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Life Support Jokes

108 life support jokes and hilarious life support puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about life support that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Life Support Short Jokes

Short life support jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The life support humour may include short end of life jokes also.

  1. My grandpa said "your life revolves too much around technology. Then I said, "no, yours does." Then I unplugged his life support.
  2. I was talking to my grandfather When he said
    "your generation relies too much on technology"
    I then said
    " no grandpa yours does"
    Then I unplugged his life support.
  3. It was very difficult to switch off my wife's life support system. You try fighting off 2 nurses, a doctor and my sons.
  4. If I am ever in a coma on life support I want my family to unplug me... And then plug me back in. See if that works.
  5. If I'm ever on life support, I want you to pull up he plug... Then wait 10 seconds and plug it back in, maybe that'll work.
  6. My Grandfather told me my generation is to reliant on technology. I told him, "no Grandpa, yours does." Then I unplugged his life support.
  7. I'll never forget my Grandfather's last words to me... "no the top one is your iphone charger, the bottom one is my life support." or something like that.
  8. My grandpa told me, "You millennials are too dependent on technology... .. so I plugged out his life support
  9. My grandad said us teenagers rely to much on technology So I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support
  10. LPT: Unplug your electronics to conserve energy, except for the fridge and the life support machine: In those instances, you'd just be wasting vegetables.

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Life Support One Liners

Which life support one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with life support? I can suggest the ones about staying alive and life saving.

  1. If I'm ever on life support, unplug me... Then plug me back in, see if that works.
  2. I unplugged my grandma's life support The moment was really breathtaking.
  3. Steve Jobs said his life flashed before his eyes. Except Apple doesn't support Flash.
  4. I had to unplug my mom's life support today. She always told me to finish my vegetables.
  5. I'm not saying I hate you... but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
  6. What technology are old people better at using than young people? Life support.
  7. "You're killing me small!" - my grandpa when I unplugged his life support
  8. Why I won't move my arms The first I use my arms is to reach for my life support cord
  9. My gradpa always said I rely too much on technology. Now he's on life support. Ha.
  10. What do you call a muffin on life support? Grain Dead
  11. Recently, I've been using the Bible for support.
    I've got a wobbly coffee table.
  12. I don't hate you But if you were on life support, I'd unplug you to charge my phone.

Life Support Machines Jokes

Here is a list of funny life support machines jokes and even better life support machines puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A patient kept complaining about his life-support machine making a weird noise So I tried turning it off and back on again.
  • An electrician gets to the ICU part of a hospital.... He sees the patients all connected to life support machines and say :
    " You guys better take a deep breath, i'm going to change the fuse. "
  • Two IT pros are being held on charges for m**... The local hospital's life support machine was acting up, so they turned it off and back on again.

Life Support Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about life support you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean support jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make life support pranks.

My grandfather once told me "your generation is too reliant on technology.

"
So I replied "no, your generation is too reliant on technology!"
Then I disconnected his life support.

Grandfather Joke

A grandfather told his grandson that his generation was too reliant on technology.
The grandson responded No Grandpa, your generation is too reliant on technology
He then disconnected his life support.

Sir Francis Bacon

Tomato is on life support.
*Sir Francis Bacon walks in*
"He's not gonna make it, is he?"
Doc: "He's basically a vegetable. Bacon, let us end tomato."

"Your generation is too reliant on technology," my grandfather said to me.

"No, YOUR generation is too reliant on technology!" I said as I pulled the plug of his life support in order to further prove my point.

Has been posted before, but one of my favorites.

Sherlock Holmes and John Watson go on a camping trip. In the middle of the night, Sherlock wakes up John and says, "Watson, what do you see when you look up at the sky?"
Watson looks up and says, "I see millions of stars."
Sherlock says, "Well, what can you deduce from that?"
After a moment's thought, Watson says, "Since there are so many stars,logically some of them must have planets orbiting them. And if some of those stars have planets, logically some must be able to support life. And if some could support life, logically some must. Therefore, I deduce that we are not alone in the universe. What do you think?"
Sherlock says, "No, Watson, you idiot, it means somebody stole our tent."

Always switch off appliances that you're not using in the night. Exceptions are refrigerators and life support...

Otherwise you'll be wasting a lot of vegetables.

Your generation is too reliant on technology," said my grandpa

"No, your generation is too reliant on technology," I retorted as I pulled the plug on his life support to further prove my point.

 ^  

^Shamelessly ^stolen ^from ^a ^top ^comment ^somewhere

Topical Jokes for 6/11

In California, a ten-year-old boy has graduated from high school. And in Florida, a ten-year-old girl has dropped out of school because she's pregnant.
…the boy has already sent out a college application, which was written in magic marker, on the back of a Fruit Roll Up.
Casey Kasem's family has decided to take him off of life support. They made the decision after Kasem's brain activity shot to the bottom of the charts.
Starbucks has announced their new tables will wirelessly charge phones placed on them. *Annnd* electrocute sleeping homeless people.

So my girlfriend caught me having s**... with her mother.

Funny thing was that she didn't even decline my advances.

However it was kinda awkward when the doctor came in and asked if we wanted to continue her life support.

Saw others translating Russian and Romanian jokes and thought I'd share two Hungarian ones (but be warned, Hungarian humor is terrible)

György had a headache and asked his friend for advice, and his friend said he could cure the headache by hammering a nail into the place it hurt. So he lined up the nail and was getting ready to hit when he saw György cringing. "What are you scared of?" the friend asked, and György replied, "I'm scared that you'll miss!"
---------------
A man says to a woman, "I wish you would bring your smile over to my place."
The woman replies, "Aren't you a ladies' man!"
And the man replies, "No, I'm a dentist."
---------------
Still reading? You're crazy! Okay, here's a "bonus" one.
An electrician enters the room in the hospital where they keep the patients on life support and he calls out, "Take a deep breath, everyone! I need to change a fuse!"

Abdul Ali was seriously injured in a car c**... & he has been on life support.

Today his family had to make an agonizing decision.
They closed the shop to visit him.......

NASA sends a r**... and a chimpanzee to the moon.

When the rocket lands on the moon's surface, the computer screen automatically switches itself on & the chimpanzee clicks on the desktop file that contains his instructions:-

1)....Ensure that rocket has landed at the correct co-ordinates and is anchored safely.
2)....Check ALL life support systems.
3)....Prepare laboratory for analysing samples.
4)....Put on space suit, step outside of rocket on to the surface, collect soil and rock samples, return to laboratory, conduct tests on samples and report back to Houston giving us your "best guess" as to whether or not the Moon is adequate for terraforming.

The chimp clicks out of his file & runs off to do his duties. The r**... then sits in front of the computer and clicks on *his* file:-
1)....Feed the chimpanzee.

A man finds a magic lamp...

He rubs it and a genie comes out and say "hello! You have found my lamp and I shall grant you one wish. Perhaps the one thing you want most in life." The man thinks and responds "well, I've really wanted to go to Hawaii so I want you to build a bridge from San Diego to Hawaii." The genie responds "that's impossible! Think about the logistics! How would the supports reach the bottom on the ocean? Who would maintain it? No, ask for something else." So the man thinks again and says "well, I've been divorced 4 times and my current marriage isn't going well so I just want to be able to understand what is going on in my wife's mind, just to be able to understand her more." The genie responds "do you want a two lane highway or four."

My last days.

If I ever end up on life support unplug me. Then plug me back in again and see if that works. REBOOT me baby!

My Grandfather told me "Your generation relies too much on technology."

Me: "No your generation relies too much on technology."
I then pulled out his life support.

Your generation relies too much on technology.

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

Programming is like s**....

One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

If I'm ever on life support, I want to be unplugged.

And then plugged back in to see if that helps

A grandpa tells his grandson "Your generation depends too much on technology."

The grandson unplugs his grandpa's life support.

Why can't an IT guy be a doctor?

Nurse: Doctor, the patient's life support is acting strange.
.
.
Doctor: Have you tried turning it off and on again?

A man is dying of cancer...

He tells his wife, "Honey, if things start looking bad, please just turn off my life support."
A tear rolls down her cheek as he grasps her hand and continues, "Then turn it back on again and see if that fixes it."

My Grandfather Says I should not be so Dependent upon technology...

...Yet he is the one hooked to life support.

My grandpa told me...

My grandpa told me I spend too much time using technology and I should take a break. I said that he should too, and I unplugged his life support.

Motivational words from Stevie Wonder.

I have lived life through a lot of troubles and made it through each and every one of them.
Being a musician is hard and making money to support myself was even harder. Being blind didn't make anything easier, but I made due.
One thing I can say I am thankful for is.
At least I'm not black.

"You people rely on technology too much."

"No, you do." I responded
Then I unplugged his life support.

My grandpa says our generation relies too much on technology...

I replied "No, YOUR generation relies too much on technology", and unplugged his life support.

My grandfather once said that we're starting to rely way too much on technology; that it's important we remind ourselves to live without it. I honestly had to agree with him.

So, I unplugged his life support.

My grandfather told me that our generation depends too much on technology...

...so I unplugged his life support.

I was hanging out with my grandfather.

I was on my phone when he knocks it out of my hands and said " You rely to much on technology " red in the face with rage I scream " No YOU rely to much on technology" as I pull the plug on his life support.

My grandpa keeps complaining to me that my generation relies too heavily on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

There's this well I throw my change into that supports sea life conservation.

I guess you can call it a well whale well.

On His Deathbed

On his deathbed, a lifelong Republican supporter suddenly announced that he was switching to the Democrats. I can't believe you're doing this. said his friend. For your entire life you're been a staunch Republican. Why would you want to become a Democrat now? Because I'd rather it was one of them that dies than one of us.

My granddad always did say that we were too reliant on technology...

I replied, "No, you are grandpa." As I unplugged his life support

Somebody told me to "live everyday like it's your last".

So, I decided I'd stay in bed with life support and act as if I'm in comatose state from now on.

It was difficult to turn off my wife's life support today

You try fighting off 2 nurses, 1 doctor, and my 3 kids!

My Grandpa said, " Your generation relies too much on technology. I'm doing you a favor" as he tossed my phone into the toilet.

I laughed, and replied "No Grandpa, but yours does," as I unplugged his life support.

A teacher speaks to his straight-F pupil

"With grades like this you'll never achieve anything in your life. You'll end up a loser"
Fast forward 20 years later. Retired teacher is deadly ill, only a very risky and expensive surgery can save him.
It happens that the best surgeon in the country knows the old man and aggrees to save him for free.
After surgery, when teacher wakes up, the grown-up straight-F student comes into the recovery room.
He unplugs the life support and plugs in his vacuum cleaner.

My friends and I just started a music group.

We're calling the band "Grandpa's Life Support." That way, if we ever have an acoustic album, it'll be called "Grandpa's Life Support: Unplugged."

My parents are so supportive

They're always encouraging me to get out of the house and do something with my life.

So I was visiting my elderly neighbor the other day and he told me something:

He said "Your generation is too dependant on technology."
I replied with "No your generation is." Then I unplugged his life support.

My grandfather said, "Your generation relies too much on technology."

I replied, "Yours does too." As I turned off his life support...

A group of monks have an encounter with the almighty while tending their flower garden.

The experience so transforms them that they decide to form a new order, with a monastery, dedicated to growing flowers as a form of worship. Two years into the venture they realize that they are running out of funds and decide to begin selling some of their flowers as a way to raise funds to support their ministry and their way of life. Unfortunately a sheep from a nearby farm wandered into the monastery and quickly consumed all of their prize flowers.
It turns out only a ewe can prevent florist friars.

In one Intensive care unit

people always died on the same bed at 11 am on a Sunday morning, regardless of their condition. This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to observe the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour. Some held crosses and prayer books to ward off evil influences, while the less superstitious had video cameras to catch the whole thing on tape. At the 11th hour, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.

I met this awesome girl

She is the only support in my life, I think I'm in love. I cantilever.

My grandma said you're way too reliant on technology

I replied, No you are, and pulled her life support

Long/Sexist (On mobile and I can't find the flair) A priest and a woman are walking up the Gates of Heaven when they're greeted by St. Peter

St. Peter tells them Sorry, we're packed today, we can only allow in whichever one of you supported God the most.
So he looks about both of their informations for each of their lives, and he decides to pick the woman.
Of course, the Priest was astonished. He had spent his entire life worshipping the Lord, and he's baptized so many people. So he asks How did she get in, and not me?
St. Peter replies Because, her entire life, whenever someone was in her car while she's driving, they always scream OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD .

A grandpa is complaining that their generation relies too much on their technology.

They reply, No, you generation relies too much on technology. And we can prove it.
He replies, What are you talking about? , as they slowly unplug his life support.

Rylie was put on life support

She had a severe infection that lead to toxic shock syndrome

Software development is like s**......

...one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

There was this haunted ICU in a hospital... People always died at 3pm on a Sunday afternoon, regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled medical staff, so a group of doctors decided to keep a watch on the bed in secret and waited for the fateful hour.
At 3pm, the door to the ward slowly opened, then a cleaner came in, disconnected the life support machine and plugged in a vacuum cleaner.

After years of stuffing her face, my wife finally took it too far and fell into a deep diabetic coma.

After two weeks of no improvement, her doctor took me to one side..
"I'm sorry, but all our tests are indicating no sign of her ever recovering." He told me, sombrely.
"It may be time to take away her life support."
Suddenly, my wife's eyes sprung open and she sat bolt upright in bed..
"Did someone mention takeaway?"

Dad on Deathbed

[Deathbed]
Dad: Don't put me in the wrong burial plot
Son: Dad stop it, I'm never turning this life support off!
Dad: because that would be...a grave mistake lol
Son: So is it this switch here or
(cr

The female Praying mantis devours the male right after mating.

It's easier to collect life insurance than child support.

My grandpa said our generation of kids depend to much on tech...

I said "No, your generation depends too much on tech".
And I unplugged his life support.

Taking my mother-in-law off her life support was one of the hardest things I've done.

I had to fight my wife, two doctors, and a nurse to finally do it.

If I'm ever on life support in an ICU and don't wake up from a coma, please turn the system off.

And then back on and see if that works.

My friends grandpa

My friends grandpa said he hated technology and wanted to be as far away from it as possible and he wants nothing to do with it, then my friend unplugged his life support

Grandpa being hypocritical

Grandpa: Your generation relies too much on technology.
Me: No. Your generation relies too much on technology.
Then I unplugged his life support.


^(no oldies were harmed in the making of this joke)

It was extremely difficult to switch off my mother in law's life support system.

I had to fight the doctor, my wife, and her siblings to finally do it.