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Lifelong Jokes

40 lifelong jokes and hilarious lifelong puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about lifelong that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article introduces the concept of lifelong jokes – jokes that stay with us throughout our lifetime, even from when we were embryos. Find out why they may be an important part of maintaining friendships and how to use them as a tool for lifelong learning.

Funniest Lifelong Short Jokes

Short lifelong jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The lifelong humour may include short longtime jokes also.

  1. I went out dressed as a chicken last night. and I met a girl who was dressed as an egg. One thing led to another and a lifelong question was answered; it was the chicken.
  2. Who came first? I went out last night dressed as a chicken and ended up getting with a girl who was dressed as an egg. A lifelong question has been answered; it was the chicken.
  3. I went to a party dressed as an egg I met a girl dressed as a chicken. A lifelong question was answered that night: it was the egg.
  4. I went to a Halloween party dressed as a chicken, and hooked up with a girl dressed as an egg. Things happened but in the end, we answered a life-long question... The chicken came first.
  5. My overweight boss asked me to roast him at his retirement party.. I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork.
  6. Yul Brynner was a lifelong liverpool fan who didn't wear aftershave Yul never wore cologne
  7. On her wedding day... Your soon-to-be wife is focused on three things: the aisle, the altar, and you. That then becomes her lifelong mantra.
    Aisle altar you.
  8. Jeff Bezos worked long, difficult hours for little pay to fulfill his lifelong dream... ...of making other people work long, difficult hours for little pay.
  9. What do you call two life-long best friends that also happen to be food critics? Taste buds.
  10. I've finally achieved my lifelong dream of becoming a stand-up comedian Thank you prosthetic legs!

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Lifelong One Liners

Which lifelong one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with lifelong? I can suggest the ones about long term and everlasting.

  1. I have the heart of a lion... and a lifelong ban from the zoo.
  2. My life-long rival just beat my record for deep-sea diving! This is a new low...
  3. What plant bears fruit & is afraid of lifelong commitment? Cantaloupe
  4. Google can result in a lifelong addiction I guess you could call it a chromic disease
  5. If I was to ever fulfil my life-long dream and become an astronaut I'd be over the moon!
  6. What's the shortest lifelong sentence? I do.
  7. What do you call a lifelong drag queen? Tuck Everlasting
  8. What the lifelong atheist said when he reached the Pearly Gates. I'll be d**...!

Lifelong joke, What the lifelong atheist said when he reached the Pearly Gates.

Witty Lifelong Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about lifelong you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean longevity jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make lifelong pranks.

The guys go to the f**... of their life-long pal...

After a long eulogy and some beautiful music, the guys are overcome with emotion. The first guy walks up to the casket of his buddy.
"I know it's just a small token, but for everything you've ever done for me, buddy, all the times you helped me out. This is the least I could do."
He tucks a $50 bill into his buddy's tuxedo pocket, and he staggers away sobbing.
The second man, inspired by the gesture, walks up and places his own $50 bill in his buddy's pocket. "For all the beers you bought me, that I never had a chance to pay you back for." And he staggers away sobbing.
The third man, a lawyer, not to be out-done, says, "I know it's just a small gesture, but for all the times you've been there for me when I needed you, here's a token of my gratitude."
And he writes a check for $150, and takes the two fifties in change.

On His Deathbed

On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican supporter suddenly announced that he was switching to the Democrats. I can't believe you're doing this. said his friend. For your entire life you're been a staunch Republican. Why would you want to become a Democrat now? Because I'd rather it was one of them that dies than one of us.

A snail decides to buy a car...

There's this snail. All his life, all he's ever wanted was a little red corvette, convertible, with a b**... "S" painted on the hood. He saves and saves and finally buys his life-long dream. He pulls out of the dealership and his driving down the street, proud as can be. Two guys, waiting at a crosswalk, spot the snail in his new car, and one says to the other, "hey man, look at that S car go!!!"

A couple are having marital difficulties,

...and the wife suggests they see a marriage counsellor.

At their first session the counsellor asks the couple to explain to each other how they feel about their marriage.

The wife says: We are at a crossroads. To the left is bitterness, resentment, divorce and a life of unhappiness. To the right is reconciliation, love and lifelong happiness.

The husband says: I think you'll find that's a T-junction.

My close friend Elaine went to a party

dressed as an Egg and made out with a guy who was dressed as a Chicken.
She told me later that a lifelong question was answered that night. It was the chicken.

An Olympic Gymnast walks into a bar.

He gets a two point penalty and ruins his life-long ambition of becoming an Olympic medalist.

After five years of living in utter despair, a young man finally found the key to lifelong happiness.

It was Prozac.

Relationships are a progression of 4 rings.

First is the "Friendship" ring, when dating is exclusive, but there's no more commitment
Second is the Engagement ring, when two people are so in love that they want to get married.
Third is the Wedding ring, worn when two people make a life-long commitment to each other during a ceremory attended by their friends.
Fourth and finally - is the Suffering. Starts about a year after Step 3.

My grandmother, a life-long abstract artist, has dementia.

For the longest the family couldn't be sure of her mental illness, but eventually we all saw the landscape.

It's impossible to rekindle an old flame...

... the restraining order and lifelong lighter ban saw to that.

A life-long politician and an orange are on stage in front of millions of Americans. What do they do?

They start insulting each other.

I used to think I was smart, a life-long learner.

Turns out I'm just confused all the time.

Day in court

In the traffic court of a large city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to the judge that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate dismissal of her case so she could get to the school on time.
A wild gleam came into the judge's eye.
You're a schoolteacher, hum? he said. Ma'am, today I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Sit down at the table and write 'I went through a red light' 500 times!

The impossible wish

A guy saves a frog from a forest fire. The frog turns out to be a magical frog, and is very grateful to the man for having saved its life. So the frog offers to grant him three wishes. The man says, Great. So I want:   1. Lifelong access to any cinema,   2. I want to be 10 years younger and   3. I want a highway that goes straight from here to Hawaii.   I'm happy to help you but the third wish is really difficult. You'll have to wish for something else instead of that third wish, says the frog.   OK, agrees the man reluctantly, in that case I'd like to finally understand women. - The frog looks at him for a while: And should the highway be a three-lane or a four-lane one?

Lifelong joke, The impossible wish

jokes about lifelong