Lighting Guy Jokes
92 lighting guy jokes and hilarious lighting guy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lighting guy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Lighting Guy Short Jokes
Short lighting guy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lighting guy humour may include short cable guy jokes also.
- 3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do? They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
- If light travels faster than the speed of sound... how come I can hear the guy in the bmw behind me honk before the light turns green?
- What's the difference between 'Light' and 'Hard'? Guys can fall asleep with a light on....
- Did you hear about the guy who was addicted to running red lights? He knew he had a problem, but he told me he could *stop anytime*.
- How many guys in the friend-zone does it take to change a light bulb? Zero, they just keep complimenting it and complain when it doesn't screw.
- What's the difference between a guy with carry on luggage and a photon? The guy overpacked, and the photon is traveling light.
- My Grandfather was the cheapest guy in the world. As he was dying in my arms he said "Boy...I can see the light....turn it off.."
- Light bulb thief I came across an open package of light bulbs at work today.
I thought to myself, "Stealing lightbulbs? This guy must be in a really dark place". - What does a guy that likes to save money do when reaches the light at the end of the tunnel? He turns it off
- In light of Valentine's Day My girlfriend's mom told this joke and I thought it was worth sharing with you guys.
Q: What did the farmer get his wife for Valentine's Day?
A: hogs and kisses
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Lighting Guy One Liners
Which lighting guy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lighting guy? I can suggest the ones about electrician and street light.
- How many guys wearing turbans does it take to change a light bulb? Sikhs.
- [OC] How are guys like light bulbs? They're both out immediately after being blown.
- What do you say when a bunch of German guys fix a lightbulb? Many Hanz make light work!
- I've been told that a fat guy outran Bolt He must be faster than light
- Did you hear about the guy who died in a light gust of wind? He was killed by debris
- Why couldn't the guy building a PC find his RAM? Because the room's lighting was SO-DIMM.
- What's a Jews favorite beer? Bud Light L'Chaim (Pronounced like Lime, guys)
- To the guy who invented the light bulb That was one bright idea you had.
- Why can't you trust the guy dealing light-up sneakers on the street? He's way too skechy
- how many black guys do you need to change a light bulb? just one you racist f*c**...!
Hilarious Lighting Guy Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about lighting guy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean led lighting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lighting guy pranks.
Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?
He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than neither will I."
A guys hits the brakes hard on a Maybach at the stop light. Behind him a Geo tries to stop but he can't make it and hits him in the back.
On the Maybach's computer: New hardware detected. Install?
So a guy lies on his death bed.
An old man is on his death bed. His entire family is by his side. He asks his daughter "Anna, are you there?" His daughter Anna says "yes father im here." The man then asks " What about my son is he here?" His son says "yes im here." "What about my grandkids," the old man said, growing more raspy. "We are here too grandpa," the grandkids said. "Everyone is here, arent they," he says, "Then why is the kitchen light on?"
4 big companies after me
John: Boss, I think you should give me a big pay raise, because I have four big companies that are after me.
Boss: And what four companies would be after a guy like you?
John: Well, light, gas, cable and telephone company!
Drunk people are always fascinating
A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. "What the heck are you doing? " he asks the drunk.
"I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it. "
"So how does feeling the roof help you? " He asked the drunk.
"Well," the drunk replied. "MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!! "
Help, I think I'm a moth...
So a guy bursts into a doctor's office flapping his arms like crazy and screaming, "Doc, you gotta help me, I think I'm a moth!" The doctor just looks at him bewildered, struggling for words. The guy continues, "Please doc, help me, I think I'm a moth!" The doctor finally stammers out, "Well, what can I do? You don't need to see me, you need to see the shrink down the hall." And the guy says, "Yeah I know, but your light was on."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A note to the guy behind me driving to work this morning.
Dear guy behind me driving to work this morning,
Don't get mad at me for driving the speed limit. It's there to keep people safe!
And don't get mad at me for not getting out of your way. You don't own the road!
And don't ever flash your lights and honk your horn at others to make them move...geez. Such a rude ambulance driver!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
B'dum tsss
A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.
**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.
1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you call a drummer with half a brain? Gifted
4. What does a drummer use for contraception? His personality
5. Did you hear about the drummer who finished high school? Me neither
6. What did the drummer say to the band leader? "Do you want me to play too fast or too slow?"
7. How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five: One to screw it in, four to say that Neil Peart could've done it better
8. Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dash of their car? So that they can use the handicapped parking space
9. How do you get a drummer off your porch? Give him the money for the pizza
10. What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians? A drummer
Anyone got any more?
Just after the apartheid ...
A bus company's owner explain to his drivers that if they find it difficult to see people as equal they just have to consider there are no more black and white people, only blue.
So, this driver explained it to its passengers :
"Ok guys, you're not black or white anymore. Only blue. So light blue get the front seats, dark blue the rear."
Drunk guy went to the bathroom
a drunk guy went home late, before sleeping he went to the bathroom to pee, he opened the door and the lights were on, he closed the door and the lights went off, he said how is that possible ? he peed and went to bed.
next morning he asked his wife "What's the matter with the bathroom lights, i opened the door and they went on and when i closed the door they went off".
she said:"so you're the one who peed in the Refrigerator"
An Indian guy is getting a job at a call center for copy machine support
The interviewer decides to test his knowledge of mixing light vs. Mixing pigments by asking him to use green, pink, and yellow in the same sentence about his job.
He says "When the phone goes 'green green', I pink it up and say 'Yellow?'"
Guy runs a red light
A guy runs a red light. His passenger tells him not to do that, but the driver says "It's okay, my brother drives like this!" He runs another red light. His passenger tries to insist, the driver says again "I told ya, it's okay, my brother drives like this!" Then he comes up to a green light and stops. His passenger asks what he's doing now and the driver says "Well, my brother might be coming the other way!"
-George Carlin, I don't remember what standup special.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men compare how they control their wives...
Three friends are sitting in a bar after a day of work, discussing their lives when the topic of conversation turns to how often they fight with their wives. The first guy says, "I just put my foot down and tell her what's what, and there's no more arguing after that. Then I get the TV to myself all night."
The second guy says, "I just keep repeating my point until she sees the light. Then she always makes my favourite dinner and gives me a back rub."
The third guy says, "Every time we argue, my wife is always on her hands and knees by the end of it."
The other two look at him, impressed. "Then what happens?" The second one asks.
"Well," the third says, " then she says 'Get out from under the bed and fight me you p**...!' "
How many college guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they prefer Natural Light
Some guy jumped me in the alley...!
Yeah he was so nice. My battery had run out because I left my lights on!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The fastest thing.
Three friends are having a conversation. o**... asks, 'What do you think is the fastest thing ever?'. The first guy responds 'It's the light'. The second guy goes 'It's thought'. The third guy responds 'It's diarrhea'. The first guy is suprised and asks 'Why is diarrhea the fastest?'. The third guy responds 'Because even before I thought about turning the lights on in the washroom, I s**... myself.
IT AND LIGHT BULBS
Q: How many IT guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, that's a Facilities problem.
a girl to her mother: Mom! I was stopped at a red light and got hit by a car!
--oh no! who rear-ended you?
lots of guys, mom! But can we go back to talking about my accident please?
A guy is doing 90 in a 75 and sees lights from a patrol car in the mirror...
He thinks furiously for a moment and then floors it, 95... 100.. 110... Finally, with the officer still hot on his tail he slows to a crawl and pulls over to the roadside.
The officer, obviously on edge, cautiously approaches the car as the man rolls down the window and places hands out where they can easily be seen.
"You were going a little fast there," the officer says "but it is the end of my shift and tonight the boys are coming over for beers and cards, so you have exactly one chance to explain yourself."
The man, with all the sincerity he could muster, replied "Sir, round about a year ago my wife left me for a state trooper. I tell ya, that nag leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me and I knew it was too good to be true because when I saw your lights in the rearview, I could have sworn you were bringing her back."
The officer paused for a moment and said "Have a nice day and drive safe."
Zebras must be tough to eat.
You have to sort through all that light meat and dark meat.
Props to this guy at Disney
A guy walked into a dentist's office...
A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."
The guys replies, "I am seeing a psychiatrist."
The dentist says, "Well then what are you doing here?"
And the guy says, "Your light was on."
I accidentally rear ended someone at a stop light while not paying attention..
We get out to exchange information, and I notice the guy is a midget. The first thing he says is, "I'm not happy." To which I replied, "Well which one are you then?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many hipsters dose it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they have a guy for that comes on Tuesdays only uses reproductions of antique bulbs
Drunk guy looks up at street light
Asks guy walking by. Hey buddy, is that the sun or the moon. I dunno he replies. I'm not from around here.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today's youth are getting worse.
I was in a church yesterday, when I saw a guy lighting a cigarette from the candle. I was so shocked, that I dropped my beer bottle.
Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.
Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.
The first says that he is really hungry and flys into the night. After half an hour he returns and his mouth is full of blood. The other two ask him: "where did you get that?" He answers: "Do you see that little light across the hill? It was a little family at a camping trip. Delicious!"
The second vampire starts in the air and returns 15minutes later, the whole face covered with blood. The others ask jealousy: "Where have you been?" Smiling he answers: "You guys see that group of lights down there? It was a wedding with over 20guests. I don't have to eat for a week!"
Finally the third vampire starts into the dark sky, and returns about five minutes later. His whole body, top to bottom is covered in blood.
Exited the other two ask:"Man where did you go?!"
"Do you see that tree right there?"
"Yes"
"Well, I didn't"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a b**... rat that steals all your food?
A Rat-c**...
Hope you guys are light hearted enough to not be offended.
Guy walks into a bar and says "Give me a 'bad hombre'"
The bartender fills the glass with liquor, lights it on fire and throws it in his face.
A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."
The guy replies, "I am seeing a psychiatrist."
The dentist asks, "Well, then what are you doing here?"
The guy says, "Your light was on."
So, the guy who plays Captain America bought a pirate ship.
And he covered it in Vegas-style lights
And he has Phil Collins' band playing on it.
...
It's a Neon Genesis Evans' Galleon
A day in the life of an IT guy...
Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.
IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?
Customer: Nothing.
IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?
Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...
IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?
Customer: Nope. The power's out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy, arriving at the hotel in his dream vacation, sends his wife an SMS but he accidentally mistyped her number...
...the text went to a widow, which had just attended to her husband f**....
When she read the message she instantly passed out. Here's the message:
"Hey, babe, this place is so peaceful. You're coming next week, I just made your reservation. I miss you so much. Bring light clothes cause the temperature here is hellish. Xoxo"
Guy comes home and finds a note on the fridge..
..from his wife. It says "I'm sorry honey, it's not working. I'm leaving, I'll be at my sisters".
Guy is a bit confused, so he opens the fridge and the light comes on. He says "that's weird, seems to be working fine to me. Seems a bit dramatic?"
How many gynecologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I'm asking because mine had to call like six other guys in to help him, and I'm really starting to wonder why I needed one installed down there in the first place.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many kids with ADHD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
You guys wanna play soccer?
Seen on the internet a couple years ago.
A guy driving a Tesla stops at a red light. A second guy comes up to his window and says "Nice Edison you're driving!" The driver, confused, looks at the man and says "You're mistaken, sir, this is a Tesla." The guy at the window says to the driver "You're the one who's mistaken, this IS an Edison."
Then he pulled out a gun and said "You see, it's about to be stolen."
In the city, a guy was caught taking out all the red bulbs in traffic lights after months of going unseen
He wasn't sure what led to his capture, since he was pulling out all the stops to not get caught.
A guy with LED Light up shoes at work, excitingly proclaims "Look at my shoes! They light up when I walk away!"
His annoyed co-worker sarcastically replies: "Doesn't everyone?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is looking for a p**...,
He comes across a woman who says she can give a guy head while singing.
The man says "I'll give you $50, just tell me how you do it."
"No," she replies "Just let me do it."
He agrees.
They go into a hotel room and she starts blowing him while singing away.
The man says, "Turn on the lights and let me see how you're doing that."
She replies "Hold on, let me put my glass eye back in."
How many friend-zoned guys does it take to change a light bulb?
None. In Russia you don't get "friend-zoned" and the light bulb changes you.
This guy tried to sell me his idea of a cricket field lit by LED lights.
It was an interesting pitch.
White guy goes into a cannibal restaurant and orders the light meat
The waiter replies:
We don't serve your kind here
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and thought he'd get a power plant.
Why did the cannibal eat the white guy?
He was on a diet and wanted to have something light.
Black Guy Gets Pulled Over By a Cop
\*Black guys runs a red light & gets pulled over by a cop.\*
Cop: "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?"
Black Guy: "Because I'm a young, black man?"
Cop: "No sir, I don't see color."
Black Guy: "Then why did you pull me over?"
Cop: "Because you ran that red light back there."
Black Guy: "Sorry officer, I didn't know -- I don't see color."
Heard this at a comedy club this past weekend, forgot the guy's name to give him credit.
Guy A calls guy B
Guy A tells guy B, "I bet you I can get us the day off at work tommorow," so Guy A tells him that plan.l
The next day guy A goes to work and goes on the roof
The boss walks in and asks him what he's doing, guy A says "I'm a light bulb!"
The boss tells him that he's been working too hard and has gone crazy and tells him to go home
Guy B follows guy A out but the boss stops and says, "what are you doing?"
Guy B says, "I can't work in the dark!"
Two guys are walking down the street
One of them sees a "For Sale" sign hanging on a lamppost, and starts knocking on it.
The other one says, "What are you doing?"
"I wanna buy it so I need to see how much the owner wants for it, but he won't open up."
"Weird. The lights are on."
Brits
They drive a German Car
They go to Irish Pubz
To drink Belgium beer
They get a Chinese Takeaway on the way back
They sit on Swedish furniture
They watch American films
On a Japanese TV
Most of all though they are suspicious of all things foreign
Courtesy of Rick Wakemam who I'm doing lighting for tonight. (super chill guy btw)
When I asked the guy at Best Buy about the router's speed, he kept insisting it's not moving at the speed of light.
All I wanted to know was whether the router is N or G!
My dad told me this one.
A guy enters in a public toilet ... in the cabin next to him, another constipated guy, he forces himself quite noisy. The first guy, finishing what he had to do, at the exit of the toilet turns off the light, at which time a loud scream is heard. Curious, he returns, turns on the light and asks the one in the toilet: - What happened? This one visibly frightened responds: -I thought my eyes jumped out of my head.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two s**... guys...
Two s**... guys were riding a car when a policeman stopped them. The driver told his friend keep quiet, you will get us in trouble if you speak, I'll do the talking ! The policeman knocked lightly on the window motioning to them to role it down and said good evening gentlemen the driver exclaimed which w**... you are talking about ?!
Edit : English is not my first language so be kind please.
Edit 2: changed smarter to driver.
Two guys lighting up a joint.
After an hour the one is high and the other feels like a seven.
Why?
>!Because the one feels numb and the other feels number.!<
There was also another guy with them who smoked way more that day. >!He felt like an eight. You could say he felt even number.!<
Four drunk men want to light a cigarette
Four drunk men want to light a cigarette. So they sent one of the four guys to buy matches, he returned without matches and said there were non left. The they sent another one to go and ask for matches from their neighbours, and he also returned empty handed and said that he didn't find any. So one of the men said
"that's it, I'm bored, just put out the candle and let's go to sleep.".
Speeding Ticket
A cop was waiting in a speed trap on the interstate when a guy in a sport car came racing by him at over a 100 mph. The cop immediately pulls out behind the speedster and turns on his lights. The guy pulls over and the cop walks over to the window. The cop looks at the guy smiling and says I've been waiting for someone like you all day. The guy responses well I came as fast as I could.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy stops the car at the red light
Looks around and notices a beautiful girl.
He waves, she waves back. He winks, she winks.
He opens the window, she opens the window.
Then he asks "What's up? You also f**...?"
A guy is walking on a beach when he finds a genie lamp..
He rubs the lamp and a Genie pops out.
The Genie says, "Thank you for releasing me. I will grant you one wish."
The guy doesn't hesitate.."I want to be world famous! I want my name in lights in every theater around the world!"
"Done!", says the Genie.."Your name is now EXIT."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys who just met at a training class are driving through the city looking for a place to have lunch.
The guy driving is running every red light. The other guy is starting to freak out and says, "Dude?! What the h**... are you doing going through those red lights??" The guy driving says, "Its okay, my brother in law does it all the time." The passenger says, "Well its not okay with me, let me out up here!" They drive a little further up the road and the driver stops at a green light. The passenger says, "Why are you stopped? The light is green." The driver says, "My brother in law might be coming through."
President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.
Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.
The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys are attempting an escape from an insane asylum
Eventually they escape the main building but there are walls around the encampment so they get to a roof to get over the wall, they look at the gap between the roof and the wall and decide it's too dangerous. the first guy says,
Alright, we can't jump across so I'll just shine my flashlight over to the other side and you can walk across the light
The second guy looks at the first guy baffled by what he just said, he replies
What?? Do you think I'm s**... or something?… You'll just turn the flashlight off when I'm halfway!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A game warden sees an old man going out fishing alone and asks if he can go along.
The old man relents and rows out to the middle of the lake. Then he opens his tackle box, pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and drops it into the lake. After it goes off the boat is surrounded with dead fish and the old guy starts scooping up the bodies. The warden is incensed and says 'That's i**... and a thousand dollar fine when we get to shore!' So the old guy pulls out another stick of dynamite, lights it and hands it to the warden saying..
'You want to just talk all day or are you going to start fishing?'
I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette
I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire
The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire. Then they gave her a ticket!
After they came inside I asked why they gave her a ticket. Turns out that firearm wasn't registered
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old joke
Two mental patients were planning their escape from the psych ward.
1st guy: "Once we get to the roof, I'll turn on the flashlight, and you can slide down the beam of light."
2nd guy: "I may be crazy, but I'm not s**...! How do I know you won't turn the flashlight off?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lottery
Guy is sitting alone in his house watching tv and envious of the latest person who just won the lottery.
" God, I wish I could win the lottery"
Another few weeks goes by and again someone else wins the lottery.
"God, I wish I could win the lottery"
Another month goes by and still another person wins the lottery.
"God, I wish I could win the lottery"
That same minute a loud clap of thunder and the Heavens open up. In this bright angelic light comes a voice....... " Dude, work with me. Buy a d**... ticket"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Holiday scams
A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and hands over a few singles to pay for it. The bartender picks up the $1 bills and carefully scutinizes them, holding them up to the light. "What are you doing?" the guy asks. "There's a new scam going around this holiday season," the bartender replies. "People are passing around counterfeit $1 bills, so be careful. "So, what you're telling me is I should keep an eye out for hot singles in my area," the guy says.
A circus performer is driving home after a long day of training, when he is pulled over by a police officer for a broken light.
The officer looks in the car and sees a collection of knives in the backseat.
Sir, he says, Why do you have all those knives?
They're for my juggling act, the circus performer replies.
I don't believe you, says the cop. Prove it. So the performer gets out of his car and begins juggling the knives flawlessly.
Just at that moment, a car with two guys in it drives by. "Wow, says one to the other. I'm glad I quit drinking. These new sobriety tests are hard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who has the most worthless job in the world?
The guy who installs signal lights on BMW cars.
