Lifting Jokes
84 lifting jokes and hilarious lifting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lifting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Learn about the lighter side of lifting weights! This article dives into the world of lifting jokes, from mood-lifting skirts to face lifts around the ankles. Read on to find out how to bring some levity to your workout and get a few laughs.
Quick Jump To
- Short Lifting Jokes
- Lifting One Liners
- Lifting Weights Jokes
- Weight Lifting Jokes
- Heavy Lifting Jokes
- Mood Lifting Jokes
- More Lifting Jokes
Funniest Lifting Short Jokes
Short lifting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lifting humour may include short leaning jokes also.
- In Britain we call it a "lift" but Americans call it an "elevator". I guess we're just raised differently.
- Why do they call them lifts in the UK & elevators in the US? Because we're raised differently.
- Wife: "Can you pick up milk?" Me: *lifts gallon*
"Yeah, it's easy."
Wife: "I mean from the store."
Me: "I'd imagine it weigh the same there too" - In the UK we call them lifts but in the US they call them elevators Because we're raised differently.
- My grandfather is really frustrated that he has to use the chair lift to go upstairs. It is driving him up the wall.
- The worst part about online dating is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.
- Recently, i decided to quit my job at the construction place because i couldn't deal with the heavy lifting. I gave them my too weak notice yesterday.
- The guy who invented the USB connector died... They lowered the coffin into his grave.
Then they lifted it back out, turned it round, and lowered it back in again. - Scientists have discovered why flamingos stand on one leg Because if they lifted the other one as well, they'd fall.
- I can't lift a ton of chicken soup but I can lift a ton of pho. Because a pho ton is light.
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Lifting One Liners
Which lifting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lifting? I can suggest the ones about lifts and heavy.
- What did the bra say to the hat? You go on a head, I'll give these two a lift
- How does a booze thief make you feel better? He lifts your spirits.
- I rented some heavy lifting equipment in Kiev from a company called You crane.
- What happens when the smog lifts from Los Angeles? UCLA
- Why did the ghost get in the elevator? To lift his spirits.
- I don't like sex on lifts. I am taking steps to avoid it.
- What do ghosts do when they're sad? They get in an elevator to lift their spirits.
- What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles? U.C.L.A
- What did the Wonderbra say to the regular bra? Do you even lift?
- I just set my new dead lifting record. 3 corpses.
- Why does a flamingo lift up one leg? Because if it lifted up both it would fall over
- Why was the kleptomaniac clown visiting the liquor store? He was lifting their spirits
- What bird can lift the most? A crane
- Why do ghosts like to ride the elevator? It lifts their spirits
happy spoopy day - I'm not saying my wife is fat... but I struggle to lift her photograph
Lifting Weights Jokes
Here is a list of funny lifting weights jokes and even better lifting weights puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Yo mama Yo mama so fat, she went to a weight lifting competition and won 1st place for standing up
- Lifting weights changed my life. I dropped 25 pounds... Right on my big toe. It's broken now I can hardly walk
- My Machamp just spent the whole day lifting weights. You should see his forearms.
- "Lift those weights, see if I care." Said the impersonal trainer.
- Who was Mr Rogers' weight lifting coach? Arnold Schwarzeneighbor
(OC) - I just cancelled my gym membership I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
- My father owned a body removal business He lifted a lot of dead weight
- Why do Americans weight lift in tank tops? Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms.
- After 4 months without the gym I finally went back and a great weight was lifted off my shoulders After they removed the weight, the paramedics then took me to the hospital for extensive surgery.
- What do you call a rabbit who lifts weights? A jacked rabbit.
Weight Lifting Jokes
Here is a list of funny weight lifting jokes and even better weight lifting puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I stopped going to the gym recently. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off me.
- After progressively lifting heavier weights, I was finally able to squat 600 pounds. Unfortunately, all that money still weighs less than a kilo.
- I lifted my 100KG weights ten times today That was a ton of heavy lifting
- Why did the diabetic win the weight lifting competition? Because he was so good at pumping.
- I just cancelled my overpriced gym membership I feel like I've finally lifted a huge weight off my chest
- If I ever go to prison, I'm going to start lifting weights So I can be the powerhouse of the cell
- As a girl who lifts weights at the gym... I experience a lot of flexual tension
- I know my brother is strong I mean I've never seen him lift weights or anything but he's always picking up fat chicks
- My sister told me about a christian motivational group that came to her school. She said they were super strong but didn't lift weights. So I figured they must do crossfit.
- Do you know why I love working out? Because I always feel like a weight has been lifted.
Heavy Lifting Jokes
Here is a list of funny heavy lifting jokes and even better heavy lifting puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I hurt my shoulder and doctor told me i shouldn't lift anything heavy. So i'm forced to sit down when i pee.
- The doctor said I can't lift anything heavy for the next two weeks I guess I gotta sit down to pee now
- My doctor told me I can no longer stand when I pee and need to sit down. He said I'm not allowed to lift anything heavy.
- Does heavy lifting make you dumb? Yes
Cause counting to 10 has never been this hard before - Why couldnt Elon Musk lift the box? Its was too falcon heavy
I'm sorry - I asked my couch-potato wife to go to the gym to do some lifting with me She philosophically retort: "Why should I? The burden of life is already too heavy."
Me: "Indeed you are." - I tried making money flipping houses. but they were to heavy for me to even lift.
- What boots do you wear when lifting a heavy object? UGGH!!!! boots (say it with a constipated voice)
Mood Lifting Jokes
Here is a list of funny mood lifting jokes and even better mood lifting puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Make puns in a lift. It might elevate the mood.
- Whenever I'm in a bad mood I get drunk and work out. It really lifts my spirits
Uplifting Lifting Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about lifting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean slack jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lifting pranks.
My 93 year old grandfather FTW
We were at a family gathering and out of nowhere my 93 year old grandfather announces ''Well, now I have to sit down now when I pee..."
All conversation grinds to a halt and everyone looks at him.
"My doctor told me no more heavy lifting."
Job at a Cadbury's factory ..
>I had a job putting fudge bars in to boxes. I had to quit though because every time someone would walk past they would say,
>"Oh packing fudge are we?"
>Or
>"Hey up, he's packing fudge again."
>Since then I've applied for a job in a clothing factory lifting boxes of shirts.
>I'm hoping the name calling will stop now.
TBH. I don't get the joke and it's annoying me. Can someone explain the obvious wordplay I'm missing??
Stephen Hawking is an inspiration
He's earned millions in the past 10 years without lifting a finger.
Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights?
Because he was soda-pressing
A nun asks another
What would you do if someone with bad intentions gets ahold of you?
Nun: I would lift up my dress
Other Nun: Oh my! What would you do then?
Nun: I would ask him to put his pants down
Other Nun: Wow. I didn't expect this from you. What would you do after?
Nun: I would run away. I bet I can run faster lifting my skirt than he can with his pants down.
Went to the gym today and cheered everyone on for an hour. On the way out the trainer stopped me...
Confused he asked me what I was doing at the gym. So I told him exactly what I was doing:
"Lifting Spirits"
Shoplifters
I was at Target yesterday and LP caught some man lifting a calendar..
..he got 12 months.
My lifting buddy was shocked when I told him that we were out of protein powder.
He said "No whey!"
I'll be here all night.
I try working out by lifting dictionaries...
I've been told that's how you get definition.
Hello, Im here to subscribe to the gym
+Hello, I'm here to subscribe to the gym
-Are you here because of a New Year Resolution?
+Yes
-We have a one day plan, it includes 4 selfies in the weight lifting area
+Perfect
What do you call a row of people lifting mozzarella?
##
A cheesy pick up line.
I'm made out of pure dynamite!
An elder couple wakes up together and kiss each other a good morning.
After that, the man stands up, picks up his weights and starts lifting them.
The man says: "Do you see this? I'm made out of pure dynamite!"
His wife looks up, with one eyebrow lifted, and says: "Too bad about the short fuse..."
(I hope it's clear because my English isn't so great)
I had to stop lifting balloons as a form of exercise.
It wasn't really working out.
What's a mortician's favorite workout?
Dead lifting.
I've spent a month lifting and I still haven't gotten stronger
I guess it's not working out
I heard the Greta Van Fleet had to cancel the rest of their US tour. The lead singer pulled his hernia.
From lifting too many Led Zeppelin songs.
A karate instructor was arrested after leaving the store
He was charged with chop lifting
I like to work out by lifting monitors
240 Hz
A guy tried lifting 40 pound dumbbells
"This is too much." He decided.
He spent his money on cheaper dumbbells
Two burly, muscular men are in the gym, lifting weights...
One says to the other, "When I get home, I'm gonna rip my wife's u**... off!"
The other says, "Why's that?"
The first finishes, "Cause the elastic is killing me."
A farmer posted on his local subreddit that he was looking to hire help to fix his fence...
The farmer's wife asked him, Why would you look to hire someone from the internet? Surely they will not be up to the physical demands of lifting and setting these heavy fence posts!
The Farmer replied We need a professional, and I heard that there is no one more experienced than a Redditor at re-posting.
The staff of this liquor store called the cops on me for stealing Whisky and v**....
I don't understand. I was only lifting their spirits.
peaches vs peas
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied, "A can of peaches."
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches,
And she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied, "6."
The judge said, "Then I will give you 6 days in jail."
Before the judge could conclude the trial, the woman's husband spoke......and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, "What is it?"
The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."
An elvis presley fan decides to get his likeness tattooed on each of her thighs.
However, she was not entirely pleased with the end result. One night, during a particularly successful tinder date, she decided to get a second opinion. Flipping on the lights and lifting her frock she asked her date "Does this look like Elvis to you?" After a moment of careful study, her date replied "I don't know about Elvis, but the one in the middle looks like w**... Nelson."
