The Best 35 Limo Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Limo jokes. There are some limo hearse jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these limo underway puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Limo Jokes and Puns

Regular Russia, not the Soviet one

Ivan and Igor are standing at a bus stop in Russia. It is freezing cold and raining hard. A limo drives by and splashes icy water all over them. Ivan says to Igor, This is a terrible place to live, I want to go to America. Igor responses, Why do think America would be any better. Ivan stares at Igor in disbelief, Do you know what would happen in America? If a limo drove by and splashed you, the rich man would pull over, apologize, help you into the car, take you to his home, make you nice drink, feed you dinner, let you sleep in his warm bed, and then, the next morning, he would drop you off where ever you wanted to go. Igor says, Really? This happened to you?! Ivan, No, my wife.

Someone please explain this joke to me

In Season 2 of the show Louie, (about Louie CK), he's walking around his apartment and he looks down and see's a homeless man. Suddenly, a black limo pulls up to the homeless man, pulls him in, then they drop a different homeless man on the curb to stand there for the same thing.

Can someone explain this to me?

OC: What does a limo driver and a hairy stripper have in common?

They both get paid to chauffeur. (show fur)

Limo joke, OC: What does a limo driver and a hairy stripper have in common?

Hot girl at prom

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer?

All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.

I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.


Prom Joke

I asked my girlfriend to prom and she said yes so I bought waited in a very long line for prom tickets. I then went to a limo rental place and waited in a very long line to rent one. Then, the day of prom I waited in a very long line to get flowers for my date. At prom, my girlfriend and I danced for a while and she asked, "can you please get me some punch?" there was no punchline.

A guy is taking his girlfriend to the prom

He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but he eventually gets them. He goes to rent a limo. The rental line is really long but he eventually does it. He goes to buy her flowers. The line at the florist is really long but he eventually gets the flowers. At prom, she asks him to get some punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there's no punchline.

Limo joke, A guy is taking his girlfriend to the prom

A man prepares for prom

He wants to buy a gift for his date. The gift line is long but he waits and gets a gift. He also wants to rent a limo. The limo line is long but he gets a limo. He then remembers to buy flowers. The florist line is long but he gets flowers. Finally, he goes to prom. His date ask him for some punch and there's no punchline.

Two mechanics are talking, and one says to the other "Hey, I found this car part in the dump, I think it might be from an old limo."

The other mechanic inspects the part and replies, "Eh, I dunno, that might be a bit of a stretch."

Hollywood is remaking the classic film "Who dares wins"

This time however it is not about the SAS, but Barack Obama visiting Dallas in an open top limo.

Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer?

All that time, and nothing to chauffeur it...

You can explore limo alongside reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean limo tux dad jokes. There are also limo puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I came here in a limo tonight, and the license plate was made by Felicity Huffman.

It’s her daughter I feel sorry for. That must be the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to her, and her dad was in Wild Hogs.

A guy wants to take his girlfriend to prom

So he waits in line to buy tickets. It's a long line. He wants it to be a memorable night- he stands in line for hours to get a limo. On his way to pick her up, he stops to buy flowers. Theres a long line here too. When they get to the prom later that night, she suggests they get some punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there's no punch line.

A casket falls out of the back of a hearse and is careening down a hill straight toward a drug store.

The limo driver tells the grieving husband.."Don't worry. They will have something in there to stop her coffin.

A boy asks a girl to the prom and she says yes.

He goes to organise a limo at the rental limo place and due to everyone else wanting a limo for the prom he has to wait in line for ages to get one.

He then goes to the flower store to buy her some flowers but again everyone is there buying flowers and he's stuck in line for seems like hours.

After flowers he goes to get his tuxedo at the store and the line is huge again with everyone else getting their tux's too.

He finally makes it to the prom with his date, they arrive and he asks if she wants to go onto the dance floor. She says "I'm a little thirsty, can I get some punch first?" He says "ok" and goes up to get some punch and there is no punchline.

A boy asks a girl to prom..,

..and she says yes. Overexcited, he is told he must show up with a limo and a tuxedo. So he goes to the limo rental and waits in the limo line, and he gets the limo. Then, he goes to the tuxedo rental and waits in the tuxedo line. Finally, the big day comes, and he brings his date to prom. She asks him to get some punch. He goes over to get some punch, and realizes there is no punch line.

Limo joke, A boy asks a girl to prom..,

My friend has been a limo driver for 20 years and has never had a customer.

All this time and nothing to Chauffeur it.

A guy is taking his girlfriend to prom..

he waits in the ticket line for a really long time but eventually gets his tickets, he wants to rent a limo so he waits in a long line again until he gets his limo, he goes to buy flowers and again the line is super long. At prom, she asks him to go grab her a drink, and there is no punchline.

My friend was a limo driver and he couldn't find any people to pick up...

All this time and nothing to chauffeur it.


There was this guy who took his girlfriend to prom...

He waited in a really long line to get some tickets.

After he finally got them, he goes to rent a limo, there is also a really long line, but he finally rents the limo.

Then at the prom he goes to get some punch. There is no punchline

Did you hear about the limo driver who drove for 20 years but never found a client?

All that time wasted with nothing to chauffeur it.

I've been a limousine driver for 25 years

All that time and I've got nothing to chauffeur it

I don't know why my friend keeps calling my car a limo

It's just a long car, calling it a limo is a bit of a stretch.

Why did it always take so long for President Obama to get into the presidential limo?

The driver got scared and kept pressing the door lock button when he saw him approach.

Cat driving limos

I bought a limo the other day.

It came with a great chauf-FUR, too.

A Soviet man slashes the tire of an American ambassador's limo.

When he got caught and asked why he did it, he replied:

"I wanted to get a whiff of freedom."

Donald Trump was getting late for work

When he gets into his limo, the driver asks him why he's in such a hurry.

Donald: I'm running for office

The president is walking out of the White House towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun.

A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the Secret Service agent's supervisor asks him, Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse?

Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. I meant to shout...... Donald, duck!

My kid asked me what that long car was.

I told him it was a limo, which is short for a limousine, but it's long for a car.

My friend just hired a limo for Β£1000 but it didn't come with a driver

Imagine spending all that money with nothing to chauffeur it

My friend just hired a limo for a $1000 but it didn't come with a driver !

Imagine spending all that money and having nothing to chauffeur it

Trump is leaving a rally and heading to his limo

When suddenly a would be assassin jumps from the shadows and takes aim. A secret service agent, brand new on the job, shouts Micky Mouse! This startles the assassin and he is captured in the confusion. Later the agents supervisor takes him aside, congratulates him and says but what in the hell made you shout 'Micky Mouse?!' Visibly embarrassed the Agent replies I got nervous, I meant to shout 'Donald, Duck'

What is the slogan of OJ's new limo service?

We'll get you to the airport with time to kill.

Recently Trump was asked if likes riding in the presidential Limo or the Sedan

He said he actually prefers driving a coup

Joe exotic was hoping for a Presidential pardon and even had a limo waiting

but it was a stretch.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the limo popemobile jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working limo chauffeur piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes