Lighting Jokes

What are some Lighting jokes?

What did soviet russians use for lighting before they started using candles?

Electricity.

What did the pirate say when he saw his kid lighting the ship on fire?

Arrr son!

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They all use gas lighting.

Triplets talking about what they want to be when they grow up

3 unborn babies are in their mothers womb talking about what they want to be when they grow up. The first one says "I'll be a plumber so I can fix this leak in here." The second says "I'll be an electrician so I can get some lighting in here." The third one says "I want to be a hunter so the next time that weasel sticks his head in here I'll blast it off.

(Can't take credit for this, heard it a long time ago)

I've got a horrible memory.

I couldn't remember what onomatopoeia or metaphor meant and then BAM it hit me like lighting. It was like the time I remembered similes and realized I am dumb as a box of rocks.

A priest and a nun are golfing...

The priest misses a putt and yells " dammit I missed!" The nun tells him not to swear because God won't approve of it. On the next hole the priest hits a bad shot and yells once again " dammit I missed" and the nun tells him," don't swear anymore or the sky will open up and God will strike you down" . On the next hole the priest once again messes up and once again yells "dammit I missed!" At that point the sky opened up and the nun gets struck by lighting. The priest looks up with astonishment and from the sky he hears " dammit I missed!"

I'm gradually figuring out what the best lighting options are for my house.

It's a process of illumination.

A man goes to buy a pack of cigarettes......

The cashier hands him a pack. He goes out and thinks of lighting one up. The pack reads "Beware smoking causing impotency". He goes back in hey man i think you gave me the wrong pack give me the one with cancer.

A Frenchman, Englishman and a woman on a plane.

There was an Englishman, a Frenchman and a woman sitting together on a plane.

The pilot made an apologetic announcement that the passenger lighting was faulty and may go out for periods of time during their journey.

Right on cue, the lights went out and it was completely dark.
Then there was a kissing sound, followed by the sound of a really loud *SLAP*.

When the lights came back on, the woman and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Frenchman had a nasty red slap mark on his face.

The Frenchman was thinking: "The English fella must have kissed the woman and she missed him and slapped me instead."

The woman was thinking: "The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the English fella and got slapped for it."

The English guy was thinking: "This is great. The next time the power goes out, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French guy again."

I asked 50 lighting strike survivors about the impact it had on their lives...

The results were shocking.

Voldemort tried to kill my grandpa twice during the war!

That's why his helmet has two lighting bolts.

My friend died from an explosion after lighting his fart on fire.

But I know he's at peace because the last thing he saw was a light at the end of his tunnel.

Today's youth are getting worse.

I was in a church yesterday, when I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the candle. I was so shocked, that I dropped my beer bottle.

Lighting is very important when I take photos of myself.

Because if there isn't any, chances are it's a good photo.

Why is the lighting in Chinese restaurants so inconsistent?

Because they dim sum...

Electric engineer exam

3 students are getting prepared for the exam.
The teacher calls one in.


Teacher: Do you mind the neon lighting?

First sudent: No.

Teacher: Get out please!


Calls in the next one.


Teacher: Do you mind the neon lighting?

Second student: Yes.

Teacher: Get out please!


Calls in the last.


Teacher: Do you mind the neon lighting?

Last student: It's an argon lamp.

Teacher: Finally! We can start now.

Three high school students are standing outside the school...

When they notice thunder and lighting in the distance. The French exchange student throws his hands in the air, screams, and runs away. One student asks the other, "Why did he run away like that?" To which the other replies "He knows lightning always strikes the point of least resistance."

True story, changed setting for simplicity.

I want to die like my uncle.

Lighting a cigarette enjoying the cool summer breeze.
Not like the people around him yelling and screaming that he shouldn't do that while pumping his gas.

Need some help with a light bulb joke!

I am taking a stage lighting course and I need to provide my favorite light bulb joke on my first worksheet. Only problem is that I dont have one. So I figured I'd ask around for any good ones!

TIL about a method of capital punishment called the Roman Candle. Victims were tied to a stake and covered in a flammable resin. The burning bodies would sometimes be used to provide lighting for evening parties.

Great idea; terrible execution.

Lighting strikes an orchestra who gets hit first?

The conducter



.... I'll see myself out

An Innuit is out fishing in his canoe one day, feeling fairly miserable because he's cold and he hasn't caught anything...

Suddenly, he hits upon the idea of lighting a camping stove in the bottom of the boat so that he can stay warm, and cook his catch at the same time. However, before too long, the canoe hits a large wave, causing the stove to tip over and start a fire in the canoe. Not wishing to get burned, the Innuit is forced to swim back to shore, losing his boat and his catch.

The moral of the story is, you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

What's a Dalmatian's favorite lighting fixture?

A spot-light!

Did you hear about the Irishman hanging from the ceiling lighting a room?

His name was Seรกn D'olier.

They say men are 3 times as likely to be struck by lightning than women

Because lighting is 1/3 as likely to strike in the kitchen

Why did the train get hit by lighting?

Because of the conductor.

Why do the police hate teenage fireflies?

They never stop lighting up.

Did you hear that they upgraded the lighting system on the Goodyear blimp?

Now they call it the LED zeppelin.

Squirrels are like cigarettes.

I used to not be able to get near them. But putting them in my mouth and lighting them on fire is still where I draw the line.

How do Jedi reduce both lighting use and costs?

Lightsaber

I wonder if, in Ancient Greece,

Lighting strikes were considered an "Act of God" by insurance companies.

What is Lighting McQueen's favourite Chinese meal?

KaChow Mein

okay now...focus

Two elderly ladies were going to get their photograph taken . This was back in the day when photography was new. So they go into the studio and the photographer seats and poses them. The first lady says "what he gonna do"? The second lady says "hes posing us real pretty for our picture", next the photographer adjusts the lighting. First Lady says "whats he gonna do"? Second lady: "hes adjusting the lighting so we be real pretty". Next the photographer starts adjusting the camera, first lady: "whats he gonna do?" second lady: "hes gonna focus", second lady: "bofus"???

I've heard about lighting up on 4/20...

but I feel like BP took it a bit far back in 2010.

Famous physicist Dirac is talking about his favorite elementary particles...

Dirac says he is "very fond of electrons, they exist in all the atoms in our bodies, explain chemical reactions and the periodic table, and their flow in electrical circuits enables much of modern technology and beautiful lighting at night. Positrons however, well that's another matter altogether."

I got shocked by lighting the other day!

I told the doc I was worried about medical expenses. He said not to worry I won't be charged.

What are red heads good for?

Lighting fires.

There is a group that works in secret and had an ultimate goal of lighting up the fifth letter of the alphabet.

While we don't know their true name, people have nicknamed them "The Illiminate E"

How to make Lighting jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Lighting to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Lighting? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Lighting pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes