Following is our collection of Life jokes which are very funny. There are some life halflife jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these life life of luxury puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."
Thank you for everything, Mom.
Happy Mothers' Day!
Then plug me back in, see if that works.
She decided the best way to die was to shoot herself through the heart, but she doesn't know where the heart is. So she called her doctor and asked.
The doctor told her the heart is located 2 inches below the left nipple.
The old lady hung up and shot herself in her knee.
We can't all be white.
A surgeon went to check on his patient after an operation.
"You'll be fine," he said.
She asked ...
How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"
The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.
"What's the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won't I?"
He replied ...
Yes, you'll be fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."
They talk about all the amazing music he has created over the years and the incredible things he has done with his life and as a last question the reporter asks:
"But don't you wish you hadn't been born blind?"
and Stevie replies "Hey, it could've been much worse - I could have been born black"
A girl was about to jump off a cliff to end her life. Just as she was about to leap to her death, a homeless man approached from behind and shouted to ask her a question,
"Excuse me miss! Before you jump would you like to have sex with me?"
The woman replied angrily, "No I most certainly would not! How dare you try and take advantage of me in a situation like this!"
The homeless responded, "Very well then, I'll just wait for you to get to the bottom."
When you're cold stand in a corner. It's 90 degrees!
A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.
The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.
She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.
You can explore life lifestyle reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean life a woman thoughts on life dad jokes. There are also life puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Because being poor everyday sucks...
Then I said, "no, yours does." Then I unplugged his life support.
He was too far-out.
The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."
1. You should find a woman that helps you with the cleaning and the chores,
2. You should find a woman that is a good cook,
3. You should find a woman that you can trust and share your feelings with,
4. You should find a woman that enjoys making love to you,
5. Last and the most important thing is that these 4 women should never meet.
The category was "Describe your sex life with a Spongebob quote"
and apparently "ARE YOU READY KIDS?" was not the right answer.
Give a man a poison fish and feed him for the rest of his life.
It was having a mid life crisis
It exists thanks to gullible six year olds
Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
1.
2.
3.
But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity
Because his whole life he's Ben Solo
You have the rest of your life to fix it.
Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
Because for most of his life he's Ben Solo
Many men have died after having a stroke
Fred and George Weasley.
I was so startled, I almost fell in.
...and shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".
Others say it was simply an homage to Apple's attitude towards battery life.
Well I Better get back to it....
Well not in those exact words. He said I had to reduce the stress in my life. Same thing.
You understand it better, but it dies in the process.
See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.
*
I've taken several.
Customer: Hi, my computer isn't working.
IT guy: OK, what happens when you try to turn it on?
Customer: Nothing.
IT guy: Can you check to see if it's plugged into the outlet?
Customer: Uhhhh I dunno it's pretty dark back there...
IT guy: ...Can you turn on a light?
Customer: Nope. The power's out.
... as long as I die on Thursday.
He was having a mid life crisis
1. baby
2. ???
3. prophet
Neither because they live in America.
I got a lot of abuse from the relatives about my floral tribute in the shape a life jacket. But as I told everyone "It's what he would have wanted"
Me: Do you guys think it's ruining our marriage? Let me know in the comments below!
The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed satellite based nuclear weapons."
The second one says, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first one says, "I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves."
Don't get an abortion.
But for the life of me, I don't know how to tell her.
He did heroin
Throw a man off a plane and he flies for the rest of his life.
As the rescue team approached, one of the guys shouted, "Whatever you do, don't look down!"
So I started smiling...
- My man is an architect. Our love life has form, vision and function, good plan as well.
- My man is an artist. Our love life has passion, imagination and improvisation.
- And my man is a programmer. He sits in bed and tells me how good it's going to be when it's ready.
Dad: knock knock
Me: who's there?
Dad: water
Me: water who?
Dad: water you even doing with your life? I ask you this in the form of a joke because it seems this best relates to the course of your life thus far.
It doesn't last as long for the obese.
...I guess you could say I'm a neck-romancer
Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...
The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have aimed at themselves"
He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now."
I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense."
He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
Headstone of Russell J. Larsen in the Logan City Cemetery, Logan, Utah! I wonder if he died knowing he won the 'Coolest Headstone' contest? His five rules for a happy life are below.
FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE:
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me
A lot of food you probably didn't need to eat.
I smiled and told him I was married, so I have no money or a life. He dropped the knife and we hugged and cried for a moment.
1.) Your time with them Is brief so treasure it.
2.) They LOVE chocolate.
In self-defense the man says, Who told you that drinking is bad?
Nun : "Mother Superior told me."
Man : "So, have you ever tried it?"
Nun : "No, I haven't ever taken a drink of hard liquor."
Man : "Well, don't criticize me if you haven't tried it. I'll tell you what if you try it and don't like it, I'll give up drinking for life."
Nun : "Okay but bring it in a tea cup. I don't want people thinking I'm drinking."
The man goes up to the bartender and says, Bring me a couple of shots of vodka but bring one of them in a tea cup.
The bartender looked at the man and said, Is that nun in here again?
Ive never worked so hard before in my life.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life, they never found a working machine.
Then I realized my whole life was a joke.
Happy Mother's Day!
...and the death of an uncle who left me $4,999,996.50
My life is the joke.
I am just lucky my brother told me about it
"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?"
"I doubt it" sais the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now"
"I don't believe in that astrology crap, doc"
"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke"
He might get to be president for the rest of his life.
The bartender was almost crushed to death.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
They start talking and after a few drinks the conversation shifts to cars. The Jedi living a life of austerity and frugality only has a 1991 Camry. The Sith and Mando laughs at him saying he has a Bad Car. The Sith having manipulated others into giving him their wealth shows off his McClaren F1. The patrons at the bar are amazed and even the Jedi has to admit it's a nice ride. They both end up saying it's a Good Car. The Mandalorian walks around the corner and after a few minutes comes screaming back on his jet pack and blows up the other cars. He has the Beskar.
Because its life was at steak!
Oh, I can't complain.
You're most likely dyslexic
I cant play chess
Give a poor man a poisoned fish and you will feed him for the rest of his life"
But shout it at them in German, because life is also scary and confusing.
But at least my name is not North Kardashian West
Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.
Scientists warn that a virulent strain of humans are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving researchers at a loss as to how to combat them.
These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information, and yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive."
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the life marriage jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working life hard knock life piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.