The Best 56 Lifeguard Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Lifeguard jokes. There are some lifeguard inflatables jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these lifeguard ool puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Lifeguard Jokes and Puns
I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today...
The lifeguard shouted at me so loudly, I almost fell in.
The German Lifeguard
A group of friends were on a boat in Munich when the hull was breached.
They quickly called for the German Life Guard yelling "Help we're sinking!"
The Life Guard asked "Ja, vat are you sinking about?"
I had to pee really bad at the swimming pool yesterday, so I tried to sneak it in at the deep end...
But the lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in.
Obama goes on vacation to South Carolina and goes for an ocean swim...
And begins to drown! A young lifeguard swims out and rescues him, pulling him back to shore.
"Thank you so much for saving me young lady. Please, tell me what I can do to repay you."
"Aw shucks, I don't need nuthin', sir, it's just ma job!" She says.
"Listen, I'm the President of the United States, I can give you anything you want!"
She thinks for a moment and says "Well, I'd mighty like a plot at the Arlington National Cemetery if ya can do that fer me."
"Why does a young woman like you want a burial plot at the cemetery?"
"Because" she said, "When my friends and family find out what I just did they'll kill me!"
Little Jimmy at the Pool
Jennifer the lifeguard tells Jimmy to stop peeing in the pool. Little 6 year old Jimmy replies that everbody pees in the pool. Jennifer says that yes people do, but not from the diving board...
I was on my way to becoming a lifeguard...
When some blue kid got me fired.
I loved my job as a lifeguard,
until that blue kid got me fired.
A lifeguard blows his whistle at a little boy and asks him to come over...
He says to the boy, "Hey, you're not allowed to pee in the pool."
"That's not fair!" says the boy, "There must be dozens of people peeing in the pool every day! Why do you gotta pick on me?"
The lifeguard says, "Well most people don't do it off the diving board."
I got caught peeing in the pool the other day
The lifeguard yelled at me so loud that I almost fell in.
So I was peeing in the pool yesterday.
The lifeguard hollered so loud, I almost fell in!
I got fired from my new job as a lifeguard today...
Turns out the girls have to be drowning before you can kiss them.
You can explore lifeguard lifejacket reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean lifeguard rescuer dad jokes. There are also lifeguard puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
So little jimmy was peeing in the pool.
And the lifeguard yells at him, hey little jimmy, your not allowed to pee in the pool.
And little jimmy says to the lifeguard, but, but all the little kids pee in the pool.
And the lifeguard replies, Yeah, but not from the diving board...
I got caught taking a pee in the Municipal swimming pool.
The lifeguard yelled at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
Heard on Haight St. the other day: Why didnt the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?
Cause he was just too far out, man.
Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippy?
He was too far-out.
Why did the lifeguard have to rescue the hippy at the beach?
Beacause he was too "faaaaarrrrr oooouuuuttt, maaaaan!"
Local Drowning
A hippie drowned at the local beach last night. When asked why the free spirit was unable to be save before his tragic death, a lifeguard commented "He was too far out, man."
What does a lifeguard and a manager of a Curves have in common?
They both watch whales.
The other day the lifeguard told me to stop peeing in the pool...
I got such a fright I nearly fell in.
A tourist tried to visit a nudist beach only to discover it was blocked off. He asked the local lisping lifeguard of the beach, "You open?"
The lifeguard responded,
"Sorry, we're clothed."
One thing wrong with the gene pool
The problem with the gene pool is that there's no lifeguard.
I've been watching you urinate in the pool..
Lifeguard: I've been watching you, Mr. Jones, and you'll have to stop urinating in the pool.
Mr. Jones: But everybody urinates in the pool.
Lifeguard: From the diving board?
The lifeguard yelled at me for peeing in the pool.
I was so startled, I almost fell in.
The new pool lifeguard was talking to his boss about his experience so far
"There's an exceptional amount of friendly people here. It's been at least seven who has waved at me."
What did the lifeguard say to the hippie?
"Hey man, you're too far out!"
I had a job interview for a lifeguard position and they asked me what my biggest strength was. So I took a deep breath...
Held it for four minutes and they gave me the job.
Today I saw someone waving.
It was i nice gesture, so I waved back. It's fun to be a lifeguard.
I was having a quick wee in the deep end of the swimming pool when the lifeguard blew his whistle.
It was so loud I nearly fell in.
What's a lifeguards favorite game
Pool.
A man decided to go to the pool.
A man decided to go to the pool. Just after getting there, he was ready to take a dive right in. Before he could do anything though, the lifeguard ran over to him urging him to stop.
"Sir, what on Earth do you think you are doing? There's no water in the pool!" He exclaimed.
"Oh, that's okay." The man replied." I can't swim!"
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the philosopher from drowning?
He was too deep.
The lifeguard at my local pool is racist...
How I know?
When he said I should leave, I asked why and he said, "European in the pool!"
I took a dip in the pool yesterday
The lifeguard yelled at me and told me that i'm not allowed to bring ketchup into the swimming pool.
I'm in Ocean Beach and a homeless man just told me this joke.
Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie?
He was too far out.
I got kicked out of a pool for peeing in it
The lifeguard started yelling, telling me to stop.
"But all the little kids do it too!" I yelled back.
"But not while standing on the diving board!"
I got caught peeing in a pool once
The Lifeguard yelled so hard I almost fell in
Why didn't the lifeguard save the hippie from drowning?
Cause he was too faar out maan.
Yo mama was so fat,
Her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
One day John decided to go swimming.
He's at the pool, enjoying himself, when the lifeguard approaches and says "John, it's time for you to leave the swimming pool".
John: "Why, I just got here a little while ago, I'm enjoying myself, why do I have to leave?".
Lifeguard: "Because you're peeing in the swimming pool".
John: "So what! Everybody pees in the swimming pool!"
Lifeguard: "BUT FROM THE HIGH DIVING BOARD!?"
Got caught peeing in the pool
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
The Ool
Lifeguard: welcome to the Ool.
Kid: why's it called the Ool?
Lifeguard: because there is no P in the pool.
(Sorry if this is unoriginal, my friend told this to me)
What do Lifeguards and Rick and Morty's Space cruiser have in common?
Keep Summer Safe
I tried to sneak a quick pee in the public pool today but I think the lifeguard saw me.
He blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.
I went with my kids for a swim in the public kids pool and apparently adults peeing in a pool is not entirely unnoticeable
The lifeguard yelled so loud at me I almost fell in the water.
Some lifeguard kicked me out of the pool for peeing in it. I told him everyone does it.
He told me not off the diving board
Today I saw someone waving but I wasn't sure whether they were waving at me or someone behind me.
I got fired from my job as a lifeguard.
A lifeguard yelled at me for peeing in a swimming pool...
He yelled so hard I nearly fell in.
Why didnt the lifeguard save the drowning hippy?
Because he was to far out man
Grown-ups fooled us by making us think we would be superheroes on adulthood
Firefighter, Broker, Waterboy, Machinist, Driller, Embalmer, Goldsmith, Hydrologist, Lifeguard, Naturopath
I was taking a dip in the local pool, and the lifeguard said "Hey! What have you got"?
"Hummus".
Jacob was at his neighbourhood community swimming pool.
Lifeguard: Jacob! Stop Peeing in the pool!
Jacob: But everyone does it!?
Lifeguard: Yes, but not when on the DIVING BOARD.
At the swimming pool
A lifeguard reprimand a kid:
- Boy! Stop peeing in the pool!
- But everyone does!
- I know, but not from the diving board!
Lifeguard kicked some elephants out of the pool
Apparently they kept dropping their trunks.
Why couldn't the lifeguard at the beach save the hippie?
He was too far out
What do you call a dog lifeguard?
A good buoy
Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?
Cause he was too far out, man.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the lifeguard trunks jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working lifeguard paramedic piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.