Likewise Jokes
17 likewise jokes and hilarious likewise puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about likewise that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Unearthly Funniest Likewise Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What is a good likewise joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
A man is looking for inspiration,...
...and decides to open up his Bible to a random passage. He found the passage in which Judas hung himself. "Well, that's no good," the man said to himself, "I'll try again." He then turned to a passage that read, "Go and do likewise."
Mr T and I were thinking about scaling a glass wall.
We were looking at the standard equipment and the fancy equipment too. I selected the most basic suction device for my ascent, and suggested Mr T do likewise.
He looked at me and said, "I ain't using no plain s**...!"
When I was in college...
I liked a girl very much but I was afraid to approach her.One day my friend suggested to write my cellphone number on dollar bill and give it to her. I did likewise and told her it was dropped from her wallet.
The girl took it and went straight to the college cafe. She bought a burger and gave that money to the guy in the burger shop.
Now that guy from the burger shop texted me for a year asking how was the burger and when I'm coming next to the cafe.
The Only Way Out of a "NO U"
Likewise.
What did one echo say to the other?
"Likewise"
A gorgeous young redhead went into the doctor's office.
and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible," says the doctor, "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more pain.
She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no," she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
-
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
A man was walking through Northern Ireland in 1975
Someone in a mask came up behind him and put a knife against his t**.... Are you Catholic or Protestant? he shouted.
The man realised if he said he was Catholic and his assailant was Protestant, he was dead. Likewise, if he said he was Protestant and his assailant was Catholic, he was dead. After some quick thinking, he came up with a smart answer.
I'm Jewish! he said quickly.
The attacker replied Wow, I must be the luckiest Arab in Ireland!
At a welcome seminar at a senior assisted living facility...
...the manager addressed all the new seniors pointing out some of the rules: "The female sleeping quarters will be of limits for all males, and likewise the male dormitory to the females.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time".
He continued "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this point, an older gentleman stood up in the crowd inquired... "How much for a season pass?"
Ouch!
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhea...d took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
Red head goes to doctors office..
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
A physicist, an engineer, a mathematician, and a statistician were all staying at the same hotel.
One night, the physicist wakes up to see that his trash can is on fire. He quickly grabs a bucket of water and puts the fire out.
The engineer is also sleeping and wakes up to see that his trash can is on fire as well. He pulls out his calculator and calculates the exact amount of water necessary to put the fire out. He then proceeds to actually put the fire out.
The mathematician likewise wakes up to see his trash can on fire. He pulls out his calculator and calculates that water can be used to put fires out. He then returns to his bed.
The statistician continues setting trash cans on fire to get a larger sample size.
A physicist, an engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist were all staying at the same hotel...
One night, the physicist wakes up to see that his trash can is on fire. He quickly grabs a bucket of water and puts the fire out.
The engineer is also sleeping and wakes up to see that his trash can is on fire as well. He pulls out his calculator and calculates the exact amount of water necessary to put the fire out. He then proceeds to actually put the fire out.
The mathematician likewise wakes up to see his trash can on fire. He pulls out his calculator and calculates that water can be used to put fires out. He then returns to his bed.
The statistician continues setting trash cans on fire to get a larger sample size.
A man wants to cross a bridge...
...but a knight won't let him unless he answers three questions correctly but with each wrong answer, the knight promises to cut off parts of his body. The man agrees. The first question is incorrect and the knight chops off his arms. Likewise, the second question is incorrect and the legs were sliced off. Lastly, he answers the third one incorrectly and off his head goes when the knight separates it from its torso.
"Shall we have a fourth question?" Asked the knight.
The man replied, "I should quit while I'm a head."
A man was walking down the streets of Ireland...
...until a man came up behind him and pointed a gun to his head. The man with the gun asks "Are you Protestant or Catholic?"
The man then figured he was done for, since if he answers Protestant and the man with the gun was Catholic, he would get killed; and likewise, if he said he was Catholic and the man with the guy was Protestant, then he would still get killed.
Thinking up a quick plan the man answers that he is indeed Jewish.
The man with the gun then says "Oh, I am the luckiest Arab alive!"
I do not have a drinking problem
I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife that I had a drinking problem, and to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else. I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.
I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.
I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank.
I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.
I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.
I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.
When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.
I'm not under the affluence of incohol as some thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.
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Likewise One Liners
Which likewise one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with likewise? I can suggest the ones about compatible and likes.
- The Only Way Out of a "NO U" Likewise.
- What did one echo say to the other? "Likewise"
