Lion Jokes
139 lion jokes and hilarious lion puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about lion that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a laugh? Check out these hilarious Lion Jokes! From jokes about Cheetas to Gazelles and Leotards, we've got something that will tickle your funny bone!
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Funniest Lion Short Jokes
Short lion jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lion humour may include short wolf jokes also.
- You're being chased by a Lion, you're on a horse to the left of you is a Giraffe and on the right a unicorn what do you do? You stop drinking and get off the Carousel.
- First day as a pilot. Control tower: Can you give me your position? Me: I am next to a cloud that looks like a lion. Control tower: Can you be more specific? Me: Simba
- Why do only 9/10 dentists recommend Crest toothpaste? The last dentist is busy killing a lion
- I found a lion in my wardrobe and I asked him what he was doing there. He said "Narnia business".
- My Dad has the heart of a lion and so much hate mail he had to shut down his dental practice
- (OC) one I thought up this morning What did the vegetarian lion say before going hunting?
"Lettuce prey" - A lion and a cheetah had a race. The lion said you are a "cheetah" and the cheetah said you are "lion."
- A man and a Giraffe walk into a bar. The Giraffe gets drunk and falls on the floor unconscious.
The bartender says "you can't leave that lyin' there."
The man says "its not a Lion, its a Giraffe" - Why do lions only mate in the summer? Because the pride cometh before the fall
- What happens when you put a zebra in a lion cage? You get fired from the zoo
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Lion One Liners
Which lion one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lion? I can suggest the ones about elope and monkey.
- A lion would never drive while drunk. But a tiger wood.
- Dad: What's a lion and a witch doing in your wardrobe Me: it's Narnia Business....
- The urge to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is always just a whim away Aweem away
- A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood
- What do you call fifty guys watching the Super Bowl? The Detroit Lions.
- Sometimes I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion Neutral
As in
Without an ion - I completely misunderstood Pride month… Anyway, who wants to buy 12 lions?
- I have the heart of a lion, the eyes of an eagle... ..and a lifetime ban from the zoo. 😕
- what is the difference between a seal and a sea lion? An electron.
- How do you turn a seal into a sea lion? Remove an electron.
- What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion? Ryan
- What happened to the overconfident lion-tamer? He was consumed by his own pride.
- I capture lions for a living... I guess you could say I take pride in my work.
- What do you call a vegan lion? Dead
- What do you call a lion with a fancy hat? A dandy lion.
Lion Pride Jokes
Here is a list of funny lion pride jokes and even better lion pride puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- People always told my dad that his pride would be the death of him and sure enough, he was eaten by his favorite lion just last Wednesday
- Which of the7 deadly sins are lions guilty of? Pride!!
- What do you call a group of homosexual lions? gay pride
- Did you hear about the conceited, cannibalistic lion? He swallowed his pride.
- A lion who's been removed from its family.. ..has been stripped of it's pride.
- My friend has a unique ability; he can always tell if there are lions near by. He's got a great sense of pride.
- Did you hear about what happened to the lion Tamer? He was killed by his own pride
- Why did the lion cross the road? To get to the other pride
- If a group of lions is called pride, what do you call a group of humans? Prejudice.
- All of the lions went missing from my local zoo The zoo's ok, they lost nothing but their pride.
Lion King Jokes
Here is a list of funny lion king jokes and even better lion king puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Lions sleep 18 hrs a day.. If hard work is the secret to success , then donkeys would have been the kings of jungle!
- Do you want to know how i got these Scars? Joker asked Batman as he showed him his Lion king figurine collection.
- If a lion is the king of the jungle... Then shouldn't they call it a reignforest?
- What does The Lion King have a lot of? Simbalism
- If The Lion King was a cow movie instead, what would their leader be called? Moofasa
- Why does the lion say I'm the king of the jungle ? Because he has mane character syndrome
- Why did the lion king die? Because he didn't mufasa
- When I was a kid I thought our family's cat looked like Timon from The Lion King so I thought he was a meerkat. Turns out he was just a mere cat.
- Why couldn't you trust the king of the jungle? He was a lion.
- I love the Lion King... ...but Simba is so slow.
Sometimes I wish he'd Mufasa.
Lion And Cheetah Jokes
Here is a list of funny lion and cheetah jokes and even better lion and cheetah puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose? Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.
- Why did the two big cats get a divorce? Because one was lion and the other was a cheetah
- A lion and a cheetah have a game of chess and the cheetah ends up winning. Annoyed, the lion shouts, "You're a cheater!"
The cheetah snapped back, "You're lyin'!" - I have the heart of a lion and the legs of a cheetah Needless to say, the zoo doesn't want me back.
- Some call me the cheetah… And some call me the lion…
But my ex-wife calls me a lion cheetah!
Note: I just thought of this, so as far as I can tell it is original. - Why did the lion broke up with his girlfriend? Because she was a cheetah!
- Why did Tiger Woods get divorced? Because Tiger was a lion cheetah!
- Two animals taking a test were caught copying off each other... When one accuses the other...
"He's the CHEETAH!"
"What? You're LION!" - Why don't the zebra and the lion like to play cards in the prairie? 'CAUSE THERE'S TOO MANY CHEETAHS!!!
- Q: Why did the lion brake up with his girlfriend?
A: Cuz she was a CHEETAH!
Sea Lion Jokes
Here is a list of funny sea lion jokes and even better sea lion puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A friend of mine is writing a book on Californian sea lions. I assured him that paper would be much easier.
- A sea lion escaped from the Atlanta Aquarium... I heard they had to re-seal the tank...
- The difference What is the difference between a portuguese woman and a sea lion ?
One of them has shiny bodyhair and smells like cod, the other one is a mammal that lives in the sea. - Sea lions can run and swim faster than humans Which means when you compete against one in a triathlon you really need to make up time on the cycling.
- Why is a Seal just a neutral Sea Lion? Because it doesn't have an *ion*
- What do you call an unsure sea lion? A maybe seal
- What do you get when you ground a sea lion? A seal.
- What does Snoop Sea lion smoke? Seaweed.
- A sea lion is just a regular seal ... missing an electron
- What happens when you add a new seal atom to a seal molecyle It beacomes a sea lion
Cheerful Fun Lion Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about lion you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean unicorn jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lion pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why can't you trust cats from Africa?
Because most of them are lion!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's yellow and smells like a zebra?
Lion v**....
What does Snoop Lion do when he forgets to wear oven mitts?
Drops it like it's hot.
Irish pubs are the best
As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in Cork at my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of these claims. The Irishman swore every word was true, but they asked, "Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times
Who would you save first?
Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!
Since there have been a few math jokes lately...
Q1. What do you get if you cross a mountain lion with a mountain goat?
A1. ||mountain lion|| ||mountain goat|| sin θ
Q2. What do you get when you cross a mountain lion with a mountain climber?
A2. You can't - the mountain climber is a scalar.
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe...
And says," Bartender! Get me a beer and one for my Giraffe as well!" so the two stand around drinking for hours until the Giraffe passes out on the floor. The man pays for him and the Giraffe and starts to leave when the bartender says," Hey! You can't leave that lyin' on the floor!" The man replies," That's not a lion, it's a Giraffe."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a mentally challenged lion?
A leotard
A man out of work...
...sees an opening at the zoo. The head zookeeper says to him "Our ape just died and it's too expensive to replace him. Can you dress up in an ape suit and run around the ape pen? The man, desperate for a job, agrees. The next day, he does his thing as the ape, but while hopping from tree to tree, falls in the lion pen. The lion chases him around for a while, to thunderous applause from the crowd. The lion finally tackles the man and says "Do you want to get us both fired?"
A zookeeper walks into a pub with an elephant
and orders two beers. After a few hours and a few more drinks, the elephant collapses drunk on the floor. As the zookeeper stumbles for the door, the bartender calls after him, "Hey! You can't just leave that lyin' here!" The zookeeper slurs, "That's not a lion; it's an elephant."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why aren't lions cannibals?
They can't s**... their pride.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"
A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."
He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the bartender grabs him by the shirt and says "Give me a bottle of beer." Bartender does, guy bites the top right off, c**... it down in one gulp and slams it down on the bar.
Bartender asks, "Ca-ca-can I getcha another?"
Guy says "Naw. I gotta get out of here. Big John's coming to town."
There are 500 bricks on a plane...
- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
499
- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge
- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge
- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?
Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.
- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
The alligators are all at the birthday party.
- Sally dies anyways. Why?
She got hit in the head by a flying brick
A woman walking down the city sidewalk with an adult lion is confronted by a police officer
He: "Lady, you must take that animal directly to the zoo!"
She: "I will do that right away, officer."
The next day, the officer is exasperated to see her and the lion walking down the sidewalk again.
He: "I told you to get that animal to the zoo!"
She: "That was yesterday. Today we are going to the beach."
A guy is standing in Times Square hitting two sticks together
A police man walks up to him, thinking he is crazy, and asks "what in the world are you doing?"
The man replies "I'm keeping the mountain lions away!"
The police man says "there's not a mountain lion within 1000 miles of here!"
The man grins "I know I'm doing a pretty good job, aren't I?"
What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat?
A dandy lion
A few minutes ago while I was lifeguarding, an old lady told me that I looked like a lion pacing back and forth.
Now I'm nervous for my dentist appointment on Thursday.
A lion goes into a restaurant
He sits down, and starts looking through the menu. After a while, the waiter comes over.
"What would you like to drink, sir?" Asked the waiter.
"A glass of the house wine please." The lion responds.
"Excellent choice sir! Might I recommend the Salmon for the starter?"
"Sounds delicious!"
"And what can I get you for your main?"
"Oh, just a comb."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Monkey passes away at a zoo, and they have no other Monkey's in the zoo
A desperate man is hired to dress in a Monkey Suit, after a few days he somehow falls into the lion pit. Suddenly he is yelling for help, the Lion approaches him and says, "Shut up or you're gonna get us both fired!"
How do you put an elephant in a fridge joke
A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left?
499.
How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge.
How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it?
The deer: He is still in the fridge.
An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party
Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How?
A brick falls from the sky and kills her.
Knock knock Who's there?
Not Mary
Harambe and Cecil the Lion walk into a bar
Bartender asks, "What'll you have?"
They respond, "Two shots, please."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the hardest part about admitting you are a gay lion?
Having to s**... your pride.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's common between a good boyfriend and a lion?
They're both ready to eat you
A man goes to the Doctor
*Guy*: Doctor, My girlfriend is
pregnant but we always used double
protection. Then, how is it possible?
*Doctor*: Let me tell you a story to make you realize that it is possible.
"There was a Hunter who always carried a
Gun wherever he went.
One day, he took his Umbrella instead of his
Gun and went out.
A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him.
In order to scare the Lion, the hunter used the Umbrella like a
Gun and shot the Lion, the Lion collapsed & died!
*Guy*:This is totally Nonsense!!
"Someone else must
have shot the Lion"
*Doctor*: Good!! You understood the Story. Next patient please... .
Note: My friend just told me this joke so I'm not sure if it's been here before
My grandpa has got the heart of a lion
and a life time ban from the zoo.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What happens when a lion becomes a cannibal?
He swallows his pride...
My wife's pregnant
90yr man: My 18yr wife is pregnant,your opinion doc?
Dr: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrela instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, and sees a lion, lifts the umbrela, pulls the handle and BANG, The lion drops dead!
Old man: That's is impossible, sumone else must have shot the lion!
Dr: EXACTLY!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A hungry lion roamed through the jungle looking for his next meal when he came upon two men.
One man was sitting under a tree reading a book. The other man was writing in a notebook. The lion quickly pounced in the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that reader's digest and writers cramp.
If there are 500 bricks on a plane and one falls off, how many are left?
499.
What are the 3 steps of putting an elephant into a fridge?
Open fridge, put elephant in fridge, close fridge
What are the 4 steps of putting a giraffe into a fridge?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.
The lion king is hosting a party. All but one of the guests show up. Who is missing?
The giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to go to the party, but she has to cross a crocodile-infested river to get there. She successfully swims across, how?
All the crocodiles are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, why?
She got hit in the head by a falling brick.
Instead of Traveling to Oz, the Tin Man, the Lion, and The Scarecrow should run for Congress
As they lack a heart, mind, and courage
Guy: Doctor my girlfriend is pregnant but I always wear contraception and the rubber never breaks
Doctor: Let me tell you a story, there once was a hunter who always carried a gun with him. But one day he forgot his gun and brought an umbrella with him instead (cause it was raining). Then a lion jumped at him but he shot it with the umbrella
Guy: Nonsense, someone else must have shot the lion!
Doctor: Ahh, so you understood my story. Next!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Thank you Lord"
Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the o**... starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."
Don't trust cats
I was talking to this cat who insisted he was the biggest house cat in existence.
Turns out he was lion
A lion, a witch, and a wardrobe enter a bar; the bartender eyes them quizzically and asks, "what're you up to with all that?"
The lion responds gruffly, "Narnia business!"
... I'm sorry.
God asked Adam to name the animals
Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…
Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too
Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Anyone hear about the t**... lion that became a vegetarian?
He was a her before.
What do you get when you cross a bear with a mountain lion?
Killed. You get killed.
A very religious man went on a safari
When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some christian feelings".
That moment, the clouds parted and a beam of light came from above and touched the lion's heart. The lion raised his paws to the heavens and loudly prayed "Thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive."
PS: it was a beam of light.
PPS: 12 700 upvotes and 17 awards. Thank you so much. I haven't been this happy since Xmas.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 hunters chat about their hunting stories
2 hunters talk about what has happened to them and the first one says... "Once, when I was in Africa and I was hunting I feel something is behind me... so I turn around and see a huge lion right behind me ...so I start running in order to escape but it was getting closer and closer but when it just about to get me … the lion just slipped and fell on the ground so I escaped." the second hunter then ask him in awe "and how the h**... you didn't s**... yourself mate? so he replies "what you think the lion slipped on ?"
What did Spartacus say when a Lion ate his wife?
Nothing. He was gladiator.
A lion is drinking from a puddle and his tail is up.
A gorilla walks up behind him, seizes the opportunity and has his way with him.
The gorilla takes off and the lion takes off after him. The gorilla runs into a hunter's camp, jumps into a tent, puts on a safari outfit and a pith helmet, grabs a copy of The Johannesburg Times, sits down and pretends to read.
The lion runs into the camp, sticks his head into the tent and roars, "Arrgg! Did a gorilla come through here?"
The gorilla says, "You mean the one that nailed you from behind?"
The lion says, "You mean it's in the paper already?"
Whats the difference between Simba and Timon?
Simba is a lion, and Timon is a mere cat.
4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion!
4 Monks are being chased by a Hungry Lion. As they run, they cry out to God yelling, "PLEASE LORD! CONVERT THIS LION TO BE A CHRISTIAN LION!"
They run until they reach a dead end.
They hungry lion approaches slowly, as they cry out louder:
"PLEASE LORD HEAR OUR PRAYERS AND CONVERT HIM!"
They lion stops walking, and the monks praise God.
The lion kneels down, puts his paws together and says:
"Bless us, O Lord, and these, thy gifts, which we are about to receive through thy bounty, through Christ, our Lord, Amen."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You're in Africa, a Lion and a Jaguar are in front of you, but your p**... only has one round left. What do you do?
Shoot the Lion, get in the Jaguar and drive away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Things that are difficult
Sometimes its hard to s**... your pride.
Unless you are a cannibal lion.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a lion?
I don't know, but if it wants a c**... you better give it one
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many gazelles does it take to kill a lion
Gazzelion
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today at the zoo I was let into the Lion enclosure
I said to the lion handler Why do I do if the lion tries to attack me?
He replied Don't be afraid it's very simple, if the lion charges you, reach behind your back, grab a pile of s**... off the ground and throw it in the lions face
I said to him But what if I reach behind me and there is no pile of s**... on the ground?
To which the lion handler said Don't worry it'll be there
A man goes on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. Whilst stretching their legs outside the jeep a lion jumps out of the bushes and corners the mother-in-law
The man's wife screams at her husband 'Please! can't you do anything to help!'
The man replies 'The lion got itself into this mess, it can get itself out'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the mountain lion say when it had to f**...?
Puma finger.
Pregnant girlfriend
Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?
Doctor: Let me tell you a story: There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!
Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.
Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.
A wolf and A donkey were arguing about the color of the grass.
The wolf was saying: the grass is green.
The donkey was saying: the grass is blue.
They went to the king of the jungle to judge between them.
The lion king has ordered to send the wolf to jail.
The wolf asked the lion: isn't the grass green?
The lion said: yes.
The wolf said: then why did you put me in jail?
The lion said: I didn't put you in jail because you were wrong, I put you in jail because you were arguing with a donkey.
The taxidermist mounted the wrong end of my prize lion on the wall.
It's a catastrophe!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the six year old that got eaten by a lion?
He was ate before he was seven.
So a horse walks into a bar.
He sits down and notices that the bartender is a very large lion who's having trouble picking up his comparatively tiny liquor bottles because he doesn't have fingers.
The lion bartender says "Hi," then stares at the horse for an entire minute.
The lion bartender finally continues,
"Why the long face?"
The horse laughs and replies,
"Why the big pause?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lion notices a monkey by a river, dipping a banana peel into the water
He watches her for a few minutes, as she dips the peel, keeps it under water, and then takes it out, watches the water a bit, repeats. Finally, the lion gives up trying to make sense of the sequence.
"Hey, monkey"
"Hey, lion"
"What in the world are you doing?"
"Ten bucks and I will explain"
The lion pays her.
"Thanks. I'm dipping a banana peel in the water"
"w**..., monkey? You're the biggest idiot I've ever seen!"
"Sure, I'm an idiot, but I'm making $40 an hour."
I saw that our local zoo has an interesting attraction : A lion and a sheep living peacefully in the same cage.
I asked the zookeeper whether they ever fight. He said, "Rarely."
I asked what happens when they do.
"We get another sheep."
Just sorted out the work rota for the zoo.
The lion sweeps tonight.
