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Lifespan Jokes

7 lifespan jokes and hilarious lifespan puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lifespan that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Laughable Lifespan Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles

What is a good lifespan joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.

Apparently, drinking a pint of beer shortens your lifespan by nine minutes.

According to my calculations I died some time in 1829.

Apparently, when you drink a pint of Beer

You shorten your lifespan by 9 minutes. So according to my calculations, i died sometime in 1644.

Known as the "one-day insect" the Mayfly has the shortest lifespan of all organisms...

But it still lives longer than my headphones.

What's the average lifespan of an owl?

About six and a half books.

Why do calendars have short lifespans?

Their days are numbered

If you had to spend the rest of your (human) lifespan as an invertebrate, which would you be?

Me, a politician.

A little girl came up to me today and said she was having a midlife crisis.

I chuckled and said "Don't be silly! How old are you?"
She said "6"
I laughed and said, "Then how are you going through a midlife crisis if you are only 6?"
She said "Well my mom is antivaxx, so I'm unvaccinated."
"Don't be ridiculous!" I said. "A midlife crisis means you're in the middle of your lifespan right now, while right now you'll probably be dead in a week."

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