Lifting Weights Jokes

60 lifting weights jokes and hilarious lifting weights puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lifting weights that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Lifting Weights Short Jokes

Short lifting weights jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lifting weights humour may include short weight lifting jokes also.

  1. The worst part about online dating is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.
  2. Yo mama Yo mama so fat, she went to a weight lifting competition and won 1st place for standing up
  3. Lifting weights changed my life. I dropped 25 pounds... Right on my big toe. It's broken now I can hardly walk
  4. I just cancelled my gym membership I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
  5. Why do Americans weight lift in tank tops? Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms.
  6. After 4 months without the gym I finally went back and a great weight was lifted off my shoulders After they removed the weight, the paramedics then took me to the hospital for extensive surgery.
  7. After progressively lifting heavier weights, I was finally able to squat 600 pounds. Unfortunately, all that money still weighs less than a kilo.
  8. Why did the diabetic win the weight lifting competition? Because he was so good at pumping.
  9. I just cancelled my overpriced gym membership I feel like I've finally lifted a huge weight off my chest
  10. If I ever go to prison, I'm going to start lifting weights So I can be the powerhouse of the cell

Share These Lifting Weights Jokes With Friends

Lifting Weights One Liners

Which lifting weights one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lifting weights? I can suggest the ones about weight room and heavy lifting.

  1. My Machamp just spent the whole day lifting weights. You should see his forearms.
  2. "Lift those weights, see if I care." Said the impersonal trainer.
  3. Who was Mr Rogers' weight lifting coach? Arnold Schwarzeneighbor
  4. My father owned a body removal business He lifted a lot of dead weight
  5. What do you call a rabbit who lifts weights? A jacked rabbit.
  6. I stopped going to the gym recently. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off me.
  7. I lifted my 100KG weights ten times today That was a ton of heavy lifting
  8. As a girl who lifts weights at the gym... I experience a lot of flexual tension
  9. Do you know why I love working out? Because I always feel like a weight has been lifted.
  10. What kind of trophy do I get every time I lift weights? Hypertrophy!
  11. Today, I lost my head It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders
  12. Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights? Because he was soda-pressing
  13. Why can't you lift weights on Monday? It's a week day.
  14. What is the weight lifting zombie's favourite hobby. Working on them gaaaains.
  15. Why did the bear not lift more weights? It was unbearable.

Lifting Weights Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about lifting weights you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lifting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lifting weights pranks.

Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I r**.

.. didn't stand a chance.

When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get stronger.

Chuck Norris doesn't lift weights he tells his muscles to get bigger.

French Joke (translated)

A Frenchman, an American, and an Arab are on a hot air balloon.
The hot air ballon wouldn't lift-off as there was too much weight, so the three friends agree on throwing off anything that is plentiful in their respective countries. The rich American goes forth and throws away piles on piles of dollars, stating that "There are too many in my country".
The Arab goes next and throws off tons of gold, his gold watch, bars, etc. stating that "There is too much of it in my country!"
Next goes the Frenchman...
He pushes the Arab off stating that "There are too many sulking in the streets of my country!"
The hot air balloon then wafts through the air majestically.

I know my brother is strong

I mean I've never seen him lift weights or anything but he's always picking up fat chicks

A man takes his daughter to the toy shop to buy a Barbie doll.

There are three Barbie dolls in the shop window. Sports Barbie wearing tight shorts and a halter top lifting weights. Business Barbie wearing an expensive business suit and carrying a briefcase on her way to an important meeting. Divorced Barbie wearing designer clothing and a pearl necklace. Sports Barbie and business Barbie each costs 25 dollars. Divorced Barbie costs 1000 dollars. The man and his daughter enter the toy shop. The man asks a shop assistant 'Why does divorced Barbie costs 1000 dollars, while the other Barbies each costs 25 dollars?' 'Well,' says the shop assistant, 'if you buy divorced Barbie you also get Ken's house, Ken's car and all of Ken's possessions.'

Why did the spaghetti noodle lose the weight-lifting contest?

He wasn't stroganoff.

You're so poor…

you gain weight when you lift your wallet.

How did the guys from Slayer get so buff?

They lifted hella weights.

What's the difference between Subway Sandwiches and young Girls?

Eat one all day and you'll lose weight eat the other one time and you'll be lifting weights

Hello, Im here to subscribe to the gym

+Hello, I'm here to subscribe to the gym
-Are you here because of a New Year Resolution?
-We have a one day plan, it includes 4 selfies in the weight lifting area

My sister told me about a christian motivational group that came to her school. She said they were super strong but didn't lift weights.

So I figured they must do crossfit.

Where can you go to lift weights and get in shape?

To the body building!

I'm made out of pure dynamite!

An elder couple wakes up together and kiss each other a good morning.
After that, the man stands up, picks up his weights and starts lifting them.
The man says: "Do you see this? I'm made out of pure dynamite!"
His wife looks up, with one eyebrow lifted, and says: "Too bad about the short fuse..."
(I hope it's clear because my English isn't so great)

Where do gorillas lift weights?

The jungle gym

A guy and his girlfriend are lifting 1-pound weights together.

He turns to her and says, "Babe, I don't think this is working out."

What do you call weight lifting on Wall Street?

Capital gains

What would you say if you saw the blue fish from Finding Nemo lifting weights and taking steroids?

"Well that's hunky Dory!"

Blind guy walks into a bar

A blind man walks into a bar, and after getting a little tipsy he says to the bartender.
Hey, do you want to hear a blond joke
The bartender then replies well before you start your joke there is a few things you need to know ... I'm blond 6ft 3 and im also an amateur boxer, my other friend at the bar is 6ft 1 and is the national kickboxing champion who is also blond, and finally the person who I'm about to serve next is blond 6ft 4 and looks like they have lifted weights since the day they were born .... now ... do you really want to tell that blond joke !?
The blind guy sighs ... then says naaa, not if Im going to have to explain it three time!

Two burly, muscular men are in the gym, lifting weights...

One says to the other, "When I get home, I'm gonna rip my wife's u**... off!"
The other says, "Why's that?"
The first finishes, "Cause the elastic is killing me."