light Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious light puns

How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?


One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.

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Had sex with my girlfriend a couple days ago..

My girlfriend and I had sex a couple of days ago.

She looked at me and said, "Turn the light off and stick it in my butt".

I guess I should have waited for the bulb to cool off first.

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3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do?

They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's"


I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.

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I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."



He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

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How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb?

Why must it be a group activity?

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How many "friend-zones" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they'll just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw.

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How many GoT plot writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only two, but they'll wait 6 or 7 seasons before screwing it up.

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Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.

The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.

The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?

He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than neither will I."

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My girlfriend said if I turned off the light, I could stick it in her ass.

After I tried, she freaked out and told me never again.

I guess the bulb was hot.

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How many grammar Nazis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Too

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My girlfriend left a note on the fridge

"This is not working I'm going to my mum's house."

So, I opened the fridge's door, the light came on and the juice was cold.

- What the hell did she mean?

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Had sex with my girlfriend a few days ago.[NSWF]

She told me to turn the light off and stick it in her butt.

Should've waited for the bulb to cool down first.

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Light babies are delivered by stork, heavy babies...

Delivered by crane.

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If light travels faster than the speed of sound...

how come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?

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How many optometrist does it take to screw in a light bulb?

1... or 2?? Or 1? Or 2?

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In the beginning there was nothing. God said "Let there be light!"

There was still nothing, but now you could see it.

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A cop on a horse is talking to a little girl on a bike...

The cop asks the girl "did santa get you that?"

"Yes" the little girl replies

"Well next time tell him to put a reflector light on it" and the cop fines her £5

The girl, startled, replies "did santa get you that" and points at the horse

"He sure did" replied the cop, laughing

"Well tell him next time the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top of it"

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A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

An **optimist** sees light at the end of the tunnel.

A **realist** sees a freight train.

The **train driver** sees 3 fucking idiots standing on the train tracks.

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How many Germans do you need to change a light bulb?

One. Because we are efficient and not very funny.

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I have a bumper sticker saying, "Honk if you think I'm sexy".

Some days I just stay at a green light till I'm feeling good about myself.

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How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.

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What do hamsters and cigarettes have in common?

They're both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire

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After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?"

God said,

"I think I'm going to call it a day."

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How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

One. We are efficient and dont have humour.

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Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.

So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

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I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary...

I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.

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How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!

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How many dyslexics does it change to take a light bulb?

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the head brewmasters of Budweiser, Miller, and Guinness walk into a bar..

the brewmaster of Budweiser orders first and proudly asks for the most popular brew in America, a Bud Light.

the brewmaster of Miller smiles and asks for a true original, a Miller Lite.

the brewmaster of Guinness winces and orders a Diet Coke.

"a Diet Coke?!," exclaim the others.. "don't you drink Guinness?"

"well shit no one else was having beer I didn't want to be the only one," he complained.

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Did Santa get you that?

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

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I bought my son a fridge for Christmas.

I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

^([I stole this from imgur comments, but I am posting it here so that you can use it today and tomorrow on people you dislike. Merry Christmas.])

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What's blue and not very heavy?

Light blue.

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How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows. They never get to keep the house.

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In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.

Thoughts and prayers.

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What are the most funny Light jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Light? Well, here are the best Light dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Light pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes