate

But a Tiger Wood

"Thank you Lord"

Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe enter a bar; the bartender eyes them quizzically and asks, "what're you up to with all that?"

The lion responds gruffly, "Narnia business!"

... I'm sorry.

God asked Adam to name the animals

Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…

Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too

Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…

People always told my dad that his pride would be the death of him

and sure enough, he was eaten by his favorite lion just last Wednesday

My Grandad is a truly special man

He has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh Zoo.

Anyone hear about the transsexual lion that became a vegetarian?

He was a her before.

I have the eye of a tiger, the heart of a lion,

And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I have the heart of a lion...

and a lifetime ban at the zoo

A very religious man went on a safari

When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some christian feelings".
That moment, the clouds parted and a beam of light came from above and touched the lion's heart. The lion raised his paws to the heavens and loudly prayed "Thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive."

PS: it was a beam of light.

PPS: 12 700 upvotes and 17 awards. Thank you so much. I haven't been this happy since Xmas.

What did Spartacus say when a Lion ate his wife?

Nothing. He was gladiator.

A lion is drinking from a puddle and his tail is up.

A gorilla walks up behind him, seizes the opportunity and has his way with him.

The gorilla takes off and the lion takes off after him. The gorilla runs into a hunter's camp, jumps into a tent, puts on a safari outfit and a pith helmet, grabs a copy of The Johannesburg Times, sits down and pretends to read.

The lion runs into the camp, sticks his head into the tent and roars, "Arrgg! Did a gorilla come through here?"

The gorilla says, "You mean the one that nailed you from behind?"

The lion says, "You mean it's in the paper already?"

4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion!

4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion. As they run, they cry out to God yelling, "PLEASE LORD! CONVERT THIS LION TO BE A CHRISTIAN LION!"

They run until they reach a dead end.

They hungry lion approaches slowly, as they cry out louder:

"PLEASE LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS AND CONVERT HIM!"

They lion stops walking, and the monks praise God.

The lion kneels down, puts his paws together and says:

"Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord, Amen."

First day as a pilot

Tower: Can you give me your position?



Me: I'm next to a cloud that looks like a lion?



Tower: Can you be more specific?



Me: Simba

Things that are difficult

Sometimes its hard to swallow your pride.

Unless you are a cannibal lion.

A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law.

One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.

Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!

"Quick, darling," the wife shouts frantically, "Do something!"

"Oh, no," the husband says, "That lion got himself into this mess. Let him get himself out!"

The urge to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is always just a whim away

Aweem away

What do you get when you cross a parrot and a lion?

I don't know, but if it wants a cracker you better give it one

You're being chased by a Lion, you're on a horse to the left of you is a Giraffe and on the right a unicorn what do you do?

You stop drinking and get off the Carousel.

What happens when you put a zebra in a lion cage?

You get fired from the zoo

First day as a pilot. Control tower: Can you give me your position? Me: I am next to a cloud that looks like a lion. Control tower: Can you be more specific?

Me: Simba

Q: You're riding on a horse at high speed chasing a zebra. To your right is a sheer dropoff. Two feet to your left is a grizzly bear. Right on the heels of your horse is an angry lion. What do you do?

A: Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!

Today at the zoo I was let into the Lion enclosure

I said to the lion handler Why do I do if the lion tries to attack me?

He replied Don't be afraid it's very simple, if the lion charges you, reach behind your back, grab a pile of shit off the ground and throw it in the lions face

I said to him But what if I reach behind me and there is no pile of shit on the ground?

To which the lion handler said Don't worry it'll be there

A man goes on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. Whilst stretching their legs outside the jeep a lion jumps out of the bushes and corners the mother-in-law

The man's wife screams at her husband 'Please! can't you do anything to help!'

The man replies 'The lion got itself into this mess, it can get itself out'

At any given time, the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away...

A whim away, a whim away.

What do you get if you have the eyes of a hawk, heart of a lion, and the ears of a fox?

A lifetime ban from the zoo

What did the mountain lion say when it had to fart?

Puma finger.

Pregnant girlfriend

Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story: There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!

Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.

Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.

A Sea Lion escaped from the Atlanta Aquarium...

I heard they had to re-seal the tank...

I miss the times when I was working at the zoo

My boss fired me just because I left the lion's gate open. I mean who would steal a lion?

Why was the Lion in the wardrobe?

Narnia Business

After witnessing his wife been eaten by a lion the old Roman was asked if it worried him,no he said...

I'm a gladiater.

The taxidermist mounted the wrong end of my prize lion on the wall.

It's a catastrophe!

A man walks into a bar with a Giraffe

They walk up to the bar and sit a bit awkwardly. The man orders two pints. One for him, one for the giraffe.

A few pints later, the man gets up to leave but the giraffe falls on the floor.

The man doesn't seem to notice and starts to head out the door.

The bartender yells after him "Hey you can't leave that lyin there!"

The man replies "That's no Lion! That's a Giraffe!"

Did you hear about the six year old that got eaten by a lion?

He was ate before he was seven.

I have the heart of a lion, the eyes of an eagle...

..and a lifetime ban from the zoo. πŸ˜•

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lion lion king jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lion sea lion piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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