Following is our collection of fluorescent humor and flashlight one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Light puns for adults, dirty illumination jokes or clean light bulb gags for kids.
There is an abundance of bright jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 88 funniest jokes on light. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any lamp witze you can hear about light.
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.
They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.
He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
Why must it be a group activity?
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?
He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than neither will I."
Too
Delivered by crane.
how come I can hear the guy in the BMW behind me honk before the light turns green?
All of them. Never split the party.
1... or 2?? Or 1? Or 2?
There was still nothing, but now you could see it.
One. Because we are efficient and not very funny.
Some days I just stay at a green light till I'm feeling good about myself.
How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
They're both perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire
God said,
"I think I'm going to call it a day."
One. We are efficient and dont have humour.
So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.
Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
^([I stole this from imgur comments, but I am posting it here so that you can use it today and tomorrow on people you dislike. Merry Christmas.])
Light blue.
No one knows. They never get to keep the house.
Thoughts and prayers.
None it's always lit fam
We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).
Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.
GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.
... Is to not talk about fight club.
The second rule of fight club...
Please keep your seat belt on at all times when the light is on.
The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
Just one... But it takes 4 episodes and Krillin dies...
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn't order a Guinness, to which he replied:
"I figured if you 3 weren't ordering beer it would be rude for me to."
All they had was 13,749 matches.
"Are my other relatives also here?"
And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."
The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"
That's not funny
Light blue.
He says, "My clock is defective. It only goes 'tic...tic...tic...tic...' unlike the others, which go 'tic...toc...tic...toc...'."
"No problem", says the watchmaker, taking the clock from its owner.
He then shines a light in the clock's face and says menacingly, "We have ways to make it toc."
Unless you get multiplied by the speed of light squared. Then you Energy
Prism
(Note: I made this joke up. Sorry if this little note refracts from the humour.)
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
I know its not the greatest gift, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.
A priest is baptizing a man. He dips him 3 times in water and says "Craig, from now on you will be known as Michael. From this day forth you are to shed your sinful ways and that includes no more gambling or alcohol"
The man later that day goes home and heads straight for the fridge. He then grabs a can of coors light and dips it in the sink. As he does it he says "from this day on, you will be known as green tea"
Microorganisms
Humidity
Light
Heat
Apparently not three. It's still dark in my basement.
Q: Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?
A: The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
Just kidding, you can't change anything in the United States.
Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China."
One day, the teacher asked the children in class to give examples of what was not good to put in one's mouth.
Little Johnny says, It is not good to put a lit light bulb in one's mouth.
The teacher says, That is correct, but why?
Little Johnny answers, I don't know, but my mom always tells my dad, 'Turn off the light before you put it in my mouth!'
Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.
IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?
Customer: Nothing.
IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?
Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...
IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?
Customer: Nope. The power's out.
Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
He said "screw" lolol
That's why some people appear bright until they talk.
Better buy a flashlight
We may never know the truth.
Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.
But if it looks like bud light, you're good.
The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."
The guy replies, "I am seeing a psychiatrist."
The dentist asks, "Well, then what are you doing here?"
The guy says, "Your light was on."
Thank you day light savings
The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.
I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."
Because light attracts bugs.
But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.
I'm now afraid of light.
Don't be silly, Black Lives Matters protesters can't change anything.
Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to tell you they are vegans.
.......
Well apparently the correct answer is three. The extra one is needed to post whiny replies when they all get triggered by this joke.
Dunno. Seven's not the answer though, my basement is still dark
They aren't dangerous until you stick one in your mouth and light it on fire.
It makes it really difficult for me to see them through the window...
a match made in heaven .-.
We get out to exchange information, and I notice the guy is a midget. The first thing he says is, "I'm not happy." To which I replied, "Well which one are you then?"
Just one. But the light bulb has to want to change.
None. Feminists don't change anything.
The bellhop says "can I take your bags?"
"No," she answers, "I'm traveling light."
*(I'm new to the community, this is best I've got, I'm sorry)*
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway
She knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker just ignores her, the light changes, and he proceeds down the street.
At the next light, the blonde again catches up and says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load."
He ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the next red light the blonde catches up, all out of breath, knocks on the window and says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker looks at her and finally, he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's snowing, and I'm driving a salt truck."
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is *New Jersey*
That's why some people look bright until they start talking.
None. They prefer Natural Light.
..should be taken outside and shot.
They always eat light.
Do you have a ticket for that?
And when it gets REALLY cold, we light it.
..... And is asked if he needs help with his luggage.
The photon replies, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."
\[removed\]
He became a maid, he was already accustomed to performing light house work.
They usually have a light lunch.
One, or two? Three, or four?
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.