The Best 47 Lingerie Jokes

What kind of lingerie attracts the most donations for cam girls?

White knighties.

So i bought my girlfriend some new sexy lingerie for our anniversary. She said, 'I think this is more a gift for you than it is for me'

I said, "Well, if you want to get technical, it was a gift for my last girlfriend"

A middle aged lady decides to revamp her sex life with her husband.

She asks her friends what she should do and the concensus is to get some sexy lingerie and surprise him. So she goes out and buys a lacy bra and crotchless panties. That night when her husband is in bed watching TV she appears in the doorway wearing the lingerie and says 'hey big boy! Fancy some of this?', he looks over casually, his eyes widen, he sits bolt upright in the bed and shouts 'fuck no! Look what it did to your panties!'.

Why do nuns wear fancy lingerie?

Sheer habit.

My coworker just told me this one..

Did I ever tell you about the time my friend went to the store and got charged wrong? She tells the cashier the price is different and the cashier gets on the store intercom, "Come in Lingerie. Come in Lingerie."

Two friends are chatting in a bar...

A: I will never understand the way women think.

B: Why do you say that?

A: My wife came home the other day with some revealing lingerie and told me "I bought these for you."

B: So?

A: She started yelling at me when I put them on.

What do German women's lingerie and Africa have in common?

Ze-bras!

I bought my girlfriend lingerie

A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'I think this is more of a gift for you than it is for me.' And I said, 'If you want to get technical, it was originally a gift for my last girlfriend.'

What did the astronomer say to the telescope in lingerie?

"Hubble, Hubble."

Elton John just launched a women's lingerie line.. "And you can tell everybody this is your thong"

Buddy saw me putting on women's lingerie after we played racquetball...

He asked, "Cool, since when do you wear sexy women's leggings?"

And I told him, "Ever since my wife found them in the glove box."

What does a lingerie store and a guitar store have in common?

They both sell G-strings

One time I went to my gf's house

and she wasn't there. Her sister was there with sexy lingerie and she said "I feel something for you and I want to have sex with you", I was astonished and so I started heading to the car. Then my girlfriend appeared and said "I love you because you didn't cheat on me".

Morale of the story: always have the condoms in your car.

I went to a lingerie shop

I picked up some pants and asked them server if they were satin

He said "no they're new"

Why did the soldiers emerge from the war in lingerie?

They came out in Triumph.

[OC] My therapist asked me what was my earliest erotic remembrance and I told him it was wearing my mother's lingerie when I was a child.

he said it was probably a Freudian slip.

A group of lingerie models were protesting

They were met with stiff resistance

I went shopping for lingerie...

I went shopping for lingerie, and asked the saleswoman "are these panties satin?"

She replied "no, they're brand new."

Thinking about opening a lingerie shop for plus size women

....... Gonna call it KING THONG

My wife met me at the front door wearing sexy lingerie

The only trouble was, she was coming home.

(A lingerie joke) How does a redneck know how to put on sweatpants?

The cigarette holes go in the front.

Business is going well

A man left his home country of India to go to America in hopes of making money to support his family. He opened a furniture and lingerie business and in just 3 months he had made 80,000 dollars.
So he he wrote to his wife saying 'Honey I want you and the kids to come to America, I sold 1500 mattresses and 900 panties and business is going well!'
The wife wrote back saying 'You should come back to India, with just 1 mattress and no panties Ive made 500,000 dollars!'

I went to a lingerie shop to buy some underwear for my girlfriend

"Are these satin?" I asked.

"No," said the shopkeeper, "They're new."

The new fridge is here and we need to get it in but it's heavy - can you get it up?

If you dress it up in sexy black lingerie, maybe

Why did the nun rob the lingerie shop?

To support her habit.

What looks even sexier on a woman than lingerie?

nothing

William Shatner decides to discontinue womenswear and lingerie line.

Apparently Shatner Panties wasn't that big of a hit.

(Credit to KS95)

I was at a lingerie store and they were advertising an old fashioned-looking nighty with the tag line "Just like mother used to wear"...

It's called a Freudian Slip.

Did you hear about Captain Kirk's lingerie line?

it went bust.

No one wanted to wear shatner panties.

What do you call a recliner that's wearing lingerie?

a La-C-Boy

My favourite type of lingerie

My favourite type of lingerie is when it's on the floor...

Much to the annoyance of the store clerk

New lingerie (sfw)

I'm going to start a new line of high end lingerie.
It's working title/name is Effrontery
Our naughtiest line of products of course will be called Sheer Effrontery

A horse wearing lingerie walked into a bar on Halloween

The bartender said "Why the long face?"

The horse said "shut up, I've heard enough of that kind of talk from the president!"

What do you call a hidden camera in a lingerie store dressing room?

A booby trap!

I hired a Princess for our 10-year-old Daughter

When the princess got here, She was wearing Lingerie, She told me she was here for Daniel. Daniel is our 20-year-old son.

I bought my wife a gift for Christmas and hid it in the perfect spot, a place she would never look.

I put it in her lingerie drawer.

Two pieces of underwear are hanging on display in a lingerie shop. One turns to the other and says:

"I love you brah."

I bought my wife some sexy lingerie because it reminded me something my mom used to have.

I call it her Freudian Slip.

My girlfriend bought some lingerie

She said it was for me, but the she got upset when I put it on. I'll never understand women.

The original actor who played Captain Kirk tried to start a Star Trek themed line of women's lingerie.

But no one would invest in Shatner Panties.

(An oldie, but deserved a fresh posting)

What's a piece of lingerie that reveals more skin than the wearer consciously desired to show?

A Freudian slip.

What's a math teacher's favorite piece of lingerie?

An alge-bra.

My next door neighbour knocked my door last night, wearing lingerie and stockings. Asked to borrow a cup of sugar and if I wanted to come over for a night cap

I said, 'Fuck off Dave, I've got work in the bloody morning' .

It was just announced that William Shatner's womens' lingerie company has been discontinued.

Apparently "Shatner Panties" isn't a great name for an underwear brand.

William Shatner just discontinued his line of ladies lingerie

Apparently Shatner Panties was not a good choice of name!

A woman was working at a lingerie counter when a customer approached with a pair of frilly panties.

"I'd like to buy these," she said, "but only if you can embroider 'If you can read this, you're too close' on the back."
So the saleswoman took the panties to the tailor in the backroom and described the rather unusual request.
The tailor said, "I can do that. Does she want block letters or script?"
Since the saleswoman didn't know, she went back around to the counter, and asked, "Do you want that in block letters or script?" And the customer replied with a smile, "Braille."