Limbs Jokes

98 limbs jokes and hilarious limbs puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about limbs that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you looking for a laugh at no one's expense? Check out this collection of hilarious jokes about missing limbs and people who've been defeeted. You'll get quite a kick out of this silly swingset of humor!

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Funniest Limbs Short Jokes

Short limbs jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The limbs humour may include short limps jokes also.

  1. You are what you think you are Her: What do you do?
    Me: Global prosthetics distribution.
    Her: So you're an artificial limb salesman?
    Me: I prefer 'international arms dealer'.
  2. A guy walked into a prosthetic limbs store. He picked up a false shoulder, arm and wrist.
    The store attendant asked "Would you like a hand with that?"
  3. I'm a scientist who's researching b**... between humans and dogs… If you'd like more details, I'll be in my lab…
  4. My dad always told me to treat women like flowers. So I tore my girlfriend apart limb by limb to find out whether or not she loved me.
  5. If I ever find the guy who messed up my limb transplants, I'm going to kill him with my bear hands.
  6. I went to the prosthetic limb store to buy some new hands "Two of each hand please." I say to the man at the counter.
    "We're all out of left hands sir." He responds.
    "All right then."
  7. Why did the knight stop fighting after all his limbs had been chopped of? He'd been unarmed and defeated
  8. As an amputee, I asked the doctor how much prosthetic limbs would cost. He said an arm and a leg.
  9. If an octopus is called an octopus because of its eight limbs, what would you call an octopus with only seven limbs? An amputee.
  10. Scientists thought they had found a limb of an ancient hominid... but it was just a fossil arm.

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Limbs One Liners

Which limbs one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with limbs? I can suggest the ones about no limb and legs.

  1. I have 3 eyes, 6 heads and 15 limbs, what am I? A liar.
  2. What do you call a kid with an eyepatch and no limbs? Names.
  3. Why are prosthetic limbs so in fashion? Anyone can pull them off
  4. It's not a privilege for bears to have limbs. They have the right to bear arms.
  5. What do you call the deaf man with no limbs? Whatever you want.
  6. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say... "Look how high up in this tree I am".
  7. Why did the Chinese government confiscate all deer legs? Mistook them for moose limbs.
  8. The B in limb is silent Just like the p in bathwater
  9. There's a guy selling prosthetic limbs on my street. He's an arms dealer.
  10. Why did the limb doctor get arrested? Possession of arms
  11. Tree house builders get no respect... I mean they go out on a limb to build these things!
  12. What do you call a lap dance from a girl with 3 or less limbs? Amputease
  13. What do you call a limb that has been transplanted? A hand-me-down.
  14. How to lose a limb in star wars? Be a Jedi and a Skywalker.
  15. What do you call a gang of people paralyzed in all four limbs? Squadriplegic.

No Limbs Jokes

Here is a list of funny no limbs jokes and even better no limbs puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I got thrown out of the amputee club for having all of my limbs In my opinion that was an unfair dismemberment
  • What do you call... What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
    A small arms dealer.
  • Scientists have now made cybernetic limbs available to the public! Unfortunately, they'll cost you an arm and a leg.
  • Yesterday this guy walks up on my lawn and gives me the finger. I swear that's the last time I try to cut my tree limbs without gloves.
  • In the future, if technology makes it possible to replace human limbs And its common enough that you can buy them in stores, will midgets go to small arms dealers?
  • The other day I was climbing a tree with a friend He was talking about life and I had some advice so I said alright I'm going out on a limb here...
  • My youngest said he was going to go out on a limb, and I asked him if it would be an arm or a leg.
  • Did you hear about the new store where you can plug in robotic limbs? It's great even though they charge an arm and a leg.
  • So what do you do? *I sell prosthetic limbs to various countries.*
    So you're like a med rep, but for amputees?
    *I prefer international arms dealer.*
  • Did you hear about how much those new prosthetic limbs cost? An arm and a leg.

Missing Limbs Jokes

Here is a list of funny missing limbs jokes and even better missing limbs puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I'm starting a clothing company for people missing limbs. The name you ask? AmpuTEES
  • I hate how people treat amputees differently. Just because they're missing a limb or two doesn't make them any less of a person.
  • What's missing from star wars 7? Nobody's limbs.
  • I had a camping trip planned, but this storm dropped big limbs all over my property I guess you could say I missed the forest for the trees.
  • Chuck Norris stem cells can reproduce missing limbs.
Limbs joke

Limbs joke

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What funny jokes about limbs you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hind legs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make limbs pranks.

So a man loses an arm and a leg in an accident...

And he's talking to a friend. The friend points out to him an advertisement for incredibly realistic prosthetic limbs.
"Oh boy, those seem great! I can't wait to buy them!" He says, and he goes off to get them. The next day, he's talking to his friend, but he's still missing his limbs! "What happened, I thought you were going to buy them!" His friend said, confused. "Oh, I did," He replied, "But they cost me an arm and a leg."

Did you hear the one about the dog with no limbs named joint?

Every morning his owner would take him out for a drag

What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

A fish is any member of a paraphyletic group of organisms that consist of all gill-bearing aquatic craniate animals that lack limbs with digits, and a piano is an instrument.

A dark riddle.

What has four limbs in the morning, two limbs in the afternoon, and is dead by evening?
A disobedient s**....


Ghandi was a mystical prophet of god. He wore no shoes,so he developed many callouses on his feet. He was a fruititarian,eating no protein,so his limbs were very spindly. Also,he never cleaned his teeth,so he was eternally cursed with bad breath. This made him a…"Super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis".

I heard about this place that replaces your limbs with prosthetics...

But it'll cost you an arm and a leg!

Oscar Pistorius

I'm gonna go out on two limbs and say he's guilty

A paraplegic gets hired to play a lead role in a horror film

The Silence of The Limbs

What do you call a potato with no limbs?

An amputater

What's the difference between a little guy with a p**... o' gold and a big gathering where people's limbs are falling off?

One's a leprechaun and the other's a l**...-con.

Did you hear about the soldier with 8 limbs?

He was army

Why did Gordon Freeman's vehicle dismember the metrocop and pulverize his limbs?

Because he was driving a Combine harvester.

Now that robots move

their limbs smoothly and with grace, i wonder how we're supposed to imitate them on the dance floor?

Why can't Jimmy ride his bike?

Because he has no limbs
Kinda dark, I know. It's just for those out there who would chuckle at this. ;D

What do you call a gangster with no limbs?

A crip

Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?

He didn't have a leg to stand on

What's the difference between a motivational speaker and a baseball player?

The baseball player has all of its limbs.

I tried getting some prosthetic limbs the other day

But they cost an arm and a leg.

I have at last fulfilled my dream of becoming arms dealer...

... by selling 3D printed prosthetic limbs for the needy.

What do you call a guy with no limbs in a pile of leaves?


Why did the far right boycott ice cream?

Because you can't have moose tracks without **moose limbs.**

Did you hear about the Marathon being held in Chernobyl for Victims whose Limbs have been amputated?

They're calling it the Nuclear Arms Race.

What do you call a meteorologist with all of his limbs broken?

A weather four-caster

A lot of people like to sleep in the fetal position.

I sleep in the aborted fetus position.
Limbs everywhere.

Why is it better to not have limbs or a body during the 100m?

Because you're always ahead.

I have written a couple of academic papers on replacement limbs.

They are my prostheses.

Have you heard of this bad doctor?

When people's limbs get cut off he replaces them, but with other animals' limbs.
One of his patients was really angry at this, and decided to call the doctor. After multiple profanities the patient said that if he finds the doctor he will kill him with his bear hands.

What do you call a bird with no limbs?

A chicken nugget

Actor playing Anakin Skywalker asks, "who's going to be in the scene where I lose all my limbs?"

The director says, "just You an' McGregor."

A man with no limbs tried to break into my house.

It's ok, he wasn't armed.

People who lose limbs to diabetes don't really have much hope afterwards...

They've got one foot in the grave.

What do you call four gentlemen who have completely lost the use of their limbs?


I'm thinking of opening a shop which sells used artificial limbs

Call it the second hand second hand store

What has a head and a tail, but no limbs?

The furry in my basement

Child with no limbs: Alexa, stop my wheelchair at the traffic light.

Alexa: I don't know about that.

What do you call an alligator without scales, tail, limbs or teeth?

A nothingator.
~ 4 yr. old nephew came up with it

They said Canada has free healthcare, but after I got in a car accident and needed to have two limbs amputated...

The cost was an arm and a leg!

I'm beginning to regret getting all those prosthetic limbs...

It cost me an arm and a leg!

My friend runs a very successful business making prosthetic limbs and exporting them worldwide.

He is an International Arms dealer.

What do you call an Irish dwarf whose limbs keep falling off?

A l**...-chaun.

What do you call someone who sells synthetic limbs?

An arms dealer

There was a fat guy at the gym the other day. He was r**... over his tired limbs.

I guess he really is a sore loser.

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at varying levels.

The monkeys at the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces, whereas the monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but a**....

Limbs joke, A guy walked into a prosthetic limbs store.

jokes about limbs