The Best 43 Lined Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Lined jokes. There are some lined break up lines jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lined regiment puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Lined Jokes and Puns

There once was a baby born with no arms. His parents put him on the church's stairs and vanished.

The local priest took him in and raised him, eventually giving him the job of ringing the bell for evening mass. So, each day, the child lined up from across the room and ran as fast as he could to hit the bell with his head.

One day, the priest ate a banana and left the peel lying by the bell. As the child was running running running, he slipped on the banana peel and fell out the window to his death. When the cops came to investigate, the asked the priest for the child's name.

The priest said I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell.

Why are Paris's streets lined with trees?

German soldiers like to march in the shade.

African Roulette

Four men are captured by a tribe in the middle of Africa.

The tribe leader gives them the choice of either death, or they can try their luck at "African Roulette."

The men, as one of the choices seemingly had a chance to stay alive, hastily all chose the second option.

The tribe leader lined up 6 extremely gorgeous women in front of the men, and said "You must choose one of these beautiful women to preform oral sex on you."

The men saw nothing wrong with this and were ecstatic at their luck, yet confused about the "roulette" part.

As they chose their women and were getting ready, the tribe leader spoke up and said, "One of them is a cannibal."

Lined joke, African Roulette

Last night I dreampt I was playing Kobe Bryant 1-on-1. I had him all lined up to block his shot

...and then he feinted.

A man walks into a party...

He sees a group of people lined up at a table. He approaches a man at the end of the line, and asks, "excuse me sir, what's this line all about?"
The man replies, "Well, this is the punch line."


Wrong queue !

This girl was a prostitute, but her "granny" didn't know about it. One day, the police rounded up a group of pro's and the girl was caught. The cops had them lined up against a wall of the street where they were caught soliciting. Just then the grandmother walked by and saw her granddaughter.
She asked the girl, "What are you lining up for?"
The granddaughter, not willing to tell the truth, told her grandmother that she was lining up for some free oranges. Well, grandma, not one for passing up something free, joined the back of the line. A policeman who was going down the line taking information from each girl, soon reached the grandmother. He was stunned and bewildered to see her.
So, he asked carefully, "Ma am, you're rather old to be out here, how do you still do it?"
Grandma proudly replied, "Oh, it's easy, I just take out my teeth and suck'em dry."

So I was at a party, All the refreshments are lined up on a table;

We're still waiting on the *punchline*.

Lined joke, So I was at a party, All the refreshments are lined up on a table;

The French are such nice people. (would have been funnier a few decades ago)

Do you know why all of the streets in France are lined with trees?

The Germans like marching in the shade.

The brunette, the redhead, and the blonde.

One day a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were set to be executed. They lined the three woman up in front of a firing squad. First, they brought the brunette up. Ready, aim. But just before they shoot she shouts "Earthquake!" and in the commotion she escapes. Once the chaos dies down they bring up the redhead. Ready, aim."Tornado!" and she escapes. Then they bring the blonde up. By that time the blonde has caught on. Ready aim, and she shouts "Fire"!

Why are all the streets in Paris lined with trees?

Because Nazis prefer to march in the shade.

Selfless until the end.

For Pontius Pilate's birthday, the Roman soldiers lined the street to his house with Jews nailed to crosses. Walking slowly, Pilate was admiring the gesture, when he spotted Jesus on the last cross... he was was muttering something. Pilot exclaimed "fetch me a ladder! if the King of the Jews has something to say, I want to hear it!" Reaching the top of the ladder, Pilate moves in close to hear Jesus in a dry, half-audible voice, singing "Happy birthday to you..."

You can explore lined chat up lines reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lined gazes dad jokes. There are also lined puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Its so cold outside

I saw chickens lined up outside of KFC waiting for their turn in the deep fryer

Why does Paris have tree lined streets?

Because the German army likes to march in the shade.

3 men are lined up for the firing squad...

...and they will be shot in public. The first guy, not willing to die, thought of a great way to trick the squad. Just as the guns were raised to shoot him, the guy pointed behind the squad and shouted, "Avalanche!" The firing squad was tricked, and as they looked behind them, the guy ran away. The second guy decided to try the same trick himself. So as the guns were raised again, he pointed behind the squad, shouting, "Flood!" Again, the squad fell for it, and as they looked behind them, the second guy ran away. The third guy was utterly impressed by what the first two guys did to save themselves, so he decided to try out the trick himself. As the guns were raised once more to shoot him, the third guy shouted out, **"Fire!"**

Two Englishmen walk into a nearly empty American bar and one orders a pint of Strongbow

The bartender replies, "Oh, you boys must be British."

"You can tell from the order and accent, can you?" responds one of the Englishmen.

The bartender replies, "No, I can tell because you two lined up even though you're the only two at the bar!"

Man walks into a bar

He goes up to the bartender and tells him he would like to have 7 beers lined up right in front of him. As the bartender is drawing his beers, he asks him, "So, it seems you might be celebrating something. What might it be, if you don't mind me asking?" Man tells him that he is celebrating his very first blow job. The bartender tells him "That's great, congratulations!" The man tells him "You don't understand, I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth."

Lined joke, Man walks into a bar

50 blondes

Q:What do you call fifty blondes lined up ear-to-ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

#ThugLyfe

Did you know that if you took every elephant in the world and lined them up towards the moon...

They would die.

Yoko Ono is apparently being lined up to assist with the bush tucker trials in the I'm a Celebrity jungle.

After all she has been living off a dead beetle for the last 36 years.


Went to the bar the other night

There was a guy with five shots lined up in front of him.

I asked him, "What the occasion?"

He said, "My first Blow Job"

I said, "That's great, let me buy you another"

He said, "No thanks, if five can't get rid of the taste, six won't either"

I had a cocaine​ joke, but now I can't find it

It makes me really mad because I had it all lined up

two foreigners in america are applying for citizenship

They're lined up outside the Citizenship and immigration office, along with many others, not wanting to risk deportation now that Trump is in office.

>Guy #1: I've had enough of this waiting, save my place, I'm going to shoot Donald Trump myself.

several hours later he returns.

>Guy #2: well? did you get him?

>Guy #1: no, The line for that was even longer than the one here.

God is watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples

There was three pilots...

Three WW2 pilots were shot down behind enemy lines and captured. They were sent to a POW camp to be executed. They were lined up and the firing squad said "Ready, aim" and then the first pilot screamd
"Tornado" then the soldiers ran for cover. When thay found no tornado they lined back up.
"Ready aim" Then the second screeched "Bombing run" then the soldiers ran for cover. They then lined up again. "Ready aim" Then the third pilot knew what to do and screamed "FIRE".

If you lined up everyone on Earth in a straight line

most of them would drown

Why is the Champs Elysees lined with trees?

So the Germans can march in the shade.

What do you call three eclipses lined up next to each other?

An eclipsis…

Why does Paris have so many beautiful tree lined boulevards?

So the German army can march in the shade.

Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees?

...so the Germans could march in the shade.

Lolzzzzz

Paris is nice tho

Why are so many of France's streets lined with trees?

Germans like to march in the shade.

If you lined up all the elephants in the world along the equator, tail to trunk...

Most of them would die.

I vote down party lines.

Wherever the solo cups are lined up.

Do you know why French roads are lined with poplars?

So German troops can march in the shade.

Did you know there are so many lawyers in America that if you lined them up side by side

They would reach all the way into each other's pockets.

A physicist moved from the country to the noise of the inner city...

And found the noise there insufferable. But, being a man of science he lined the walls of his apartment with broken Hoover's, Dirt Devil's, and Dyson's, because sound can't travel through a Vacuum.

I had a great joke about cocaine, but I can't seem to remember it.

I'm really upsetβ€”-I had it all lined up.

The Lego stores are reopening soon.

People will be lined up for blocks.

Businesses are starting to open up. In fact, the LEGO store is open now, but I recommend staying away for a while.

People will be lined up for blocks.

An assistant to Donald Trump

>**An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.**
**There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.**Β 
**Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.**
**Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.**Β 
**It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!**
**Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!**Β 
**By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"**Β 
**His assistant said, "I couldn't tell, the casket was closed."**

There are two booths set up at a Trump rally.

Someone asks "why isn't anyone lined up at this booth?"

"It's a kissing booth."

"Why's everyone over at the other booth?"

"That's the punch line."

A man hasn't been to church for a long while and decides he'd better go to confession before starting to go again. When he enters the confessional box he's amazed to find that it's got a bar lined with finest whiskeys and a huge array of the finest cigars.

As he's looking at this in wonder, the priest comes in.

The man says, Father, forgive me, it's a long time since my last confession. I must say though, that the confessional box is much better than it used to be.

The priest says, Get out,you idiot. You're on my side.

A new Lego store opened up in my town...

People were lined up for blocks.

An Englishman, an American and an Irishman are lined up against the wall to be executed by the Nazis.

The Englishman is first, they put him against the wall, ready, aim …. The Englishman yells out earthquake earthquake!!! The Germans panic and he manages to run away.

The american is next and having seen what happened, as the Germans go ready, aim …. He yells out flood, flood. Again the Germans panic and he manages to run away.

The Irishman is next the Germans line him up and go ready, aim…. The Irishman confidently yells out Fire fire ….....

Apologies to any Irish offended. And Germans too.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lined paces jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lined cadet piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes