Lighter Jokes

137 lighter jokes and hilarious lighter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lighter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Enjoy a laugh with this collection of jokes about lighters. From gas lighters to zippo lighters to flashlights, cigars, and firecrackers, there is something sure to make you giggle at the lighter side of life.

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Short Lighter Jokes
Lighter One Liners
Cigarette Lighter Jokes
Zippo Lighter Jokes
Gas Lighter Jokes
On The Lighter Side Jokes
More Lighter Jokes

Funniest Lighter Short Jokes

Short lighter jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lighter humour may include short brighter jokes also.

3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do? They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
There are 3 men on a boat and 4 cigarettes, they don't have a lighter, how do they smoke? they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter.
What weigh more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane? The gallon of water. Butane is a lighter fluid.
^obligatory ^not ^my ^joke
Ebay needs to step their game up. I searched for a cigarette lighter and 15,000 matches came up.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's big and heavy, the other's a little lighter.
What's the difference between a hippo, a zippo, and a stick of glue? One is a heavy mammal and one is a little lighter.
Which weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane? A gallon of water. Butane is lighter fluid.
Whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
Three men were on a boat. All together, they had four cigarettes; However, no one brought any matches. They threw one cigarette overboard, which caused the whole boat to become a cigarette lighter.

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Lighter One Liners

Which lighter one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lighter? I can suggest the ones about lighten and heavier.

eBay is so useless I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 18,061 matches
eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters, but all they had was 13,239 matches.
I tried to look up lighters in amazon. All they had was 13,749 matches.
eBay is so useless. I was just looking for a lighter, and all they had was 1327 matches.
Have you heard the joke about the gas lighter? Yes, you have.
Ebay is way to hard to use I searched for lighters, and all I got was 71,274 matches.
I googled cigarette lighters And got 1,500,000 matches.
I searched eBay for lighters But it only showed me 16,277 matches.
I went on ebay and searched for lighters But all they had was 238,184 matches
I was looking for a lighter on amazon... But they only had 112.422 matches.
If your car is too heavy You can always use lighter fuel.
What weighs more, black or gray? Black does. Gray is a little lighter.
Water is heavier than butane because... Butane is a lighter fluid.
So I went to my Dr. and said I needed something for my joints... He handed me a lighter
eBay is useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had were 13,749 matches.

Cigarette Lighter Jokes

Here is a list of funny cigarette lighter jokes and even better cigarette lighter puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Three men brought four cigarettes onto a boat, but then realized they had no lighters or matches. What do they do? Throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
3 men were on a boat.. And all they had were 4 cigarettes.
Unsure on what to do, one of them throws a cigarette overboard.
Now the boat was a cigarette lighter.
There are three guys on a boat, and they have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with – what do they do? They throw one cigarette overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
2 men are on a boat sharing a pack of cigarettes when they realise they have no lighter How do they light up?
They toss a cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.
3 men were in a boat with 4 cigarettes,but there was no way to light them.What did they do? Threw one cigarette overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.
3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes, but no lighter So one of the guys throws a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
3 guys are on a boat with four cigarettes and nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
I googled "cigarette lighter" and got over 12 million matches. But when i googled "more food" i hardly got any seconds.
Getting my dad some strong aftershave and a cigarette lighter for Christmas. Can't wait to see his face light up.
There are three men on a boat with a pack of cigarettes and no matches. How did they manage to smoke? They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter

Zippo Lighter Jokes

Here is a list of funny zippo lighter jokes and even better zippo lighter puns that will make you laugh with friends.

The difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One weighs about 2 tonnes and the other is a little lighter!
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A hippos really heavy, and a Zippos a little lighter.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? A zippo is a little lighter.
Whats the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? A Hippo weighs 700lbs but a Zippos a little lighter
Why do soldiers carry Zippos instead of matches? Because they are lighter.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One weighs 3.500 pounds, the other is a little lighter.
First time I held a Zippo I was surprised by how heavy it was I figured it would be lighter
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? A hippo weighs a ton while a zippo is a little lighter.
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? Well one's really heavy, and the other one is a little lighter

Lighter joke, What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

Gas Lighter Jokes

Here is a list of funny gas lighter jokes and even better gas lighter puns that will make you laugh with friends.

Did you hear the joke about the gas lighter? Yeah. You heard it already.
Did i ever tell you the joke about the gas lighter? Yes I did, I told you yesterday. You never listen to me.
Asked my wife to buy me some lighter gas She came back with helium
You ever hear the one about the gas lighter? No, you didn't.
Why is butane not very heavy. Cause it's lighter gas
Bob's car suddenly stopped on a dark street Bob used his lighter to check the gas. He was 30 years old.

On The Lighter Side Jokes

Here is a list of funny on the lighter side jokes and even better on the lighter side puns that will make you laugh with friends.

On a lighter side of ransomware She : You have a girlfriend?
He : No. I had one, though.
She : Where did she go?
He : She Ransomeware !

Lighter joke, On a lighter side of ransomware

Cheerful Fun Lighter Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about lighter you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean cleaner jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lighter pranks.

My wife threw a pack of turkey and a lighter in the cart and my God the temptation was strong...

It was just last week that I quit smoking cold turkey

A tourist was lost, wandering in the rainforest, when suddenly...

...he runs into some tribal warriors. In an attempt to scare them off, he decides to frighten them with his modern technology.
He whips out the bic lighter in his pocket and flicks it in.
"Wow!" Said one warrior to another. "I've never seen one of those light in the first try!"

Larry was not a good gift giver.

Every time he gave his wife a gift for Christmas, her birthday, or their anniversary, she complained about what a sucky gift it was. She was starting to get angry.
"Larry, the next time you give me a bad gift, I will light it on fire!"
A week later was Larry's wife's birthday. She came down to see only one small box. She sighed and went to go get a lighter. She opened up the present. It was a candle.

Three men died on Christmas Eve...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
The p**... replied, "These are Carols".

What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?

They both leave little boys rooms with lighter sacks.

The three most important things to have in a survival situation.

Every survival kit needs to have three things.
1) A zippo: Trusty lighter to start fires to cook food and keep warm.
2) A good knife: Something to be able to help build a shelter and hunt.
3) A standard deck of playing cards: As soon as you realize you're stranded, deal out a game of solitaire on the ground. About half way through your game, someone will come up behind you and say "That can go there." Boom, you're saved.

Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes, but no lighters or matches or anything to light it with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette over board and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes, but they don't have any matches or lighters. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette overboard and the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
*Stolen from BuzzFeed, but I thought it was hilarious.*

It's Christmas time at the Pearly Gates..

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates'
Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said
'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man
with a raised eyebrow and asked,
'And just what do those symbolize?'
The p**... replied, 'These are Carols.'

There are three people with four cigarettes on a boat.

None of them have a lighter or matches.
What do they do?
Throw a cigarette over-board so the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter!

Why did the agnostic receive a lighter sentence?

He had no prior convictions.

There were three guys on a boat. One of them had one last cigarette, but no lighter. He asked his friend if he had a cigarette lighter. His friend took the last cigarette and tossed it overboard.

"Hey why'd you do that?!" he yelled at his friend.
"There you go. Now the whole boat is a cigarette lighter."

There are 2 people on a boat…

There are two people on a boat; they have three cigarettes. However, they don't have a lighter. What do they do?
They throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat *became a cigarette lighter!*

Nighttime. You're alone on a small boat at sea, hours away from any land. All you brought with you is a pack of cigarettes. You wanna smoke, but realize you forgot a lighter. What do you do?

You just take out a cigarette, throw it off the boat into the water... thus, making the boat a cigarette lighter.

There are three men in a boat in the middle of the ocean with four cigarettes, no lighter or any matches. What do they do?

They throw one of the cigarettes overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes.....

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's p**....
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The Irishman replied, 'These are Carol's'
And So The Christmas Season begins......and I sure hope the jokes get better.

Three old men

Three old men are golfing. One of them complains,
"Ya know, the hills these days are getting steeper and steeper"
His buddy one chimes in:
"Yep, and the clubs are getting heavier. They were way lighter when we were younger"
The third old man patiently listening finally says,
"Oh quit whining you two, at least we're on the right side of the grass."

Four men are in a boat

Four men are in a boat trying to smoke some cigarettes, but they don't have a lighter. One man throws a cigarette over board and now the whole boat is a cigarette lighter.

There are three guys on a boat

There are three guys on a boat and four cigarettes, and there are no lighters or matches or anything to light them with, so what do they do?
They throw one cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

3 men in a boat with 4 cigarettes but no way to light them. What do they do?

Throw one cigarette away and the boat becomes one cigarette lighter.

When Samsung asked what customers wanted in their new phone...

They misunderstood when they heard "Lighter."

A concerned husband goes to his priest...

"Father, I think my wife is trying to poison me. Every time she makes me something to eat, the rat poison bottle gets lighter and lighter."
Troubled by hearing this, the priest tells the man, "I will go and speak with your wife and see what is going on here."
The priest then heads to their home and sits down with the wife and has a long discussion. He then comes back to talk to the husband.
"I've spoken with your wife for over 45 minutes about this", the priest said.
The husband looks intently at the priest, "Yeah, what should I do?"
The priest calmly says "you should take the poison."

10-inch BIC

Two guys are out fishing on a boat when one of them wants to have a smoke.
1: You got a lighter?
2: Yes. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter*
1: Woah, where'd you get that!?
2: I have a personal genie.
1: Cool! Can I make a wish?
2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. *Summons genie*
1: I wish for a million bucks!
*The genie snaps his fingers and a million ducks fly overhead.*
1: Wow, your genie really s**... at hearing.
2: I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?

What did the lighter say to his wife when their kid burnt a house down?

"Hey, at least now we surely know that he's arson."

Two dudes are on a ship. One of them is a s**..., the other has cigarettes, but no one has a lighter. What do they do?

The dude with cigarettes throws one overboard, which makes the boat a cigarette lighter.

This is now the longest government shut down in US History. In lighter news, if seeing who will crack first on the border wall is prolonging it, then this shut down truly is...

a Mexican stand off.

Whenever I feel fat, I go into the store and buy a Mini Bic.

Each time, I get a little lighter.

2 guys are on a boat with 3 cigarettes and no fire source to lit them

So they throw 1 cigarette out the boat and the boat comes a cigarette lighter

What weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

The water. Butane is lighter fluid

My wife saw me standing on the scale pulling in my stomach

"Pulling in your stomach wont make you any lighter" she said
"I know", I said, "but if I don't, I cant see what it says on the dial"

Which one is heavier? A gallon of water or butane?

A gallon of water because butane is lighter fluid.

I bought a racing snail

I bought a racing snail but it kept losing. In desperation I removed it's shell, thinking it would be lighter and faster.
It didn't work, it became more sluggish.

Stop looking for the perfect match…

use a lighter.

Three men are on a boat with four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with

They decide to throw one overboard, so the boat becomes a cigarette lighter

What weighs less, an empty regular size bic or a full small bic?

See, you'd think it's the empty regular sized one, but the small one is a little lighter

I hate Amazon. I went to go buy a lighter.

But all I found was 12,943 matches.

s**... thought of the day:

Each time you light your lighter. Your lighter gets lighter.. ... Until your lighter gets so lighter it wont light again

Went to buy a lighter on Amazon,

when I searched, it said, "4.2 million matches found!" Guess I'll have to go to the store.

I always take 40 or 50 lighters with me in a bag...

Not because I'll need them, but you can always use a lighter bag when hiking.
And I make sure it's not an odd number so that way it's even lighter.

Butane really is a magical substance

It's a heavy liquid but a lighter fluid

Water is heavier than butane.

Butane is a lighter fluid

What weighs more a galleon of water or a galleon of butane?

The water as the butane is a lighter fluid

Giant: "I'll grind this orphan's bones to make my cake!"

Also Giant: "I find self-raising flour makes for a lighter and more consistent texture."

I did a Google search for a cigarette lighter.

Ended up with 15,000 matches.

You're in a boat with two cigarettes and no lighter. How do you light the cigarette?

You throw one cigarette out of the boat. Now the boat is a cigarette lighter.

I searched Google for a lighter . . .

But all I found was 96k matches .

A man walks into a bar.

He sees his friend there, holding a ten inch bic lighter. So naturally, he asks his friend - Where did you get that bic?
The friend replies - I got it from my genie.
You have a genie?
Yes - says the friend, and puts him on the counter.
Can I make a wish?
Yes.
I wish for a hundred bucks.
After some time, the sound of quacking is heard and a hundred ducks enter the bar.
Confused, the man turns to his friend, asking- What is this? I asked for a hundred bucks, not a hundred ducks.
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, he is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked for a ten inch bic?

3 guys on a boat

There are 3 guys on a boat with 4 cigarettes but have nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Which weighs more, water or butane?

Water obviously. Butane's a lighter fluid.

Me and my friend were on a boat with 3 cigarettes but no lighter

So we threw the 3rd cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter