Light Jokes
144 light jokes and hilarious light puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about light that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Light Short Jokes
Short light jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The light humour may include short lamp jokes also.
- 3 guys are on a boat and they have 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do? They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
- I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters last halloween that I turned off the lights and pretended I wasn't home. My lighthouse, my rules.
- How many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They're happy living in the dark
- If light travels faster than the speed of sound... how come I can hear the guy in the bmw behind me honk before the light turns green?
- How many D&D players does it take to change a light bulb? All of them. Never split the party.
- In the beginning there was nothing. God said "Let there be light!" There was still nothing, but now you could see it.
- I bought my wife a fridge as an anniversary present. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
- A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel
A REALIST sees a freight train
The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks - After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said,
"I think I'm going to call it a day." - How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb? Find out next time, on dragon Ball Z!
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Light One Liners
Which light one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with light? I can suggest the ones about bright and shadow.
- How many introverts does it take to change a light bulb? Why must it be a group activity?
- Light babies are delivered by stork, heavy babies... Delivered by crane.
- How many optometrist does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1... or 2?? Or 1? Or 2?
- How much does a rainbow weigh? Not much, they're pretty light.
- how many alziemers patients does it take to change a light bulb? to get to the other side
- How did communists light their homes before candle? with light bulbs
- What did Britons use to light their homes before candles? Electricity.
- What's blue and not very heavy? Light blue.
- How many Excel users does it take to screw in a light bulb? Monday January 01, 1900
- Click here for spoilers Microorganisms
Humidity
Light
Heat - What's green and not heavy? Light green.
- It's 364 days until christmas. And people already have their lights up!
- Light travels faster than sound! That's why some people appear bright until they talk.
- How many Congressmen does it take to change a light bulb?
Better buy a flashlight - Just lasted over an hour in bed... Thank you day light savings
How Many Light Bulb Jokes
Here is a list of funny how many light bulb jokes and even better how many light bulb puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but the light has to really want to change.
Give me your best lightbulb joke. - How many conspiracy theorists does it take to screw in a light bulb? We may never know the truth.
- How many ladybugs does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but don't ask me how they got in there.
- How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb? It doesn't matter. Nothing matters.
- How many minimalists does it take to change a light bulb? One
- How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. But the light bulb has to want to change.
- How many bros does it take to change a light bulb? None. They prefer Natural Light.
- How many IT people does it take to change a light bulb? Do you have a ticket for that?
- How many mods does it take to screw in a light bulb? \[removed\]
- How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? Depends. Sometimes it takes one. Sometimes it takes a Zildjian.
Light Bulb Jokes
Here is a list of funny light bulb jokes and even better light bulb puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb? 5 days. & I'm pretty proud of myself.
- How many cancer patients does it take to change a light bulb? 1 and 12 people to say how inspiring it was
- How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Definitely not 9, my basement is still dark
- How many graphic designers does it take to change a light bulb? Does it have to be a light bulb? 'Cause I had this other idea...
- How many professors does it take to change a light bulb? None. Thats what grad students are for
- How many people with OCD does it take to change a light bulb? Seven. It *has* to be seven.
- Two. How many psychics does it take to change a light bulb?
- How many ADHD kids does it take to change a light bulb? LETS GO RIDE BIKES
- How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? None. German light bulbs are quality products.
- How many Anime characters does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only 1, but it takes them 15 episodes to do it.
Changing Light Bulb Jokes
Here is a list of funny changing light bulb jokes and even better changing light bulb puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many light bulbs does it take to change a man? Just one, if you put it in the right place.
- How many abducted women does it take to change a light bulb? Five is apparently not enough because my basement is still dark.
- How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb? Two. The light bulb you remove and the light bulb you replace it with.
- How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into a water faucet. - How does a 49er fan change a light bulb? He doesn't he just talks about how great it use to be
- One How many time travellers does it take to change a light bulb?
- Why is it important to have plenty of help when changing a light bulb? Many hands make light work.
- How many guys wearing turbans does it take to change a light bulb? Sikhs.
- How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb? Ten: one to screw it in and nine to say, "Pssh, I can do that."
- How many sith lords does it take to change a light bulb? None. They like it on the dark side.
Change Light Bulb Jokes
Here is a list of funny change light bulb jokes and even better change light bulb puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How many clickbait articles does it take to change a light bulb? The answer will shock you
- How many people does it take to change a light bulb? Is just one of the questions I should have asked before buying a lighthouse....
- How many dancers does it take to change a light bulb? Five… six… seven… eight!
- How does Trump change a light bulb? He holds the bulb in the socket and waits for the universe to revolve around him.
- How many Apples does it take to change a light bulb? Two
One to change the bulb
The other to sell the iBulb for $600 and claim it's "revolutionary" - How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. But it takes about 8-10 visits.
- How many Scientologists does it take to change a light bulb? None: the light bulb must find $80,000 to become clear, then it will have the self-determination to change itself.
- How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb? Six. One to change it, one to take pictures and four to make t-shirts for the event.
- Q: how many cops does it take to change a light bulb? A: none. They just shoot the room for being too dark.
- How many bluegrass musicians does it take to change a light bulb? Four - one to change it, and the rest to complain because it's electric.
Hilarious Fun Light Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about light you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dark jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make light pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.
Got home to find my wife had left a note on the fridge that said "This isn't working I'm going to my mum's"
I opened up the fridge. The light was on and the beer was cold. I'm not sure what she was talking about.
I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."
Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink.
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness?
He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer than neither will I."
Where do naughty rays of light go?
Prism
(Note: I made this joke up. Sorry if this little note refracts from the humour.)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
That's not funny
Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?
Q: Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?
A: The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many dyslexics does it change to take a light bulb?
I accidentally rear ended someone at a stop light while not paying attention..
We get out to exchange information, and I notice the guy is a midget. The first thing he says is, "I'm not happy." To which I replied, "Well which one are you then?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many "friend zoned" guys does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
Funniest thing my gf has ever said
We were at a a red light and i noticed a woman in the car behind me making a lot of arm and hand motions. No one was in the car with her (probably on bluetooth).
Me: Hey babe look at this woman behind us. What is she doing? She's just flailing her arms around but there isn't any one with her.
GF: Maybe she's deaf and she's singing to herself.
A joke I heard at mass
A priest is baptizing a man. He dips him 3 times in water and says "Craig, from now on you will be known as Michael. From this day forth you are to shed your sinful ways and that includes no more gambling or alcohol"
The man later that day goes home and heads straight for the fridge. He then grabs a can of coors light and dips it in the sink. As he does it he says "from this day on, you will be known as green tea"
My wife recommended I do some light reading to relax at the end of the day...
Not really relaxing, as my eyes are in pain, but I managed to make out, "60 Watts - Made in China."
what does god light his cigarettes with?
a match made in heaven .-.
A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth."
The dentist replies "You shouldn't be here. You should be seeing a psychiatrist..."
The guy replies, "I am seeing a psychiatrist."
The dentist asks, "Well, then what are you doing here?"
The guy says, "Your light was on."
A Russian goes to a watchmaker.
He says, "My clock is defective. It only goes 'tic...tic...tic...tic...' unlike the others, which go 'tic...toc...tic...toc...'."
"No problem", says the watchmaker, taking the clock from its owner.
He then shines a light in the clock's face and says menacingly, "We have ways to make it toc."
I tried to look up lighters in Amazon.
All they had was 13,749 matches.
A day in the life of an IT guy...
Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.
IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?
Customer: Nothing.
IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?
Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...
IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?
Customer: Nope. The power's out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel...
The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees two lights at the end of the tunnel
... and the engineer can see three idiots standing on the rails.
When I was a little kid, I was afraid of the dark.
But then I grew up and saw the electricity bill.
I'm now afraid of light.
The First Rule of Fight Club...
... Is to not talk about fight club.
The second rule of fight club...
Please keep your seat belt on at all times when the light is on.
The pessimist only sees darkness into the tunnel...
The optimist sees the light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees a light approaching into the tunnel
The train driver sees 3 arseholes walking over the railway
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did Santa get you that?
Cop on horse says to little g**... bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*c**... goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have a bumper sticker saying, "Honk if you think I'm s**...".
Some days I just stay at a green light till I'm feeling good about myself.
No matter what they say, you matter.
Unless you get multiplied by the speed of light squared. Then you Energy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If your u**... looks like beer, you are likely dehydrated.
But if it looks like bud light, you're good.
In light of the Net Neutrality debate, I want to say something to support my American friends.
Thoughts and prayers.
Deep.
Pessimist sees nothing but dark in the tunnel.
Optimist sees light in the end of the tunnel.
Realist sees light from incoming train.
Engine-driver sees three idiots standing on the track.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hate it when women turn off the light before having s**......
It makes it really difficult for me to see them through the window...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many grammar n**... does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Too
A photon walks into a hotel and orders a room. The bellhop asks, Can I carry your baggage to your room for you?
The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
I got my best friend a fridge for his birthday,
I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?" His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you." The man goes, "Are my children here?" "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," say the children.
"Are my other relatives also here?"
And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."
The man sits up and says,
"Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"
Do you know why programers prefer dark mode?
Because light attracts bugs.
What not to put in one's mouth
One day, the teacher asked the children in class to give examples of what was not good to put in one's mouth.
Little Johnny says, It is not good to put a lit light bulb in one's mouth.
The teacher says, That is correct, but why?
Little Johnny answers, I don't know, but my mom always tells my dad, 'Turn off the light before you put it in my mouth!'
A very religious man went on a safari
When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some christian feelings".
That moment, the clouds parted and a beam of light came from above and touched the lion's heart. The lion raised his paws to the heavens and loudly prayed "Thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive."
PS: it was a beam of light.
PPS: 12 700 upvotes and 17 awards. Thank you so much. I haven't been this happy since Xmas.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.
He turns on his signal lamp and sends, Change your course, 10 degrees west.
The light signals back, Change yours, 10 degrees east.
The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, I'm a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.
The light signals back, I'm a s**... First Class. You must change your course, sir.
Now the captain is mad. He signals, I'm an aircraft carrier. I'm not changing my course.
The light signals back a final message: I'm a lighthouse. Your call.
What's the difference between a Texas energy company and a Dumpster Fire?
A Dumpster Fire creates affordable light and heat.
I always take 40 or 50 lighters with me in a bag...
Not because I'll need them, but you can always use a lighter bag when hiking.
And I make sure it's not an odd number so that way it's even lighter.
President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.
Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.
The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."
Where do bad rainbows go?
Prism
Only a light sentence
A man and a woman are talking in the office.
The man says: "I'm so tired from working, I wish I could get a day off."
The woman replies: "Don't worry, I have a way of doing that. Just watch me."
The woman proceeds to hang from a pipe.
Suddenly, the boss walks in a says: "What in the world are you doing?"
The woman replies: "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says: "You must've gone crazy from all that working, you can take the day off."
The woman leaves. The man follows.
The boss asks the man: "Where are you going?"
The man then replies: "I'm going home. I can't work in the dark."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are people from New York always depressed.
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is always Jersey.
A prisoner has been digging up a tunnel under his cell for years
One day he while he was digging he saw the light, he reached the end of tunnel and ended up in a kindergarten playground
"I'm free, I'm free!" shouted the escaped prisoner
"so what? I'm four" said one of the toddlers
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike...
A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike and says, Did Santa get you that?
Yes, replies the little girl.
Well, says the policeman, tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year, and fines her $5.
The girl looks up at the policeman and says, Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that? The policeman chuckles and replies, He sure did!
Well, says the little girl, next year, tell Santa the a**... goes on the back of the horse and not on top of it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
THAT IS NOT FUNNY!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?
Narcissists don't use light bulbs. They use gaslighting.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Usually one. Lightbulbs are relatively easy to screw in, although depending on the position/location of said light it may require a stepladder or some sort of object to stand on to elevate yourself. Always be careful when installing electronics, make sure the light switch is OFF before going near it
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My s**...-life is like Coca Cola....
...first it was normal, then it was light and now it's zero!
A pessimist, an optimist, and a realist look down a train tunnel
The pessimist sees a long dark tunnel
The optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel
The realist sees that the light is an oncoming train
The train conductor sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
In medieval times, people used to attach a lamp to a horse when riding at night.
This is the earliest known form of saddle light navigation.
*I'll fetch my coat of arms*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How Many Jews Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?
Who needs a light bulb when you have eight candles? Happy Chanukah, y'all.
Today I successfully weighed a rainbow
Turns out it was pretty light
