The Best 32 Lightly Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Lightly jokes. There are some lightly sweetly jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lightly light bulb puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Lightly Jokes and Puns
My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!
Man, that sentence was way too long.
Little Johnny is in class...
The teacher asks the class, "there are 5 birds on the line, someone shoots one bird, how many are left?"
Johnny says none, because when the gun went off, there birds flew away. The teacher says, no there are 4 but I like the way you're thinking.
Johnny says ok teacher, there are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream cones. The first one is lightly licking the ice cream, the second is biting the ice cream and the third one gobbles the whole cone down. Johnny asks, which one is married? The teacher says, the one that gobbles the ice cream cone down? Johnny says, no, it's the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you're thinking.
Don't make fun of obesity
It's too big of a matter to be taken lightly.
Have you ever heard of Tempura House?
It's a shelter for lightly battered women.
My wife texted me at lunch
"Window's frozen"
"Pour warm water on it, then lightly tap the edges with a hammer and chisel" I replied.
Ten minutes later, she called back.
"We need a new computer now".
My son asked me if I wanted him to lightly water my lawn.
I said, just dew it.
In an attempt to help the less fortunate, I want to start a charity where people can donate their lightly used weaponry, whether they be guns, knives, tanks, etc so that the poor and disabled can have a sense of security while living on the streets at an affordable price
It could be called the Goodkill
My buddy was into medieval things, so I asked if he had ever been poked by a lance,
He said "no but I was once lightly caressed by a Stephen"
The secretary of defense entered Donald Trump's office.
He told Donald Trump that a drone strike in South America had killed 4 brazilian people.
He expected Trump to take this lightly, but much to his surprise, Trump's face turned white with shock, and he promptly fainted.
After Trump awoke, the secretary of defense said "I didn't know you would value 4 brazilian lives so much"
Trump responded "Just tell me, how many million is a Brazilian?"
My friend wanted to hit the treadmill while recovering from an injury.
I told him tread lightly .
Have you heard about the Tempura Shelter they are opening downtown?
It's a center for lightly battered women.
You can explore lightly nipple reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lightly tootsie dad jokes. There are also lightly puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A recent survey reported 3 out of 4 men don't know how to turn on the dishwasher.
I find that lightly fingering her usually does the trick.
What do you get when a brewmaster punches you lightly on the shoulder?
Microbruise
A baker was smacked lightly with a baguette by his coworker.
He felt a small pain.
I hit some kid riding a skateboard today, on the way to work.
On a lighter note, I'm selling a lightly used skateboard.
Did you hear about the new women's shelter?
It's called the "Tempura House"
It's for lightly battered women.
Start taking dental hygiene seriously at a young age
It's nothing to brush off lightly
A pun and a hyperbole walk into a bar.
As they enter, the hyperbole is frightened by a shifty looking non sequitur pacing outside the door. The pun just chuckles lightly and reassures the hyperbole (it can be a bit dramatic sometimes). They take their seats at the bar, and the hyperbole finally relaxes. For a moment it had seemed certain that the sketchy non sequitur was entering right behind them, but thankfully, it does not follow.
What's the best thing about dark humor?
People don't take it lightly.
I saw a sign that said "Tempura House Shelter" so I was intrigued and went inside. I asked why it was named so.
They said it was for lightly battered women.
Rudolph the Russian visits New York
His host and wife take him out to dinner. On the way it begins to lightly rain, the wife says Oh look it's snowing! Rudolph replied, no it's rain. The wife again says, It's snow! The husband getting embarrassed settled the argument saying, Rudolph the red knows rain dear.
Two stoned guys...
Two stoned guys were riding a car when a policeman stopped them. The driver told his friend keep quiet, you will get us in trouble if you speak, I'll do the talking ! The policeman knocked lightly on the window motioning to them to role it down and said good evening gentlemen the driver exclaimed which weed you are talking about ?!
Edit : English is not my first language so be kind please.
Edit 2: changed smarter to driver.
Did you hear about the Tempura House that's opening?
It's a shelter for lightly battered women.
Doctor: "*I have some pressing news...*"
Me: "*Lay it on me Doc*"
Dr: "*I'll put this as lightly as I can, You have a mild blunt-force-trauma allergy*"
Me: "*Well, that hit me like a ton of bricks!*"
Dr: "*Don't let this hold you down...*"
Me: "*I's it congenital - because if it is, my kids'll be crushed*"
I recently volunteered at the Tempura shelter
It's the home for lightly battered women.
When I was in college my nickname was "Flute"
Because when girls blew me it was lightly, and with remorse.
I like my women like I like my shrimp
Lightly battered.
I like my girls how I love my Subway.
6 or 12, and lightly toasted in the oven.
Why did Albert Einsten stick his tongue out in one of his iconic photos?
At the peak of his career he took matters lightly.
How do people with no eyelids sleep?
Lightly
Have you guys heard of that women's shelter called Tempura?
It's for women who are lightly battered
They opened a Tempura Shelter in my town
It's for lightly battered women
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lightly harshly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lightly thinly piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.