Following is our collection of funniest Lifetime jokes. There are some lifetime frustrate jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lifetime eternity puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
I won't be doing that again.
They asked him, "What would you like to have in your next lifetime?"
"Drinking blood is good but I don't like hunting, ideally I'd like to have a easy supply of fresh blood."
"Alright."
"I also like turning into a bat and flying, so let me retain wings.", he said.
"Noted."
"One last thing, my dark complexion seems to scare people too much, can I turn into something white?"
"Sure thing."
**Poof**
He became a maxi pad.
Set a man on fire and he is warm for a lifetime.
He hit the jackpot.
Balloon prices are going to go sky high.
Never again.
Cr
Because anything they buy is likely to be a lifetime supply.
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality.
We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation, she said, ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?
A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?
Ask him how much sex he's had in his lifetime.
Is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I heard this on a spotify ad and it cracked me up. I thought I'd share it.:)
Because he was always out standing in his field.
You can explore lifetime greatness reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lifetime achievement dad jokes. There are also lifetime puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A lifetime ban from the Zoo
Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway and that even if she didn't, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.
And a Bass Pro Shop salesman will eat for a lifetime.
Lifetime Cleveland Browns fan
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for a lifetime.
I hope it works out.
The worst part is that he keeps rubbing it in.
Sure he spent a lifetime composing, but so far he's spent centuries decomposing.
One mistake and you're providing support for a lifetime.
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
It's a once in a lifetime experience
But it grew on me.
Give a man a monthly subscription of fish delivery right to his home, profit.
And a lifetime ban from Mother Teresa's grave.
Not much.
A bot has a chance of reacing self-awareness in our lifetime.
A once in a lifetime opportunity.
Teach a fish to human and you've got a scientific breakthrough.
I prefer the term lifetime unpaid internship.
And also a lifetime ban from the zoo.
It's a once in a lifetime experience.
... and a lifetime ban from my local zoo.
Me: Can I just take the $20 instead?
Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
Getting a lifetime of bad luck from breaking a condom.
Give a man a poisoned fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will complain about how fishing is male-dominated.
I meet with Paul the Saint. He points to a bunch of clocks behind him
Paul: These are clocks that measure how honest you are. Yours is at 12:45, meaning you have lied 45 times in your lifetime
Me: Whose that clock at 12:00 belongs to?
Paul: That's Mother Teresa's. She has been a perfect person and has never lied
Me: Then whose that one at 11:59? Is he even better than Mother Teresa?
Paul: No. That one belongs to Bill Clinton. He lied so much during his presidency, the clock almost resets to 12:00
Me: I wonder, where's Donald Trump's clock?
Paul: Trump? Its in my office. I am using it as a desk fan
Is a once in a lifetime experience!
Teach a man to program, and frustrate him for a lifetime.
I'd have a lifetime supply of free homes & cars...
if you ride it fast enough.
The old saying goes "you give a man a fish he eats for a day, but teach him to fish he eats for his lifetime." In the military they tell privates the same thing but a little differently.
It goes "you make a fire for a soldier, he's warm for the night. You light the soldier on fire, he's warm for the rest of his life."
Never. Again.
You have a lifetime ahead of you to fix it.
I won't be doing that again.
and a lifetime distrust towards my heart surgeon.
My mate bought a new suitcase advertised as 'indestructible!', with a lifetime guarantee.
One week later one of the wheels broke clean off and the case would fall over when being used.
He tried to return his broken suitcase but the company refused to deal with him.
'Im going to sue!' my friend said angrily
I told him I would too but I was afraid his case wouldn't stand up in court.
I didn't hear from him after that, but someone told me he had a once in a lifetime experience.
she also has a lifetime ban on the bird park
what color would you pick?
He eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime. Give the man some dynamite and there will be little chunks of fish all over the village.
Guess we should of had her cremated first
tell a man a joke and he'll repost it every day.
Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, he's warm for the rest of his life.
He has cancer, in Hospice, and the Doctors have given him two weeks tops.
I was stuck between a Rock and a hard plaice.
Single-handedly.
But so far they've only sent me two and a half.
It cost $3.
A lifetime ban from the petting zoo.
They talk to the child laying there,
are you ready for the surprise of a lifetime
The kid in a raspy voice replies, So a short one?
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day.
Give a man a fish laced with potassium cyanide, and you feed him for a lifetime.
Does that mean one actually enjoys it?
This morning I heard someone shouting loudly on a megaphone outside my window. Saying "If you invest $15.00 just once, you can sit and eat for the rest of your life".
I went out onto the balcony with curiosity and saw the idiot, he was selling chairs..
or at least once in a lifetime
He has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh Zoo.
Teach a robot to fish, feed him for a lifetime.
Teach a robot to teach other robots to fish, you're out of a job.
Tell a Redditor a joke, he will repost for a lifetime
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
A lifetime dismembership.
So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland
And a lifetime ban on the zoo
And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
How can even look at himself in the mirror ?
But when I have it all of a sudden I'm endangering animals and have a lifetime ban from the zoo
He is afraid of someone bombing the plane, so he asks a statistician what the odds are of a bomb being on a plane. He says the odds are one in a million and he shouldn't worry about it.
He asks what the odds of 2 bombs being on the same plane are, and the statistician says the odds are so low it will probably never happen to anyone in the mans lifetime.
A month later they run into each other and the statistician asks if the man ever took his vacation. He says yes. The statistician asks how he got over his fear of flying and the mans says, it was easy. Every time I board a plane, I bring a bomb with me.
and a lifetime ban at the zoo
Suspend a man's Reddit account and he'll be happy for a lifetime.
Tell a man he looks good in it, and he'll wear it for a lifetime
Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.
Teach 100 men to fish, you're the single biggest threat to our ecosystem.
Teach a redditor a joke and they will repost it for a lifetime!
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Its cake and y'all know the rules!
And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lifetime humans jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lifetime syphilis piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.