The Best 83 Lightning Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Lightning jokes. There are some lightning impact jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lightning cody puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Lightning Jokes and Puns
Why did Thor lose his lightning powers?
Because his father grounded him.
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
forever alone
Having alcohol by yourself at home is considered a problem, but social drinking is acceptable.
So now, whenever I open a crate of White Lightning, I always log on to Facebook.
Flying Blind
A Frenchman, Englishman, and an American are flying in an airplane on a cloudy, storming night when suddenly the plane is struck by lightning.
The pilot turns to his three passengers and says, "The plane's GPS is broken. I need each of you to stick your hand out the door, feel around, and tell me which city we are flying over judging by what you touch."
The Frenchman goes first. He opens the door, puts his hand outside of the door, and brings it in a minute later. "We're flying over Paris! I could feel the Eiffel Tower!"
The Englishman is next. He sticks his hand outside and draws it back in a minute later. "I just touched Big Ben! We are just over London!"
Finally, it is the American's turn. He shoves his hand outside the plane and brings it back in immediately. "We're flying over Detroit. I know because my watch just got stolen."
An angel appears at a faculty meeting...
... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
My favorite golf joke
Two guys are out golfing and a big thunderstorm rolls in. The first guy packs up his gear and starts running for the clubhouse when he sees his buddy take his 1-iron out of his bag and hold it above his head while casually walking in.
First guy says, "What are you doing?! Are you trying to get yourself killed? Don't you see all the lightning?"
"Don't worry," says the second guy, "even God can't hit a 1-iron."
Jesus vs Satan
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact. How did he do it?"
God smiled all-knowingly, "Jesus saves."
5 WoW related jokes
Yo mama so fat chain lightning hit her twice.
Yo mama so fat, when she logged in for first time she got the World Explorer achievement.
Yo mama so fat, she caused the Cataclysm by running to a buffet sale.
Yo mama so fat, she's immune to Death Knight's Death Grip.
Yo mama's so fat, it takes a 10 man raid of warlocks to summon her.
Have you heard men get hit by lightning 6x more often than women?
The kitchen must be a very safe place
Thor
The god of thunder is riding through the sky on his mighty stallion. With lightning crashing all around, he triumphantly screams, "I'M THOR!" His horse looks up and says, "Of courthe you are, you forgot your thaddle thilly!"
They say men are 3 times as likely to be struck by lightning than women
Because lighting is 1/3 as likely to strike in the kitchen
You can explore lightning tornadoes reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lightning hail dad jokes. There are also lightning puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
If electricity always follows the path of least resistance
Why doesn't lightning only strike in France?
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
Why are native South African Tribesman immune to lightning?
'cause you can't Shaka Zulu.
What did the father lightning bolt do to his son when he miabehaved?
He grounded him.
I once went to an open air Queen concert.
It was good, but there was a terrible electrical storm during the set
Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening...
In the unlikely event you have a 1 iron
and are caught golfing during a lightning storm, hold it up. Because even God himself cannot hit a 1 iron.
Disclaimer: a friend of mine told me this one on the golf course today. Neither I nor he wrote this joke, just thought it was really funny.
Why does lightning always strike trees?
They are the path of leaf resistance.
Why did Blitzkrieg work so well in France?
Because lightning always follows the path of least resistance
If lightning always takes the path of least resistance...
why doesn't it always strike France?
Why does lightning strike in France so often?
Because it follows the path of least resistance.
In class room . Russia , after the war .
Russia , 1951 . school teacher asked the children. Who were your fathers ? the first boy said, " driver " , the second "The Postman ." I ask a question about the third . He said, " electrician. He was wearing a helmet and helmet were two lightning . (P.s - sorry for my english :) )
What's the difference between the Denver Broncos and a lottery ticket
One has a better chance of getting struck by lightning than winning, the other is a lottery ticket
I told her I had lightning quick reflexes...
Sounds better than premature ejaculator...
What holds clouds together?
Bolts of lightning.
What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning?
He was conducting.
Three high school students are standing outside the school...
When they notice thunder and lighting in the distance. The French exchange student throws his hands in the air, screams, and runs away. One student asks the other, "Why did he run away like that?" To which the other replies "He knows lightning always strikes the point of least resistance."
True story, changed setting for simplicity.
On the bright side
selfie sticks are also lightning rods.
Why do they call them thunder storms and not lightning storms?
Thunder storms just *sound* better
Why is their always lightning in France?
Obviously, since lightning takes the path of least resistance.
An angel appears and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."
Immediately, the man chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, he is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"
The man says, "I should have taken the money."
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 killed the headphone jack with lightning
An angel appears to the head of a Philosophy Department...
...and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."
Immediately, the professor chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, the professor is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"The professor says, "I should have taken the money!"
My mind works like lightning.
One brilliant flash and it's gone.
Serious question here...
Does Lightning McQueen get car insurance or life insurance?
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
If you wrote a book about Lightning McQueen...
Is it a biography or an autobiography?
i caught the most incredible lightning with my camera last night, i was lucky
i survived
I was amazed
As I get older, I never stop learning new things every day. I'm a new dad and the other day I was changing my baby when all of a sudden my kid rolls off of the changing table. As if animal instincts kicked into me in that split moment, or super powers of sorts, I swoop down with lightning speed and catch him INCHES off of the ground! Still to this day I'm amazed; I had no idea babies could bounce that high off of marbled flooring.
What kind of food does Lightning McQueen feed his cat?
Cat Chow
There was a snail who took his brand new sports car into the body shop and got a custom paint job.
He asked for racing stripes, flames, lightning bolts…you name it.
But there was one thing about the paint job the body shop owner just couldn't understand.
The snail wanted a big S on the driver's and passenger's doors.
When asked about them the snail said:
When I drive by someone at high speed I want them to say 'Look at that S-car go.'
I knew a guy that got struck by lightning twice.
It was a revolting scene.
What does an Italian Lightning McQueen say?
Ka-ciao
Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning?
His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
My dads nickname is lightning.
That way I can tell my friends I've been struck by lightning multiple times.
I was trying the figure out how lightning works.
Then it struck me.
Two scared dads
Two kids are arguing over whose father was the biggest scaredy cat. Tommy says, My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bead.
Peter replies, Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door.
Wisdom, Beauty, or Money
At a meeting of the college faculty, an angel suddenly appears and tells the head of the Physics department, I will grant you whichever of three blessings you choose: Wisdom, Beauty—or ten million dollars.
Immediately, the professor chooses Wisdom.
There is a ash of lightning, and the professor appears transformed, but he just sits there, staring down at the table. One of his colleagues whispers, Say something.
The professor says, I should have taken the money.
How come a man driving a train got struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.
Having sex is like being struck by lightning
It's never happened to me, and the odds are not in my favor
My sex life is like being struck by lightning.
I never thought it would happen, but when it did, it was shocking and left me a huge scar.
The Biggest Coward
Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward.
The first kid says," My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed."
The second kid goes," That's nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with the woman next door."
Him: "I drive like lightning" Her: "So you drive fast?"
Him: "No, I hit trees."
Someone told me Im more likely to die from a lightning strike while on the way to buying a lottery ticket than actually winning the lottery.
Either way I hit the jackpot.
A train conductor was struck by lightning 15 times and miraculously survived
It turns out he was a bad conductor
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
A girl is having a date with a guy and is asking the guy if he drives well
Guy : I drive like lightning.
Girl : You drive fast?
Guy : No, I hit the trees.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
Hey! You stole my thunder.
Credit to my nine year old daughter on the 4th
What happens when lightning strikes an animal shelter?
Shock and Awwwww
A plane gets struck by lightning
A plane is struck by lightning. A woman screams, "I'm too young to die! I want my last minutes of life to be meaningful. Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up and says. "I can make you feel like a woman." He starts to walk up the aisle, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, and whispers, "Iron this."
You simply cannot make a dark, lengthy, joke about lightning.
It'll be over in a flash.
What is a gamers explanation for first seeing the lightning and then hearing thunder
Lag
Me and my girlfriend have nicknames for each other; I call her thunder and she calls me lightning.
I'm lightning because I always come first
If lightning strikes an orchestra, who is most likely to get hit?
The conductor.
What did the fisherman say to the lightning bolt?
"Mr. Spark, I don't reel so good"
What do you call a cow struck by lightning?
Ground Beef
What happened to the guy who got struck by lightning
He was shocked
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
The Thunder God astride his horse came riding from the sky.
A majestic sight for all to see, a Marvel for the eye!
He held aloft his hammer great, lightning flashed and thunder boomed!
"I AM THOR!" he cried.
His horse replied, "Well you forgot your thaddle, thilly."
I had to go to my Grandmother's funeral yesterday...
...just as the graveside service had ended, there was an almighty rumble of thunder, followed by a bolt of lightning.
My Grandfather turned to the Priest and said, "well, she's there and now it's His problem!"
Outside my school there is an unfortunate tree
It has been hit by a car, struck by lightning, and now infested with termites.
What a poor sap
What did the lightning strike survivor say when interviewed?
"It was shockingly powerful... Like, it really Hertz."
What did Zeus pick as Mount Olympus' national anthem?
Greeced Lightning.
What did they rename the Norse god of lightning after he turned into gold and began writing books?
Author
This news just in: The worlds tallest man has lost a fight with a storm.
In my opinion he shouldn't have let the lightning strike first.
TIL that people who've crashed a train before are impervious to being struck by lightning.
Because they're bad conductors.
An orchestra was hit by lightning
Only the conductor died
When lightnings struck the church, the insurance company refused to pay
Reason: Act of God, in other words, deliberate destruction by owner.
An ode to my ex
He really was the lightning to my thunder...
He always came first
Why did Thor lose his lightning powers?
His father grounded him.
A blonde and her boyfriend went to the movies
In the film, the main character is running through the storm so she says, "I bet you £20, that they don't get struck by lightning."
And her boyfriend agrees.
20 seconds later the main character is stuck by lightning and the blonde looks confused and gets £20 to give.
Her boyfriend said "I can't take this, I have seen the movie before."
She replies, "So have I but I didn't think lightning would strike twice in the same place!"
Why do we always see lightning before the thunder noise comes?
Our eyes are at the front of our head.
A Bar opened opposite a Mosque!
The angry congregants of the Mosque prayed daily against the business....
Days later the Bar was struck by lightning and caught fire .
The Bar owner sued the Mosque authorities for the cause , as an action by their prayer...
The Mosque denied all responsibility!
So, the judge commented:
It's difficult to decide the case because we have a Bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and an entire group of Mosque congregants that does not believe in it !!!
The case is hereby dismissed!
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lightning thunderstorm jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lightning tornado piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.