Lime Jokes

72 lime jokes and hilarious lime puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lime that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your day a little brighter with these zesty lime jokes! From citrusy puns to jokes about the iconic lime green color, explore the funniest jokes that warm your fizzy soul. Whether you're a lime devotee or just appreciate a good citrus joke, you'll find something to laugh about.

Funniest Lime Short Jokes

Short lime jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lime humour may include short lettuce jokes also.

  1. Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00? Those are the pie rates of the carribean.
  2. Literary Humor. I ordered a martini with an olive and a twist of lime.
    The bartender served it with no olive or twist.
    I gave him the Dickens.
  3. I asked my wife for one of those lemon-lime sodas... When she brought back a Coke I said "you only did this out of Sprite."
  4. My wife said I added too much lime juice to my homemade salsa and it made her taco taste funny The odd acidity.
  5. I once knew a rapper who used cannabis infused citrus as chewing tobacco He spat some dope limes
  6. What did Pete Townsend say when Roger Daltrey told him that he'd lost his favorite old lime-colored belt? "Relax. It's only a green, aged, waistband."
  7. My wife just shoved a key lime pie in my face and stormed out of the house! I've been desserted!
  8. What did the Spanish scientist say when asked if he wanted lime in his cocktail? A mi no acid.
  9. A lime and banana decided to become a stand-up comedy duo and called themselves ... Key and Peele.
  10. Literary historians recently found a Briton recipe for a citrus-based sauce translated by Samuel Taylor Coleridge It was called the 'Lime of the Ancient Marinade'

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Lime One Liners

Which lime one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lime? I can suggest the ones about orange and lice.

  1. If you see someone doing a crossword Lean over and tell them seven up is Lemon-lime
  2. What's worse than lime? Sublime.
  3. Why did the lime disapprove of his daughter? Because she was a little tart.
  4. What goes well with Coronavirus? Lime disease
    ^I'll ^^see ^^^myself ^^^^out
  5. What do you call a lime that opens doors? A Key Lime.
  6. Why did the lemon turn green? Because he had lime disease
  7. What do you call the lowest fruit on a lime tree? Sublime
  8. What does the band Toto say when it orders a gin tonic? Hold the lime!
  9. Went out for drinks with my tinder date... She ordered the angel shot with lime :(
  10. I made a miniature lemon-lime pie... It was a little tart
  11. Can you guess what the lime said to the tortilla chip? Do you want a hint?
  12. What do you call the upper eighth of a lime for sale? A top-of-the-lime model.
  13. What is a tick's favorite fruit? Lime.
  14. What do you call a lime with strings attached? Limewire
  15. Why did the internet pirate get scurvy? He couldn't use Lime Wire anymore.

Lemon And Lime Jokes

Here is a list of funny lemon and lime jokes and even better lemon and lime puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend was showing me around her loft. She said, "It's a bit eratic."
    I said, "I know, there's lemon and lime peels everywhere."
  • A key lime pie costs $3.50 in Cuba, a lemon meringue pie costs $4.50 in the Dominican Republic... These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
  • Limes are the best sour citrus fruit. And lemons are absolutely sub-lime.
  • What do you get when you cross a lemon and a lime? Sprite.
  • Why couldn't the lemon and the lime have s**...? Because that would be inzest.
  • What happened to the man who had s**... with the mountain dew? he got lemon lime disease

Lime Juice Jokes

Here is a list of funny lime juice jokes and even better lime juice puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I bought a juice drink whilst visiting a navy exhibit in my city. it was unexpectedly delicious. No-one told me it would be sub-lime.
  • Just invented a new drink. v**..., cranberry juice, lime, and rohypnol. Its called the Cosbypolitan
  • When Forrest Gump was a bartender Someone ordered a mojito.
    There he goes, puts som mint in, lime juice and he starts pouring some v**....
    And the other bartender: r**..., FORREST, r**...!!!
Lime joke, When Forrest Gump was a bartender

Amusing & Witty Lime Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun

What funny jokes about lime you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pickle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lime pranks.


There was an old man
From peru, whose lim'ricks all
Look'd like haiku. He
Said with a laugh, "I
Cut them in half, the pay is
Much better for two."

So you like limericks, huh?

On the Breast of a woman named Gale
was tattooed the price of her tail
and on her behind
for the sake of the blind
was the same information in braile.

Limericks eh?

There once was a fellow named Blair
Who was having his g**... the stair
On the 44th s**...
The banister broke
So he finished her off in the air.

Why are programmers so good at poetry?

Well, all words rhyme in binary.

I see your limerick...

There once was a man from Wheeling
Who pounded his p**... with great feeling
And then like a trout
He'd stick his mouth out
And wait for the drops from the ceiling

A limerick about limericks

There was a young poet from Japan
Whose limericks did not easily scan
When asked why this was,
He said, "It's because
IAlwaysTryToFitAsManySyllablesInTheLastLineAsEverIPossibly can."

A Limerick

There once was a man from Port Crown
Who went to a doctor in town.
The doc gave to he
A sup-po-si-to-ry.
"I will not take this sitting down!"

Here's a limerick I wrote:

There once was a colour named orange,

Why did the Limestone feel unappreciated?

Because he thought people were taking him for granite.

A limerick my Dad told me as kid

In days of old
When nights were cold
And toilets weren't invented
You laid your load beside the road
And walked away contented

What did the limestone say to the geologist?

Don't take me for granite!

A limerick, There once was a bishop from kings...

There once was a bishop from Kings,
Who talked about god and such things,
But his real desire,
was a boy in the choir,
with a bottom like jello on springs.

A limerick for The Isle of Skye

When I was on the Isle of Skye
I overdid the old Spanish fly
I had a stiff member
From the fourth of December
Till Friday the tenth of July

Limericks by Jenny

There was a young woman named Jenny
Whose limericks were not worth a penny.
Oh, the rhyme was all right,
And the meter was tight,
But whenever she tried to write any,
She always wrote one line too many!

A man walks up to a woman in a bar.

He puts a lime next to her. The woman asks "what this"? The man says "its a lime". The woman says "can you move that lime somewhere else"? The man says "sure".The man tries to move the lime several times but cant seem to lift it. The woman says "is something wrong"? The man says "Sorry, I am bad at pick up limes".

A Limerick

There once was a man from the Styx
Who liked to write Limericks
But he failed at the sport
Because he wrote them too short

A Limerick

There once was a barmaid in Salles,
On her chest wrote the price of ale.
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in Braille.

A limerick writ for a Twit

An executive reckless and bitter
Made a fool of himself via Twitter
*"Please stop!"* they entreated
But in answer he Tweeted
*"If I do they might call me a quitter"*

Limerick joke

There was a young man from queen's park
Whose limericks got rather dark
They started out fine
But by the last line
I will kill you in your sleep


There was a young girl named Sapphire
Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
She said, "It's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Could you shove it a few inches higher?

A limerick about my life right now

I might soon be resting in clover,
At the end of my days as a rover.
But I'm still not appeased
Whether I've got disease,
Or just that I'm really hungover.

On the first day of school, the college dean addressed the freshman class to explain some of the campus rules.

"The women's dormitory
is off-limits to male students and the men's
dormitory is off-limits to female students," he
intoned. "Am body caught breaking this rule
will be fined $20 the first time, $60 the second
lime and $180 the third time. Does anyone
have any questions?
A male student raised his hand. "How much
for a season pass?"

A man goes to church to confess his sins.

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," he tells him
"What is it that you've done, my child?"
"Father, I've had premarital s**... with 6 different beautiful women. One for each day since Monday."
The priest takes a good look at him before replying, "Well, son, say 10 hail Mary's and drink a pint of lime juice."
"Will that absolve my sins, Father?"
"No, but it sure as h**... will wipe that s**... smirk on your face!"

A limerick that I heard years ago

Poor Johnny used to drink
But alas, he drinks no more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.

What is the limerick writer's favourite pop group?


Oldest cake joke

A rabbit visits a bakery and asks if they make carrot cake.
The baker says they don't, so the rabbit buys a key lime pie.
This repeats several days until the baker is sick of it and decides to try making one.
The next time the rabbit enters, the baker proudly tells that they do have a carrot cake now.
The rabbit says: sorry, I'll have to take my business somewhere else: I'm highly alergic and can't risk cross-contamination.

Lime joke, My wife just shoved a key lime pie in my face and stormed out of the house!

jokes about lime