Line Jokes
180 line jokes and hilarious line puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about line that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for a chuckle? Check out these hilarious two-line jokes sure to make you smile! From patient grannies to a corsage wearing diagonally, these jokes are sure to put a smile on your face.
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Funniest Line Short Jokes
Short line jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The line humour may include short rule jokes also.
- I just got a job in a factory making plastic dracula There are only two of us on the production line, so I have to make every second count
- Made up by my elementary-aged kid: How do old people line up? In an elderly fashion. (So proud)
- A lesbian, a gay man, a bisexual person, and a trans person are waiting in line It was an LGBT queue
- If Novak Djokovic was a Pokemon, what would be his evolution line? Novak -> Novax -> Novisa
- Putin at the airport Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at customs desk.
Customs officer: Occupation?
Putin: No, just visiting. - I don't care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman, but April identifying as January is crossing the line.
- There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator Only a fraction of you will get this
- I was depressed last night so I called a self-help phone line... Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck... - Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history? People would wait days in line for a single piece
- In order to attract women I like to use this quote from shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82. "Hello."
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Line One Liners
Which line one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with line? I can suggest the ones about circle and rectangle.
- What's it called when a king and Queen have no children? A receding heir line...
- Why do North Koreans draw lines so well? They have a Supreme Ruler.
- What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line.
- "Dead or alive, you're coming with me." Great movie quote, terrible pickup line…
- Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store? For the watch
- What do you call a line at the gay bar? An LGBT queue.
- What is long, black and dangerous to cut into? the line at KFC
- Do you wanna hear a joke about Jim Jones? Oh, never mind. The punch line is too long.
- how do you get from sweden to russia? you cross the finnish line
- Look, I'm all for coloring books... but connect-the-dots? That's where I draw the line.
- What do you call a redheaded gentleman from a long line of redheads? A ginger bred man.
- There is a fine line between the numerator and the denominator the division is clear
- There once was a man from Peru Whose limerick was three lines too few.
- What does Chris Brown call a group of his ex-girlfriends? The punch line
- What pickup line do guys use to get girls in Alabama? You're like a sister to me.
One Line Jokes
Here is a list of funny one line jokes and even better one line puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Every year there is a race from one side of Sweden to the other... They start at the Norwegian line and end up at the Finnish line.
- Michael Jackson should have opened a clothing line for pants. He could have called it Billie Jeans.
Those prices are THRILLER!
No one can BEAT IT!
Kids pants would be half off there. - [Bad Pickup Line] I know I'm not the best looking guy here tonight... but I'm the only one talking to you...
- What has 10,000 feet and one tooth? An unemployment line in Arkansas.
- What do you call it when one gene parks in line with another? Par*allele* parking
- What's the difference between a blonde kick line and a talented magician? (sorry if this is an old one) Well, the magician has a CUNNING array of STUNTS.
- A One Line Advertisement By A Married Man For Sale: Wedding Suit, Worn Only Once By Mistake
- Punch lines are extremely one-dimensional Punch areas and punch volumes have more depth.
- It's a little known fact that bears believe in astrology... It's called The Kodiak.
One of their pickup lines is "Hey honey... what's ursine?" - Two friends were in jail The first started writing lines on the wall so they know for how long they've been there. The other one says: Hey, don't write on the wall, they'll kick us out
Punch Line Jokes
Here is a list of funny punch line jokes and even better punch line puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- However, he can't, because the punch line is out of order. A man at a party wants to grab some punch, so he walks to the punch line.
- A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch The bartender says, "Pal, If you want punch, you'll have to go stand in line."
The guys looks around, but there is no punch line. - Why is Bruce Lee so good at telling jokes? Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it.
- I have an addiction to snorting powdered fruit drink mix... Anybody got a punch line?
- This joke has no punch line But you might get a kick out of it
- TIFU by delivering a punch line in the wrong place at the wrong time April Fools!
- Where do all the funny people hang out at a party? In the punch line
- Why do thirsty people tell jokes? To get to the punch line
- A guy walks into a bar and asks for fruit punch. The bartender says Sure. Just get in line. The guy looks over and gets confused because there's no punchline.
- I think my family is finally catching on to me telling jokes in sign language... They've been standing further away, so I can't hit them with the punch line anymore.
Waiting In Line Jokes
Here is a list of funny waiting in line jokes and even better waiting in line puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut? A Barbecue.
- Putin asks Zelenskyi: 'When I'm dead, I bet you will come to urinate on my grave?" Zelenskyi: "Nah. Never been fond of waiting in line."
- I had to wait in line for a bowl of Vietnamese soup That's it, no joke. Don't like it? Pho queue.
- I can't wait for the next Quantum Physicist triathlon. I'm going to stand beside the bikes and yell out their speeds. They'll get so lost they'll end back at the starting line.
- What's 200 feet long and eats potatoes? Communists waiting in line to buy meat.
- Waiting in line to vote, somebody pulls up and asks " How long have you been waiting to vote?" Some guy in the back of the line yells "FOUR YEARS!"
- You walk into a bar to see a line of people waiting to punch you… That's the punch-line
- So I was standing in the toilet queue at my high school ball. I was wondering why there were also women waiting in the same line so I asked the guy in front of me. "This is the punchline."
- I was waiting in a long line to order food when I saw this beautiful girl. I was very nervous till she laughed at the pick up line.
- Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That's the punch line.
Two Line Jokes
Here is a list of funny two line jokes and even better two line puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I finally, after 35 years, have made my own two line joke What's a gooses's favorite vegetable?
Asparagoose. - Two parallel lines match on tinder But they never meet!
- What do you call a show about two cokeheads with short term memory loss? Whose Line Is It Anyway?
- A lot of people get numerators and denominators mixed up... But there's a fine line between the two
- I don't mind my geometry teacher asking me to draw a circle. But to then ask me to turn that circle into two equal parts? That's where I draw the line.
- Why did the circle stop arguing with the two intersecting lines? Because they had a point
- What do you get if you cross two kerbs, two lanes and a white line? "I don't know", said the chicken, "but I'll find out."
- You and your soulmate are like two parallel lines. You have so much in common.
It's a shame you'll never meet. - Two things I've learned from the Internet: A) My mother is the largest thing in the universe
and
B) Everyone is still lining up for a turn at her. - Pick up line for a one-armed gym rat. I go two tickets to the gun show, you want the extra?
Amusing Line Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends
What funny jokes about line you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean trace jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make line pranks.
French Jokes
Who won the first Tour de France?
The 6th Panzer division.
Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?
To see the front line.
How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows.
Jimmy approached his teacher
After looking at the syllabus for their next lesson on graphing, Jimmy approached his teacher with a stern look on his face and said, I'll do algebra, I'll do trig, I'll even do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line!
What's a cokeheads favorite TV show?
Whose Line is it Anyway
William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.
They're going to be called Shatner Pants.
What has 3 teeth and 100 legs
An unemployment line in Tennessee.
A blonde is taking money out of an ATM,
when the blonde behind her in line says, "Ha! Ha! I know your password. It's four asterisks."
The first blonde replies, "Ha! Ha! No it's not. It's 3862."
First came up with this joke when I was 5 and it's still the funniest thing I've ever said.
Q. What do you call a line of Barbies?
A. A Barbecue!
A drill sergeant and his cadet..
A drill sergeant had just chewed out one of his cadets. As he was walking away, he turned to the cadet and said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The cadet replied, "Not me, Sarge...no sir! I promised myself that when I got out of the Army I'd never stand in another line!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old Soviet joke
People are waiting in a long line like to buy v**.... Finally one alcoholic snaps and screams - 'I can't take it, I'll go kill Gorbachev!' And leaves the store. 10 minutes later he come back and says. 'The line to kill Gorbachev is even longer.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a thin line distinguishing "Heroes" from "h**..."
I'm Mexican
I'm not offended by taco jokes or fiesta jokes. But Immigration jokes?
They cross the line.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Once i did the "is your dad a t**...?, because you are a bomb.." line to a muslim girl.
Totally blew up in my face
At willcall for a concert, I start a conversation with the lady in front of me.
It was the first time I had used a pick up line to talk to a woman.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Best lines when dealing with telemarketers
Some of the better ones
* City Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em
* Mario's Pizzaria and Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, may I take your order?
* Roadkill Cafe, you kill it, we grill it
* Mort's Mortuary, you slice 'em, we ice 'em
* Bob's Back Alley Abortion Parlour, you r**... 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us
Anyone have more?
A mummy calls a restauraunt.
- Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.
- Could you spell it out, please?
- Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab.
My dad died in front of me
Before he died, he scribbled me a note. They were his last words. I decided not to open it till I was ready. A year later, I opened it and this is what is said, "You are stepping on my oxygen line".
I used to be a telemarketer
I phone up one of my usual numbers and a little boy answers the phone.
"Are you parents home, young man?" I ask.
I hear him drop the phone and burst into tears. I wait a few seconds until someone pick up the phone. An elderly voice at the end of the line barks back at me:
"For the last time, this is an orphanage. PLEASE stop calling."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently met a Chinese man and his name was Kannaswami.
I asked him: "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said: "Many, many years ago when I first went to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil r**....
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kannaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting".
The line "Do you come here often?"
Has a zero percent success rate at the abortion clinic.
Did you hear about the bike race that goes all the way across Norway and Sweden?
It ends at the Finnish line.
What do you call a virus that affects the command line?
Terminal Illness
During an argument with my wife, she dropped the old "why did you even marry me?" line.
Apparently "Your sister was already taken" was not the right answer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US...
Two refugees are waiting in line to get into the US, one says "screw this line, I'm going to shoot Trump". He leaves for a while and then comes back to resume his place in line. The other guy says "so, did you do it?" He says "no, the line there was even longer than this one."
A boy asks a girl to prom..,
..and she says yes. Overexcited, he is told he must show up with a limo and a tuxedo. So he goes to the limo rental and waits in the limo line, and he gets the limo. Then, he goes to the tuxedo rental and waits in the tuxedo line. Finally, the big day comes, and he brings his date to prom. She asks him to get some punch. He goes over to get some punch, and realizes there is no punch line.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pickup line: Girl, is your name Medusa?
Because you made me rock hard
God is watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples
I can't write jokes, but a friend of mine gave me a foolproof formula. He said "Start with a natural set-up, lead the audience in one direction, then hit them with a punch line they weren't expecting."
So here goes:
Walk forwards.
Turn left.
Pasteurization.
What do a G-string and a barbed wire fence have in common?
They both run along the property line without distracting from the view.
What's the best pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in."
It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title
It bothers me more than it should when people put the first line of the joke in the title then repeat it in the body of the post.
Overheard in line for a movie...
Theater employee: "That's an R-rated movie. When's your birthday?"
Teenage boy: "October 12th."
Employee: "What year?"
Boy: "Every year."
Tide announced the new motto for their pods line.
Cleaning the gene pool since 2017.
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest
Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes
Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes
Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic
Until Bush did 9:11
A husband calls a men's help line.
Host: "Hello caller, how can I help you."
Hus: "I think my wife is cheating on me, so last night I hid behind my boat and waited for her to come home. Soon a strange car pulled up. As she got out of the passenger side she was buttoning her blouse."
Host: "I see... so what's your question?"
Hus: "When I was behind the boat, I noticed a crack in the outboard bracket...can that be welded?"
A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.
Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are standing in line in Russia
One says to the other "What is this line for?"
"Toilet paper" his friend replies.
"I'm SICK of these endless lines just to get the basic needs of life! ", he says. "I'm going to go kill Putin."
He leaves, but comes back within a couple of hours. His friend is still standing in line for toilet paper. "Why are you back?", he asks. "Did you kill Putin?"
"No", the man replies, "The line for that was longer than this one!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend with a c**... addiction recently quit.
It was the end of the line for him.
Three priests gathered together for a drink .
During their get together ,the host ask the other two :
- How do you split your money with the Lord ?
"I draw a line on the floor in my church ,then ,i throw the money in the air ,whatever is on my side I get to keep ,whatever falls on his side he keeps it" sais the first priest.
The second one replies "well I draw circle and then I' throw the money in the air ,whatever falls inside the circle is mine ,whatever Falls outside the circle is His" .
"How do you split your money ?" they both ask the host priest.
I' just throw the money in the air and he keeps whatever he wants.
Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me whether I wanted to watch a movie. She said, What do you want to see?
Me: You pick.
Her: You pick.
Me: I don't care which movie. You pick.
Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to the Super Bowl but his tickets are for the upper tier. He spots an open seat on the 50-yard line and grabs it.
The guy sitting next to him says, Actually, this seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967.
I'm sorry to hear that, says the first man. Couldn't you find a friend or relative to come with you?
Nope, replies the second guy. Everyone's at the f**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My neighbour banged on my door yesterday asking if I'd seen who stole her laundry off her line.
I got such a fright I almost wet her p**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm fine with alchohol, cigarettes and m**...
But coccaine is where I draw the line
I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8 am for seniors only.
A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the third time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door you'll never get in there."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My neighbor just got arrested for growing m**....
I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.
Yesterday, I approached a gorgeous girl, and she was pleased, which wasn't something I expected
I asked the girl for a movie.
She : "Which movie"? with a sweet smile.
Me : "You decide".
She : "No, you should decide"
Me : "No, you decide"
She : "Sir, please select which movie ticket you want. There are others behind you in the line as well"
Sometimes I like to put the punchline first
A lot of people asked me why the line for drinks is before the line for food, so I explained
A teacher asked a student," Tell me the 1st Law of Newton"
"I don't remember the whole line, just the last part"
"Ok tell the last part"
"... and this is called the 1st Law of Newton
Did you hear about the prince who caught Covid from his father?
He was next in line to be Coronated.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy comes home with two black eyes.
A guy comes home with two black eyes and his wife looks at him in shock and asks how that happened. He replies: while I was in line at the supermarket I saw this woman with her dress wedged into her b**... crack, so I reached down and pulled it out for her, and that's when she turned around and punched me in the face.
He wife then looks at him confused and says: that explains one black eye, but not the other.
He then says: well, based on her reaction I assumed she wanted it that way, so I put it back.
I don't see why some people use fractions instead of decimals
It's pointless, but anyway you gotta draw the line somewhere or else people will think you're being irrational. But that's beside the point
A man runs into a bank, pulls out a gun and robs the teller. He then turns the gun on the on the first man standing in the tellers line and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man stammered, "Yes."
Bang! The robber shoots him.
He then turns the gun on the married couple next in line, points the gun at the husband and demands, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The husband quickly responds, "No....but my wife did!"
What do you call a bunch of hedge funds that already lost $70 B shorting stocks?
A good start. HOLD the LINE.
A lawyer dies and appears in front of the golden gates of heaven...
He finds himself at the back of a long queue of Popes.
Suddenly, St. Peter grabs him and takes him straight through the pearly gates.
I don't understand" the lawyer said puzzled. There's hundreds of Popes waiting in line and you've let me in before them. Why?"
Sir, said St. Peter. We've had lots of Popes here. But, you are our FIRST lawyer.
A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen.
He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
"Ma nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot."
Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"
There Once Was A Poet Named Bates,
There Once Was A Poet Named Bates,
His poems weren't always first rate,
His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had,
Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.
A guy asks a girl to the school dance
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only.
A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the third time he said, "Look, if you don't let me unlock the d**... door you're never going to get in there!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man goes to a psychiatrist for an evaluation
So the psychiatrist draws a horizontal line and asks him what that reminds him of. "A n**... woman" he replies. So he draws a vertical line. "And this?" he asks "A n**... woman." Doctor then draws an X and asks the same question. "Two people having s**...." comes the answer. "Hmmmmm" goes the doctor. "It seems you have obsession with s**...." he speculates.
"Me?" answers the shocked man. "Who drew all this filth?"
What I if told you…
That you read the top line wrong?
Really awkward pick-up line.
Me: You look like my first wife.
Her: (surprised) How many wives have you had?
Me: None
*wedding music starts playing*
A Russian worker standing in a liquor line says: I have had enough, save my place, I am going to shoot Gorbachev.
Two hours later he returns to claim his place in line.
His friends ask, Did you get him?
No, the line there was even longer than the line here.
