JokoJokes

Lighting Guy Jokes

95 lighting guy jokes and hilarious lighting guy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lighting guy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Lighting Guy Short Jokes

Short lighting guy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lighting guy humour may include short cable guy jokes also.

  1. 3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do? They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
  2. If light travels faster than the speed of sound... how come I can hear the guy in the bmw behind me honk before the light turns green?
  3. How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb? How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?
    None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
  4. There are three guys on a boat, and they have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with – what do they do? They throw one cigarette overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
  5. 3 guys are on a boat with four cigarettes and nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
  6. 3 guys on a boat There are 3 guys on a boat with 4 cigarettes but have nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
  7. How many IT support guys does it take to change the light bulb? Zero. They just switch it off and on a few times and it works like new
  8. What's the difference between 'Light' and 'Hard'? Guys can fall asleep with a light on....
  9. Did you hear about the guy who was addicted to running red lights? He knew he had a problem, but he told me he could *stop anytime*.
  10. Today's youth are getting worse. I was in a church yesterday, when I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the candle. I was so shocked, that I dropped my beer bottle.

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Lighting Guy One Liners

Which lighting guy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lighting guy? I can suggest the ones about electrician and street light.

  1. How many guys wearing turbans does it take to change a light bulb? Sikhs.
  2. What happened to the guy who had all his light bulbs stolen? He was delighted.
  3. You guys wanna hear a Dark Joke? *turns off lights*
    Alright, Knock Knock
  4. [OC] How are guys like light bulbs? They're both out immediately after being blown.
  5. What do you say when a bunch of German guys fix a lightbulb? Many Hanz make light work!
  6. To the guy who invented the light bulb That was one bright idea you had.
  7. I've been told that a fat guy outran Bolt He must be faster than light
  8. Did you hear about the guy who died in a light gust of wind? He was killed by debris
  9. A blind guy walks into a bar ... a light pole, a bench and a parked car
  10. Why can't you trust the guy dealing light-up sneakers on the street? He's way too skechy
  11. Why couldn't the guy building a PC find his RAM? Because the room's lighting was SO-DIMM.
  12. What's a Jews favorite beer? Bud Light L'Chaim (Pronounced like Lime, guys)
  13. how many black guys do you need to change a light bulb? just one you racist f*c**...!

Hilarious Lighting Guy Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter

What funny jokes about lighting guy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean led lighting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lighting guy pranks.

Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?
He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than neither will I."

How many frat guys does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to make a t-shirt about it.

So a guy lies on his death bed.

An old man is on his death bed. His entire family is by his side. He asks his daughter "Anna, are you there?" His daughter Anna says "yes father im here." The man then asks " What about my son is he here?" His son says "yes im here." "What about my grandkids," the old man said, growing more raspy. "We are here too grandpa," the grandkids said. "Everyone is here, arent they," he says, "Then why is the kitchen light on?"

4 big companies after me

John: Boss, I think you should give me a big pay raise, because I have four big companies that are after me.
Boss: And what four companies would be after a guy like you?
John: Well, light, gas, cable and telephone company!

Hearing problems

So a guy is going down the express way, and sees a lot of flashing lights, pulls over. The officer motions him to roll down his window and he says:
-Sir, do you realize that your wife fell out of the car, a mile back?
And he says:
-Oh thank god! I thought I was going deaf!

Drunk people are always fascinating

A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? " he asks the drunk.
"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it. "
"So how does feeling the roof help you? " He asked the drunk.
"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!! "

A guy goes into the doctors

And says, "Doctor, please help me, I think I'm a moth.".
"Ah ha!" says the doctor, " then what are you doing in a human doctor's surgery?".
"Well" says the man, "the light was on."

A note to the guy behind me driving to work this morning.

Dear guy behind me driving to work this morning,
Don't get mad at me for driving the speed limit. It's there to keep people safe!
And don't get mad at me for not getting out of your way. You don't own the road!
And don't ever flash your lights and honk your horn at others to make them move...geez. Such a rude ambulance driver!

How many forever alone guys does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but he wishes it was two.

Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes, but no lighters or matches or anything to light it with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette over board and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

B'dum tsss

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.
**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.
1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer
Anyone got any more?

Just after the apartheid ...

A bus company's owner explain to his drivers that if they find it difficult to see people as equal they just have to consider there are no more black and white people, only blue.
So, this driver explained it to its passengers :
"Ok guys, you're not black or white anymore. Only blue. So light blue get the front seats, dark blue the rear."

Drunk guy went to the bathroom

a drunk guy went home late, before sleeping he went to the bathroom to pee, he opened the door and the lights were on, he closed the door and the lights went off, he said how is that possible ? he peed and went to bed.
next morning he asked his wife "What's the matter with the bathroom lights, i opened the door and they went on and when i closed the door they went off".
she said:"so you're the one who peed in the Refrigerator"

An Indian guy is getting a job at a call center for copy machine support

The interviewer decides to test his knowledge of mixing light vs. Mixing pigments by asking him to use green, pink, and yellow in the same sentence about his job.
He says "When the phone goes 'green green', I pink it up and say 'Yellow?'"

Guy runs a red light

A guy runs a red light. His passenger tells him not to do that, but the driver says "It's okay, my brother drives like this!" He runs another red light. His passenger tries to insist, the driver says again "I told ya, it's okay, my brother drives like this!" Then he comes up to a green light and stops. His passenger asks what he's doing now and the driver says "Well, my brother might be coming the other way!"
-George Carlin, I don't remember what standup special.

Three men compare how they control their wives...

Three friends are sitting in a bar after a day of work, discussing their lives when the topic of conversation turns to how often they fight with their wives. The first guy says, "I just put my foot down and tell her what's what, and there's no more arguing after that. Then I get the TV to myself all night."
The second guy says, "I just keep repeating my point until she sees the light. Then she always makes my favourite dinner and gives me a back rub."
The third guy says, "Every time we argue, my wife is always on her hands and knees by the end of it."
The other two look at him, impressed. "Then what happens?" The second one asks.
"Well," the third says, " then she says 'Get out from under the bed and fight me you p**...!' "

In light of Valentine's Day

My girlfriend's mom told this joke and I thought it was worth sharing with you guys.
Q: What did the farmer get his wife for Valentine's Day?
A: hogs and kisses

a girl to her mother: Mom! I was stopped at a red light and got hit by a car!

--oh no! who rear-ended you?
lots of guys, mom! But can we go back to talking about my accident please?

A guy is doing 90 in a 75 and sees lights from a patrol car in the mirror...

He thinks furiously for a moment and then floors it, 95... 100.. 110... Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows to a crawl and pulls over to the roadside.
The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places hands out where they can easily be seen.
"You were going a little fast there," the officer says "but it is the end of my shift and tonight the boys are coming over for beers and cards, so you have exactly one chance to explain yourself."
The man, with all the sincerity he could muster, replied "Sir, round about a year ago my wife left me for a state trooper. I tell ya, that nag leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me and I knew it was too good to be true because when I saw your lights in the rearview, I could have sworn you were bringing her back."
The officer paused for a moment and said "Have a nice day and drive safe."

A guy walked into a dentist's office...

A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."
The guys replies, "I am seeing a psychiatrist."
The dentist says, "Well then what are you doing here?"
And the guy says, "Your light was on."

How many nice guys does it take to replace a light bulb?

Nice guys don't replace light bulbs: they'll just stand around complimenting it, hoping to get it s**....

I accidentally rear ended someone at a stop light while not paying attention..

We get out to exchange information, and I notice the guy is a midget. The first thing he says is, "I'm not happy." To which I replied, "Well which one are you then?"

Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.

Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.
The first says that he is really hungry and flys into the night. After half an hour he returns and his mouth is full of blood. The other two ask him: "where did you get that?" He answers: "Do you see that little light across the hill? It was a little family at a camping trip. Delicious!" 
The second vampire starts in the air and returns 15minutes later, the whole face covered with blood. The others ask jealousy: "Where have you been?" Smiling he answers: "You guys see that group of lights down there? It was a wedding with over 20guests. I don't have to eat for a week!"
Finally the third vampire starts into the dark sky, and returns about five minutes later. His whole body, top to bottom is covered in blood.
Exited the other two ask:"Man where did you go?!" 
"Do you see that tree right there?"
"Yes"
"Well, I didn't"

There are three guys on a boat

There are three guys on a boat and four cigarettes, and there are no lighters or matches or anything to light them with, so what do they do?
They throw one cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

How many IT guys does it take to change a light bulb?

No IT guys change light bulbs, they just keep flicking the switch on and off again until something happens.

What's the difference between a guy with carry on luggage and a photon?

The guy overpacked, and the photon is traveling light.

A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth."

The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."
The guy replies, "I am seeing a psychiatrist."
The dentist asks, "Well, then what are you doing here?"
The guy says, "Your light was on."

A day in the life of an IT guy...

Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.
IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?
Customer: Nothing.
IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?
Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...
IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?
Customer: Nope. The power's out.

A guy isn't paying attention and rear ends someone at the traffic lights...

...He gets out of his car to inspect the damage and a dwarf gets out of the other car. He says "I'm not happy, you know"!
The guy says "No? Well which one are you then"?

A guy, arriving at the hotel in his dream vacation, sends his wife an SMS but he accidentally mistyped her number...

...the text went to a widow, which had just attended to her husband f**....
When she read the message she instantly passed out. Here's the message:
"Hey, babe, this place is so peaceful. You're coming next week, I just made your reservation. I miss you so much. Bring light clothes cause the temperature here is hellish. Xoxo"

A bunch of beer company CEOs are at a conference and they decide to go get a drink...

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light, the CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light, the CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light, and the list goes on. The bartender makes his way to the CEO of Guiness and he orders a Coke.
His colleagues ask, "why don't you order a Guiness?"
And the Guiness CEO replies, "If you guys aren't going to drink beer, then neither will I."

4 famous beer owners walk into a bar.

The CEO for Budweiser orders a Bud Light. The CEO for Miller orders a Miller Light. The CEO for Coors orders a Coors Light. The CEO for Guinness orders a Coke. They all ask him why he didn't order a Guinness to which he replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer then neither am I."

Guy comes home and finds a note on the fridge..

..from his wife. It says "I'm sorry honey, it's not working. I'm leaving, I'll be at my sisters".
Guy is a bit confused, so he opens the fridge and the light comes on. He says "that's weird, seems to be working fine to me. Seems a bit dramatic?"

How many gynecologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I'm asking because mine had to call like six other guys in to help him, and I'm really starting to wonder why I needed one installed down there in the first place.

How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?

You guys wanna play soccer?

Seen on the internet a couple years ago.

A guy driving a Tesla stops at a red light. A second guy comes up to his window and says "Nice Edison you're driving!" The driver, confused, looks at the man and says "You're mistaken, sir, this is a Tesla." The guy at the window says to the driver "You're the one who's mistaken, this IS an Edison."
Then he pulled out a gun and said "You see, it's about to be stolen."

In the city, a guy was caught taking out all the red bulbs in traffic lights after months of going unseen

He wasn't sure what led to his capture, since he was pulling out all the stops to not get caught.

A man is looking for a p**...,

He comes across a woman who says she can give a guy head while singing.
The man says "I'll give you $50, just tell me how you do it."
"No," she replies "Just let me do it."
He agrees.
They go into a hotel room and she starts blowing him while singing away.
The man says, "Turn on the lights and let me see how you're doing that."
She replies "Hold on, let me put my glass eye back in."

Light doesn't travel faster than sound.

The guy in the BMW behind me always honks before the light turns green.

White guy goes into a cannibal restaurant and orders the light meat

The waiter replies:
We don't serve your kind here

Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?

The guy planted a light bulb and thought he'd get a power plant.

Hey guys please stop putting half-smoked cigarettes in the u**...

It makes them soggy and makes them hard t light up.

Black Guy Gets Pulled Over By a Cop

\*Black guys runs a red light & gets pulled over by a cop.\*
Cop: "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?"
Black Guy: "Because I'm a young, black man?"
Cop: "No sir, I don't see color."
Black Guy: "Then why did you pull me over?"
Cop: "Because you ran that red light back there."
Black Guy: "Sorry officer, I didn't know -- I don't see color."
Heard this at a comedy club this past weekend, forgot the guy's name to give him credit.

Guy A calls guy B

Guy A tells guy B, "I bet you I can get us the day off at work tommorow," so Guy A tells him that plan.l
The next day guy A goes to work and goes on the roof
The boss walks in and asks him what he's doing, guy A says "I'm a light bulb!"
The boss tells him that he's been working too hard and has gone crazy and tells him to go home
Guy B follows guy A out but the boss stops and says, "what are you doing?"
Guy B says, "I can't work in the dark!"

Light bulb thief

I came across an open package of light bulbs at work today.
I thought to myself, "Stealing lightbulbs? This guy must be in a really dark place".

Two guys are walking down the street

One of them sees a "For Sale" sign hanging on a lamppost, and starts knocking on it.
The other one says, "What are you doing?"
"I wanna buy it so I need to see how much the owner wants for it, but he won't open up."
"Weird. The lights are on."

A man goes to the doctor's.

And says, "Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a moth."
Doctor: "You keep thinking you're a moth!?!"
Man: "Yes, I keep thinking I'm a moth."
Doctor: "Well, I have to say, I'm a general practitioner. This is really a case for a psychiatrist. I know a good guy who I can recommend."
Man: "You know, it's funny you should say that doc, I was actually on my way to the psychiatrist...but I noticed your light was on."

Brits

They drive a German Car
They go to Irish Pubz
To drink Belgium beer
They get a Chinese Takeaway on the way back
They sit on Swedish furniture
They watch American films
On a Japanese TV
Most of all though they are suspicious of all things foreign
Courtesy of Rick Wakemam who I'm doing lighting for tonight. (super chill guy btw)

How many guys in the friend-zone does it take to change a light bulb?

Zero, they just keep complimenting it and complain when it doesn't screw.

Two guys lighting up a joint.

After an hour the one is high and the other feels like a seven.
Why?
>!Because the one feels numb and the other feels number.!<
There was also another guy with them who smoked way more that day. >!He felt like an eight. You could say he felt even number.!<

Speeding Ticket

A cop was waiting in a speed trap on the interstate when a guy in a sport car came racing by him at over a 100 mph. The cop immediately pulls out behind the speedster and turns on his lights. The guy pulls over and the cop walks over to the window. The cop looks at the guy smiling and says I've been waiting for someone like you all day. The guy responses well I came as fast as I could.

Guy stops the car at the red light

Looks around and notices a beautiful girl.
He waves, she waves back. He winks, she winks.
He opens the window, she opens the window.
Then he asks "What's up? You also f**...?"

A guy is walking on a beach when he finds a genie lamp..

He rubs the lamp and a Genie pops out.
The Genie says, "Thank you for releasing me. I will grant you one wish."
The guy doesn't hesitate.."I want to be world famous! I want my name in lights in every theater around the world!"
"Done!", says the Genie.."Your name is now EXIT."

Two guys who just met at a training class are driving through the city looking for a place to have lunch.

The guy driving is running every red light. The other guy is starting to freak out and says, "Dude?! What the h**... are you doing going through those red lights??" The guy driving says, "Its okay, my brother in law does it all the time." The passenger says, "Well its not okay with me, let me out up here!" They drive a little further up the road and the driver stops at a green light. The passenger says, "Why are you stopped? The light is green." The driver says, "My brother in law might be coming through."

President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.

Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.
The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."

Two guys are attempting an escape from an insane asylum

Eventually they escape the main building but there are walls around the encampment so they get to a roof to get over the wall, they look at the gap between the roof and the wall and decide it's too dangerous. the first guy says,
Alright, we can't jump across so I'll just shine my flashlight over to the other side and you can walk across the light
The second guy looks at the first guy baffled by what he just said, he replies
What?? Do you think I'm s**... or something?… You'll just turn the flashlight off when I'm halfway!

A game warden sees an old man going out fishing alone and asks if he can go along.

The old man relents and rows out to the middle of the lake. Then he opens his tackle box, pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and drops it into the lake. After it goes off the boat is surrounded with dead fish and the old guy starts scooping up the bodies. The warden is incensed and says 'That's i**... and a thousand dollar fine when we get to shore!' So the old guy pulls out another stick of dynamite, lights it and hands it to the warden saying..

'You want to just talk all day or are you going to start fishing?'

I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette

I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire
The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!
After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out that firearm wasn't registered

My Grandfather was the cheapest guy in the world.

As he was dying in my arms he said "Boy...I can see the light....turn it off.."

Old joke

Two mental patients were planning their escape from the psych ward.
1st guy: "Once we get to the roof, I'll turn on the flashlight, and you can slide down the beam of light."
2nd guy: "I may be crazy, but I'm not s**...! How do I know you won't turn the flashlight off?"

What does a guy that likes to save money do when reaches the light at the end of the tunnel?

He turns it off

Three babies in the w**....

They are discussing what they would like to be when they grow up.
The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here."
The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here."

The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer."
The others look confused and ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?"
He replies, "So I can beat the h**... out of that rude bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us."

The Dolly Parton Diet

A guy walks into a bar and orders a light beer. "How's your New Year's diet coming along?" the bartender asks. "It's going okay, but I'm not losing as much as my buddy Joe. He went on that new dolly parton diet," the guy says. "It's made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean."

Lottery

Guy is sitting alone in his house watching tv and envious of the latest person who just won the lottery.
" God, I wish I could win the lottery"
Another few weeks goes by and again someone else wins the lottery.
"God, I wish I could win the lottery"
Another month goes by and still another person wins the lottery.
"God, I wish I could win the lottery"
That same minute a loud clap of thunder and the Heavens open up. In this bright angelic light comes a voice....... " Dude, work with me. Buy a d**... ticket"

2 guys have 4 cigarettes on a boat but nothing to light them with so they throw one cigarette overboard

And the boat becomes a cigarette lighter

Holiday scams

A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and hands over a few singles to pay for it. The bartender picks up the $1 bills and carefully scutinizes them, holding them up to the light. "What are you doing?" the guy asks. "There's a new scam going around this holiday season," the bartender replies. "People are passing around counterfeit $1 bills, so be careful. "So, what you're telling me is I should keep an eye out for hot singles in my area," the guy says.

A circus performer is driving home after a long day of training, when he is pulled over by a police officer for a broken light.

The officer looks in the car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.
Sir, he says, Why do you have all those knives?
They're for my juggling act, the circus performer replies.
I don't believe you, says the cop. Prove it. So the performer gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives flawlessly.
Just at that moment, a car with two guys in it drives by. "Wow, says one to the other. I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard.

Who has the most worthless job in the world?

The guy who installs signal lights on BMW cars.

jokes about lighting guy