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Like A Glove Jokes

78 like a glove jokes and hilarious like a glove puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about like a glove that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Like A Glove Short Jokes

Short like a glove jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The like a glove humour may include short glove jokes also.

  1. I saw a 5 legged woman crying and I asked her why She said she could never get shoes to match. I tried to console her so I said at least your knickers fit like a glove
  2. Some of my friends have been making very hurtful remarks about my choosing to wear mittens rather than gloves... ...but I don't like to point fingers...
  3. Why do truck drivers like wearing finger-less gloves... They like to see their girlfriend in shorts
  4. My girlfriend told me she enjoys celebrity impressions in bed, tonight I tried Jim Carrey Apparentley "Like a glove" is crossing the line
  5. My brother pointed to his coffee table and said "those are my new gloves" He's always making off-hand remarks like that
  6. My new underpants fit like a glove. It's a shame, I was kind of hoping they'd fit like underpants so I wouldn't have to wear them om my hand and get all these stares....
  7. A man goes to the doctor for a physical. He tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has 5 p**.... The doctor says, " 5 p**...!? How do your pants fit?"
    The man replies, " like a glove."
  8. I once met a man with 5 p**.... I said "That must be rough"...and "how does your underwear fit?" He said "Like a glove!"
  9. 5 p**... A man visits his doctor and tells him,
    "You've got to help me doc. I've got 5 p**...!"
    To which the doctor replies,
    "5 p**...! How do your pants fit?"
    "Like a glove!"
  10. A man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a problem, I have 5 p**..." The doctor says "Woow, how do your pants fit?", he replies "like a glove"

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Like A Glove One Liners

Which like a glove one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with like a glove? I can suggest the ones about mittens and glove box.

  1. Hey! Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His pants fit like a glove
  2. What do you call someone that occasionally likes gloves? Intermitten
  3. "That dress fits you like a glove" "It sticks out in five places"
  4. Did ya hear about the woman with five legs? Her knickers fitted her like a glove.
  5. I used to know a guy who had five legs. His pants fitted him like a glove.
  6. I once had a friend with 5 legs... His pants fit like a glove.
  7. I never liked wearing condoms. We have a sort of glove-hate relationship.
  8. Have you heard about the guy with 5 p**...? His underwear fits like a glove.
  9. Have you met the guy with 5 d**...? His underwear fits like a glove.
  10. Did you hear about the man born with 5 d**...? His pants fit like a glove.
  11. What did the guy with 5 p**... say? "These pants fit like a glove"
  12. "Hey five-p**... Charlie, how do your pants fit?" "Like a glove"
  13. I met a guy with 5 p**...... His pants fit him like a glove.
  14. What does a man with five d**... wear? Pants that fit like a glove.
  15. Anyone hear the joke about the guy with 5 p**...? His pants fit like a glove

Like A Glove Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about like a glove you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean grip jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make like a glove pranks.

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet.
Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet.
The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "£250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "I'll tell."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "£750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!"
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "£1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again."

A teenager gets pulled over for speeding...

The cop says "License and Registration please."
As the teenager is grabbing it out of the glove compartment, the cop then says, "Ya know, I've been waiting for a s**... kid like you all day."
The teenager says, "Well officer, I got here as quick as I could."

Three ladies meet up for a drink

Three ladies meet up for a drink once a week.
The first lady says: "The other night, when my boyfriend got in from work, I surprised him. I was standing in the hallway, wearing these tall leather boots, a corset, long black silk gloves, and lots of makeup. I looked him in the eye and said 'Hello there, big boy.' He grabbed me, flung me to the floor and we made love right there and then and it was AMAZING."
Next week they meet up again.
The second lady says to the first one: "I took a tip from you. The other night my fiance came home from work, and I was standing in the bedroom wearing high heels, a tiny skirt, a see-through top and heavy makeup. I said 'Hello there. Big Boy.' and he flung me on the bed and it was unbelievable! He was like a wild animal!"
The third lady, married for ten years and seeing things get a bit stale in the bedroom, decides she needs a piece of the action.
She dresses up in thigh high leather boots, a tiny black skirt, a cleavage-tastic corset, long black gloves and she puts on the sluttiest makeup job in the history of s**... makeup jobs. She waits in the kitchen, thinking that when hubby gets home he may do something really sordid like make love to her right there on the kitchen table.
Sure enough, he comes home and walks into the kitchen.
She looks him in the eye and says: "Hello there. Big Boy."
He looks back at her and says: "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"

Did you hear about the guy... [n**...?]

Did you hear about the guy with three p**...?
His pants fit him like a glove.

The Boy, The Man, and The Closet

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet,
not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice"
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My Dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,
"How much?"
Boy: "$ 750"
Man: "Sold."
A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go
outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The Dad asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy: "$1,000"
The Dad says, "That's terrible to over charge your friends like
that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to
church, to confession."
They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the
confessional booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that again; you're in my closet now."

Why did the man with 5 d**... take his pants to the tailor?

So they'd fit like a glove.

Man with 5 p**...

A man has 5 p**... and when one of his friends found out, they asked him "How do your pants fit?" The man responded, "Like a glove".

A guy went to the doctor for routine physical and the Dr. I noticed that he had 5 p**.... The doctor said, wow that's amazing, how do your pants fit?

The guy said, like a glove!

Latex gloves

A happy couple are laying in bed when the husband farts, the wife says to him "Harry, you f**... every morning in bed. One day you're going to f**... your guts out!" Harry just grunted and ignored her.
4 months later...
It's the morning after thanksgiving and the wife Fiona is looking in the fridge when she notices the insides of the turkey in plastic wrap. She knows what she had to do. She goes upstairs and while Harry is sleeping she slips the insides into his boxers. She goes back downstairs and acts like nothing ever happened.
15 minutes later...
Fiona hears a scream from upstairs, and she sees Harry run down the stairs straight into the bathroom.
10 minutes later...
Fiona hears the door open and Harry walks out of the bathroom. "Are you okay honey? Fiona's says.
"Well, you know how you said I would f**... my guys out? Well it happened, but with some pliers and a pair of latex gloves I managed to get most of them back in.

I knew a guy who had 5 p**....

His pants fit like a glove.

A man walks into a bar...

and glances at the menu.
* **Sandwiches, $2**
* **Hand jobs, $5**
He calls over to the waitress, a gorgeous young blonde woman who appeared to be in her mid-twenties.
"Hey, hi there. Are you the one doing the hand jobs?"
She smiles thinly, "Yes sir, I am."
"Well, wash your hands and put on some gloves. I'd like a sandwich."

It's a man with 5 d**....

His boxers fit like a glove.

How does a guy with five d**... wear his pants?

Like a glove

Do you know the guy with 5 p**... ?

Condoms fit him like a glove.

There once was a guy with five d**.... How do you think his pants fit him?

Like a glove.

A man goes to a doctor one day and says...

"Doctor! Please, I need a solution. I have 5 d**...!"
"Well, that is astounding! Tell me, how do your pants feel?"
"Like a glove!"

There's a man living near me who has 5 p**....

Rumour has it his underwear fit him like a glove.

A guy was once born with 5 p**...

His underwear fits him like a glove.

Ever hear about the guy with three d**...?

His pants fit like a glove.

Blonde joke

A blonde is speeding down the highway and notices the flashing lights of a police car behind her. She slows down and pulls over to wait for the police officer, who also happens to be a blonde.
The police officer asks her for her driver's license. The driver says:"I'm not sure what that is... what does it look like?"
Police officer:"It's a little square and it has your picture on it."
Driver: Reaches into the glove compartment and pulls out her compact, looks at her self in the mirror, seems satisfied and hands it to the officer.
Police officer:"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were police officer! Have a nice day. You can go now."

Did you hear about the man with 5 p**...' ?

His underware fits like a glove.

what did the man with 5 p**... say when he tried on his new pants?

they fit like a glove

BREAKING NEWS: SCIENTISTS HAVE DISCOVERED A MAN WITH 5 p**...

So far the only thing they have been able to determine is that his pants fit like a glove.

I have a good friend who was born with 5 p**...

One day he went to the doctor for a check up. The doc said Well, you're still in perfect health but let me ask you, how in the world does your underwear fit?
Like a glove.

I went to the clinic today and nervously said, "Doc, this is a little embarrassing, but I've got a problem." Rolling his eyes, chuckling softly, he retorted, "Trust me, I'm a doctor. Nothing you can show me would be startling."

Hesitating just a bit, I stammered, "Well...I...I...I seem to have 5 p**...."
Stunned, eyes wide, he rasped, "Wait, what?! How did you get your pants on!?"
I whispered, "Actually, they fit like a glove."

Have you heard of the man with 5 p**...?

They said his pants fit like a glove

A lady goes to a gynecologist for a routine exam

She gets into the gown and positions herself into the stirrups. When the doctor comes in, he tells her that the exam may be painful and asked if she would like to be numbed. Afraid of the pain, she replies, please. The doctor says okay, this will just take a minute . The doctor puts on his gloves, lifts up her gown, begins to put his head between her legs and goes numb numb numb numb...

Me and my girlfriend...

Were getting romantic in bed and she decided to give me a h**.... Before she started, she asked do you have protection? And I said yeah and, it'll fit like a glove

I once knew a guy with 5 p**....

The c**... fits like a glove

Did you hear about the man with 5 wieners?

I asked him how he put on a c**..., he said it fits like a glove

How do pants fit on a man with 5 p**...?

Like a glove
-Gilbert Gottfried (shortened)

Trying to make up for bad behavior, I went to the shopping mall to buy my wife a gift.

I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, I say eyeing the attractive sales girl, but I don't know her size.
Will this help? she asked sweetly, placing her hands in the gloves.
Oh, yes, I answered. Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.
Will there be anything else? the sales girl inquired, as she wrapped the gloves. Now that you mention it, I replied, she also needs a bra and p**....

Have you heard about the man with 5 p**...'s?

His pants fit like a glove.

Have you heard of the man with 5 p**...?

He's been looking for a c**... that fits like a glove.

A man with 5 p**... went in for a routine check up with his doctor.

During the exam, the doctor asked, Have you been practicing safe s**...?
The man responds, Yes, although it can be cumbersome at times.
The doctor then asks the man, How do you use a c**... with 5 p**...?
The man says, Fits like a glove.

Have you guys heard the one about the guy with 5 d**...?

His pants fit like a glove.

A young man was shopping in a department store. He sees an extremely attractive salesgirl and says, "I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, but I don't know her size." "Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours." "Will there be anything else?" the sales girl queried as she wrapped the gloves. "Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra and p**...."

A man is in an emergency room complaining of severe stomach pains and bowel trouble. The physician says that the patient will need a r**... exam.

The doctor positions the patient on the bed on his side and puts on a latex glove.
As he lubes up his glove, he says, "Don't get excited and move too much like last time, Peter"
The patient says, "My name isn't Peter"
The doctor says, "Mine is"