lily Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious lily puns

A Father has three daughters..

Daughter 1: Dad, why did you name me Rose?

Dad: Because sweetie, a Rose petal fell on your head when you were born.

Daughter 2: Dad, why did you name me Lily?

Dad: Because sweetie, a Lily petal fell on your head when you were born.

Daughter 3: hghghdnbgh!!? dnbgh!??! nfhriirb!!? Jfjebdjhcb!!??!

Dad: SHUT THE FUCK UP CINDERBLOCK!

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Kid1: Hey Dad why am I called lily?

Dad: Because a lily petal fell on your head when you were a baby.

Kid2: Hey Dad why am I called rose?

Dad: Because a rose petal fell on your head when you were a baby.

Kid3: herdurrrrahduhrgh#%*?

Dad: Shut up Cinderblock

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3 little girls walk up to their father

The first little girl asks, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
and the dad says, "because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head, so we decided to call you rose."
The second little girl asks, "Daddy, why is my name Lily?"
and the dad says, "because when you were born, a lily petal fell on your head, so we decided to call you Lily."
The third little girl says, "hurdddurflbbbbb dur."
and the dad says, "shut up Cinderblock."

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A little girl asks her father how she got her name

"well honey a rose petal landed on your head as we were carrying you out of the hospital, so we named you rose."

his younger daughter runs up to him "and how did i get my name daddy?"

"well honey a lily petal landed on your head as we were carrying you out of the hospital, so we named you lily."

his son comes runnign up to him and yells "huuuuuuuuuuur flugerr dhuuuur"

"shut up cinder block"

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"Daddy, why is my name Rose?"

One day, a child came up to her father and said, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
He replied, "Well, when you were born, a rose fell on your head."

Later on, her younger sister came up to their father and asked, "Daddy, why was I named Lily?"
He replied, "Well, when you were born, a lily fell on your head."

Later, their brother came up to their father and said, "Ghigdsgjjo Hitsggdjkl."
He replied, "Shutup, Brick!"

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Jesus, Moses, and an old bearded guy are playing golf...

Moses steps up first and lands his ball in a water hazard. He then proceeds to part the water where the ball is and lands it in the hole.

Jesus hits his ball and also lands it in the water hazard. So he walk on the water, picks it up, places it on a nearby lily pad and also lands it in the hole.

Now the old bearded guy steps up and just hits the ball with all his strength. The ball goes flying! It then proceeds to hit a nearby rooftop, bounce along the grass and land on a lily pad. A frog appears and eats the golf ball. Then out of nowhere a bird picks up the frog in its talons and flies off. As the bird flies over the green, the frog spits out the ball and it manages to land the ball in the hole...

After witnessing this Moses turns towards Jesus and says, "I hate playing with your dad."

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Why does snape teach potions and not herbology?

He can't keep a Lily alive.

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What plant will kill you in 5 min or less if you just stand under it

Water lily

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A girl asked her dad "Why is my name Rose?"

Her dad said "Because when you were a baby, a rose petal fell to your forehead"

The girl's sister asked the same. "Daddy, why is my name Lily?"

"As a baby, the petal of a lily flower fell on your head."

The youngest daughter then approached.

"AUUGHMMGRNMMM"

"Shut up, Cinderblock." The dad said.

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There was a father with three daughters...

The first daughter came up to him and said, "Dad, why is my name daisy?"
He replies, "because when you were born a daisy fell on your head."
The second daughter comes up to him and asks the same, "Dad, why is my name lily?"
"When you were born, a lily pad fell on your head."
The third daughter walks up to him and says, "MAUUUNGUNNFFFAUUUUUUU!"
"Shut up Brick!"

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A frog is sitting on a lily pad in the middle of what is clearly a river. He shouts to a toad on the shore, "Hey, look at me, I'm on a lake!" The toad yells back,

"Naw man, you're in de-nile"

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A man has three daughters...

And one day his oldest daughter came up to him and asked, "Daddy, why is my name Lily?"
The man replied, "Because that's the first thing that fell on your head when you were born, sweetheart." The daughter thanked him and ran off.
Later, the middle daughter came up to him and said, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?"
The man replied, "Because that's the first thing that fell on your head when you were born, sweetheart." Again, his daughter thanked him and ran off.
Later, the last daughter came up to him, and said, "Uhhhouahhhaauma."
The man said, "Shut up, Cinder Block."

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A Woman Was Walking With Her 3 Children

A mother was walking with her 3 children Rose, Lily, and Cinderblock.

Rose asks "Mom why am I named Rose?"

Her mother says "When we were coming home from the hospital a Rose fell on your head."

Lily, now curious, asks "Then why am I named Lily?"

Her mother says "When we were coming home from the hospital a Lily fell on your head."

Then Cinderblock says "ARGRGRGRGHDDEW BLDEWGD"

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Daddy, what's my name?

So a widowed man had a triplet. He had three daughters, two of them extremely beautiful and the third, an ugly, daughter that was retarded.

One day the first daughter asks, "Daddy why is my name Rose?" to which the father responds, "Because when you were a little baby a rose petal fell on your head."

A couple days later, the second daughter asks, "Daddy, why is my name Lily?" The father tells her "Because when you were a little baby a lily petal fell on your head."

Then the third daughter goes to her father and says "Durr DUURR DURR?" and the father responds by saying "SHUT THE FUCK UP CINDERBLOCK!!!"

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I remember my parent's reaction when I brought home my first A+ on a test

It was something like Who's Lily and You aren't even in AP Biology

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A young boy holding a tiger lily walks past an old man on a porch......

.......and the old man says "Where you going son?" The boy replies "I'm gonna' catch a tiger! Wanna come?" The old man scoffs and says "No thanks." An hour later the boy walks back by dragging a tiger and the old man is amazed.

The next day the same boy walks past the old man, boy holding a dandelion, old man on the porch. Old man says "Where you going now son?" Boy replies "I'm gonna catch a lion! Wanna come?" The old man scoffs and says "No thanks." An hour later the boy walks back past the old man dragging a lion to the old man's intrigue.

The next day the boy walks past the old man sitting on the porch, this time holding a pussywillow. The young boy opens his mouth to speak but before he gets a word out the old man yells "Let me get my coat........"

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There are 4 cows. 1 mom, 3 babies.

The first baby walks up to her and says, Mommy, why am I called Rose? Mama says, Its because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head. The second baby walks up and says, Mommy, why is my name Lily? Mama says, That is because when you were born, a lily petal fell on your head. The third baby is stumbling along to his mommy and says, egnafunerfnuegenaf.




Shut the fuck up Cinderblock

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Have you ever wondered why Severus Snape taught Potions and not Herbology?

It's because his Lily died.

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The Three Sisters

There were three sisters who started to wonder where there names came from. One afternoon, the oldest of the three walked into the living room where her dad was reading and asked him, "Dad, why did you name me Lilly?"
The father looked down at his daughter and said "Well, when you were born, the doctor placed you in your mothers arms and right then a lily flew in through the open window and landed right on top of your head. So we named you Lilly."

Satisfied with the answer, Lilly left to go play outback. Hearing of Lilly's story, the middle sister ran inside begging their father to know where her name came from, "Daddy, daddy, why did you and mom name me Rosebud?"
"Well," he said, "when you were born, the doctor put you in your mother's arms and then a rosebud flew in through the open window and landed on top of your head, so we named you Rosebud." Rosebud smiled and walked back to her room.

A few minutes later, the youngest daughter came into the living room and said, "Weegggughghghhhegghg rrhhgghhhruughghghg..." The mom yelled from the kitchen, "Will you shut the fuck up for once Cinderblock?"

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Child 1: "Dad why did you name me rose?"

Child 1: "Dad why did you name me rose?"

Dad: "Because when you were born a little rose petal fell on your forehead, it was such a beautiful moment."

Child 2: "And why did you name me Lily?"

Dad: "Because when you were born a little Lily fluttered onto your forehead"

Child 3: ADGHRSSDF!!! MMHGJGD!!

Dad: "Shut up Boulder!"

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There's a fly buzzing over the water.

A frog is sitting on a lily pad and he says if that fly drops three inches I'll eat him for lunch.
A fish under the water is looking up and he says if that fly drops three inches that frog will jump, then I'll jump and I'll eat that frog for lunch.
There's a bear on the side of the pond and he is watching. He says if that fly drops three inches, the frog will jump, the fish will jump and I'll jump and eat that fish for lunch.
There's a hunter in the woods who's watching. He said if that fly drops three inches, the frog will jump, the fish will jump, the bear will jump and I'll shoot that bear and eat him for lunch.
There is a cat in a tree above the hunter looking down at the hunters lunch bag and sees a tuna fish sandwich. He says if that fly drops three inches,the frog will jump the fish will jump the bear will jump the hunter will shoot the bear and run down and I'll jump down and eat the hunters tuna fish sandwich for lunch.
Just then the fly drops three inches. The frog jumps, the fish jumps the bear jumps the hunter shoots the bear and he runs down and the cat jumped down to eat the tuna fish sandwich. When the cat jumped he hit a branch, flipped and landed in the water.
What's the moral of the story?
Every time a fly drops three inches a pussy gets wet.

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Why does Snape teach potions and not Herbology?

Because his Lily died

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A woman is walking home with her three daughters- Rose, Lily, and Cinderblock.

Rose asks her mother, Mom, why did you name me Rose?

To which her mother replies, Well sweetie, when we were coming home from the hospital with you a rose fell on your head!

Lily, curious now, asks her mother Mom, why did you name me after a flower too?

To which her mother replies, Well sweetie, when we were coming home from the hospital with you a lily fell on your head!

Cinderblock says to her mother, hghghdnbgh!!? dnbgh!??!

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A mother is walking her 3 daughters home

The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did I get my name?"

"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose.

The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.

"Well darling, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a lily petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."

The third girl asks "HHGHGNGHGHNG?!?!?! DDDNBHGHBHNGHHH!!!" (do an exaggerated impression).

"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock."

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A man and his 3 daughters

This was one of my favorites from middle school:
So a man has 3 daughters and he is sitting alone in his room one night.
His oldest daughter comes in and asks, "Dad, why did you name me Rose?" He responds, "Well when you were born a rose petal fell on your forehead."
She leaves and the second daughter walks in and asks "Dad, why did you name me Lily?" The Dad replies, "Well when you were born a lily petal fell on your forehead."
Finally, his youngest daughter enters. She is deformed and goes "AAARGGGHLLAHAH" to which the Dad says "Shut up Cinderblock."

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There are five cows on a farm, one momma cow and four baby calves.

The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, Momma, why is my name Rose? The mommy cow replies, Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born.


The next calf comes up and asks, Momma, why is my name Lily? The mother replies, Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born.


The third baby comes up and asks, Momma, why is my name Daisy? The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head."


The final baby walks over and says, Huh Ruh Buh Duh! The momma cow says, Shut up, Cinderblock!

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The naming of my children

Yesterday, my eldest daughter asked me,"Father, why is my name Rose?". I explain to her it was because a rose petal landed on her head as she was birthed on our patio. Curious, my middle child asked me,"Father, why is my name Lily?". I explain to her it was because when she was birthed a lily flower petal fell onto her head after it blew in through a window. My youngest grunted,"Raaghhrgh?". I reply,"Quiet down now Cinderblock we already fed you!".

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A woman is walking home with her 3 daughters

The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, "Mummy, how did I get my name?"

"Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Rose.

The second daughter, now curious, asks the same question.

"Well darling, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a lily petal landed on your head! So that's why we named you Lily."

The third girl asks "HHGHGNGHGHNG?!?!?! DDDNBHGHBHNGHHH!!!"

"Shhh, quiet now, Cinderblock."

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Lily walked up to her father and asked a question....

"Father," said Lily, "why did you name me Lily?"
Lily's father smiled, "On the day you were born, a gentle breeze carried a lily through the window, and it gently fell onto your forehead, and so we named you Lily."
Lily smiled at her father, and went back to playing.

On that same day, Lily's sister, Rose, walked up to her father and said, "Father, why did you name me Rose?"
Rose's father tousled her hair, and replied, "When we left the hospital on the day of your birth, a rose petal carried in the breeze fell upon your forehead, and so we named you Rose."
Rose smiled, and went back to playing.

Later that day, the youngest girl in the family, Cinderblock, walked up to her father and said "GRRRAAAaaaAAAAaaHHH!!"

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There are five cows on a farm, one mommy cow and four baby calves.

The first baby walks up to the mom and asks: "Mom, why is my name Rose?" The mom replies: "Well, honey, when you were born a rose petal fell on your head."

The second calf comes up. "Mom, why is my name Lily?" The mom replies: "When you were born, sweetheart, a lily petal fell on your head."

The third calf comes up to mom. "Mom, why is my name Daisy?" The mom replies: "When you were born, my baby, a daisy petal fell on your head."

The fourth calf comes up. It says: "Hurr duh buh gah." The mom replies: "Oh, shut up, Cinderblock!"

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Why should you never buy ecstasy off of Lily Savage

Because it would be poor low-grade E

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Rose walks up to her father

"Father," she asks. Why did you name me rose?

"Well when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

Delighted, she scampers off into the next room. His second daughter comes running into the room.

"Daddy daddy! Why did you name me Lily?"

"Well when you were born a lily petal fell on your head."

Joyfully, Lily skips out into the next room. His third daughter bolts into the room.

"Hurrrrrnauuufffff."

"**SHUT UP CINDERBLOCK!**"

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hahah brick!

There is a father and he has three daughters

The oldest daughter comes up to him and asks, "Dad, why is my name Lily?"

The father responds, "because when you were born, a Lily fell on your head."

Then the second oldest daughter comes up and asks, "dad, why is my name Daisy?"

The father responds, "because when you were born, a daisy fell on your head."

Then the youngest daughter comes up and says, "Muuughmmmummphhhhhh"

"Shut up, Brick!"

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Biblical Golf

So this old man, Jesus, and Moses are playing golf. Moses hits his ball in the pond, so for his next shot he parts the water and hits the ball in the hole. Jesus's shot lands on a lily pad in the pond, so he walks onto the water and hits his next shot off the lily pad into the hole. The old man tees up his shot, but when he swings, he completely misses and the ball slowly rolls away from the tee box. Suddenly, a bird swoops in and picks up the ball and flies over the pond where the ball is dropped. In the pond, the ball is swallowed by a frog. The frog hops out of the water and gets hit by a truck on a nearby road. The impact of the truck's tires launches the ball back onto the golfcourse and into the hole.

Moses turns to Jesus and says, "I fucking hate playing with your dad."

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What's the opposite of "lily white"?

A racist term of some sort.

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What are the most funny Lily jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Lily? Well, here are the best Lily dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Lily pick up lines to share with friends.

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