Lift Jokes
127 lift jokes and hilarious lift puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lift that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your day brighter with these hilarious Lift Jokes! From funny face lifts to getting stuck in an elevator, these jokes will have you in stitches. Enjoy a good chuckle from puns about stair lifts, ski lifts, scissor lifts, and more. So raise your spirits and give yourself a ballerina laugh with these Lift Jokes!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Lift Short Jokes
Short lift jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lift humour may include short lever jokes also.
- In Britain we call it a "lift" but Americans call it an "elevator". I guess we're just raised differently.
- Wife: "Can you pick up milk?" Me: *lifts gallon*
"Yeah, it's easy."
Wife: "I mean from the store."
Me: "I'd imagine it weigh the same there too" - My grandfather is really frustrated that he has to use the chair lift to go upstairs. It is driving him up the wall.
- The worst part about online dating is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.
- Scientists have discovered why flamingos stand on one leg Because if they lifted the other one as well, they'd fall.
- I can't lift a ton of chicken soup but I can lift a ton of pho. Because a pho ton is light.
- Don't wait until you're on your death bed to tell people how you feel You might be too weak to lift your middle finger
- My Italian grandmother just got a stair chair lift, I asked her how she likes it... she said ... "IT DRIVES ME UP THE f**... WALL"
- What do you call an elevator with a group of slim, softly spoken, intelligent people inside? A Lift
(only a joke, my American friends) - I've spent a month lifting and I still haven't gotten stronger I guess it's not working out
Share These Lift Jokes With Friends
Lift One Liners
Which lift one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lift? I can suggest the ones about haul and raise.
- What did the bra say to the hat? You go on a head, I'll give these two a lift
- How does a booze thief make you feel better? He lifts your spirits.
- I rented some heavy lifting equipment in Kiev from a company called You crane.
- What happens when the smog lifts from Los Angeles? UCLA
- Why did the ghost get in the elevator? To lift his spirits.
- I don't like sex on lifts. I am taking steps to avoid it.
- What did the Wonderbra say to the regular bra? Do you even lift?
- I just set my new dead lifting record. 3 corpses.
- Why was the kleptomaniac clown visiting the liquor store? He was lifting their spirits
- What bird can lift the most? A crane
- Why do ghosts like to ride the elevator? It lifts their spirits
happy spoopy day - I'm not saying my wife is fat... but I struggle to lift her photograph
- My Machamp just spent the whole day lifting weights. You should see his forearms.
- A friend and I got into a fight on a ski lift. It was an uphill battle.
- "Lift those weights, see if I care." Said the impersonal trainer.
Stair Lift Jokes
Here is a list of funny stair lift jokes and even better stair lift puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I hate stair lifts.. They drive me right up the wall
- I was going to get a face-lift but I thought about my health and went for face-stairs instead
- I lift at the gym the stairs are too much effort
- My apartment building is like me in a bar. It needs a lift, but in the end there's just a lot of stairs.
- Yeah, bro. I train and I lift... ...It's easier to get to work that way than to bike and to stairs.
- Why do I always use the lift? Because stairing is rude.
- I lost the use of both my legs and lay weeping at the bottom of the stairs. My dad gave me five grand. It was just the lift I needed.
- I can't believe it. I have to use the stairs because the lift is broken. It's out of order.
Face Lift Jokes
Here is a list of funny face lift jokes and even better face lift puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My face lift has gone terribly wrong. If anyone knows of a good surgeon, I'm all ears.
- Anyone know how to lift a house? My girlfriend wants me to put foundation on her face.
- A person decided to go to a cosmetic surgeon for a face lift and the surgeon said, "You're beautiful just the way you are." "After the surgery, of course."
- My wife told me to get her something she can use for her birthday this year. So I got her a face-lift and a tummy tuck.
- A woman decided to have a face lift before she dies ... the end
Stuck In Lift Jokes
Here is a list of funny stuck in lift jokes and even better stuck in lift puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot? One lives in the outback, and one is a Scotsman stuck in a lift.
- What's the difference between a Kangaroo and a Kangaroot? A Kangaroo is a marsupial found mainly in Australia.
A Kangaroot is a person from Newcastle stuck in a lift. - I watched the movie Frozen with my four year old daughter My daughter didn't like the part when the girlfriend got her hand stuck to the ski lift at all.
- I bought my blonde girlfriend a jet ski for christmas... I don't know how she got it on the chair lift, but she's still stuck on top of the mountain.
Ski Lift Jokes
Here is a list of funny ski lift jokes and even better ski lift puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Guy running the ski-lift said it would be $50 to get to the top of the mountain... I said "that's a bit steep."
He said "exactly." - You shouldn't argue with a friend while in a ski lift. You wouldn't want to fall out.
Hilarious Lift Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about lift you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean weigh jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lift pranks.
How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about .2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.
How can you tell if someone lifts?
Don't worry, they'll tell you.
Q: How Do You Tell 2 Scottsmen Apart?
A: You lift their kilts, and whichever one has a Quarter Pounder is a McDonald!!
Have you ever been in a Schindler's Lift?
If you have, then did you ever feel that it could have carried more people?
did you hear about the Chinese lift repairman?
, it was Wong on so many levels.
My dad eats lightbulbs
One day these three little boys were bragging about their dads. The first little boy said, "my daddy can lift 100lbs. over his head." The second little boy said, "thats nothing my daddy can lift 200lbs. over his head." The third little boy said, "Thats nothing my daddy can eat light bulbs!" The other two little boys were like really hows that? the boy said, "Yeah i heard my daddy tell my mommy in the bed room the other night you turn that light off and I'll eat that thang!
Legs in the Air
Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,"Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sore Paws
Little Johnny calls his dad, 'Dad those two dogs over there, why is the one at the front giving the one at the back a ride?'
'Errr, hmm, well son, the one at the back has saw front paws, so the one at the front is giving him a lift home'
'It's always the same innit dad'
'What's that son?'
'You try and help someone out, you end up getting f**...!'
How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.
Man goes to a wizard
A man goes to see a wizard and says:
"Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"
"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can you remember the exact words of the curse?"
The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."
Why is gravity the weakest of the 4 fundamental forces?
Because it doesn't even lift.
After my surgery, the doctor told me I have to pee sitting down.
He told me not to lift anything that weighs more than 10 pounds.
Where is the lift?
American: You mean the elevator?
English: Yes, we call it a lift.
American: It's called an elevator. We invented it.
English: And we invented the language.
A man walks up to a woman in a bar.
He puts a lime next to her. The woman asks "what this"? The man says "its a lime". The woman says "can you move that lime somewhere else"? The man says "sure".The man tries to move the lime several times but cant seem to lift it. The woman says "is something wrong"? The man says "Sorry, I am bad at pick up limes".
I got a good piece of advice for picking up girls
Just keep your back straight and lift with your legs.
So a work colleague told me that Prince died and they found his body in a lift.
Well, he was obviously coming down with something.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Strong people don't put others down.
They lift them up and body-slam them for maximum impact.
I hurt my shoulder and doctor told me i shouldn't lift anything heavy.
So i'm forced to sit down when i pee.
Why do Americans weight lift in tank tops?
Because they like to exercise their right to bare arms.
I'm sitting in a bar having a drink ...
... and I see man fall down. I go over and pick him up. "Bartender, do you know where this man lives? I'll give him a lift home." He tells me where he lives. I grab the guy, pull him down to the car, put him in the car, he falls into the backseat. I get to the address, pull the man out, he falls down three more times, I pick him up each time. I knock on the door, his wife answers. I say "I brought your husband home." She says "Where's his wheelchair?"
I just finished deadlifting 1000 pounds off the ground.
For you Americans, that's 1275 dollars. It's my most expensive lift to date.
Vin Diesel was riding his bike at the speed of light when a man asked him for a lift.
Vin Diesel stopped for him to hop on and continued riding at the speed of light.
After a while the man asked.
Man: "So what's your name?"
Vin: "Cin Diesel"
Man: "Don't you mean Vin Diesel?"
Vin: "No it's Cin Diesel"
Man: "But why?"
Vin: "Because at the speed of light c=v"
A nun asks another
What would you do if someone with bad intentions gets ahold of you?
Nun: I would lift up my dress
Other Nun: Oh my! What would you do then?
Nun: I would ask him to put his pants down
Other Nun: Wow. I didn't expect this from you. What would you do after?
Nun: I would run away. I bet I can run faster lifting my skirt than he can with his pants down.
A man was driving along the motorway
When all of a sudden, he sees two crisps (potato chips) walking along the side of the road.
Perplexed by this and concerned for their safety he leans out and shouts "Hey! You two want a lift anywhere?", to which the crisps stopped and replied "No thanks mate, we're Walkers".
A roofer gets to choose how to get onto the roof. He can either use a scissor lift or a series of steps between two metal poles.
He chose the ladder.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Its getting a lot easier to un-lock phones these days
Now that they've added f**... recognition you don't need to lift a finger!
A tongue has no bones but it is strong enough to break a heart and..
is also strong enough to lift the pelvic bone.
Why doesn't the Math professor use the lift?
He wants to prove all floors exist and are real.
Dog Poem
I am a dog And you are a flower. I lift my leg up And give you a shower.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A sweet young girl walks into an elevator at Macy's, trailing a cloud of expensive perfume.
She brags to the elderly woman who was inside, Coco Chanel $900 per ounce.
The lift reaches the second floor where the old lady is about to get off. As she steps out of the elevator, she rips out a rumbling f**.... Trailing a heavy cloud, she smiles sweetly and announces, broccoli, 49 cents a pound.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I get really embarrassed when female guests visit my house and my dog sniffs their c**....
Ok, he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up, but it's still embarrassing.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call lesbian s**... in an elevator
A Scissor lift
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three guys enter a steakhouse
o**... orderes a sirloin. Another guy the Porterhouse. The third the New York s**....
Once the plates arrive, the three men lift their meals above their heads.
The waiter asks "What are you all doing?"
The men replied "Raising the steaks."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is lying on a nudist beach wearing only a hat covering his c**...
When all of a sudden a woman passes by who remarks, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a gentleman, you would lift and tip your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a s**... woman, the hat would lift by itself."
I offered to give my daughter a lift to school.
"Come on," said my wife, "she's big enough to take the bus by herself."
I said, "That's harsh. She's not *that* overweight."
What do you get when you put a lift kit on a supra
Suprised
I'll see myself out.
This American woman ran up to me and said, "Help, someone robbed me as I was leaving the elevator." I said, "That's not right!"
She said, "I know, right? What shall I do?"
I said, "Start calling it a lift like normal people do."
What do Michael J. Fox and the new guy at the warehouse have in common?
Both have trouble with the fork lift
Why couldnt Elon Musk lift the box?
Its was too falcon heavy
I'm sorry
The American man and the British man
(Not sure where I learned this one)
Once there was an American man talking to a British man. The American man was lecturing the British man, saying he was saying things wrong. He said its not lift its elevator, its not Tele its TV and its not a boot its a trunk of a car. The British man calmly said back "its not a shooting range its a school
Young man fresh out of college gets a job at a factory
When he arrives he surprised that he is assigned as junior janitor. Shocked he asks for the manager who hired him. Didn't you read I have a double major in Social Science and Anthropology
Oh says the man, I must have missed that. OK let me explain. Lift the mop up and put in the bucket, then wipe the dirty floor with it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I guess I'll take inspiration from the Iraqi joke and try to translate this Armenian joke. A kid is in PE class...
The teacher yells Lift up the right leg.
The children lift up their right legs.
The teacher yells Now lift the left leg.
The kid shouts What the h**...? Do you expect us to stand on our d**...?
A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain but she didn't speak spanish. Each time she wanted to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt up & show her thighs to allow the seller to understand.This went on for some time.
One day she wanted to buy sausages, so she made her husband go to the store with her. He then asked for sausages as he spoke spanish.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman with hairy armpits enters a bar..
She sits at the end of the bar and raises her arm to call the bartender and a drunkard would say, "Hey, bartender.. give the ballerina a beer on me.."
This happened two more times and the bartender finally asks, "Tell me, I'm curious.. What makes you say that the woman at the end of the bar is a ballerina? "
The drunkard shrugs and says, "Any woman that could lift her leg that high must be a ballerina."
A meathead is counting loudly in the gym as he does bench press...
1! 3! 5! 7! 9!
Another meathead:
Do you even lift bro
Meathead: Nah I only odd lift bro
To our American cousins...
Its lift, not elevators.
Cash machine not ATM.
Hospital, not business.
What do you call a pig in an elevator?
A pork lift
A man was trapped under a bench press
A man in the gym was at the bench press when the barbell fell on top of him. Despite them being strong, no one could lift the barbell off of him so the man that was trapped tells someone to call a therapist which they do. When the therapist arrives, he asks the man why he called him and the man says "I need to get something off my chest"
Why is the forklift operator at the distillery you own always so nice to you?
Because it's his job to lift your spirits.
An exercise for people who are not in good shape.
Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to 10-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.
Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
I was driving to work yesterday, when I spotted Usain Bolt on the sidewalk. I rolled the window down and offered him a lift.
He said 'No thanks, I'm in a rush.'
Don't forget tonight, just before midnight, to lift your left foot, and don't put it back down until after the clock strikes midnight...
So you can start 2021 on the right foot!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys are playing golf.
They're near a road.
One of the guys put a tee in the ground put his golfbal on it and takes his club.
He looks at his ball, begins to lift his club to make a swing when a f**... procession passes on the road.
The guy immediately stops what he's doing and takes a minute of silence untill the f**... procession has gone.
The other one is impressed and says to the guy:
"d**... that's some mark of respect you just showed there".
And the guy replies.
"That's normal. we were maried for 10 years after all."
Sorry for my english
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Netflix's latest movie.
Netflix have released a powerful new film set in the 18th century about a princess who's cursed by non-stop m**... . The witch who cursed her says she has before the age of 21 to lift the curse by falling in love.
Honestly, it's a fantastic period drama.
Lifting weights changed my life. I dropped 25 pounds...
Right on my big toe. It's broken now I can hardly walk
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Warning about pick pockets
At the local supermarket, two young women are standing at the parking lot exit, asking for a lift.
Shortly after leaving the parking lot, they will start u**... each other and making out, before one of them offers to give you a b**..., while the other steals your wallet.
It happened to me monday, two times tuesday and again yesterday
What did the American elevator say to the British elevator?
You lift bro?
I love elevator jokes
They lift me up when I'm down
3 bags of crisps walking down the road .. a bloke pulls up ,says hay guys wanna lift?
No thanks they replied we're walkers
An American is lecturing a British person,
saying things like it's an elevator not a lift and it's chips not crisps etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted they're schools, not shooting ranges .
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Psychic's advice
A woman went to a psychic and found out she was going to live to be 100!
She figured if she was going to be around that long, she may as well look her best. She got the works! Face lift, b**... job, nose job and looked amazing!
After her final procedure she got hit by a bus and died.
Upon arriving at heaven she cried and cried! "I was supposed to have 40 more years!"
God said "Oh, sorry. I didn't recognize you."
I've found a way to arouse a woman with just one finger.
All you have to do is lift it high enough so that the waiter or waitress can see that you are paying for the bill.
Funny how Americans call it an "elevator" instead of a "lift" and...
... my American crush says "Stop messaging me or I'm calling the cops" instead of "I love you".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
potato bag strenth power
**An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to increase your strength
An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
—Beverly g**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy with worms up his b**... goes to see a doctor.
Guy: Doc, these worms be killing me, what can we do ??
Doc: Get a watermelon, sit on it, once the worm leader gets a taste, He'll call his buddies to join him out.
And sure enough our guy does as instructed, after hours of watermelon sitting, the worm leader crawls out for little taste.
The worm leader: Yo me hearties, on my three, and.. LIFT!
The auto mechanic put my car on the lift without asking me first.
That's jacked up.
