Likes Jokes

133 likes jokes and hilarious likes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about likes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Whether you like jokes because you’re a joker at heart or you just appreciate a good laugh, this article explores the preference of someone who likes jokes. Find out if anybody else shares your penchant, and if there are certain types of jokes you should avoid. Finally, learn why people might not like jokes and why it is ok to have a dislike for them.

Funniest Likes Short Jokes

Short likes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The likes humour may include short liking jokes also.

  1. The president of the US is threatening to send the military to suppress US citizens. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom.
  2. If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened. Noble gases should have no reaction.
  3. If i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on. I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
  4. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. I want to split up." "Good idea," I replied. "We can cover more ground that way."
  5. TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic Because they are more likely to be dead
  6. Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared. Apparently only DC movies can do that.
  7. Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to orange.
  8. Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg
  9. I just saw my chinese waiter give my order to someone who looks nothing like me. I get it now. Oh wait, my bad. That wasn't my waiter.
  10. I was going to donate blood today, but they always ask waaaay too many personal questions Like, "who's blood is this", and "where did you get it?"

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Likes One Liners

Which likes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with likes? I can suggest the ones about similar and likewise.

  1. My girlfriend is like the square root of -100. A solid 10, but also imaginary.
  2. Dads are like boomerangs. I hope.
  3. PETA is like a box of chocolates They kill dogs
  4. If you say AT&T backwards You sound like a Canadian Bomb Technician.
  5. I like my women like I like my coffee I've never had coffee but it smells really nice
  6. I like my women like I like my slaves Educated and free.
  7. I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy It's not like I did anything
  8. When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body Then I was born
  9. You: Would you like a keto burger? My anaconda: No.
  10. I don't like people who take drugs... For example: airport security.
  11. Veganism is like Communism They are both fine, unless you like food
  12. Making love to a woman is like playing a violin… I don't know how to do it…
  13. I like my women like I like my passwords Short and insecure
  14. An unpaid internship is nothing like actual slavery Slaves are given food and housing.
  15. Dark humor is like cancer. It's even funnier when children get it.

Nobody Likes Jokes

Here is a list of funny nobody likes jokes and even better nobody likes puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Virginity is like a car Once you've had it 25 years, nobody else wants it either
  • I'm currently in a love triangle I like this girl, this girl likes nobody, and nobody likes me.
  • Women are like a box of chocolates I'm always stuck with the one's nobody wants.
  • The German dream The teacher is talking about the American Dream in class and then asks the one German kid if they had a German dream. He responds, "We did, but nobody liked it."
  • To most religious people, the holy books are like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree"
  • Why does nobody like a rich stone? Because he takes everything for granite.
  • Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space? Because nobody liked it on earth.
  • Nobody upvotes cake day jokes anymore I feel like I've been desserted
  • A farmer just burst into tears because nobody likes eating his apples anymore... I told him to grow a pear.
  • Women are like parking spaces... Normally, the good ones are taken so occasionally, when nobody is looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.

Someone Who Likes Jokes

Here is a list of funny someone who likes jokes and even better someone who likes puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If you ever feel like your job is meaningless, remember there is someone who is currently installing the turn signal at BMW.
  • If you ever feel like your job has no purpose, always remember right now, there is someone who is installing a turn signal in a BMW
  • Why is everyone obsessed with that new horror movie? Like, i was driving today and this is the third time someone has rolled down their window and yelled to me: Hey! Watch It!
  • People shouldn't be shamed for their kinks. Me, I get really turned on when someone smells like musty sweat and coal. But I always get called a monster when I admit to being attracted to miners.
  • What do you call someone who likes to add numbers when the weather is warm? A summer
    (I thought of this, hope it's original)
  • Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me." You reply with "That's the point."
  • The first joke I invented all on my own (age ~5-6) Why don't pirates like playing cards?
    There's always someone walking across the deck.
  • At home, they treat me like God. I'm generally ignored until someone wants something.
  • There's a new goth dating app called graveyard. Instead of liking someone, you dig them.
    (putting the romance back in necromance.)
  • Mom, someone called me gangster at school today. Mom: Dont worry I'll go tomorrow and solve this problem
    Son: Make sure it looks like an accident.
Likes joke, Mom, someone called me gangster at school today.

Likes joke, Mom, someone called me gangster at school today.

Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Likes Jokes

What funny jokes about likes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hits jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make likes pranks.

What do you call a caveman who likes to walk slowly all the time.

A Meanderthal

What do you call a horse that likes arts and crafts?


Why did the mermaid wear sea shells?

Cause she was too big for B- shells!

Five secrets of a perfect Relationship

1. It`s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans and has a job.
2. It`s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It`s important to have a woman you can trust and who would never lie.
4. It`s important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes being with you.
5. It`s absolutely important that these four women never meet.

A farmer goes to the market to buy a rooster

He sees one he likes, so he asks the seller:"Is he any good for mating?"
"Oh, no problem there, he s**... every single chicken I had. He even tries to screw ducks, turkeys, even pigs!"
"Then why" asks the puzzled farmer "are you even selling him?"
"You see" answers the seller "lately he's been looking at me kinda funny."

An old joke no one I know likes

Two economists are sitting on a bench. One says to the other "do you understand the economy?"
The other economist says "Let me explain, I'm an economist. It starts--"
The other interrupts "Oh no, I understand. I'm an economist too. We can both explain the economy, do you *understand* it?"

Raisin Bread

A baker hires a young female assistant who likes to wear very short skirts and a thong. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and then at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea. "I'd like some raisin bread please," the man says politely. The girl nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, gets an excellent view just as he planned. Once she comes down he says he should get two loaves, as he is having company for dinner. As the girl retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread, just to see her climb up and down. After many trips she is tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try the bread herself. Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd, staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man: "Is it raisin for you, too?" "No," stammers the old man: "but it's quivering a bit!"

Little Johnny is at Toys R Us...

Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy. He finally finds a toy car he really likes and decides to buy it. He goes up to the cashier to pay for the toy car and offers fake Monopoly money. The cashier says to Little Johnny, "are you dumb? this is not real money." Little Johnny responds, "You're s**..., neither is the car..."

How can you tell if a Finnish guy likes you?

He's staring at your shoes instead of his own.

Secrets to a happy marriage

1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have s**....
and MOST important...
4. It is important that these three women never meet.

You can tell a lot about a woman from her shoes

If they're behind her ears, she likes you

A donkey had an IQ of 186.

He had no friends at all though. Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-a**....

A misunderstanding

A girl is driving down the highway listening to the radio when a song comes on that she really, really likes. The DJ says the name of that song was "Hot lips and tender kisses." The girl says to herself I've got to buy that record. She pulls over and looks up the phone number for the nearest record store. She dials the number but makes a mistake while dialing and instead of calling a record store she has called an auto mechanic. The phone rings and the mechanic picks up the phone. The girl says, excitedly, "Do you have hot lips and tender kisses?" The mechanic is a little confused, but responds, "No, but I've got hot pants and seven inches." The girl responds, "Is that a record?" The mechanic says, "No, but it's better than average."

I've got a friend who's a female private investigator.

Or gynecologist, as she likes to be called.

Why doesn't Justin Bieber like Sports Authority?

Because he likes d**....

My dog can speak English.

My dog can speak English.
When I ask him how his day was, he says "rough!"
When I ask him what sandpaper feels like he says "rough!"
When I ask him where my golf ball went he says "rough!"
And when I ask him how aggressively he likes to play he says "I prefer to minimize the chance of injury"

What do you call a m**... who likes to smoke, drink, swear and have s**... with strangers?

An oxymormon.

John Snow.

John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.
-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?
John laughs and continues with his drink.
-Why is this funny?
John responds,
-Nothing. I just imagine how rare it would be to have 7 inches of Snow in spring...

I ask my friend in North Korea how he likes it there

His exact words were... "I can't complain"
Must not be all that bad there.

I've been texting this cute dyslexic girl.

I think she likes me, but she keeps sending mixed messages.


Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."

My wife likes to talk to me after s**......

It's great, I've got a special ringtone set up and everything.

You can tell how much a girl likes you by looking at her feet

If they are behind her ears, she really really likes you.

A boy works up the courage to ask the girl he likes on a date

The girl, liking him back, agrees to go on the date.
The boy tells her "Before we go on our date, there's something I have to tell you about myself. I only eat insects."
The girl finds this to be very strange but accepts it because she likes him.
They go out to dinner and the girl orders a steak while the boy eats an arrangement of insects he brought from home.
In the parking lot after dinner the two lock eyes, lean in, and slowly kiss each other. After the kiss the girls eyes are lit up with magic and she asks the boy how their first kiss felt.
The boy replies "I've got butterflies in my stomach."

My name is Nate. My dyslexic friend told me he likes it, he thinks it's neat.

My girlfriend likes golden meteor showers

(I have kidney stones)

The EU is like a box of chocolates;

Nobody likes the Turkish.

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles.

If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

What do jellybeans and the human race have in common

Nobody likes the black ones

One windmill asked another what kind of music it likes

The other windmill responded "I'm a big metal fan"

A boy is in the shower with his mum.

The boy says, "Whats that hairy thing mum?"
Mum replies, "That is my sponge."
"Oh yeah," says the boy, "The babysitters got one too, she likes to wash dad's face with it!

The Harshest "Yo Mamma" Joke...

Yo Mamma is like a bowling ball...
She likes to get picked up, fingered, thrown down a dark alley, then comes back for more.

I have a buddy that likes to have s**... with inanimate objects.

We don't hang out much. He's always got stuff to do.

My girlfriend has this really weird f**...

She likes to pretend she's 13 years old when we have s**....
I don't know why, she'll be 13 in a couple of years anyway.

Husband: "Waiter, my wife spilled her water".

Waiter: "No problem, I'll get you another one".
Husband: "Make sure the next one likes sports".

How do you know that an introvert likes you?

He looks at your shoes instead of his.

Wife asked me to get "bath stuff" for xmas.

Hope she likes her toaster.

I found out my date likes to dissect people from Southeast Asia.

I've since decided to cut Thais with her.

Dad, why is my cousin called Porsche?

Dad: Because her father likes Porsche cars.
Son: Thanks dad.
Dad: You're welcomed, young boy.

2 men are sitting on a bench in a park, filled with children. Kids are having fun.

Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"
Man 2: "Yup."
Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."
Man 2: "Cool."
Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"
Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."

My Uncle has a coal f**....

Its why he likes to bang miners.

What do you call a robotic emo that likes dark humor.

Cutting edge technology

My six year old daughter was watching me shave this morning..

"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.
"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.
"Does it hurt?" she asked.
"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."
"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.
"No, I just stick a little piece of toilet paper on any cuts." I told her.
"But don't they just fall off?"
"No, sweetheart." I replied. "They're held in place when I put my underpants back on."

Every time I put my key in the ignition, a light comes on that says, "depress clutch to start."

So I lean down and tell the clutch, "Everybody likes brake and accelerater better than you."


1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, whom you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be in it with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other

What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?

One likes men and the other is disabled.
EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful.

What do you call a french ghost that likes anime?

A oui-a-boo.

A farmer's 3 daughters are going on a date

A farmer is concerned that all 3 of his daughters are going on a date tonight. He decided he'll greet each man who shows up tonight with his shotgun in hand.
The first man to ring the doorbell greets the farmer with, "Hi, my names Joe.
I'm here for Flo.
We're going to see the show.
Is she ready to go?"
The farmer likes this fellow and sends Joe and Flo off.
The second man to show up says,
"Hello, I'm Eddy.
I'm looking for Betty.
We're gonna go eat some spaghetti.
Is she ready?"
The farmer decides this guys okay too so off they go.
The third man rings the doorbell says,
"Hey, my name's Chuck."
And the farmer shot him.

My crush said I'm like a brother to her

Lucky she likes game of thrones

What do you call a Japanese chicken that likes b**...?


I think my goldfish likes it when I take him out of his bowl…

He sure wags his tail a lot…

The girl I'm dating likes to answer the phone during s**...

I think I'm going to stop calling her...

My girlfriend likes it when I am silent.

She thinks I am listening.

"Dad, why is my sister called Rose?"

"Becausr your mother likes roses."
"Thanks dad"
"No problem Alex."

I think the girl at the grocery store likes me,

she was totally checking me out.

Why doesn't Yelp remove fake reviews of Indian restaurants?

Because everyone likes a little naan fiction

Why does Kevin Spacey never get 1st place in races?

Because he likes to come in a little behind.

Kevin Spacey likes his guys like he likes his whiskey...

12 years old and in a barrel, OR 18 years old and full of coke.

Your adorable!

She texted me: Your adorable!
I replied: No. You're adorable!
Now she likes me a lot... All I did was point out her typo.

My girlfriend likes to pretend she's 13 in bed

i told her it was pointless, she'll turn 13 next year anyway

I think my doctor really likes my choice of sensible footwear…

I overheard him telling his colleague that I had, "Serious healthy shoes."

How do you know that a s**... likes you?

He misses you.

One of my coworkers is always bragging about how much o**... s**... she gets.

She really likes to rub peoples' noses in it.

I'm not exactly sure why my friend likes dried grapes so much...

... but I'm sure he has his raisins.

o**... wrote on his FB status:

"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."
400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend:
"Where did you go in UBER bro, party was in your house"

My wife likes it when I blow air on her when she's hot, but honestly

I'm not a fan.

My Dad told me to find a woman that likes to cook, clean, and have s**....

The most important thing though was to make sure that these three women never meet.

My girl likes to pretend she's 13 when we're in bed together

Which i told her is pointless & weird, because she'll be 13 next year.

What do you call a girl who likes to count the number of guys she's slept with?

Tally h**...!

I remember when I was a little boy, an old man suddenly stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason.

So I've spent all my life working on a time machine, and now that I've built it, I'm going back in time to when he was a little boy, and I'm going to punch him and see how he likes it!

I bought my wife a stripper pole for our anniversary and installed it in our bedroom.

Whenever I ask her if she likes it, she just dances around the subject.

Why wasn't Bill Murray cast as Thor?

Because nobody likes an electricity bill.

My wife likes to say marrying me was like winning the lottery...

I like to remind her that most lottery winners blow their winnings.

An artist has a 6 year old child who also likes to draw

His child drew a horse.
The artist asked, "You drew the horse wrongly."
The child replied, "How did I draw it wrongly?"
The artist said, "Why does the horse have wings?"
The child replied, "Why can't it have wings?"
The artist said, "It isn't a horse if it has wings."
The child replied, "Then why did you call it a horse?"

Has COVID-19 got you wearing glasses and a mask at the same time?

You may be entitled to condensation.
EDIT (July 14, 2020 7:40PM PST): Um, wow. I did not expect the 2.9K likes, especially since I didn't come up with it. Thanks for the support guys and y'all got me, I read it somewhere else and shared it.

Here's a joke for English and irish

So 3 people go to the middle East, a German a English and a irish. They get captured and sent to a Prince, the Prince gives them each one wish and 20 whips to the back. The German goes first and asks for a pillow on his back, he gets the pillow and the whips but it doesn't work. Next is the English he asks for two pillows and again it shreds throgh them. Next is the Irish, the prince's wife grants him one more since she likes his people. The Irish man first asks for 100 whips, and for the English guy to be strapped to his back.

I don't think my girlfriend likes my schizophrenia meds

Because every time I take them she goes away

I bought my wife a pug recently

Despite the flat nose, ugly wrinkles and bulging eyes, the pug likes my wife

Jokes are like people

Not everyone likes the dark ones.

I asked my friend how he likes living in North Korea.

He said he couldn't complain.

Gave my daughter an apple for breakfast this morning 🍎

She said she only likes pears!
So I gave her another apple. 🍎🍎

Likes joke, Gave my daughter an apple for breakfast this morning 🍎

jokes about likes