The Best 86 Lighter Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Lighter jokes. There are some lighter lite jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lighter flame puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Lighter Jokes and Puns

3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

My wife threw a pack of turkey and a lighter in the cart and my God the temptation was strong...

It was just last week that I quit smoking cold turkey

A tourist was lost, wandering in the rainforest, when suddenly...

...he runs into some tribal warriors. In an attempt to scare them off, he decides to frighten them with his modern technology.

He whips out the bic lighter in his pocket and flicks it in.

"Wow!" Said one warrior to another. "I've never seen one of those light in the first try!"

Lighter joke, A tourist was lost, wandering in the rainforest, when suddenly...

Larry was not a good gift giver.

Every time he gave his wife a gift for Christmas, her birthday, or their anniversary, she complained about what a sucky gift it was. She was starting to get angry.
"Larry, the next time you give me a bad gift, I will light it on fire!"
A week later was Larry's wife's birthday. She came down to see only one small box. She sighed and went to go get a lighter. She opened up the present. It was a candle.

What do you put in a box to make it lighter?

A lamp.


Three men died on Christmas Eve...

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It's a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The Paddy replied, "These are Carols".

What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?

They both leave little boys rooms with lighter sacks.

Lighter joke, What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?

So I went to my Dr. and said I needed something for my joints...

He handed me a lighter

The three most important things to have in a survival situation.

Every survival kit needs to have three things.
1) A zippo: Trusty lighter to start fires to cook food and keep warm.
2) A good knife: Something to be able to help build a shelter and hunt.
3) A standard deck of playing cards: As soon as you realize you're stranded, deal out a game of solitaire on the ground. About half way through your game, someone will come up behind you and say "That can go there." Boom, you're saved.

Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes, but no lighters or matches or anything to light it with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette over board and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

3 men were on a boat..

And all they had were 4 cigarettes.

Unsure on what to do, one of them throws a cigarette overboard.

Now the boat was a cigarette lighter.

You can explore lighter firecrackers reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lighter chet dad jokes. There are also lighter puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


There are three men on a boat with a pack of cigarettes and no matches. How did they manage to smoke?

They threw a cigarette overboard, and made the boat a cigarette lighter

Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes, but they don't have any matches or lighters. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette overboard and the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

*Stolen from BuzzFeed, but I thought it was hilarious.*

It's Christmas time at the Pearly Gates..

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honour of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates'
Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said
'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man
with a raised eyebrow and asked,
'And just what do those symbolize?'

The paddy replied, 'These are Carols.'

There are three people with four cigarettes on a boat.

None of them have a lighter or matches.
What do they do?
Throw a cigarette over-board so the entire boat becomes a cigarette lighter!

Three men in a boat with four cigarettes and no matches. How do they get to smoke their cigarettes?

They throw one cigarette overboard, which make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Lighter joke, Three men in a boat with four cigarettes and no matches. How do they get to smoke their cigarettes?

Why did the agnostic receive a lighter sentence?

He had no prior convictions.

There were three guys on a boat. One of them had one last cigarette, but no lighter. He asked his friend if he had a cigarette lighter. His friend took the last cigarette and tossed it overboard.

"Hey why'd you do that?!" he yelled at his friend.

"There you go. Now the whole boat is a cigarette lighter."

There are 2 people on a boat…

There are two people on a boat; they have three cigarettes. However, they don't have a lighter. What do they do?

They throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat *became a cigarette lighter!*


Nighttime. You're alone on a small boat at sea, hours away from any land. All you brought with you is a pack of cigarettes. You wanna smoke, but realize you forgot a lighter. What do you do?

You just take out a cigarette, throw it off the boat into the water... thus, making the boat a cigarette lighter.

There are three men in a boat in the middle of the ocean with four cigarettes, no lighter or any matches. What do they do?

They throw one of the cigarettes overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One's big and heavy, the other's a little lighter.

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes.....

Two guys are in a boat with three cigarettes. They had no fire, so they threw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the entire boat became a cigarette lighter.

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

A hippo weighs a ton while a zippo is a little lighter.

Q: You're sailing on a boat with a pack of cigarettes, but do not have a fire source, what do?

A: Throw one overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.


'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It's a candle', he said.
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'
Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.
The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'
The Irishman replied, 'These are Carol's'

And So The Christmas Season begins......and I sure hope the jokes get better.

My dog had a tick once,

Someone recommended i try the "lighter fluid and match" trick, it definitely worked as my dog never got a tick again. But man, I sure do miss my dog.

Three old men

Three old men are golfing. One of them complains,

"Ya know, the hills these days are getting steeper and steeper"

His buddy one chimes in:

"Yep, and the clubs are getting heavier. They were way lighter when we were younger"

The third old man patiently listening finally says,

"Oh quit whining you two, at least we're on the right side of the grass."

Four men are in a boat

Four men are in a boat trying to smoke some cigarettes, but they don't have a lighter. One man throws a cigarette over board and now the whole boat is a cigarette lighter.

If your car is too heavy

You can always use lighter fuel.

Whats the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

A Hippo weighs 700lbs but a Zippos a little lighter

There are three guys on a boat

There are three guys on a boat and four cigarettes, and there are no lighters or matches or anything to light them with, so what do they do?
They throw one cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

3 men in a boat with 4 cigarettes but no way to light them. What do they do?

Throw one cigarette away and the boat becomes one cigarette lighter.

I was looking for a lighter on amazon...

But they only had 112.422 matches.

Three men brought four cigarettes onto a boat, but then realized they had no lighters or matches. What do they do?

Throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

When Samsung asked what customers wanted in their new phone...

They misunderstood when they heard "Lighter."

US follows Britain

BRITAIN: "Hey, America, watch this!"

*BRITAIN SETS ITSELF ON FIRE*

USA: "Cool. Can I borrow your lighter?"

What do you call a lighter that is only used for weed?

A highlighter

Getting my dad some strong aftershave and a cigarette lighter for Christmas.

Can't wait to see his face light up.

I hit some kid riding a skateboard today, on the way to work.

On a lighter note, I'm selling a lightly used skateboard.

A concerned husband goes to his priest...

"Father, I think my wife is trying to poison me. Every time she makes me something to eat, the rat poison bottle gets lighter and lighter."

Troubled by hearing this, the priest tells the man, "I will go and speak with your wife and see what is going on here."

The priest then heads to their home and sits down with the wife and has a long discussion. He then comes back to talk to the husband.

"I've spoken with your wife for over 45 minutes about this", the priest said.

The husband looks intently at the priest, "Yeah, what should I do?"

The priest calmly says "you should take the poison."

Cigarettes on a boat.

Three sailors are on a boat. They have four cigarettes and feel the sudden urge to smoke, but the problem is they don't have a lighter. How do they smoke?

They toss one of the cigarettes into the ocean to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

I tried to look up lighters in Amazon.

All they had was 13,749 matches.

Ebay needs to step their game up.

I searched for a cigarette lighter and 15,000 matches came up.

Three men are out fishing

They each have a pack of cigarettes but no lighter.

Not knowing what to do but really wanting to smoke, they think until they get an idea.

They threw a cigarette out of the boat and make it a cigarette lighter.

10-inch BIC

Two guys are out fishing on a boat when one of them wants to have a smoke.

1: You got a lighter?

2: Yes. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter*

1: Woah, where'd you get that!?

2: I have a personal genie.

1: Cool! Can I make a wish?

2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. *Summons genie*

1: I wish for a million bucks!

*The genie snaps his fingers and a million ducks fly overhead.*

1: Wow, your genie really sucks at hearing.

2: I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?

3 men were in a boat with 4 cigarettes,but there was no way to light them.What did they do?

Threw one cigarette overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter.

So I'm on this new butane diet

I know I just started but I'm already feeling a little lighter.

2 men are on a boat sharing a pack of cigarettes when they realise they have no lighter

How do they light up?

They toss a cigarette overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

3 nicotine addicts are out fishing in a boat. They have 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

So they throw one cig overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

There are 3 men on a boat and 4 cigarettes, they don't have a lighter, how do they smoke?

they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes, but they don't have any matches or lighters,

So they threw a cigarette down to make the boat a cigarette lighter

4 people are on a boat with 5 cigarettes and no way to burn them. How do they all smoke?

Take a cigarette and throw it of the boat so the boat becomes

...

A cigarette lighter

What did the lighter say to his wife when their kid burnt a house down?

"Hey, at least now we surely know that he's arson."

3 men are on a boat. They have 4 cigarettes, but no lighter or matches. How do they managed to light their cigarettes?

They throw the 4th cigarette over board so that the boat is now a cigarette lighter.

A bunch of sailors on a boat want to have a smoke, but don't have any matches.

So one sailor throws one of his cigarettes overboard, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

I've always thought the black erasers never work as well as the lighter colored ones.

Probably because I'm an erase-ist.

Two dudes are on a ship. One of them is a smoker, the other has cigarettes, but no one has a lighter. What do they do?

The dude with cigarettes throws one overboard, which makes the boat a cigarette lighter.

What's lighter on the top and darker on the bottom?

Society.

This is now the longest government shut down in US History. In lighter news, if seeing who will crack first on the border wall is prolonging it, then this shut down truly is...

a Mexican stand off.

Whenever I feel fat, I go into the store and buy a Mini Bic.

Each time, I get a little lighter.

2 guys are on a boat with 3 cigarettes and no fire source to lit them

So they throw 1 cigarette out the boat and the boat comes a cigarette lighter

What weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

The water. Butane is lighter fluid

Which weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is lighter fluid.

My wife saw me standing on the scale pulling in my stomach

"Pulling in your stomach wont make you any lighter" she said

"I know", I said, "but if I don't, I cant see what it says on the dial"

Which one is heavier? A gallon of water or butane?

A gallon of water because butane is lighter fluid.

I lit my lantern with a match but now I'm too tired to carry it

I should have used a lighter flame

I bought a racing snail

I bought a racing snail but it kept losing. In desperation I removed it's shell, thinking it would be lighter and faster.

It didn't work, it became more sluggish.

First time I held a Zippo I was surprised by how heavy it was

I figured it would be lighter

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

A hippos really heavy, and a Zippos a little lighter.

Carrying water isn't very hard

But carrying lighter fluid is easier

Stop looking for the perfect match…

use a lighter.

What's the difference between a hippo, a zippo, and a stick of glue?

One is a heavy mammal and one is a little lighter.

Three men are on a boat with four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with

They decide to throw one overboard, so the boat becomes a cigarette lighter

3 guys are on a boat with four cigarettes and nothing to light them with.

So they throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

What weighs less, an empty regular size bic or a full small bic?

See, you'd think it's the empty regular sized one, but the small one is a little lighter

Whats the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

Three men were on a boat. All together, they had four cigarettes; However, no one brought any matches.

They threw one cigarette overboard, which caused the whole boat to become a cigarette lighter.

I hate Amazon. I went to go buy a lighter.

But all I found was 12,943 matches.

I lost over 300 pounds in 2004 - 2006

It was a long divorce, but I do feel so much lighter now!

Stoner thought of the day:

Each time you light your lighter. Your lighter gets lighter.. ... Until your lighter gets so lighter it wont light again

Water is heavier than butane because...

Butane is a lighter fluid.

3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes, but no lighter

So one of the guys throws a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Went to buy a lighter on Amazon,

when I searched, it said, "4.2 million matches found!" Guess I'll have to go to the store.

I always take 40 or 50 lighters with me in a bag...

Not because I'll need them, but you can always use a lighter bag when hiking.

And I make sure it's not an odd number so that way it's even lighter.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lighter marlboro jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working lighter lighten piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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