Limo Jokes

77 limo jokes and hilarious limo puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about limo that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Ready for some laughter? Enjoy some jokes from a limo driver with a motorcade of humorous one liners. Ranging from the interactions with different cab riders, to the unique situations that arise alongside the route.

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Short Limo Jokes
Limo One Liners
Limo Driver Jokes
More Limo Jokes

Funniest Limo Short Jokes

Short limo jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The limo humour may include short limp jokes also.

My friend just hired a limo for £1000 but it didn't come with a driver Imagine spending all that money with nothing to chauffeur it
My friend has been a limo driver for 20 years and has never had a customer. All this time and nothing to Chauffeur it.
I spent all my cash renting a limo and it didn't come with a driver. Wasted all that money and nothing to chauffeur it.
Did you hear Trump's limo driver got busted for possession of drugs? They found over 300 pounds of dope in the back seat.
A company just rented me a limo for $300, but I just found out that it doesn't come with a driver. So I have a limo but nothing to chauffeur it.
I'll show myself out..,
My friend just hired a limo for a $1000 but it didn't come with a driver ! Imagine spending all that money and having nothing to chauffeur it
Did you hear about the limo driver who drove for 20 years but never found a client? All that time wasted with nothing to chauffeur it.
What is the slogan of OJ's new limo service? We'll get you to the airport with time to kill.
Joe exotic was hoping for a Presidential pardon and even had a limo waiting but it was a stretch.
Recently Trump was asked if likes riding in the presidential Limo or the Sedan He said he actually prefers driving a coup

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Limo One Liners

Which limo one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with limo? I can suggest the ones about taxi and hummer.

The limo driver opened an animal hide gallery. The chauffeur show furs
Cat driving limos I bought a limo the other day.
It came with a great chauf-FUR, too.
What do you call a long clown car? Humor limo
What do you call a hearse with a dead basketball player in it? A limo.
What do you call a hairy limo driver? A shofur.
What's the name of Kylo Ren's Limo service? Adam Driver.
What was the name of the Polish limo driver? Piccop Andropoff.
"The limo is broken"... Said the limo driver who looked like a person but darker colored
What do you call a limo driver who gets his car stolen? Nothing to chauffeur.

Limo Driver Jokes

Here is a list of funny limo driver jokes and even better limo driver puns that will make you laugh with friends.

OC: What does a limo driver and a hairy stripper have in common? They both get paid to chauffeur. (show fur)
My friend was a limo driver and he couldn't find any people to pick up... All this time and nothing to chauffeur it.
Why did it always take so long for President Obama to get into the presidential limo? The driver got scared and kept pressing the door lock button when he saw him approach.
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time, and nothing to chauffeur it...
Donald Trump was getting late for work When he gets into his limo, the driver asks him why he's in such a hurry.
Donald: I'm running for office

Limo joke, Donald Trump was getting late for work

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Limo Jokes

What funny jokes about limo you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ambulance jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make limo pranks.

Guy takes his girlfriend to the prom...

So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom. And he's got a lot of work to do.
First he has to rent a tux, so he goes to the tuxedo store. But there's a huge tuxedo line at the store. Finally he gets out of there and realizes he has to go buy a corsage, so he goes to a florist. But there's this big long corsage line at the florist. Finally he gets the corsage and has his tux and he's gotta go rent a limo. But there's this huge line when he gets to the limo place.
Finally after waiting and making all the arrangements, it's the night of the prom. He picks her up and takes her down there to get in, but there's this huge ticket line at the door. Finally they get in and they start dancing and having fun, and she says to him, "I'm hungry," so he goes to get her some food, but there's this huge buffet line. He gets her some food and they eat and they're dancing again and she says, "Now I'm thirsty, can you get me a drink?" So he goes to get her a drink and there's no punchline.

Giving to the less fortunate

A homeless man had been driven to picking small blades of grass that he could find on the side of the street for food.
Then, a rich man drove up next to him, riding in a limo, and told him to get inside for a more plentiful meal.
The homeless man, almost taken aback by tears of joy, starts to enter the limo, but suddenly stops. He says "This is a very generous offer sir, but I have a wife and young child as well who are just as hungry as I am". "Thats fine", says the rich man, "the more people the better".
The homeless man starts to breakdown, saying, "I will never forget this sir, it has been so long since my family and I have had a proper meal". The rich man gives a confused look, and says, "I don't think you understand, the grass in my yard is a foot tall".

Regular Russia, not the Soviet one

Ivan and Igor are standing at a bus stop in Russia. It is freezing cold and raining hard. A limo drives by and splashes icy water all over them. Ivan says to Igor, This is a terrible place to live, I want to go to America. Igor responses, Why do think America would be any better. Ivan stares at Igor in disbelief, Do you know what would happen in America? If a limo drove by and splashed you, the rich man would pull over, apologize, help you into the car, take you to his home, make you nice drink, feed you dinner, let you sleep in his warm bed, and then, the next morning, he would drop you off where ever you wanted to go. Igor says, Really? This happened to you?! Ivan, No, my wife.

On a limo driver's first day at work...

He was commisioned to drive the Pope to the airport within the hour. Unfortunately, being a new driver, he got lost.
"It's all right, my son. I used to drive these streets in my youth. We'll get there in time."
The Pope took the wheel with the limo driver sitting in the back seat. He drove like an expert, taking sharp turns easily. The Pope, not wanting to be late for his flight, didn't realize how fast he was going. Soon the red and blue lights flashed behind him.
"It will be okay, son." The Pope reassured the limo driver, who was nervous about getting fired.
The police officer walked up to the driver's side. The Pope lowered the window, to the officer's surprise.
"Uh, do you know how fast you were going, your Holiness?"
"I didn't mean to, sir. It won't happen again."
The officer let the him off with a warning. He then called into dispatch.
"Any problems, officer?"
"No, ma'am...just stopped a really important person."
"How important?"
"Im not sure, but his driver was the Pope!"

His Limo Driver

The pope is visiting the US, at the airport a huge black limo is waiting and the driver opens the door for him. The pope can't take an eye from the car and asks if - for this special occasion and only for a few miles - he could be the driver. Surprised by this unusual request the driver, after some discussion about driving carefully, finally agrees. So the pope enjoys driving down the highway and soon he forgets about speed limits and he is driving as fast as he can. A nearby police car notices the speeding limo and finally the pope gets pulled over. The officer, after taking a quick look at the driver, rushes to call his boss. "Sir, I have a difficult situation here, I have a speeding limo but I think we might have caught someone high up and don't know what to do." "So, who is it? The governor?" "No Sir, higher up" "Someone from the white house?" "I think much higher, Sir!" "Who can possibly be higher up than the president?" "I don't know Sir, but, you see, the pope is his driver!"

So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom...

So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom, and he's got a lot of work to do. First he has to rent a tux, so he goes to the tuxedo store and there's a huge tuxedo line. Eventually he rents a tux and gets out of there and realizes he has to go to the florist. once he gets there he realizes there's a huge corsage line at the florist. Eventually he gets the corsage and has to go rent a limo, but there's a huge line when he gets to the limo place. Finally, after waiting for hours and making the arrangements, it's the night of the prom. He picks up his girl and takes her to get in, but there's an enormous ticket line. once they get in the start having some fun and dancing, but she tells him I'm hungry So he goes to get her some food, but there's a huge buffet line. He gets her some food and they eat. they go back to dancing and she says Now I'm thirsty, can you get me a drink? So he goes to get her a drink and there is no punchline.

This joke is my uncle Pedro's 3rd favourite...

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the school formal. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. This also takes forever, but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and eventually gets one.
Finally, it's the day of the school formal. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a wonderful time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

Going to the Prom

A boy decided to go to the prom. He needed a tuxedo, flowers, and a limo, so he went to the tux rental store. There was a huge tuxedo line, so he waited an hour and got his outfit. He went to the flower sop, where another huge line had formed, so he had to wait another hour. After he finally got his flowers, he went to the limo rental place, only to find an hour-long limo line. After he got his car, he got dressed, picked up his date, and went to the prom. After an hour of dancing, he got thirsty and went to get some punch. When he got to the able, he was relieved to find that there was no punch line.

Someone please explain this joke to me

In Season 2 of the show Louie, (about Louie c**...), he's walking around his apartment and he looks down and see's a homeless man. Suddenly, a black limo pulls up to the homeless man, pulls him in, then they drop a different homeless man on the curb to stand there for the same thing.
Can someone explain this to me?

Barak Obama was touring the countryside...

... in his chauffeur-driven limo.
Suddenly, a donkey jumps out onto the road, and they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.
Obama says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check, you were driving.'
The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.
'You were driving; go and tell the farmer,' says Obama.
Hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face.
'My god, what happened to you?' asks Obama.
The chauffeur replies: 'When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of whiskey,
the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter took me upstairs and made love to me.'
'What on earth did you say to them?' asks Obama.
'I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them,
I'm Barack Obama's chauffeur and I've just killed the j**....

Hot girl at prom

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer?

All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.

Prom Joke

I asked my girlfriend to prom and she said yes so I bought waited in a very long line for prom tickets. I then went to a limo rental place and waited in a very long line to rent one. Then, the day of prom I waited in a very long line to get flowers for my date. At prom, my girlfriend and I danced for a while and she asked, "can you please get me some punch?" there was no punchline.

A guy is taking his girlfriend to the prom

He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but he eventually gets them. He goes to rent a limo. The rental line is really long but he eventually does it. He goes to buy her flowers. The line at the florist is really long but he eventually gets the flowers. At prom, she asks him to get some punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there's no punchline.

A man prepares for prom

He wants to buy a gift for his date. The gift line is long but he waits and gets a gift. He also wants to rent a limo. The limo line is long but he gets a limo. He then remembers to buy flowers. The florist line is long but he gets flowers. Finally, he goes to prom. His date ask him for some punch and there's no punchline.

Two mechanics are talking, and one says to the other "Hey, I found this car part in the dump, I think it might be from an old limo."

The other mechanic inspects the part and replies, "Eh, I dunno, that might be a bit of a stretch."

Prom Date

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. There two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time.
When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and ... there's no punchline.

A guy is taking his girlfriend to prom.

A dude is taking his girlfriend to the prom. So, he's getting everything in order before the big day.
He goes to pick up flowers, but there is a line at the flower shop. So, he waits in the flower line and eventually gets the flowers.
He goes to rent his tuxedo, but there is a line at the tuxedo store. So, he waits in the tuxedo line and eventually gets the tuxedo.
He goes to rent a limo, but there is a line at the limo rental. So, he waits in the limo line and eventually gets the limo.
They get to prom and upon sitting down, his girlfriend asks for punch. So, he goes to the punch table, and there's no punch line.

Hollywood is remaking the classic film "Who dares wins"

This time however it is not about the SAS, but Barack Obama visiting Dallas in an open top limo.

A Boy is taking his Girlfriend to Prom...

His mom suggests he rent a limo. He goes to the limousine agency, but there's a long limo line. Finally, after waiting patiently, he gets the limo.
His dad tells him he should get a tux. He goes to the tailor to rent a tuxedo, but there is a long tuxedo line. Finally, after waiting patiently, he gets the tuxedo.
His sister tells him to get a nice corsage. He goes to the florist to buy a corsage, but there is a long corsage line. Finally, after waiting patiently, he gets the corsage.
The big day arrives, and he and his girlfriend show up for the prom. When they get inside, she mentions she's thirsty and tells him to get her some punch. He's pleased to discover that there's no punchline.

I came here in a limo tonight, and the license plate was made by Felicity Huffman.

It’s her daughter I feel sorry for. That must be the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to her, and her dad was in Wild Hogs.

Going to the prom

A boy asks the crush of his dreams out to prom, and she said yes! So he plans out a list of to-do before the big dance.
First he goes to rent a tux, but there is a long tux line at the shop, he waits for 20 minutes.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits even longer but eventually gets the flowers. Next he heads out to rent a limo.
Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets a very nice limo.
Lastly he goes to the barber and once again there is a long line but as he sits and waits he is just dreaming how his date will look, and within no time he gets his hair cut.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

but wheres the punch line?

A guy wants to take his girlfriend to prom

So he waits in line to buy tickets. It's a long line. He wants it to be a memorable night- he stands in line for hours to get a limo. On his way to pick her up, he stops to buy flowers. Theres a long line here too. When they get to the prom later that night, she suggests they get some punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there's no punch line.

A casket falls out of the back of a hearse and is careening down a hill straight toward a drug store.

The limo driver tells the grieving husband.."Don't worry. They will have something in there to stop her coffin.

A boy asks a girl to the prom and she says yes.

He goes to organise a limo at the rental limo place and due to everyone else wanting a limo for the prom he has to wait in line for ages to get one.
He then goes to the flower store to buy her some flowers but again everyone is there buying flowers and he's stuck in line for seems like hours.
After flowers he goes to get his tuxedo at the store and the line is huge again with everyone else getting their tux's too.
He finally makes it to the prom with his date, they arrive and he asks if she wants to go onto the dance floor. She says "I'm a little thirsty, can I get some punch first?" He says "ok" and goes up to get some punch and there is no punchline.

A boy asks a girl to prom..,

..and she says yes. Overexcited, he is told he must show up with a limo and a tuxedo. So he goes to the limo rental and waits in the limo line, and he gets the limo. Then, he goes to the tuxedo rental and waits in the tuxedo line. Finally, the big day comes, and he brings his date to prom. She asks him to get some punch. He goes over to get some punch, and realizes there is no punch line.

The rich guy and a beggar...

A rich guy gets off his limo and walks to a beggar.
"Hi, I'm John, and you are...?"
"I'm God!" replied the beggar.
"No, seriously, you can't be God! What's your real name!"
And they keep arguing until the rich guy says "Alright, if you prove me you're God, I'll give you a million bucks!"
"Fine" said the beggar and asked the rich guy to follow him into the most expensive restaurant in the area. The waitress looks at the beggar and says: "Oh my God! You're back again!"

A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2018 SUPER BOWL!!!

...both are box seats. He paid $3,500 each & comes with a limo ride to the stadium, Dinner, $400 bar tab. Thing is he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his Wedding. If you're interested, he's looking for someone to take his place. It's at St Benedicts church in Avon, at 3pm. Her name is Sharon, she's 5'6 , about 135 lbs, great cook, loves to fish, hunt & clean your truck. She'll be in the white dress.

A guy is taking his girlfriend to prom..

he waits in the ticket line for a really long time but eventually gets his tickets, he wants to rent a limo so he waits in a long line again until he gets his limo, he goes to buy flowers and again the line is super long. At prom, she asks him to go grab her a drink, and there is no punchline.

There was this guy who took his girlfriend to prom...

He waited in a really long line to get some tickets.
After he finally got them, he goes to rent a limo, there is also a really long line, but he finally rents the limo.
Then at the prom he goes to get some punch. There is no punchline

I've been a limousine driver for 25 years

All that time and I've got nothing to chauffeur it

I don't know why my friend keeps calling my car a limo

It's just a long car, calling it a limo is a bit of a stretch.

A Soviet man slashes the tire of an American ambassador's limo.

When he got caught and asked why he did it, he replied:
"I wanted to get a whiff of freedom."

There were three sons who wanted to get their mom a present for her birthday.

One son decided that she wanted a bigger house and bought her a mansion.
The second son decided that she didn't want to drive by herself so he got her a limo.
The third son thought that she was lonely and got her a parrot.
The mom gave the first son a thank you saying that she didn't want the house.
She gave the second son a letter that said she didn't want the limo.
She gave the third son a thank you saying the chicken was good.

My kid asked me what that long car was.

I told him it was a limo, which is short for a limousine, but it's long for a car.

A boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom

First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
At the prom, the two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

Trump is leaving a rally and heading to his limo

When suddenly a would be assassin jumps from the shadows and takes aim. A secret service agent, brand new on the job, shouts Micky Mouse! This startles the assassin and he is captured in the confusion. Later the agents supervisor takes him aside, congratulates him and says but what in the h**... made you shout 'Micky Mouse?!' Visibly embarrassed the Agent replies I got nervous, I meant to shout 'Donald, Duck'

A limo driver is driving Gorbachev to a very important building

The limo driver suddenly passes out, Gorbachev decides to put the unconscious man in the back seats and drive instead
Once he reaches the gate, two security guards start whispering to each other
Guard 1: "Uh, who is the person in the back?"
Guard 2: "I don't know, but he must be very important, since Gorbachev is his driver"

I once hired a limo but when it arrived, the guy driving it walked off!

I said "Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?"
The guy told me that the price didn't include a driver…
… so I'd spent £400 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it!

I once hired a limo

*I once hired a limo but when it arrived, the guy driving it walked off!*
*I said "Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?"*
*The guy told me that the price didn't include a driver…*
*… so I'd spent £400 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it!*

I was throwing a bachelor party for my buddy, so I ordered a very pricey limo for the night. When it arrived, I went out to talk to the driver, but there was nobody there. I was furious!

I spent all that money, and had nothing to chauffer it!

i hope it wasnt here already

Putin asks a fairy: Where will I be in april?
The fairy answers: I see you in a limo driving through kiev, the war between Russia and Ukraine has ended, everyone is cheering.
Putin: Am I waving to them?
Fairy: No, the coffin is closed.

Oh No! Not ELON!

Man is driving along the freeway when he is stopped by a huge traffic jam.
After sitting there for quite a long time, he sees another man walking from car-to-car.
The second man finally gets up to his car. He rolls down the window....
"Hey man, what's going on up ahead?"
"It's awful! Terrorists have stopped Elon Musk's limo! They are saying if they don't get $10 million dollars, they are going to burn him alive! So, I'm out here collecting donations."
"That's terrible! How much have you collected so far?"
"Ten gallons. But everyone else is still siphoning...."

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside...

He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"