The Best 90 Like The Movies Jokes

A boy at a cinema notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him "

Are you a bear?"

"Yes"

"What are you doing at the movies?"

"Well, I liked the book!"

Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

Watching Whitney Houston's funeral

Was like watching every Tyler Perry movie at once

The intelligent dog

Roxy, a large black Labrador, was sitting up in his seat at the movies, wagging his tail, growling at the villain and barking excitedly at the hero's escapades. The woman in the seat behind him was intrigued.
Excuse me, she said, tapping Roxy's owner on the shoulder, that dog is extraordinary. I've never seen anything like it!
Yes, he's surprised me, too, said the owner. He hated the book.

Does anybody have a joke where the punchline would make no sense if heard alone? I'm thinking like in movies and shows where you come in on a character telling the punchline and everybody laughs hysterically.

I've always wanted to hear the setup to one of those type of jokes.

I think three movies is a bit much for the hobbit.

Seems like they're really dragon it out.

Free doughnuts

I went to Krispy Kreme for talk like a pirate day to get a free doughnut. I looked the cashier in the face and told her I used the free WiFi to download [insert popular movie name here]. They gave me free doughnuts for 25 to life.

What was Arnold Schwarzenegger's answer when asked which historical person he would like to play in a movie?

I'll be Bach.

The sun is in so many movies..

It's like one giant star!

How i out dad joked my dad...

So the preview for some time traveling movie comes on tv and my dad goes "if you ever find a time machine remember not to use it," somehow thinking it's funny.

I'm ashamed to say the first thing out of my mouth was "seems like a great way to pass the time."

The only indie movie I like is Raiders of the Lost Ark

My friend and I are going to see a movie.

As we enter the theatre, we see a sign that says "no food or drink permitted."

Quietly I say, "I have a way to get around this."

To which he says, "How? It's not like we have a purse or huge pockets to hide things in."

I replied, "I've got a couple Twix up my sleeves."

At the movies.

A man takes his seat at the movies. Popcorn in one hand, he is just getting settle when he notices behind him a duck.

He loudly exclaims "there is a duck here!".

The duck replies "so".

"You are a duck, why are you watching this movie?".

"Well, I liked the book".

Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are going to be in a movie about classical composers...

They are talking to the director about what roles they want to play.

Sean Connery says "I would shertainly like to play Moshart."

Sylvester Stallone says "Uh, well, I guess I wanna play Beethoven."

And so Arnold pauses a moment, and then says "I'll be Bach."

Dad asks me have you heard of the new movie constipation? I was all like what, no.

And he said, It never came out.

Girl asked me to netflix and chill, but I download all my movies illegally....

So I was like na, more like pirate and booty.

I like to go to the movies and politely ask the people in front of me to stop kicking my seat.

Movies are always more fun if you dress up like the characters.

Like the time I didn't eat for 3 weeks and then saw Schindler's List.

Gf tells me "to make love like to me like they do in the movies"..

Long story short..Im due in court soon. Guess we don't watch the same kind of movies.

Three actors are deciding on roles for a movie about classical music.

Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all taking part in a new movie about classical composers.

"I think I'll play Beethoven!" declared Matt.

"I'd like the role of Mozart!" Brad decided.

"I'll be Bach." said Arnie.

So my girlfriend asked me to make love to her like in the movies....

So I pulled out and busted all over her face....apparantly we don't watch the same movies

Justin Bieber

The new Justin Bieber 3-D movie is amazing.

It's like you could almost reach out and punch him.

I like my women like I like my movies.

Silent and in the 20s.

I like to hold hands at the movies.

Which always seems to startle strangers.

I hate when girls have "taken" in their bio

like that movie wasn't even that good

If you ever feel lonely...

just dim down the lights and put on a couple horror movies. After a while, you won't feel like you are alone anymore.

I Like My Vaginas Like My Two Favorite Clint Eastwood Movies

Dirty Harry and Every Which Way but Loose

Girl: What do you like to do in your free time?

Guy: I spy on people.

Girl: Really? I like to take long walks in the park and go to the movies with my friends.

Guy: I know.

If you're feeling lonely, dim the lights and watch a good horror movie.

By the end of it, you won't feel like you're alone anymore.

I went to a party last night...

..and everyone was watching a movie on the TV. I being introverted, hadn't talked with anyone and was watching movie by myself. When the movie ended, everyone was debating on what to watch next.

I decided to put on the movie I had brought from home. It was pretty funny and had Jim Carrey in it.

Everyone really like it. People started talking to me and thanking me for the movie. No one cared who I was until I put on The Mask.

I wish life were more like the movies!

Two hours long.

Most people call the movie Rogue One

but I like to call it Star Wars Episode: PI because its between Episodes 3 and 4

Man sees a kangaroo sitting in a movie theater

"Are you a kangaroo?" asked the man, surprised. "Yes." "What are you doing at the movies?" The kangaroo replied, "Well, I liked the book." 

I like my women like I like my movies...

...fast, furious and eight in a row.

I don't like watching sad movies.

If i wanted to cry I'd open my wallet instead.

Michael Keaton took roles like Batman, Birdman, and now the Vulture from the new Spider Man movie

I guess you can say he's a good wingman.

Made love to my wife last night, just like they do in the movies

I was fast, she was furious

What do you call someone who doesn't like the movie Alien?

Xenophobic

An attractive woman asked me if I wanted to see a movie yesterday.

She said what would you like to see.
I said you pick.
She said you pick.
I said I don't care you pick.
She said, Sir there are other people waiting in line to buy tickets.

I Said to this girl I like that I had two tickets for a movie

She told me to watch it twice.

When people go underwater in movies, I like to hold my breath to see if I would have survived the same situation...

Almost died in Finding Nemo

Motivation is like quicksand.

I'll likely never encounter it but see it in movies all the time.

A man in a movie theater

Notices a skunk sitting next to him.

"Oh my god, are you a skunk?" Asked the shocked man.

"Yes."

"What are you doing in this theater?"

"Well, I liked the book," the skunk replied.

What kind of movies do pirates like?

Aaaarrrrrrrr rated movies

I like to hold my breath whenever a character goes underwater in a movie. That way I know if I'd survive if I were that character.

I was rushed to the E.R after Finding Nemo

How is a night with Bill Cosby like watching the movie Dunkirk?

You feel ashamed after waking up.

Some actors were planning to make a movie on famous composers

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"

Why is everyone obsessed with that new horror movie?

Like, i was driving today and this is the third time someone has rolled down their window and yelled to me: Hey! Watch It!

Having more kids is like making movie sequels

They require a bigger budget, have a worse plot, and get progressively more difficult to name.

A man goes to the movies

He looks over and he sees a man and his dog. As he is watching the movie he looks over and notices when the movie is funny it looks like the dog is laughing. When the movie is sad it seems like the dog is crying. When the movies is over he says to the man.

"Wow it's weird but it really seemed like your dog was into the movie."

"Yeah, it is weird. He really hated the book."

I hate it when people talk and eat loud in the cinema.

Like shutup, I'm trying to film a movie here!

A man and woman get a divorce.

They go to the courthouse and the judge wants to hear why they want a divorce.

The woman starts and says that they are too compatible. She says how they like the same movies, music, sports, books, and hobbies.

The judge perplexed asks why this is grounds for divorce.

She says the compatibility is just too good that they even like the same men.

I didn't really like the new Black Panther...

It felt like only 3/5ths of a movie.

I liked the Harry Potter books and movies but...

I just feel like the character Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

When I first joined the army they said that it'd be just like the movies

I didn't think that the movie they were referring to was brokeback mountain!

Horror movies are like a box of chocolates

The dark ones always go first

Wife asks her husband to go bowling

She : "Honey do you want to go bowling tonight? We could also stay at home, make it cosy and watch a movie?"

He : "I really don't feel like putting my fingers in holes where everybody has already been with their filthy sweaty fingers.. come on let's go bowling"

A new Pirates of the Caribbean movie is like old people nudity at the public swimming pool.

You don't want to see it but you still end up seeing it anyway.

Dads are like boomerangs

They only come back in movies.

You ever have those days when real life feels like you were cast in a movie?

Sometimes I'm "Pedestrian #4" and other times I'm "Man on bike".

People like to point out that the title of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" sounds like the substance that probably inspired the song...

...and sometimes I wonder the same thing about the title of the movie The Dark Crystal.

I had a girlfriend and her favorite Pixar movie was "Up".

This was 2010 and she had it on blue ray, and we would watch it at least once a week at her apartment. But after like the 40th time, I confronted her and said I was tired of watching. The argument got heated; it didn't help that we were drunk. Suddenly, she pushed me and I fell on something. I turned and saw the disk broken; she cried hysterically.
At this moment, I knew, we broke Up...

Why are black folks acting like 'Black Panther is their first big movie?

When 'Planet of the Apes' came out in the 60's...

All of my sexual escapades are like a big budget Star Wars movie

Solo

I thought I'd surprise my new girlfriend after a recent movie talk we had. So, tonight when she came over, I had a Pornhub movie with a prostitute scenario on. She saw it, told me to never talk to her again, and stormed out.

I am starting to think she told me she likes horror movies ...

Sex with me is like the latest Avengers movie

There's always a bunch of nice guys who hate the fact that Im the one to split it in half

Another movie reboot

Pam and Doug were walking past a movie theatre when Doug pointed and said hey look they're remaking that old PG-13 classic, but it looks like this time they're giving it an R!

Pam looked over and, sure enough, there was a big poster for Planet Of The Rapes

Two Mice Live in a Movie Studio Warehouse

Two mice live in a movie studio warehouse and are looking for food. Suddenly one hears the other chewing.

"What did you find?" he asks.

"I'm not sure, it looks like a piece of film celluloid from an old movie. Let me see...ah, yes - it's from 'Gone with the Wind'".

"And how is it?"

"Nothing much. The book was better."

In the movie Top Gun, there are hot shot pilots pushing everything to the limit in sophisticated fighter jets.

Statistically they were GOING to lose a pilot, but even Death didn't know which one to take so he just walked around the room like "Duck, duck..."

All this drama in the world. Makes me want to watch a nice light movie.

You know... Like Armageddon.

So I was watching tv last night and saw a trailer for the new fantastic four movie. It looks like its going to focus on their kids and how they team up to fight crime.

Apparently its going to be called "The Fantastic Four's Kin"

Sex with me is like watching the movie Forrest Gump.

There will be laughing & crying, and by the end you might fall in love with an idiot.

Um idk what to write so hi

A flight attendant sees a man watching a movie she sees he is only using captions so she walks up to him

Flight attendant: Hello would you like some headphones

Man: Of course i would but how did you know my name was phones?

I like the Harry Potter books and movies but

I think the character of Nearly Headless Nick was poorly executed.

My wife asked me, Why don't you treat me like you did when we were first dating?

So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents' house.

A man sitting in a movie theater notices that there is a bear sitting next to him.

Finally he turns to the bear and says, Aren't you a bear? The bear nods, so the man says, So what are you doing at the movies? The bear says, Well, I liked the book.

I watched a movie called "The Adjustment," about a Chiropractor who quits, goes back to school and becomes an famous Orthopedic Spine Surgeon. I didn't really like it.

Too much backstory.

Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger are sitting in a restaurant, and Sylvester Stallone is like: "Guys, we should make a movie with the three of us, but I'm all out of ideas at the moment, I'm kind of bored with the standard action flicks."

Chuck says: "Don't you have any ideas?"

"Yeah, this may sound silly, but I was actually thinking about doing a movie on great classical composers"

That's when Arnold trows himself in the conversation and says: "That sounds like a great idea! Sylvester, you can be Mozart, and Chuck can be Beethoven!"

"And who will you be, Arnold?"

"I'll be Bach."

Why did the surgeon not like the movie?

Because it was the uncut version.

Guy and a Girl on a first date.

Guy: "So, what kind of movies do you like?"

Girl: "I like movies where I need a tissue."

Guy: "Oh my god! Me too!"

Action Composers

All the action heroes are at Stalone's house when their phones all go off. Their agents give them news about a new action movie focused on the great composers. After the call they are all talking about who they would like to play.

Stalone: I'm not going to be in it if I can't be Mozart.

Statham: I'm rather partial to Beethoven myself.

Jet Li: Chopin!

Everyone having had their turn they turn to Schwarzeneggar who is straight up not interested in the project.

Arnold: No! This is a dumb movie.

Everyone: Come on...

Arnold: Fine! I'll be Bach.

​

A new Taken movie is being made.

In it, Liam Neeson feels like nobody appreciates the effort he went through to get his family back. So he pays people to kidnap him to make his family see the lengths he went through to save them.

It's going to be called Taken 4 Granted.

A girl goes to a movie theatre…

…with her dog.
The movie didn't have a happy ending and many people were crying at the end of the movie and her dog was crying as well. A lady sitting next to her saw the dog crying and said That's absolutely amazing. I can't believe your dog is crying

She responded: I can't believe either …. because he didn't like the book

My wife and I stopped by the optician's to pick up my new glasses.

Once the optician finished he minor adjustments, my wife looked up at me and said, "Wow, you look amazing! Like Clark Kent!" It made me smile...

We had other errands to run, and the compliments just kept coming; "You look like a movie star! So sexy!" Man, I felt great. In fact this kept up for the rest of the day. I was on cloud nine!

That evening, as we were getting into bed, I took off my new glasses and set them on my nightstand. My wife glanced over at me and said, "Oh. It's you."

Astley paradox

If you ask Rick Astley for a DVD of the movie Up, he won't give it to you because he's never gonna give you Up. However, by not giving you Up like you asked for, he's letting you down.