Lightning Up Jokes
123 lightning up jokes and hilarious lightning up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lightning up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Lightning Up Short Jokes
Short lightning up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lightning up humour may include short lightning jokes also.
- Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning? His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
- Why does lightning strike in France so often? Because it follows the path of least resistance.
- My dad drives like the lightning! Wow, he's that good, yeah?
Well I don't know. He drives really fast and from time to time he hits a tree. - My local church had troubles getting their insurance to pay for the lightning damage The insurance claimed it was deliberate damage by the owner.
- Me and my girlfriend have nicknames for each other; I call her thunder and she calls me lightning. I'm lightning because I always come first
- My dads nickname is lightning. That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.
- I once went to an open air Queen concert. It was good, but there was a terrible electrical storm during the set
Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening... - Local Man Killed After Being Struck By Lightning Statement from police: he would have been fine if he had stopped resisting
- Why do they call them thunder storms and not lightning storms? Thunder storms just *sound* better
- What did the lightning say to the fireworks? Hey! You stole my thunder.
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Lightning Up One Liners
Which lightning up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lightning up? I can suggest the ones about lightning storm and lightning strikes.
- Why did Thor lose his lightning powers? Because his father grounded him.
- How rare is it for a cow to be struck by lightning? Medium rare.
- Him: "I drive like lightning" Her: "So you drive fast?" Him: "No, I hit trees."
- If lightning strikes an orchestra, who is most likely to get hit? The conductor.
- My wife drives like lightning. I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
- If you wrote a book about Lightning McQueen... Is it a biography or an autobiography?
- I was trying the figure out how lightning works. Then it struck me.
- The electrons couldn't wait to become lightning When it happened, they were ex-static
- I used to wonder how lightning worked. Then it struck me.
- What is Lightning McQueen's favourite chocolate snack? CACAO!
- Why couldn't the lightning rod go play with its friends? Because it was grounded.
- What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning? He was conducting.
- On the bright side selfie sticks are also lightning rods.
- Why does lightning shock people? Because it doesn't know how to conduct itself.
- An ode to my ex He really was the lightning to my thunder...
He always came first
Lightning Up Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about lightning up you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lightning bolt jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lightning up pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel?
A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why shouldn't you smoke w**... during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
forever alone
Having alcohol by yourself at home is considered a problem, but social drinking is acceptable.
So now, whenever I open a crate of White Lightning, I always log on to Facebook.
Flying Blind
A Frenchman, Englishman, and an American are flying in an airplane on a cloudy, storming night when suddenly the plane is struck by lightning.
The pilot turns to his three passengers and says, "The plane's GPS is broken. I need each of you to stick your hand out the door, feel around, and tell me which city we are flying over judging by what you touch."
The Frenchman goes first. He opens the door, puts his hand outside of the door, and brings it in a minute later. "We're flying over Paris! I could feel the Eiffel Tower!"
The Englishman is next. He sticks his hand outside and draws it back in a minute later. "I just touched Big Ben! We are just over London!"
Finally, it is the American's turn. He shoves his hand outside the plane and brings it back in immediately. "We're flying over Detroit. I know because my watch just got stolen."
An angel appears at a faculty meeting...
... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
My favorite golf joke
Two guys are out golfing and a big thunderstorm rolls in. The first guy packs up his gear and starts running for the clubhouse when he sees his buddy take his 1-iron out of his bag and hold it above his head while casually walking in.
First guy says, "What are you doing?! Are you trying to get yourself killed? Don't you see all the lightning?"
"Don't worry," says the second guy, "even God can't hit a 1-iron."
Jesus vs Satan
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"
God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."
Have you heard men get hit by lightning 6x more often than women?
The kitchen must be a very safe place
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest and a farmer are playing a round of golf.
On the first hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots a hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and the ball ends up in the woods.
The farmer is furious and screams: "g**... I missed".
The priest tells him "If you curse one more time, god will punish you".
On the second hole, the priest clasps his hands, says a prayer and shoots another hole-in-one.
When it's the farmers turn, he shoots and this ball also ends up in the woods.
He screams "g**... I missed"
A loud rumble is heard and lightning strikes the *priest*.
Shortly after, a voice is heard from above the clouds saying "g**... I missed"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Thor
The god of thunder is riding through the sky on his mighty stallion. With lightning crashing all around, he triumphantly screams, "I'M THOR!" His horse looks up and says, "Of courthe you are, you forgot your thaddle thilly!"
They say men are 3 times as likely to be struck by lightning than women
Because lighting is 1/3 as likely to strike in the kitchen
Three legged pig
A man is driving through the country to see a farmer about a sale.
after awhile he turns into the front gate of the property.. before he can get out of the car to open the gate.. a three legged pig leaps up and undoes the latch - opens the gate for him.
He is amazed as he stops to close the gate again but notices the three legged pig quickly close and latch the gate behind him.
As he drives on to the next gate the pig runs at speed past his car - by the time he gets there the gate is wide open - the pig closes it behind him again.
He arrives at the homestead and the pig has already sped past him and in sitting on the lower step.
He asks the farmer 'what's the story with this three legged pig? he opened the gates and ran like lightning to get in front of me - it's only got three legs - amazing!'
Farmer replies - 'Good pig like that.., you would be mad to eat 'im all at once'
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
What did the father lightning bolt do to his son when he miabehaved?
He grounded him.
Why does lightning always strike trees?
They are the path of leaf resistance.
Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?
Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance
If lightning always takes the path of least resistance...
why doesn't it always strike France?
A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.
First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."
"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.
"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."
Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."
"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.
"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."
Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."
"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.
"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"
In class room . Russia , after the war .
Russia , 1951 . school teacher asked the children. Who were your fathers ? the first boy said, " driver " , the second "The Postman ." I ask a question about the third . He said, " electrician. He was wearing a helmet and helmet were two lightning . (P.s - sorry for my english :) )
What's the difference between the Denver Broncos and a lottery ticket
One has a better chance of getting struck by lightning than winning, the other is a lottery ticket
What holds clouds together?
Bolts of lightning.
Three high school students are standing outside the school...
When they notice thunder and lighting in the distance. The French exchange student throws his hands in the air, screams, and runs away. One student asks the other, "Why did he run away like that?" To which the other replies "He knows lightning always strikes the point of least resistance."
True story, changed setting for simplicity.
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
If I got a nickel from Apple every time one of my lightning cables broke...
...they'd still be operating out of a garage.
Serious question here...
Does Lightning McQueen get car insurance or life insurance?
For Jupiter, God of Lightning, what's the best part of waking up?
Fulgur's in his cup,
I was out in the wild looking for lightnings and didn't know why I couldn't find any
and then it struck me
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
i caught the most incredible lightning with my camera last night, i was lucky
i survived
I was amazed
As I get older, I never stop learning new things every day. I'm a new dad and the other day I was changing my baby when all of a sudden my kid rolls off of the changing table. As if animal instincts kicked into me in that split moment, or super powers of sorts, I swoop down with lightning speed and catch him INCHES off of the ground! Still to this day I'm amazed; I had no idea babies could bounce that high off of marbled flooring.
What kind of food does Lightning McQueen feed his cat?
Cat Chow
There was a snail who took his brand new sports car into the body shop and got a custom paint job.
He asked for racing stripes, flames, lightning bolts…you name it.
But there was one thing about the paint job the body shop owner just couldn't understand.
The snail wanted a big S on the driver's and passenger's doors.
When asked about them the snail said:
When I drive by someone at high speed I want them to say 'Look at that S-car go.'
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a revolting scene.
What does an Italian Lightning McQueen say?
Ka-ciao
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Having s**... is like being struck by lightning
It's never happened to me, and the odds are not in my favor
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My s**... life is like being struck by lightning.
I never thought it would happen, but when it did, it was shocking and left me a huge scar.
The Biggest Coward
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward.
The first kid says," My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed."
The second kid goes," That's nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with the woman next door."
Someone told me Im more likely to die from a lightning strike while on the way to buying a lottery ticket than actually winning the lottery.
Either way I hit the jackpot.
My first time was like being stuck by lightning
It was a quick and painful discharge
A train conductor was struck by lightning 15 times and miraculously survived
It turns out he was a bad conductor
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
What happens when lightning strikes an animal shelter?
Shock and Awwwww
A plane gets struck by lightning
A plane is struck by lightning. A woman screams, "I'm too young to die! I want my last minutes of life to be meaningful. Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up and says. "I can make you feel like a woman." He starts to walk up the aisle, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, and whispers, "Iron this."
You simply cannot make a dark, lengthy, joke about lightning.
It'll be over in a flash.
What is a gamers explanation for first seeing the lightning and then hearing thunder
Lag
What did the fisherman say to the lightning bolt?
"Mr. Spark, I don't reel so good"
What do you call a cow struck by lightning?
Ground Beef
I hate all these lightning storms in my area...
Oh well, you get Zeus to it
What happened to the guy who got struck by lightning
He was shocked
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had to go to my Grandmother's f**... yesterday...
...just as the graveside service had ended, there was an almighty rumble of thunder, followed by a bolt of lightning.
My Grandfather turned to the Priest and said, "well, she's there and now it's His problem!"
Outside my school there is an unfortunate tree
It has been hit by a car, struck by lightning, and now infested with termites.
What a poor sap
What did the lightning strike survivor say when interviewed?
"It was shockingly powerful... Like, it really Hertz."
I used to date a girl whose could text unbelievably fast. Her fingers moved like lightning! But then she ran away and stole my old Jaguar
I wish you could have seen my X Type
What did Zeus pick as Mount Olympus' national anthem?
Greeced Lightning.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face. The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...
"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, 60, who died of heart failure while making love to his mistress, hence the enormous smile." says the coroner.
"Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars in the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Ok, so what about the third body?"
"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the r**... from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is *he* smiling then?"
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
What did they rename the Norse god of lightning after he turned into gold and began writing books?
Author
This news just in: The worlds tallest man has lost a fight with a storm.
In my opinion he shouldn't have let the lightning strike first.
Three bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...
"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, who had a heart attack while making love to his mistress, hence the smile." says the coroner.
Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won the lottery and spent all his money on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
"Ah!" says the coroner. "This is the most unusual one. Sean, the Irishman, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is *he* smiling then?"
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
*My grandfather told me this one as a kid so I hope you enjoyed!*
TIL that people who've crashed a train before are impervious to being struck by lightning.
Because they're bad conductors.
An orchestra was hit by lightning
Only the conductor died
A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies
In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you £20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.
20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets £20 to give.
Her boyfriend said "I can't take this, I have seen the movie before."
She replies, "So have I but I didn't think lightning would strike twice in the same place!"
Why do we always see lightning before the thunder noise comes?
Our eyes are at the front of our head.
A Bar opened opposite a Mosque!
The angry congregants of the Mosque prayed daily against the business....
Days later the Bar was struck by lightning and caught fire .
The Bar owner sued the Mosque authorities for the cause , as an action by their prayer...
The Mosque denied all responsibility!
So, the judge commented:
It's difficult to decide the case because we have a Bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and an entire group of Mosque congregants that does not believe in it !!!
The case is hereby dismissed!
They say lightning never strikes the same place twice, and I believed that all my life. So when I got struck by lightning for the 2nd time on the hill,
I was shocked
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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1st grade teacher asked the students: What is the fastest thing in the world? Tony replied: lightning. Melanie said: light Jimmy said:
Diahrrea.
The teacher asked Jimmy why He tought diahrrea was the fastest thing in the world?
Jimmy said:
Last night while sleeping I felt the urge to go to the bathroom, I got up as fast as a lightning went to turn the light on and before the light was on I had already s**... myself.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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A man was dumping toxic waste into a river.
Suddenly, the sky darkened, lightning flashed, and a glowing woman appeared, hovering above the river.
**"For your crimes, I curse you to only speak in words related to water!",** she intoned, and then vanished in another flash of lightning.
The man stood, shocked, before gathering his wits and muttering, "Well dam".