Limp Jokes
75 limp jokes and hilarious limp puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about limp that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the history of "Limp Bizkit" and the associated jokes that come with the term. Learn what it means and why it has been around as a joke for so long. Also, find out how a palate might be involved and why the RSPCA should be involved.
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Funniest Limp Short Jokes
Short limp jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The limp humour may include short limo jokes also.
- A guy limped into a Dairy Queen and ordered a banana split. The attendant began to make it for him and said "Crushed nuts?" And the guy said, No, I just have a bad knee."
- A man ask someone why he is limping ? - I rode with the British lancers.
mad laugh ...
- What’s funny ?
- What a name Bengal lancers ... - The New Men's Birth Control Pill It's about the size of a marble.
You put it into your shoe.
It makes you limp. - Have you guys heard about this new birth control method? It's a rock. You put it in your shoe, it makes you limp.
- My daughter came limping into the house and said "Dad, I slipped on the sidewalk and hurt my knee". I looked out the window and said... Oh, I C Y
- Have you heard about the new male contraceptive pill? You put it in your shoe, and it makes you limp.
- Did you hear... ... about the dog that limped into a town in Texas? He was looking for the man who shot his paw.
- A dog with a bandaged foot limped into town one day. The sheriff approached the stranger and said: What brings you to Dawson City? The dog replied: I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.
- My aunt lost a foot when someone dropped a bowling ball on her Does she walk with a limp?
No, she's just a bit shorter. - What kind of meat does Fred Durst bbq? Limp Brisket
(probably not original but I did think of it just now)
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Limp One Liners
Which limp one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with limp? I can suggest the ones about slim and legged.
- What do you call a limp snake? A reptile dysfunction.
- The best birth control Put a rock in your shoe, it'll make ya limp
- I sold my soul the other day. Now I walk with a limp.
- Which dinosaur walks with a limp? a Myfeetasaur
- What do you call a limp and deaf dog? By it's name if it has one
- Just got a cat with a limp Called it Oedipus the needipus.
- I thought orthopedic shoes would fix my limp but they didn't work. I stand corrected.
- Why does little sally have a limp? SHE WENT TO JARED!
- Dog limps into the O.K. Corral. "I'm lookin for the man that shot my paw."
- What's a crippled perons favourite band? Limp Bizkit
- Why did the cow walk with a limp She had a new calf
- Did you hear about the storm that walked with a limp? It needed to use a hurri-cane.
- What do you call a sports competition for the crippled? The O*limp*ics
- A boy walks into confession.... a short commotion later the lad limps back out
- An alternate name for the Paralympics O-limp-ics
Limp Bizkit Jokes
Here is a list of funny limp bizkit jokes and even better limp bizkit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I remember when I used to hang out with the lead singer for Limp Bizkit... They were the Fredst of times, they were the Durst of times.
- Limp bizkit rear ended someone at a stop light Onlookers said it looked like he was going to brake, but he just kept rollin rollin rollin rollin.
- Why did Fred Durst (of Limp Bizkit fame) rob the Italian restaurant? He did it all for the gnocchi.
- My tire went flat But I wrote Limp Bizkit on the side and now it just keeps rollin rollin rollin.
- What is the most popular Limp Bizkit song amongst videographers? B-Rollin'
Cheeky Limp Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about limp you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean loose jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make limp pranks.
How do you make a limp biscuit?
JUST KEEP ROLLIN' ROLLIN' ROLLIN'
A Second Opinion
A Second Opinion A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body,walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too. "The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body,walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too. "The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650. ""$650 to tell me my dog is dead? " exclaimed the man.... "Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests. "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Only in Australia
A farmhand in Australia was out checking farm fences in his Land Cruiser when he hit something. He radioed the farm for advice.
"There's a pig stuck in the bullbar and is still alive but he's k**... and squealing so much I can't get him free," he said.
"Okay," said the boss. "In the back of the 'cruiser there's a p**.... Put it up to the pig's head and shoot it. When its body goes all limp you'll be able to get it off the bullbar and throw it into the bush."
About 15 minutes later the farmhand called in again, "I did what you said, boss. I shot the pig in the head, he went all limp and I got him out of the bullbar, no problem. But I still can't go on."
"Why not?" asked the boss. "What's the problem now?"
"Well it's his motorbike ... the fender and flashing blue light is jammed in the wheel-well."
Earthworm
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
Worms in the hole
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."
The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.
Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma."
Two different doctors
Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.
The FIRST patient is examined by his regular doctor within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.
The SECOND sees his regular doctor after waiting 3 weeks for an appointment, then waits 8 weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.
Why the different treatment for the two patients?
The FIRST is a Golden Retriever.
The SECOND is a Senior Citizen.
Boudreaux's dead duck
Boudreaux rushed into Doc Robicheaux's office carrying a duck. He gently placed the duck on the exam table, it lay there limp and not moving.
Doc, you gotta help my duck , Boudreaux said.
Doc Robicheaux looked at the duck and shook his head. Boudreaux, your duck is dead , he said.
Doc, you gotta do something - run some test - do something , Boudreaux demanded.
Okay , Doc Robicheaux said.
The Doc whistled and a large black Labrador Retriever came in. The dog sniffed the duck from all sides, looked at the Doc, shook his head from side to side, and went back out.
The Doc made a clicking sound with his tongue and a gray cat came in. The cat jumped on the table and watched the unmoving duck for a couple of minutes, turned to the Doc, shook his head from sided to side, and went back out.
Boudreaux, your duck is dead , Doc Robicheaux told Boudreaux, Dat'll be 125 dollars .
Dat's a lot just to tell me dat my duck's dead , Boudreaux protested.
Boudreaux, I examined the duck and told you it was dead - that woulda been 10 dollars. You're da one dat demanded da Lab-Work and da Cat-Scan , Doc Robicheaux explained.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
NFL
Not
Female
Lovers
Nail
Females
Limp
n**...
F…ckig
Liars
Not
Fair
Losers
Vet Bill
A man rushes his limp dog to the veterinarian. The doctor pronounces the dog dead. The agitated man demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat. The cat sniffs the body and meows. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.
The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body and barks. The vet says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too."
The man finally resigns to the diagnosis and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$650."
"$650 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaims the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 is for the cat scan and lab tests."
What do canes and blue pills have in common?
They're both ready for use when a man is limp.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why does putting a stone in a mans shoe make the best contraception.
It will make him limp
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you don't have a c**..., put a stone in your shoe..
...it'll make you limp.
What happens you dunk your Digestive in your tea one too many times while listening to rock music?
You get a ... Limp Biscuit!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between w**... from Toy Story, and a Catholic priest?
One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
Whats big brown and limp?
Harambe's dead body
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After s**... some girls walk funny, but
after s**... all guys walk with a limp
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
George Michael was no stranger to controversy but the most unforgivable thing he ever did
Was k**... off Limp Bizkit's career
Why did the cowboy orphan cat limp into the bar?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw.
What's the difference between Gary Glitter and Buzz from Toy Story?
Only one of them goes limp when a child walks in a room.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's nothing worse than looking down after s**... and seeing that limp, used c**... hanging off your p**...…
Especially when you weren't wearing one when you began.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If Fred Durst opened a BBQ restaurant, he'd probably call it...
LIMP BRISKET
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a BBQ full of w**...?
Limp Brizket
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a cookie in a wheel chair.
Limp biscuit
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
Bonus: by u/kismetpink They're straight until I get them wet
Bonus by u/Shaded_Trees: They both go limp after being warmed up
Guy walks into a doctor's office...
Doc, I've made up my mind, thought it over. I want to be castrated!
Doctor stares at him in disbelief,
Are you sure? That is no....
The guy interrupts,
Doc, I'm 100% sure! Let's do it today!
Later, after the procedure, the guy walks out of the hospital with a limp. In the hallway, he meets another man walking with a similar limp.
Just got castrated too, huh? The guy asks. No, i had a circumcision replied the man.
Circum...Oohhh...that's what it's called!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... worm
A grandfather is watching his grandson playing in the yard and asks what is he doing.
The grandson says:
- I'm shoving the worms back into their hole.
- And how can you do it if the worm is all limp and flaccid?
- It's a secret grandfather!
- I'll give you 10 bucks if you teach me how to do it.
- Well, I'll spread some wood glue, stretch the worm, wait until it dries and stays hard and then just put it in the hole.
- Take your 10 bucks.
The next day the grandfather goes to the kid, takes $100 from his pocket and gives to the grandson.
- Grandfather, have you forgotten? You already gave me $10 yesterday.
- I know. Those $100 are from your grandmother.
Where does people with a limp race?
The Olympics.
An impotent man shuffles into the doctor's office.
Doctor: excuse me, sir, but why are you shuffling?
Man: Well, you see, ever since I was diagnosed as impotent I've had a limp.
They say that...
Fred Durst tried baking Pillsbury Grands, but in the end... it was a limp biscuit
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a kid with a misshapen skull, a cleft palate, a deformed arm, and a limp?
Names. You call him names.
A Guy Walks into a Doctor's Office...
Doc, I've made up my mind, I've thought it over. I want to be castrated!
Doctor stares at him in disbelief,
Are you sure? That is no....
The guy interrupts,
Doc, I'm 100% sure! Let's do it today!
Later, after the procedure, the guy walks out of the hospital with a limp. In the hallway, he meets another man walking with a similar limp.
Just got castrated too, huh? The guy asks. No, i had a circumcision replied the man.
Circum...Oohhh...so that's what it's called!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a cookie with erectile dysfunction?
A Limp Biscuit
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the limp Donkey cross the road ?..ahh forget it
.. sorry for such a lame a**... joke.
