Linguist Jokes
56 linguist jokes and hilarious linguist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about linguist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article is the ultimate collection of witty, philosophical, and clever anecdotes for cunning linguists and activists alike. From witty one-liners to clever riddles, get ready to be entertained with the best linguist jokes available!
Funniest Linguist Short Jokes
Short linguist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The linguist humour may include short language teacher jokes also.
- I asked a linguist, "I'd like to speak to my cat. Can you teach me how?" "For starters," she said, "the h is silent."
- I've decided to put off my gender transition surgery until after I've gotten my linguistics degree I'm a trans later
- A linguist walks into a bar Bartender: Sir, what beer would you like?
Linguist: IPA
Bartender: Oh sorry, \[sɜː, wɒt bɪə wəd jə laɪk\] - How did the hikers know they'd stumbled into a linguist's campsite? They walked past tents.
- An anti-semantic walks into a synagogue. The linguists in the group are offended and leave.
- If you have ever heard Trump's grammar while he speaks You'd know that he's no cunning linguist.
- What's the difference between Neanderthal man, and Cro-magnon man? Linguistic competence and polychromatic cave paintings.
- A group of linguists at the key note of a conference They started chanting "Speech! Speech! Speech! ..."
- The silver-tongued lover can always make a woman blush... ... because they're a practiced, cunning linguist.
- You hear about the new super hero that is also a politician? He can communicate in every language..
He is..
The Cunning Linguist
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Linguist One Liners
Which linguist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with linguist? I can suggest the ones about logician and bilingual.
- What do linguists do when they're feeling naughty? They get into some antics.
- What do you call a linguist's diarrhea? The great bowel shift.
- Why should you date a guy who speaks multiple languages? Because he's a cunning linguist.
- What do you call a world renowned linguist? A figure of speech.
- What do you call a transgender linguist who is never on time? Translate
- How did the linguistics professor punish the late student? He gave him a harsh sentence.
- A Linguist, a musician, and a content creator walk into a bar They all start using slurs
- I was hit on by a linguist the other day She asked me to conjugate, but I had to decline.
- You may be a master debater... But I'm a cunning linguist.
- What is a linguist's favorite kind of beer? An IPA.
- I love linguistics Its the only class where I can talk about vowel movements.
- I'm no linguist, but all Germans really appreciate memes. They always say 'feeling dank'
- What is a linguist's least favorite kind of bread? Whole Wheat.
- Linguistics Student: "What's a glottal fricative?" "*Heavy sigh*"
- What did the Japanese linguist say when he had pumped and dumped a girl? Here-a-Gone-a
Cunning Linguist Jokes
Here is a list of funny cunning linguist jokes and even better cunning linguist puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the best way to get a Punjab in India? Hire a cunning linguist.
- What do you call a man that can blow a woman's mind with just his tongue? A cunning linguist
- My friend is a huge hit with the ladies, he is very well spoken. I this it's because he's a cunning linguist.
- I've only ever met one genius writer who could please a woman. He was a real cunning linguist.
- What do you call the UN translator who quit his job to pursue his dream of becoming a hot dog eating champion? A cunning linguist who became a professional masticator.
- What do you call someone who is skilled with their mouth? A cunning linguist.
- I once met a man who could make great puns in 10 languages. I called him a cunning linguist.
- Sometimes you just need a cunning linguist to get a tiny pianist joke. [[ Obligatory text]]
- I love the study of languages, and am very keen in my analysis: I am a cunning linguist ;)
- I formed a team of wordsmiths for our local trivia quiz We became the "Cunning Linguists"
Entertaining Linguist Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about linguist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean language jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make linguist pranks.
A linguistics professor is lecturing his class
A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative."
A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
I took a girl home last night after telling her I was good with my mouth...
We stayed up all night chatting, she eventually stormed off and I'm not sure why, maybe she doesn't think I'm the cunning linguist I claimed after all?
A philosopher, a linguist, and a physicist were asked, "Which of your three fields is the most useful?"
The philosopher said, "What do we mean when we use the word 'useful'?"
The linguist said, "What do *you* mean when you use the word 'useful'?"
The physicist laughed and said, "The answer can be inferred by the uselessness of the other answers."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A feminist and a linguist walk into a bar
They sit down and begin a conversation.
The linguist asks, "Do you have any siblings?"
The feminist replies, "Yes, I have a sister. I'm very close with she."
The linguist, confused, tries to correct her. "Don't you mean 'with her'?"
The feminist is outraged and screams, "Stop objectifying women!"
I wasted my life
I fear I've wasted my life. I spent years and years learning Latin, Spanish, Mandarin, and Swahili but it turns out I just misheard my uncle when I though he told me "girls love a cunning linguist".
The head cook was also a proud linguist. He boasted to his team that he'd finally figured out that champagne and sugar are the only words that sound like "sh" without starting with "sh".
The assistant hesitated for a moment then replied-
.
.
.
"Chef! Are you sure?"
A philosopher says to a linguist...
A philosopher says to a linguist What if, instead of periods, women had apostrophes? The linguist replied, They'd be more possessive and have more frequent contractions.
Bubba n' Buford IV
Law enforcement officers in east Texas must also be linguists on occasion just to communicate. Take the time Bubba n' Buford were pulled over outside of Madisonville and the officer walked up and simply said "You boys have any ID?". Now that would seem a simple, clearly understood request...but not in east Texas. Buford with a puzzled look on his face responded "ID 'bout what?"
Someone explain the joke
The linguist's husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed. He said, "Why, Susan, I'm surprised." She bolted upright, pointed her finger and corrected him, "No. I am surprised. You are astonished."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Complete" or "Finished"?
**Here's your English lesson for the day!**
**"Complete" or "Finished"?**
No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between "complete" and "finished." However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make that very distinction.
The question put to him by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: Some say there is no difference between 'complete' and 'finished.' Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.
Mr. Balgobin's response: When you marry the right woman, you are 'complete.' If you marry the wrong woman, you are 'finished.' And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are 'completely finished.'
His answer received a five minute standing ovation.
What do you call an American linguist, philosopher, cognitive scientist, logician, political commentator, social justice activist, and anarcho-syndicalist advocate who doesn't eat ham?
NO-HAM CHOMPSKY
Did you hear the judge's recent linguistic faux pas, when they were addressing a recently convicted defendant?
I Order you to serve 2 years incarcerated, 2 years active probation, 1 year of passive probation, 400 hours of community service, evidence of completion of an education service approved by the court, submit to a mental health evaluation..., etc., etc..
Yeah, it was a run-on sentence.
