The Best 61 Line Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Line jokes. There are some line gorbachev jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these line chat up lines puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Line Jokes and Puns
What's it called when a King and Queen have no children?
A receding heir line...
French Jokes
Who won the first Tour de France?
The 6th Panzer division.
Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?
To see the front line.
How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows.
Jimmy approached his teacher
After looking at the syllabus for their next lesson on graphing, Jimmy approached his teacher with a stern look on his face and said, I'll do algebra, I'll do trig, I'll even do statistics, but graphing is where I draw the line!
A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of...
...a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, very serious," said the doctor gravely. "There are three doctors there already."
So I'm in line at the ATM.
And the old woman in front of me asked me to help her check her balance..
So I pushed her over
There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator
Only a fraction of you will get this
I was depressed last night so I called a self-help phone line...
Got a call centre in Afghanistan, and told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck...
Putin at the airport
Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at customs desk.
Customs officer: Occupation?
Putin: No, just visiting.
Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store?
For the watch
There Once Was A Poet Named Bates,
His poems weren't always first rate,
His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had,
Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.
When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon
When I was young, my mum used to put food on a spoon and say, "There's a train coming. There's a train coming." We'd always eat it because we knew that if we didn't she wouldn't untie us from the railway line.
You can explore line diagonally reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean line tuxedo dad jokes. There are also line puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A mummy calls a restauraunt.
- Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.
- Could you spell it out, please?
- Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab.
A Polish man goes to the eye doctor...
A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:
C Z Y N Q S T A S Z
The Optometrist asks „Can you read this?
„Read it? , the Pole replies, „I know the guy!
What is long, black and dangerous to cut into?
the line at KFC
So I was at my bank today.
There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yuan for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hundred dollar for yuan. Today I only get hundred eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.
The Asian lady says, "Fluck you white people too!"
I used to be a telemarketer
I phone up one of my usual numbers and a little boy answers the phone.
"Are you parents home, young man?" I ask.
I hear him drop the phone and burst into tears. I wait a few seconds until someone pick up the phone. An elderly voice at the end of the line barks back at me:
"For the last time, this is an orphanage. PLEASE stop calling."
A car with 3 engineers and 1 computer scientist stalls on the freeway...
The mechanical engineer says: "lets check the carborator, it's probably the carborator"
The chemical engineer says: "its most likely the gas line, lets check that"
The electrical engineer says: "no, it has to be the car's circuts"
The computer scientist thinks for a minute and says: "lets all get out of the car and get back in"
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
During an argument with my wife, she dropped the old "why did you even marry me?" line.
Apparently "Your sister was already taken" was not the right answer.
A boy asks a girl to prom..,
..and she says yes. Overexcited, he is told he must show up with a limo and a tuxedo. So he goes to the limo rental and waits in the limo line, and he gets the limo. Then, he goes to the tuxedo rental and waits in the tuxedo line. Finally, the big day comes, and he brings his date to prom. She asks him to get some punch. He goes over to get some punch, and realizes there is no punch line.
What does Chris Brown call a group of his ex-girlfriends?
The punch line
An old man dies and goes up to heaven
He arrives at the Pearly Gates and he sees two signs. The first sign reads, "MEN WHO CONTROLLED BY THEIR WIVES". The old man looks and sees that this line is about 10 miles long. So the old man looks at the second sign. It reads "MEN WHO WERE NOT CONTROLLED BY THEIR WIVES". There's only one guy in this line. Slowly the old man walks over to him, "Tell me, why are you standing over here?". The guy looks at him and says "I don't know, my wife told me to."
In order to attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82.
"Hello."
My girl is so smart!
My girlfriend is so smart. I called her from my friends phone and she said "what's up honey?". She already knew I was on the other side of the line ;)
I can't write jokes, but a friend of mine gave me a foolproof formula. He said "Start with a natural set-up, lead the audience in one direction, then hit them with a punch line they weren't expecting."
So here goes:
Walk forwards.
Turn left.
Pasteurization.
A guy walks into a bar and orders fruit punch
The bartender says, "Pal, If you want punch, you'll have to go stand in line."
The guys looks around, but there is no punch line.
An attractive woman asked me if I wanted to see a movie yesterday.
She said what would you like to see.
I said you pick.
She said you pick.
I said I don't care you pick.
She said, Sir there are other people waiting in line to buy tickets.
A hot girl asked me if i wanted to watch a movie
Yesterday, a hot girl asked me if I wanted to see a movie
She asked, "What would you like to see?"
I said, "You pick".
She said, "You pick".
I said, "I don't care, you pick".
She said, "Sir, there are other people waiting in line to buy tickets."
However, he can't, because the punch line is out of order.
A man at a party wants to grab some punch, so he walks to the punch line.
What's the best pick up line at a gay bar?
"May I push your stool in."
The soviet union actually made the best bread in the world.
People would stand in line for days just to get a piece of it.
William Shatner, alias Captain Kirk, has discontinued his ladies underwear line...
In hindsight "Shatner Panties" wasn't a good choice of name in the first place.
I work on a two-person assembly line of Dracula toys...
I've got to make every second count
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race
Trump, Obama, Clinton, and Bush decided to have a sprinting race to see who's the fastest
Trump went first and he ran from the start to the finish line in 23:34 minutes
Clinton went second and got 15:28 minutes
Obama went after and did 10 minutes, thinking he may have won, Obama is fairly optimistic
Until Bush did 9:11
I don't care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman,
but April identifying as January is crossing the line.
A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.
Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"
Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history?
People would wait days in line for a single piece
Three priests gathered together for a drink .
During their get together ,the host ask the other two :
- How do you split your money with the Lord ?
"I draw a line on the floor in my church ,then ,i throw the money in the air ,whatever is on my side I get to keep ,whatever falls on his side he keeps it" sais the first priest.
The second one replies "well I draw circle and then I' throw the money in the air ,whatever falls inside the circle is mine ,whatever Falls outside the circle is His" .
"How do you split your money ?" they both ask the host priest.
I' just throw the money in the air and he keeps whatever he wants.
Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me whether I wanted to watch a movie. She said, What do you want to see?
Me: You pick.
Her: You pick.
Me: I don't care which movie. You pick.
Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.
A man goes to the Super Bowl but his tickets are for the upper tier. He spots an open seat on the 50-yard line and grabs it.
The guy sitting next to him says, Actually, this seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967.
I'm sorry to hear that, says the first man. Couldn't you find a friend or relative to come with you?
Nope, replies the second guy. Everyone's at the funeral.
I'm fine with alchohol, cigarettes and marijuana
But coccaine is where I draw the line
My neighbor just got arrested for growing marijuana.
I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was.
A horse walks into a bar...
... and orders a pint. The bartender then says "You know, you're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"
The horse responds "I don't think I am..." and promptly vanishes from existence.
See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous line from philosophy: "I think, therefore I am." But if I had explained that before the rest of the joke, it would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
A transgender person cut me in line at the supermarket.
You're LGBT, right? I asked.
You forgot about the 'Q', they replied bluntly.
No, I said, you did.
Did you hear about the prince who caught Covid from his father?
He was next in line to be Coronated.
What do you call a redheaded gentleman from a long line of redheads?
A ginger bred man.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint
The bartender says You know, you're in here pretty often, do you think you might be an alcoholic?
The horse says I don't think I am.. and promptly disappears from existence.
See this was a joke about Descarte's famous philosophy line I think therefore I am but if I had explained that before the rest of the joke I would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
I don't see why some people use fractions instead of decimals
It's pointless, but anyway you gotta draw the line somewhere or else people will think you're being irrational. But that's beside the point
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck...
A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."
There is a fine line between the numerator and the denominator
the division is clear
A man runs into a bank, pulls out a gun and robs the teller. He then turns the gun on the on the first man standing in the tellers line and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man stammered, "Yes."
Bang! The robber shoots him.
He then turns the gun on the married couple next in line, points the gun at the husband and demands, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The husband quickly responds, "No....but my wife did!"
What happens when you put a lot of LGBT people in a long line?
You get a LGBTQ.
What do you call a bunch of hedge funds that already lost $70 B shorting stocks?
A good start. HOLD the LINE.
Obgyn Assistant
A guy is looking for a job and sees an application for an obstetrical assistant who has to trim patients "private parts" and rub oil there in preparation for the session. He tells the officer, "I'd like to apply for that one" and the officer says he has to go up to Sudbury. (Way the hell up north!)
What? The job's in Sudbury he asks?
No, it's here. That's just the end of the line.
A guy asked a waiter "How do you prepare the lobster?"
and the waiter said, "We just flat out tell them that this is the end of the line."
My friend once dared me to take a shit on electrified train tracks.
That was the last time I put my ass on the line for him.
A priest, an imam and a rabbi
A priest, an imam and a rabbi are discussing how they decide how much money goes to god and how much they keep.
The priest goes first: "It's quite simple, we draw a line on the floor and throw the money. Everything beyond the line is for god, the rest is for us."
The imam: "Oh interesting. We do something similar. We put a bucket on the floor and throw the money. Everything in the bucket is for god and we keep what's left. What about you rabbi?"
Rabbi: "Us? Very simple. We throw the money in the air. If it keeps going up, it's for god, if it falls, it's for us."
A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen.
He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
"Ma nishtanah halailah hazeh mikol haleilot."
Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"
What is more difficult than getting an assault rifle in the U.S.?
Getting a water bottle in a Georgia voting line
There Once Was A Poet Named Bates,
There Once Was A Poet Named Bates,
His poems weren't always first rate,
His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had,
Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.
Potentially funny joke
One day I went to the pet store and picked up some bird seeds. Then, as I was standing in line to purchase them, the cashier was trying to make some small talk with me and I asked, "So how long does it take for the birds to actually grow?" I wonder why she looked at me funny?
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the line stripe jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working line break up lines piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.