JokoJokes

Limo Driver Jokes

34 limo driver jokes and hilarious limo driver puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about limo driver that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Limo Driver Short Jokes

Short limo driver jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The limo driver humour may include short limo jokes also.

  1. My friend just hired a limo for £1000 but it didn't come with a driver Imagine spending all that money with nothing to chauffeur it
  2. My friend has been a limo driver for 20 years and has never had a customer. All this time and nothing to Chauffeur it.
  3. I spent all my cash renting a limo and it didn't come with a driver. Wasted all that money and nothing to chauffeur it.
  4. Did you hear Trump's limo driver got busted for possession of drugs? They found over 300 pounds of dope in the back seat.
  5. A company just rented me a limo for $300, but I just found out that it doesn't come with a driver. So I have a limo but nothing to chauffeur it.
    I'll show myself out..,
  6. My friend just hired a limo for a $1000 but it didn't come with a driver ! Imagine spending all that money and having nothing to chauffeur it
  7. Did you hear about the limo driver who drove for 20 years but never found a client? All that time wasted with nothing to chauffeur it.
  8. OC: What does a limo driver and a hairy stripper have in common? They both get paid to chauffeur. (show fur)
  9. My friend was a limo driver and he couldn't find any people to pick up... All this time and nothing to chauffeur it.
  10. Why did it always take so long for President Obama to get into the presidential limo? The driver got scared and kept pressing the door lock button when he saw him approach.

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Limo Driver One Liners

Which limo driver one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with limo driver? I can suggest the ones about taxi driver and cab driver.

  1. The limo driver opened an animal hide gallery. The chauffeur show furs
  2. What do you call a hairy limo driver? A shofur.
  3. What's the name of Kylo Ren's Limo service? Adam Driver.
  4. What was the name of the Polish limo driver? Piccop Andropoff.
  5. "The limo is broken"... Said the limo driver who looked like a person but darker colored
  6. What do you call a limo driver who gets his car stolen? Nothing to chauffeur.

Playful Limo Driver Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about limo driver you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bus driver jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make limo driver pranks.

Did you hear about the limo driver who was in business for 25 years without a single customer?

All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
I'm pretty sure this is the joke that will yield me my fortune.

I once hired a limo

*I once hired a limo but when it arrived, the guy driving it walked off!*
*I said "Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?"*
*The guy told me that the price didn't include a driver…*
*… so I'd spent £400 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it!*

I was throwing a bachelor party for my buddy, so I ordered a very pricey limo for the night. When it arrived, I went out to talk to the driver, but there was nobody there. I was furious!

I spent all that money, and had nothing to chauffer it!

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside...

He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.
"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, please come to my house!"
"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."
"Bring them along!" the rich man said.
They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"

I once hired a limo but when it arrived, the guy driving it walked off!

I said "Excuse me? Are you not going to drive me?"
The guy told me that the price didn't include a driver…
… so I'd spent £400 on a limo and have nothing to chauffeur it!

A casket falls out of the back of a hearse and is careening down a hill straight toward a drug store.

The limo driver tells the grieving husband.."Don't worry. They will have something in there to stop her coffin.

A limo driver is driving Gorbachev to a very important building

The limo driver suddenly passes out, Gorbachev decides to put the unconscious man in the back seats and drive instead
Once he reaches the gate, two security guards start whispering to each other
Guard 1: "Uh, who is the person in the back?"
Guard 2: "I don't know, but he must be very important, since Gorbachev is his driver"

Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer?

All that time, and nothing to chauffeur it...

Donald Trump was getting late for work

When he gets into his limo, the driver asks him why he's in such a hurry.
Donald: I'm running for office

Hillary Clinton was being driven in a private limo to a rally...

... when suddenly, the car hit a large and old-looking cow.
The driver got out and checked to see if it was dead. After confirming the death, he saw the tag on it that said it belonged to a nearby farm. He told Hillary Clinton that he would be going over to the farm to tell the farmers what happened.
About an hour later, he returned. His clothes were messed up, he was covered in lipstick, he had an expensive cigar in his mouth, and in both hands were two full bottles of the most expensive champagne ever.
"What happened?", Hillary asked.
"When I went to the farm, they eagerly invited me in. Then, the husband gave me this cigar, the wife gave me the wine, and their two daughters gave me the best s**... of my life!", the driver said with a huge smile on his face.
"What did you say to them?", Hillary asked.
"I said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I just killed the old cow', and the rest happened so quickly I couldn't do anything!"

The Unknown Celebrity

The Pope travels to America. Upon arriving in America, a limo comes to pick him up. The Pope, having a simple background, had never driven a limo before. So he excitedly asks the driver if he can drive the limo to the hotel. The driver, flabbergasted, had never heard such a request before and decided "why not?" And so, the Pope and the driver switch spots and pull out of the airport. On the freeway, the Pope gets a bit too excited and starts to push more on the accelerator. Suddenly the a siren rings out. The Pope pulls over and pulls out his passport. The cop walks up and the Pope rolls down the window. "What seems to be the problem officer?" The officer immediately recognizes His Holiness and runs back to squad car. He quickly radios into headquarters. "Boss, I just pulled over a huge celebrity! What should I do?" His captain radios back, "Well....who is it?" "Sir, I have no idea. But it has to be some one big....he's got the Pope driving for him!"

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two pathetic-looking men by the side of the road, eating grass.

He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked the men, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have no money for food," the first man replied.
"Then you must come with me to my house," insisted the lawyer.
"But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here," said the man.
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.
The second man exclaimed, "I got a wife and six kids!"
"Bring them as well!", the lawyer proclaimed as he headed back to his limo.
They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the men expresses, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "I'm most happy to do it. You'll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall."

Eating grass

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two pathetic-looking men by the side of the road, eating grass. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked the men, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have no money for food," the first man replied.
"Then you must come with me to my house," insisted the lawyer.
"But, sir, I got a wife and three kids here," said the man.
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer.
The second man exclaimed, "I got a wife and six kids!"
"Bring them as well!", the lawyer proclaimed as he headed back to his limo.
They all climbed into the car, and once underway, one of the men expresses, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "I'm most happy to do it. You'll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall."