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Light Switch Jokes

76 light switch jokes and hilarious light switch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about light switch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Light Switch Short Jokes

Short light switch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The light switch humour may include short light bulb jokes also.

  1. How many IT support guys does it take to change the light bulb? Zero. They just switch it off and on a few times and it works like new
  2. I bought one of those "Smart" light switches, but it was too clever for me. So I replaced it with a dimmer switch.
  3. Few Saturdays I switch off the light and stay the whole night in darkness So that the neighbors might think that I've an active social life...
  4. I threw my sandal at the light switch to turn it off, but I missed.. It was a complete flip - flop
  5. Fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people? Just switch off the light!
  6. What did Robert Palmer say to the light when he flipped the wrong switch? I didn't mean to turn you on.
  7. How many IT guys does it take to change a light bulb? No IT guys change light bulbs, they just keep flicking the switch on and off again until something happens.
  8. What did the light switch say to his relationship therapist? Currently, we have an on-off off relationship, and I'm just not sure that spark is still there
  9. Gender is like a light switch. It is either on or off. I can be in between but it doesn't really work that way.
  10. I Hate Trying to Figure Out Which Light Switch Goes to Which Room It's a process of illumination.

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Light Switch One Liners

Which light switch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with light switch? I can suggest the ones about stoplight and lightbulb change.

  1. How do you end two deaf persons' arguing? Switch off the light.
  2. My dad replaced the light switch without turning off the power first Shocking.
  3. Wanna hear a dark joke? So this morning I couldn't find the light switch...
  4. Fingers turn me on It's not easy being a light switch
  5. I changed all my light switches to carbon fiber ones They make the rooms lighter
  6. What did the depressed light switch say? I can't go on.
  7. How do you save an epilectic man's marriage? Replace all the light switches with clap ons
  8. Remember folks, beauty... Is only a light switch away.
  9. Yo momma's so old, that when God said, "Let there be light," she had to flip the switch!
  10. You know what really turns me on A light switch
  11. What did the light say when the light switch nudged him? Watt?
  12. What did the light bulb say to the switch? "You turn me on."
  13. Yo mama is so old when God said, "Let there be light," she flipped the switch.
  14. In light of Nintendo new console announcement... I guess they're really switching it up!
  15. Beauty is only a light switch away. That is all.

Light Switch Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about light switch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean street light jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make light switch pranks.

Q: What's the best way to avoid second hand smoke? A: Never switch hands after you light it.

Fun with police

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a local pub. Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night) flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationery for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test. To his amazement, the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it", said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy."

A plane from J.F.K. is coming in to land at a rural airport in Arkansas at midnight.

Mouthy pilot turns to his co-pilot, winks & says "watch this"......
"Pilot to control tower......hey there h**..., guess who!!"
Control tower switches off the airport lights.....
"Control tower to pilot....... Hey there Yankee, guess *where!!*"

Charlie the Street Car Conductor

Long joke that is passed down in my family
So down in New Orleans there lived a man named Charlie. Charlie ever since he was a young boy wanted to grow up to be a streer car conductor. When he finally became old enough, he applied for the job and lo and behold he got it. Now Charlie was the friendliest street conductor that the city has ever seen. Not only did he never complain about his job, but also he greeted everyone who boarded his street car and treated them like family. Everything in his life was perfect for Charlie until one day he decided to operate the street car after having a few drinks. In his drunken state, he crashed the streetcar and killed all the passengers. After going to court Charlie was sentences to death by the eletric chair. When the day came for his execution, a gaurd visited Charlie's cell and asked him what he wanted for his final meal. Charlie replied, "I want a rotten tomato and a raw fish." After Charlie finished his meal he headed into the execution room and sat down in the eletric chair. The warden gave the order to pull the switch and the room went dark as thousands of volts passed through Charlies body. After the switch was thrown back it came as a suprise that Charlie was in fact still alive. Having no idea what else to do the warden let Charlie out of jail but banned him from ever operating a streetcar in New Orleans. Since street cars were his life Charlie decided "Hey I'll go to Japan, I hear they have fancy new street cars there." In Japan Charlie gets a job as a conductor again, but as before decides that after having a few drinks that he is still able to work the street car. To no suprise Charlie crashes the stree car and kills all the passengers. Charlie again finds himself in jail ordering his last meal. "A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. After the meal was eaten, Charlie was led to the chair and once again survives the eletricity. Because he wasn't dying, he was set free but banned from operating the street cars in Japan. Charlie thought to himself, "Well I heard San Francisco still has street cars operating so I'll go there." As you can guess Charlie ends up in the same situation and again orders the same meal " A rotten tomato and a raw fish," he tells the gaurd. The warden from San Francisco had heard of Charlie and his previous death sentences so before he brought Charlie in to be executed he sent a letter to the mayor asking to reroute the city's eletricity to the jail. The mayor approved and confident with his new found power the warden smiled and gave the order to pull the switch. The lights in the room burst from the overload and the smell of something burning overwelmed the air. The warden after a minute ordered the gaurd to shut off the chair and as the smoke cleared, there was Charlie same as always. Distraught with emotion, the warden told Charlie to get out of his sights. Charlie, tired of going to jail, finally decided that maybe he shouldn't be a street car conductor after all. So Charlie travels back to New Orleans and meets his friend Thibodaux at a bar. Thibodaux after a few minutes of small talk tells Charlie "Everyone has heard about the eletric chair incidents and I just gotta axe, how were you able to survive all them jolts of electricity through your body? Was there something you did that made you resistant to it?" Charlie looks at Thibodaux and says "I dunno, I guess I was just a bad conductor."

In light of recent events...

...I believe Adrian Peterson should start playing Major League Baseball.
He'd be a great *switch* hitter.

Why did the Jew prefer to sleep in the dark?

Because the lights in his house were contolled by a switch

How many OU (University of Oklahoma) coaches does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They aren't about to change a bulb when flipping a switch has worked for 15 years.

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her...

and having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend & didn't tell the husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches, & went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words but quickly got on top of her...
When he finished & was still panting, the wife said: You didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you? And then she switched on the light...
No madam, said the gardener…

Do dogs know about light switches?

Or do they think we all just have personalities that literally light up a room?

Turned out the lights

I started walking down the stairs, and I flipped the light switch to off.
It wasn't a bright idea.
I'll see myself out.

I just moved in to a new flat with two girls...

I just moved in to a new flat with two girls, it's been a bit of a nightmare to be honest. The first one has really bad OCD, whenever she goes in to a room she has to turn the light switch on and off 17 times. That's nothing compared to the other one, she's got epilepsy

The lights at JayZ's house weren't working, so he called me to fix it.

Now he's got 99 problems but the switch ain't one.

Feminist are like faulty light switches

No matter what a guy does, you usually can't turn them on

The Trap

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her by having an affair with the maid, so she laid down a trap.
One evening, she suddenly sent the maid home and didn't tell her husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story, "Please excuse me my dear, my stomach aches" and went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went and got into the maid's bed. She switched the lights off. When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words and had his way with her.
When they were finished and both still panting, the wife said, "Well my dear, you didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" And turned on the light.
"Absolutely not!", said her son.

I think my Christmas lights were made down south

The switch says 'C' for colored and 'W' for white.

A thief

A thief climbs in through a ground floor window one night and starts looking for valuables in the sitting room when suddenly he heard a voice say "Jesus is watching you. " he shows hi flashlight around the room but upon seeing nothing continues his search. A few minutes later he heard the same voice say "Jesus is watching you. " he flicks on the light switch and discovers a parrot in the corner. The parrot says "Jesus is watching you." The robber replies "are you Jesus?"
The parrot says "no I am Moses."
The robber replies " who calls there parrot Moses?" To which the parrot replies " the same guy that calls his Rottweiler Jesus"

You ever heard about the t**... light bulb?

It just needed a switch

A priest is giving a nun a ride home one day...

As they're in the car, each time the Priest goes to switch gears, he rests his hand on the nuns knee.
The nun looks up at the priest and says "Father, remember Luke 14 10."
The priest moves his hand away, embarrassed. The next time they stop at a light, he places his hand a little higher on her leg.
Once again, the nun says "Remember Luke 14 10, father."
The priest apologizes, "The flesh is weak" he says.
The priest drops the nun off, and when he gets home, he reaches for his bible and flips to Luke 14 10, which says.
"Friend, come up higher. Then shalt thow have glory."

I like flicking all the light switches in my house so I can go camping indoors.

But my girlfriend tells me it's a huge turnoff.

Request - can someone explain this joke?

> In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She said, 'Cut it out.'

The pope was visiting San Fransisco in his limo

He said to his chauffeur, "You know, I never get to drive. I want to drive."
The chauffeur doesn't want to say no to the pope, so they switch places.
Immediately, the pope floors it, sideswiping cars and running red lights.
Eventually, he gets pulled over. The cop knocks on the window and the pope rolls it down.
The cop looks at the pope, then at the chauffeur in the back, and goes back to his car.
He radios in to his superior and says, "Sir, I don't think I can arrest this guy. I think he's God, he has the pope driving for him."

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything.

Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said, "Cut it out."

Work switching to LED lights in the parking lot

All I can say is that it's going to be LIT

Superpowers....

Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?
-
No , she replies sleepily.
-
I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me having to do anything. I think I'm getting super powers!
-
Emily replies groans: Oh no, Peter! You pig, you just peed into the fridge again!!!

My girlfriend is like a light switch

I always make sure to turn her off before leaving so she doesn't waste power on someone else

Two light bulbs are watching a switch flip on and off...

The first one turns to the second and says,
"Is it weird that, that turns me on?"

My Dad dropped his beer bottle on his foot and broke his toe

I told him a long time ago he should have switched to light beer

The light switch [true story]

One day, the milkman came to the farm to bring the milk to the factory.
He left a note to my father saying : " the light switch isn't working "
To what my father replied another note : " the light switch doesn't like it gentle "
The dairy man left the last note : " Neither the baker's wife ! "

My family loves to have dance parties.

My dad will play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect.
Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing!
It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

A maestro is convicted of murdering his wife, and sentenced to die in the electric chair.

On the night of the execution, he is strapped into the chair and they pull the switch. Nothing happens.
Thinking it must be a power supply problem, they turn off all the lights in the prison and try again. Still nothing.
They turn out all the lights in the town and try again. Nothing.
So, they let him go because he was such a poor conductor.

Three men are discussing what they think is the fastest thing in the world

The first man says The fastest thing in the world is a thought... I think something and pops into my head
The second man says The fastest thing in the world is light... I turn on the light switch and the room lights up instantly
The third man thinks for a second and says you are both wrong... it's actually Diarrhoea
Confused, The two friends as him how could diarrhoea be the fastest thing in the world?
The third man replies well, the other day when I woke up, before I could even think or turn on the light, it was already too late!

A few guys were sitting around arguing about what the fastest thing in the world is

The first guy says, I think it's a thought because you just think and it's right there
The second guy says, I think it's blinking because you hardly notice it's happening before it's over
The third man says, I think it's light. When you flip a light switch the lights immediately turn on
Finally, the last guy says, No, no, no you're all wrong. The fastest thing in the world is diarrhea!
What? How's that? Everyone asks
He replies, Well, before I could think, blink, or turn on a light, I s**... my pants

A burglar breaks into a joint

While going through the owner's belongings a shrill voices goes:
"Heavenly Father is watching you! Heavenly Father is watching you!"
Slightly irritated, the burglar switches on the light and sees a parrot in the corner, repeating its line:
"Heavenly Father is watching you! Heavenly Father is watching you!"
Burglar: "Hahaha! Look at you, what's your name?"
Parrot: "Jared Leto"
Burglar: "That's an odd name for a parrot. Who would name their parrot 'Jared-Leto'?
Parrot: "The same person who would name his rottweiler 'Heavenly Father'!
*First Cake day joke!

A trap set by wife for husband and the maid

one evening she suddenly sent the maid home for weekend & didn't tell the husband. that night when they went to bed **husband** gave same old story "*excuse me my dear, my stomach& went to bathroom.* the wife promptly went into maid's bed & switched off the lights. when in he came silently he wasted no time on words but quickly started having s**... when he finished
the **wife** switched on the light & said : **u didn't expect me in this bed, did u?**
**"no madam said the watchman"!!**

OP. Got kicked off an electrical job today.

Lady wanted me to check the light fixture in her bedroom. I set up my ladder under the fixture and removed the cover, then asked if she could turn on the switch at the door. Being out in hallway, she said, Give me a sec. I smiled and told her I'd give her all the 'secs' she wanted.

How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Usually one. Lightbulbs are relatively easy to screw in, although depending on the position/location of said light it may require a stepladder or some sort of object to stand on to elevate yourself. Always be careful when installing electronics, make sure the light switch is OFF before going near it