The Best 44 Lime Jokes
Following is our collection of Lime jokes which are very funny. There are some lime lifesavers jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lime sour puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Lime Jokes and Puns
Limerick
There was an old man
From Peru, whose lim'ricks all
Look'd like haiku. He
Said with a laugh, "I
Cut them in half, the pay is
Much better for two."
So you like limericks, huh?
On the Breast of a woman named Gale
was tattooed the price of her tail
and on her behind
for the sake of the blind
was the same information in braile.
Limericks eh?
There once was a fellow named Blair
Who was having his girl on the stair
On the 44th stroke
The banister broke
So he finished her off in the air.
Limericks eh ?
There was this girl from Boston, Mass.
She wade into the sea and wet her ankles,
it doesn't rhyme now,
but just wait until the tide comes in
I see your limerick...
There once was a man from Wheeling
Who pounded his pud with great feeling
And then like a trout
He'd stick his mouth out
And wait for the drops from the ceiling
A limerick about limericks
There was a young poet from Japan
Whose limericks did not easily scan
When asked why this was,
He said, "It's because
IAlwaysTryToFitAsManySyllablesInTheLastLineAsEverIPossibly can."
A Limerick
There once was a man from Port Crown
Who went to a doctor in town.
The doc gave to he
A sup-po-si-to-ry.
"I will not take this sitting down!"
Why did the lime disapprove of his daughter?
Because she was a little tart.
People always ask me why I prefer the taste of Bud Lite Lime.
because i'm an alcoholic
Why did the internet pirate get scurvy?
He couldn't use Lime Wire anymore.
Here's a limerick I wrote:
There once was a colour named orange,
...Damnit.
You can explore lime fizzy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lime mojito dad jokes. There are also lime puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why did the Limestone feel unappreciated?
Because he thought people were taking him for granite.
A limerick my Dad told me as kid
In days of old
When nights were cold
And toilets weren't invented
You laid your load beside the road
And walked away contented
What did the limestone say to the geologist?
Don't take me for granite!
A limerick about a vampire named Mable. [NSFW]
There was a young vampire called mable,
whose periods were always quite stable,
at every full moon,
she took out a spoon,
and drank herself under the table.
A limerick, There once was a bishop from kings...
There once was a bishop from Kings,
Who talked about god and such things,
But his real desire,
was a boy in the choir,
with a bottom like jello on springs.
A limerick for The Isle of Skye
When I was on the Isle of Skye
I overdid the old Spanish fly
I had a stiff member
From the fourth of December
Till Friday the tenth of July
What's worse than lime?
Sublime.
Limericks by Jenny
There was a young woman named Jenny
Whose limericks were not worth a penny.
Oh, the rhyme was all right,
And the meter was tight,
But whenever she tried to write any,
She always wrote one line too many!
Why did the lemon turn green?
Because he had lime disease
A man walks up to a woman in a bar.
He puts a lime next to her. The woman asks "what this"? The man says "its a lime". The woman says "can you move that lime somewhere else"? The man says "sure".The man tries to move the lime several times but cant seem to lift it. The woman says "is something wrong"? The man says "Sorry, I am bad at pick up limes".
What is a tick's favorite fruit?
Lime.
When Forrest Gump was a bartender
Someone ordered a mojito.
There he goes, puts som mint in, lime juice and he starts pouring some vodka.
And the other bartender: RUM, FORREST, RUM!!!
What do you call the upper eighth of a lime for sale?
A top-of-the-lime model.
A lime and banana decided to become a stand-up comedy duo and called themselves ...
Key and Peele.
A Limerick
There once was a man from the Styx
Who liked to write Limericks
But he failed at the sport
Because he wrote them too short
A Limerick
There once was a barmaid in Salles,
On her chest wrote the price of ale.
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Was the same information in Braille.
Went out for drinks with my tinder date...
She ordered the angel shot with lime :(
What do you call a lime with strings attached?
Limewire
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in cuba for $1.50 and in jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the carribean.
A limerick writ for a Twit
An executive reckless and bitter
Made a fool of himself via Twitter
*"Please stop!"* they entreated
But in answer he Tweeted
*"If I do they might call me a quitter"*
Limerick joke
There was a young man from queen's park
Whose limericks got rather dark
They started out fine
But by the last line
I will kill you in your sleep
Just invented a new drink. Vodka, cranberry juice, lime, and rohypnol.
Its called the Cosbypolitan
What does the band Toto say when it orders a gin tonic?
Hold the lime!
What do you call a lime that opens doors?
A Key Lime.
Limerick
There was a young girl named Sapphire
Who succumbed to her lover's desire.
She said, "It's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Could you shove it a few inches higher?
A key lime pie costs $3.50 in Cuba, a lemon meringue pie costs $4.50 in the Dominican Republic...
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
What do you call the lowest fruit on a lime tree?
Sublime
A citrus goes to the doctor
The citrus tells the doctor he's not feeling well.
The doctor says, of course not.
You have lime disease.
Courtesy of my 6 year old.
#wholesome
A limerick about my life right now
I might soon be resting in clover,
At the end of my days as a rover.
But I'm still not appeased
Whether I've got disease,
Or just that I'm really hungover.
On the first day of school, the college dean addressed the freshman class to explain some of the campus rules.
"The women's dormitory
is off-limits to male students and the men's
dormitory is off-limits to female students," he
intoned. "Am body caught breaking this rule
will be fined $20 the first time, $60 the second
lime and $180 the third time. Does anyone
have any questions?
A male student raised his hand. "How much
for a season pass?"
A man goes to church to confess his sins.
"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned," he tells him
"What is it that you've done, my child?"
"Father, I've had premarital sex with 6 different beautiful women. One for each day since Monday."
The priest takes a good look at him before replying, "Well, son, say 10 hail Mary's and drink a pint of lime juice."
"Will that absolve my sins, Father?"
"No, but it sure as hell will wipe that stupid smirk on your face!"
A limerick that I heard years ago
Poor Johnny used to drink
But alas, he drinks no more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.
What goes well with Coronavirus?
Lime disease
^I'll ^^see ^^^myself ^^^^out
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lime pineapple jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lime juicer piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.