Limousine Jokes

24 limousine jokes and hilarious limousine puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about limousine that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Limousine Short Jokes

Short limousine jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The limousine humour may include short limo driver jokes also.

  1. Just spent $300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it...
  2. I spent all day working on a bunch of puns about limousine drivers. But I still have nothing to chauffeur it.
  3. Did you hear about the guy who blew his entire lottery winnings on a limousine? He had nothing left to chauffeur it.
  4. I bought a very expensive limousine but couldn't afford to hire a driver. Spent all my money and had nothing to chauffeur it.
  5. car service outrage I recently paid $300 for a limousine and I just found out the fee doesn't include a driver.
    I can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it.
  6. I've been a limousine driver for 25 years All that time and I've got nothing to chauffeur it
  7. I bought an expensive limousine but had no one to drive it. Spent all that money and nothing to chauffeur it.
  8. I keep telling my kids that limousine jokes are the funniest kind. They think it's bit of a stretch though
  9. What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? Not everyone has been in a limousine...
  10. My kid asked me what that long car was. I told him it was a limo, which is short for a limousine, but it's long for a car.

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Limousine One Liners

Which limousine one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with limousine? I can suggest the ones about hummer and taxi cab.

  1. What do you call a Honda limousine? "An anahonda"
  2. Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new limousine? Neither did he.

Limousine joke, Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new limousine?

Humorous Limousine Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life

What funny jokes about limousine you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean taxi jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make limousine pranks.

Soviet joke my grandpa told me

Brezhnev is showing his mother how well he has done. He shows her his suite in the Kremlin, his country house with a fully stocked kitchen, his Black Sea villa, his limousine. She says: 'This is all really nice...but what will you do if the Bolsheviks come back?'

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside...

He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"

Two beggers discussing on how to spend their fortunes if they somehow became millionaires..

Beggar 1: I would build a house, marry to a beautiful lady, and live a stable life.
Beggar 2: I will buy a Limousine, and then go for begging in it.

Why shouldn't you spend all of your money on an invisible limousine?

Because then you won't have anything to chauffeur it.

What is noisy, ignorant, angry, never uses big words, does not have big hands, and is running for the President of the United States?

A dog chasing Obama's limousine, what else?

A guy asked his crush to prom, and to his surprise, she said yes! The day before prom, he gets ready for the exciting day.

First, he goes to the tuxedo store to rent a tux, there was a huge line and he finally got the tux after 30 minutes. Next, he goes to the flower shop to buy a bouquet of flowers. There was an even longer line and he waited for 60 minutes to finally get the flowers. Finally, he went to the car shop to rent a limousine. The line lasted 90 minutes and he finally rented a white limousine. On the day of prom, he wears his tuxedo, drives the limousine, and gives the flowers to his crush. At prom, his crush asked him to go grab her a drink. He walks over to the punch table, there is no punchline...

A guy finally got the nerve to ask his crush to prom.

He was surprised when she said yes. So to get ready he went to the tuxedo rental store but there was a long line. He waited and waited and finally got a tuxedo. Then he went to the flower shop to get her some flowers but there was a long line. He waited and waited and finally got her some flowers. Then he went to the limousine rental place but there was a long line. He waited and waited and finally got a limousine. The night of the prom they were having a blast and she said the was thirsty. He went to get punch and there was no punch line.

A Boy is taking his Girlfriend to Prom...

His mom suggests he rent a limo. He goes to the limousine agency, but there's a long limo line. Finally, after waiting patiently, he gets the limo.
His dad tells him he should get a tux. He goes to the tailor to rent a tuxedo, but there is a long tuxedo line. Finally, after waiting patiently, he gets the tuxedo.
His sister tells him to get a nice corsage. He goes to the florist to buy a corsage, but there is a long corsage line. Finally, after waiting patiently, he gets the corsage.
The big day arrives, and he and his girlfriend show up for the prom. When they get inside, she mentions she's thirsty and tells him to get her some punch. He's pleased to discover that there's no punchline.

A boy is going to buy tickets to prom...

...for him and his girlfriend. The line for the tickets is very long, but he waits it out. He then goes to rent a limousine and again there was a long line and again he waited it out. He needs one more thing, a tuxedo. So he goes to buy one and there's a long line, but he waits this one out too. So now comes the prom he and his girlfriend arrive in their newly rented limo, him in his tux and his girlfriend in her beautiful dress. They get into the prom and his girlfriend asks him to get her some punch. So he walks over to where the punch is, and there's no punch line.

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his real estate agent to his bedside. Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me."

At the f**..., each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery.
Well, since we're confiding in each other, said the doctor, I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."
The real estate agent was aghast "I'm ashamed of both of you, I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."

Limousine joke, An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his p