Limit Jokes
177 limit jokes and hilarious limit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about limit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
This article explores the concept of limits and boundaries in today's society. Topics discussed include "No Limit," "Speed Limit," "Off Limit," "Calculus Limit," "Over the Limit," and "Boundaries." Learn more about what the implications are in terms of checking the boundaries, understanding the axis, and even overstepping the limits.
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Funniest Limit Short Jokes
Short limit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The limit humour may include short maximum jokes also.
- The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
- Did you hear what NASA's new slogan will be once their budget is cut? "NASA: The Sky's The Limit"
- So President Trump wants to abolish the two term limit on the Presidency. Welcome back President Obama we missed you.
- I heard that Fortnite put a limit of three outfits for players in Isreal. Jews aren't allowed to have four skins.
- So y=e^e^x was hitting on y=e-1/x ... y=e^e^x said, "come with me baby, I'll show you the natural growth of my log". "Sorry", replied y=e-1/x, "but even I have my limits."
- They told me to drive it like I stole it So I stayed at the speed limit, followed the road rules and paid attention to my surroundings
- When I was a kid, I wanted to be an astronaut. But my dad crushed those dreams years ago... He'd always say "For you, son, the sky's the limit!"
- You have to wonder about the people who go 10 miles below the speed limit. How did they get so far underground?
- What do they tell people who flunk out of astronaut academy? "The sky's the limit for you".
- Why is George R.R. Martin really bad at using Twitter? There's a limit to how many characters you are allowed to waste.
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Limit One Liners
Which limit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with limit? I can suggest the ones about strict and bound.
- My favourite Haiku Space is limited
In a haiku, so it's hard
To finish what you - I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid, but my mom told me the sky is the limit.
- You can't solve every problem with calculus It has its limits
- Why was game of thrones banned from twitter? Because twitter has an 140 character limit.
- Drinking alcohol is like calculus. You have to know your limits.
- I asked a friend if I could copy his calculus homework He told me to know my limits
- What is the speed limit of love? 68 because any faster and you eat it.
- How do you get a Russian to the legal alcohol limit? Sober him up for a week or two.
- I like my women how I like my calculus: With limits.
- What's small, very limited, and rarely expands? The Xbox one's exclusives library.
- why do white supremacists hate calculus? It really pushed their *limits* on *integration*
- What is it called when you are on the edge of WiFi signal range? Router Limits!
- What's the speed limit in bed? It's 68. Once you reach 69 you gotta turn around.
- Difference Between Stupidity and Intelligence? Intelligence has limits.
- There's a limit on how many hearts you can break Its <3
No Limit Jokes
Here is a list of funny no limit jokes and even better no limit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Got pulled over while doing calculus in my car last night Cop said I was deriving over the limit.
- I failed Calculus when we reached differentials... I guess I should have known my limits. I could barely derive anything from what the teacher taught us.
- Why do accordion bands have a limited number of songs? Because it takes them so long to find the key they’re supposed to be playing in.
- Wife: Slow down! you're going 20 over the speed limit! Husband: you're going just as fast as I am...
- What's the easiest way to limit overpopulation. Change the the caption from please do not try this at home to please try this at home
- Netflix is launching in Russia, but with a very limited catalogue. They're calling it Nyetflix.
- An Act of Malicious Conpliance Teacher: Write a short story. You have a strict 140-character limit.
Student: Once upon a time, Snow White lived with 139 Dwarves. The end. - College calculus is like a drinking game against a super-heavyweight. Even if you know your limits, you're dead no matter what.
- Cop gave me a ticket for doing fifteen over the limit. I didn't know radar guns could measure beers.
- I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday and she said "All I want is a nice card..." "...with a $100,000 limit".
Over The Limit Jokes
Here is a list of funny over the limit jokes and even better over the limit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Laziness father to his adopted son: "what is the limit of laziness?"
son: "having an adopted son" - Helium is a limited resource and we could run out of it in our lifetime... Balloon prices are going to go sky high.
- Two chemists were having lunch. One says to the other, "I thought you were limiting your sodium intake."
The other one says, "I wanted to, but Na." - Why did Robinhood steal from the rich? He actually didn't he instead limited what the working class could trade in stocks in order for the rich to make money. Disney lied.
- I asked my Dad what I could be when I'm older and he told me "The sky is the limit". It really upset me because I've always wanted to be an astronaut.
- My wife wasn't too happy when I mentioned that our limited budget meant deciding between improving the kitchen plumbing or replacing the pool pump. Its either sink or swim.
- The last girl I dated was like a loan on the All-New 2020 Silverado during Chevy Truck Month She made herself available for a limited time only, then had 0% interest for 12 months.
- Old man An old man got pulled over for going over the speed limit.
Officer : Do you know why i pulled you over?
Old man: Obviously because I'm late delivering these donuts. - The oldest laptop can be traced back to Adam and Eve An Apple with very limited memory (1 Byte), single core and OS written in Python.
- In Germany we have the best street: The Autobahn No speed limit there.
And we have the best club: Berghain.
Also no speed limit there.
Speed Limit Jokes
Here is a list of funny speed limit jokes and even better speed limit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Take One signs are like the speed limit You can go about ten over before you get in trouble
- What's the difference between the universe and a German Autobahn (highway)? The universe has a speed limit
- The best thing about the 80 mph speed limit in Idaho? Makes it so much easier to leave
- I once saw a sign that said "Speed limit enforced by aircraft." I'm pretty sure if you're getting pulled over by an F-16, you deserve to be driving that fast.
- A cab driver in Moscow..... Was driving 20 over the speed limit. The passenger got scared so he asked, "Sir, why are you Russian?"
- What did the calculus student who failed his test and the guy who got a speed ticket have in common? They didn't know their limits
- so there was a guy who was driving way over the speed limit and a cop pulled him over and the guy said "what's the problem officer? im completely wreck-less!"
- what's the speed limit in Canada? 10 km over
- Usain Bolt isn't allowed near any elementary schools. The speed limit is only 40 kph!
- Why can't Helen Keller drive? She broke her arm trying to read a speed limit sign.
Calculus Limit Jokes
Here is a list of funny calculus limit jokes and even better calculus limit puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I failed a Calculus exam today. I think I've finally found my limits.
- Baby you make me wish I was good at calculus. Cauz they ain't no limit to how much I want to define the area under your curves.
- father in law just made an accidental calculus joke By the time I got to calculus in math, I realized I had reached my limit.
- I'm really struggling in math class. I've always been really good at math, and I guess I figured I could handle whatever was thrown at me.
But Calculus is really making me find my limits. - Why did Newton invent calculus? He wanted to test his limits.
- Calculus is my Limit.
Comical Limit Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about limit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean strain jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make limit pranks.
Money was a little tight, so I entered a pun writing contest...
I read the rules carefully, and it turns out that there was no limit on the amount of times you could enter, so I submitted ten separate entries.
I thought my chances were good, but I just looked at the contest winners to see if any of my entries won, and unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
The state trooper is driving down the highway when...
he sees a truck driver pull over, walk to the side of his truck with a tire jack, bang on the side of the truck several times, and then drive away. Two miles down the road he does the same thing. Another two miles, same thing. The trooper pulls the truck over and asks the truck driver to explain and the driver says "The load limit is ten tons, and I'm carrying fifteen tons of parakeets, so I've got to keep some of them flying around."
I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving
A couple of nights ago I was out for a few drinks with some pals and had a few too many whiskeys as well as beers and some rather nice claret; but knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home. I arrived back safely and without incident which was a real surprise, since I had never driven a bus before and have no idea where I got this one.
Bag limit.
A guy was on his boat fishing in a pond and caught way over the bag limit. He was heading back to the dock when the game warden stopped him and asked to check what he caught. The warden opens the fishermen's cooler and sees that the guy has surpassed his limit by about 20 fish. The warden tells the man he has too many fish and he is going to cite the fishermen. The fishermen says "No, you see these are my pet fish. I didn't catch them I called them to me". The warden doesn't believe the guy, and so the fishermen tells the warden he will show him. The guy dumps the cooler of fish in the water. The warden waits a minute and says to the guy "ok now call the fish back".
...
"What fish?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A note to the guy behind me driving to work this morning.
Dear guy behind me driving to work this morning,
Don't get mad at me for driving the speed limit. It's there to keep people safe!
And don't get mad at me for not getting out of your way. You don't own the road!
And don't ever flash your lights and honk your horn at others to make them move...geez. Such a rude ambulance driver!
The president was being driven to an important meeting that he was running late for...
When he tells his chauffeur that he needs to go faster to get to the meeting on time. The chauffeur says that he's sorry, but can't go over the speed limit. The president can't miss this meeting so he decides to order the chauffeur into the back seat, while hopping behind the wheel to drive himself. Speeding at about ten miles over the limit, he gets pulled over pretty quickly. The young deputy walks over to the car to give the ticket, and without a word comes back to the squad car, his face ghost white. "I'm sorry sir," he tells his superior officer, who's sitting in the passengers seat, "But I can't give the ticket to him. He's much too important." "What?!" he bellows. "I'm the chief of police 'round here!" Who could be so important that we can't give a ticket to him?!" "I don't know sir," the deputy replied, "But the president is his chauffeur!"
A fancy sports car gets pulled over by a cop
-You've exceeded the speed limit by driving 75 mph!
-Officer, here, take these 300 bucks and buy yourself a decent radar. I never drive slower than 100 mph!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Surgery
After her fifth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her gammon was dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped out fireplace. Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she'd tidy things with a n**... here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.
Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.
"Who are these from?" she asked the nurse, "They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them". "Well" said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks".
"Ah, that's really nice" said Jane.
"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home. Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!".
"Brilliant!" said Jane." "And the third?".
"That's from Eric in the burns unit" said the nurse..............he just wanted to say thanks for his new ears."
A cop parks at the bottom of a bridge, waiting for a speeder. He pulls a man over for doing 40 over the speed limit, and says, "Son, I've been waiting for you all day."
The man quickly responds, "Well, I got here as fast as I could!"
Australians
An Australian turist came to America and rented a motorcycle. He drives in the speed of 100MPH in a 70MPH speed limit road, when a police officer tells him to pull over. The cup yells at the turist: "What is wrong with you, did you came here to die?!?!"
"No," answer the turist, "I came here today"
Australians
An australian tourist flies to america. He is unpacking his bags in a hotel, rents a motorcycle and start driving. He goes 70MPH in a 40MPH speed limit roas, whan a cup is telling him to pull over. The police officer yells at him: "What is wrong with you, man?!?! Did you came here to die?!"
"No," the tourist said, "I came here yesterday"
So three guys arrive at the Pearly Gates...
St. Peter says "Guys, we're almost at our limit for the day, so... you three tell me your stories, and the best one can go through."
So the first guy says "Well, I thought my wife was cheating on me, so I doubled back home on the way to work. My wife was sitting in bed with the covers around her, so I took a look around. I ended up finding a guy hanging from the balcony, so I pushed him off. He fell off, but landed in a tree, so I grabbed our refrigerator and threw it down at him, but just after the deck collapsed and I died."
The second guy says: "So, some lady called me to come fix her deck, so I showed up to fix it. Unfortunately, I slipped, and started hanging from the deck, but then some crazy guy came over, pushed me off and threw a refrigerator at me!"
The third guy says: "So there I was, hiding in a refrigerator..."
A policeman pulled over a speeding car
turned to the driver and said "Do you understand that you were going 20 km/h over the speed limit down the centre of the road?"
The guy smiles and says "Of course I did, that's what it said to do on my driver's license"
The policeman confused asks "and where does it say that?"
The man hands over the paperwork and points out "There, where it says tear along the dotted line"
Cop joke
If you are driving 70 mph on a 65 speed limit highway a cop will rarely ever pull you over.
If you are driving 75 mph on the same highway a cop might pull you over.
If you are driving 80 mph on the same highway a cop will pull you over.
Now if you are driving 85 mph or higher on the same highway you are probably a cop.
Take a cab if you're drinking
With the holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with you all about drinking and driving after a "social event" with friends.
This past Friday, I was out on a post-Thanksgiving evening with several friends. I had a
few cocktails, followed by several glasses of wine. Despite my jolliness, I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before: I took a cab home. Sure enough, there was a police road block on the highway but, since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.
This was both a great relief and surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it from and, now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do with it.
Be safe out there
Driving Miss Daisy
A car full of old ladies cruising along Route 30 and they get pulled over by a police officer. "What is the matter officer". "You know its dangerous and an offence to drive too slow" responded the officer. "That is the road sign not the speed limit". Then he glances further into the car to see all the old ladies with their hair standing straight up on their head. "What is the matter with them he asks? "Oh we have just come off Route 189"
The Indian Driver
An Indian guy was driving with his family, when he noticed that a cop car was following him. After a couple seconds, he pulled over, and one of the cops came out to his window. He rolled it down and asked, "Is there a problem, officer?"
The cop said, "No, no problem at all, sir. We have been observing you for your entire right. You've stuck to the speed limit, followed traffic rules and were respectful to other drivers. It's Road Safety week so you've been selected as the Best Driver today. So allow me to present to you this $1000 cheque as a token of our appreciation."
The Indian was so pleased. "Great! Now I finally have money for a driver's license."
The officer did a double take. Immediately, the Indian's wife said, "Oh, don't mind him, officer, he blabbers when he's drunk."
This prompted the driver's old mom to mutter, "See, this is why you shouldn't pull over when you're driving a stolen car."
"Johnny the sky is the limit."
Thus, Johnny's dreams of becoming an astronaut were ruined.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Pedophiles aren't all bad...
The always drive the speed limit in school zones.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
man I hate tailgaters
I was doing 35 over the limit today and the idiot behind me was still tailgating
and the flashing lights on his car looked s**... too
To limit my smoking...
I only smoke on days that start with 'T'... like Tuesday, Thursday, today, and tomorrow.
An old woman was driving down the highway...
An old woman was driving down the highway at 35mph when a highway patrol officer pulled her over. He asked the woman if she knew why he pulled her over. She said "I have no clue, officer. I was obeying the speed limit..." The officer then replied with "Ma'am, you were traveling far too slow to be driving in the highway." The woman, with a confused look on her face then pointed to a sign up ahead and said, "But officer, that sign says the speed limit is 35! I had to have been obeying the speed limit!" The officer turned to see the sign that marked what highway they were on, highway 35. He then turned around, and looked at the women's friend, sitting in the back, eyes as big as silver dollars, he asked the woman in the back what was wrong. She replied quietly with "We just got off of highway 160."
An officer stops a speeding automobile on the highway which was driving two times the speed limit.
The driver steps out full of remorse.
"Sorry officer, was I driving too fast?"
"Nah, you were flying too low"
A blonde is driving her car and...
...she runs over 20 people while driving.
The officer pulls her up and says "Miss', do you know you just ran over 20 people back there?"
She replies:
"I'm sorry officer, what's the limit?"
A student calls his college to enrol in a calculus course...
A student calls his college and says "I want to take calculus, but the system won't let me enrol". The woman on the other line looks at his record and says: "it looks like you're already taking a full course load! don't you know what the limit is?", to which he replies:
"That's what I'm trying to find!"
What is a mathematicians favorite Eagles song?
Take it to the limit.
RIP Glenn Frey
Life with me is like a roller coaster.
There's a weight limit.
"The sky's the limit!"
-Neil Armstrong
A cop pulls a driver over for speeding
The driver says, "C'mon, everyone on the road was breaking the speed limit."
The cop nods and says, "Tell me, have you ever been fishing?"
"Yeah... What's that got to do with it?"
"Did you catch *all* the fish?"
It looks like i finally found a positive of the Brexit result
no volume limit warnings on your screen
The sky's the limit...
But not when you're an astronaut.
The sky is the limit for all of you.
Teacher: The sky is the limit for all of you.
Student: I don't have a real limit, my potential is exponential.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was in college, my roommates would have s**... with anything that moved.
I never felt the need to limit myself that much.
What's the easiest way to explain a refractory period to a mathematician?
The function of the limit is the limit of the function.
NASA just received their budget for the year
The sky's the limit
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I tried to come up with a math joke...
but all my ideas were derivative
and the punchline didn't add up.
Anyway, comedy has no absolute value.
Your jokes are sum of the best,
but minus not very funny
because I'm a perfect square.
I halve one, I guess...
but you're too obtuse to get it,
and trying to simplify it
has left me divided
and at my limit.
My friend wanted to become an astronaut
So I told him that the sky was the limit.
An American guy was pulled over on a highway in Canada...
The cop said "Do you know how fast you were going?!"
The American guy said "I'm not sure why you're even pulling me over, but yes, I was doing 110 - just like the speed limit sign says."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cosmonaut's s**... story
I always knew that I wanted to be as astronaut , even when I was a little boy. However, I knew my father would not be supportive of me because he would always tell me "The sky's the limit!"
A cop pulls over a couple in a convertible for going way below the speed limit on a highway.
Cop: Are you aware that you were going 17 in a 60 zone?
Driver: No officer, the sign says 17 right there.
Cop: Sir, that's the route sign.
At this point the cop notices that the lady in the passenger seat is frozen in fear, staring forward, and her hair is a mess.
Cop: Sir, is your wife alright?
Driver: Oh, you see, we just got off of i87.
Joke is courtesy of my dad.
Where do you take a crazy limit?
To l'Hospital
A guy with a Ferrari
drives his car a bit over the limit. Suddenly he gets pulled over by a policewoman. Knowing he was in trouble, he asks:
"How much?"
The policewoman replies:
"That's gonna be 95 dollars"
To which the man replies:
"Sounds good, get in."
People often ask me how long I can listen to my Jock Jams CD before I get tired of it
... and I say, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, there's no limit!
Twitter just doubled the character limit.
Also females will now be able to express themselves with a tweet.
Even though I've had a steady income and have been paying all my bills on time for a while, Visa still doesn't trust me enough to increase my limit.
They don't give me enough credit.
I was once driving down the road..
..where I read a sign which said,
Speed limit 30km
I slowed down to 30km/h
A little further, another one
Speed limit 20km
I had to slow down even more,
Moving on, I saw another one
Speed limit 10km
My speedometer had come down to 10km/h
Not long after that, there was another
Speed limit 1km
I pulled over and started pushing my car to a point where I finally saw the last sign,
Welcome to Speed Limit
I was tailgated going 15 over
I was going 15 over the limit in the fast lane and being tailgated so I moved to the slow lane. The car behind continued to stay on my bumper. I couldn't shake him and was becoming very annoyed.
He looked so ridiculous with his flashing lights and his annoying siren.
A cop pulls a car over for going 20 mph on the highway
The driver is a little old lady, and there are two old ladies in the back seat.
The cop asks, "Why were you driving just 20 miles per hour?"
The old lady responds, "I was just going the posted speed limit!" and points to a sign up ahead.
The cop smiles and says, "That's not the speed limit sign, that's the sign for this highway — Route 20!"
One of the old ladies in the back gasps out, "We tried to tell you, Eugenia!"
The cop takes another look at the old women in the back and sees that they are wide-eyed and disheveled. One of them is tightly gripping the door handle.
"What's the matter?" the cop asks.
She responds, "We just came off of Interstate 190.
Yesterday, I went to a Christmas Party
I had a few beers, followed by a few cocktails, followed by a few shots...
I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before: I took a cab home.
Sure enough, there was a police road block on the way home, and since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was both a great relief and a surprise because I had never driven a cab before. I don't even know where I got it from, and now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do with it.
Go to ajitpai.com and saw "bandwidth Limit Exceeded"
Why did Captain Picard have to stop using mobile internet to search for the Enterprise's second officer?
He'd gone over his Data limit.
I was stopped by a policeman and he asked me why I was speeding.
"Care to explain why you were going double the speed limit?" he asked.
I said, "I'm sorry, but my wife's about to give birth, I must hurry."
"Oh," he hesitated, "are you going to pick her up?"
"No, I'm going to the airport."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to quit smoking
Friend: My new year resolution for 2018 is to quit smoking.
Me: That's great, I might have a tip for you.
Friend: What is it? Most tips online don't seem to work for me.
Me: It's pretty simple actually. Try to limit your smokes to only after s**.... As you get older, you'll smoke less and less.
Friend: Has it worked for you?
Me: I don't smoke, but my wife has quit smoking ever since we've been married.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man can only have so much s**....
A man can only have so much s**....
Do you know how to tell when he's nearing his limit?
He says "I do" and puts a ring on the finger of a woman in a fancy white dress.
Have you ever heard about the guy who plays fortnite and studies in Oxford?
Jokes have a limit too.
WMDs
Why is everyone always freaking out over possible WMDs in various nations and trying to limit the amount of nuclear arms nations have?
I personally believe they're a blast.
When would a moon made of chocolate and nuts disintegrate?
When it reaches the Ferrero Roche limit!
A warning to be careful about drunk driving..
Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many pints before progressing on to Tequila. Not a good idea.
Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the car park and took a taxi home.
On the way home, I passed a police checkpoint on the freeway. The cops were pulling over cars and performing breath tests. Because I was in a taxi, they just waved it past.
I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as....
I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from..
A highway patrolman pulls over an elderly woman for speeding.
"Ma'am," he tells her, "I clocked you doing 72 MPH. The speed limit on this road is 55."
"But, Officer, the sign back there said it was 75!"
"No, Ma'am, that wasn't a speed limit sign, that was the route sign. You're on State Highway 75. I'm sorry for your confusion, but I still have to write you a ticket."
"Oh, that's okay, Sonny; I understand. I'm just glad I didn't run across you back there on Route 135."
Exceeding the posted Speed Limit in a Construction Zone is Okay
As long as the posted limit sign is accompanied by a sign that reads; *Higher Fine* When Workers Present
I treat the speed limit like I treat breathalyzers
Once I'm over the limit, I might as well see how high I can go.
