Life Jackets Jokes

28 life jackets jokes and hilarious life jackets puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about life jackets that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Life Jackets Short Jokes

Short life jackets jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The life jackets humour may include short life jacket jokes also.

  1. My buddy drowned the other day I placed a life jacket in his coffin
    It's what he would've wanted
  2. My friend drowned last week My friend drowned last week, so I had a wreath made in the shape of a life jacket in his memory. I'm sure it's what he would have wanted.
    -Milton Jones
  3. Give a man a jacket and he'll stay warm all winter Teach a man to jacket and he'll stay warm his whole life
  4. A good friend of mine drowned the other day We put a life jacket on his coffin, it's what he would have wanted.
  5. Up to 3,000 migrants were rescued in boats fleeing African countries on Monday They were quickly given access to life jackets, emergency blankets, and Pokemon GO.
  6. You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket ... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
  7. Bob drowned... , so at his f**... we put a life jacket over his grave. It is what he would have wanted.
  8. The kid drowned. All his mates showed up at his f**... with life jackets on. Because it's what he would've wanted.

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Life Jackets One Liners

Which life jackets one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with life jackets? I can suggest the ones about jacket and lifeguard.

  1. What do you get if you glue sequins to your life jacket? >!Flamboyancy!<
  2. What do you call a gay guy in a life jacket? Flambuoyant.
  3. UA new safety briefing Life jacket, seatbelt, mouth guard

Life Jackets Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about life jackets you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean life guard jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make life jackets pranks.

Just got back from a friends f**... who drowned last week.

I got a lot of a**... from the relatives about my floral tribute in the shape a life jacket. But as I told everyone "It's what he would have wanted"

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.
So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
Just o**... stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."
"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."

A ship was sinking...

The captain of the ship gathers all passengers on deck and asks the crowd: "Does anyone here know how to say prayers".
A priest steps forward: "I can" he says with some pride in his voice. "Actually, I used to say the best prayers in the monastery, and they would be answered by God too" he continues boastfully.
"Great" answers the captain, "We're one life jacket short, so you say prayers, me and the crew are gonna rescue the rest of passengers by the life jackets".

The secret to wealth

A young man once asked a rich older man how he made all his money.
The dapper old fellow smoothed his tailored jacket and said, "Well young man, it was 1932, in the depths of the Great Depression. I was down to the last penny I had."
"I took that penny and I went and bought an apple. I spent the whole day shining that apple until it gleamed like the sun, then I took that apple to the market and sold it for two cents."
"The next day I took those two cents and bought two apples. I shined those apples all day and night until they were perfect, then I sold them at the market for four cents the next day. I worked at it like this for a month, sometimes selling, sometimes not, and at the end of the month I'd amassed myself a fortune. Nearly eight whole dollars. I'd never been so proud of myself in my life."
"Then my wife's father died and left us 2 million bucks."

A ship was sailing in the middle of the ocean....

A storm was developing in the distance. As the storm raged, the captain realised the ship was sinking fast.
He called out loud, "Anyone here knows how to pray?"
A man proudly raised his hand and came forward, "Aye Captain, I know how to pray."
The Captain replied, "Great, you keep praying while the rest of us put our life jackets on.......we are short of one!"

The power of prayer

A ship is sinking, the captain turns to the people on the boat and asks, "does anyone here know how to pray?"
The priest on boards says he can pray.
Captain: "Ok priest, you pray. Everyone else will wear a life jacket. We are short of one."

A boat in the Atlantic ocean was starting to sink...

... The captain gathered everyone and said "OK everyone, it looks like we are going down, does anyone know how to pray?" One of the ships crew members sitting in the back raises his hand and Hays "yes captain I know how to pray." The captain responds "OK well you start praying and everyone else put a life jacket on, we're short one jacket."
Another joke from my 95 year old grandpa.

A prayer

As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.
He called out: "Anyone here know how to pray?"
One man stepped forward: "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray."
Good", said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short"

I just got home from a close friends f**..., he drowned last week......!

I was surprised that all the relatives were furious about my floral arrangement that was in the shape of a life jacket. But as I told everyone, "It's what he would have wanted".

A large battleship has taken damage and is sinking...

The captain gathers everyone on deck and explains the situation, and solemnly asks if anyone knows any good prayers. The yeoman steps up and says that years of seminary have made him and the Lord really close and he has just a prayer for this situation.
The captain says "Good, you get to stay behind we only have enough life jackets for everyone else."

Two guys were roaring down the road on a motorcycle...

Two guys were roaring down the road on a motorcycle when the driver slowed up and pulled over.
His leather jacket had a broken zipper, and he told his friend, "I can't drive anymore with the air hitting me in the chest like that." "Just put the jacket on backwards." His friend advised.
They continued down the road but around the next bend, they lost control and wiped out. A nearby farmer came upon the accident and ran to call the police.
They asked him, "Are they showing any signs of life?" "Well," the farmer explained, "the driver was until I turned his head around the right way!"

A Priest dies and..

... is waiting in line at heavens gate.
Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans.
God to the guy : Who r u ?
Guy : I am Bus driver "Express Service"
God : Take this gold robe & enter kingdom of heaven.
God to the Priest : Who r u ?
Priest : I am a priest & spent 40yrs preaching good to people.
God : Take this cotton robe and enter heaven.
Priest : God, how come that foul mouthed, rash driver gets a gold & I spent all my life preaching good get cotton.
God : Results, my son, results.

While you preached, people slept, when he drove, people really prayed...
Its Performance, not Position that Counts !!

Pearly Gates

A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafing through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. Saint Peter goes through the book several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did anything really good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."
The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was driving down the highway and I saw a giant group of k**... Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of them torturing this girl. Infuriated, I got out
of my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the k**... Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me. So, I ripped the leader's chain off his face and smashed him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yelled to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"
St. Peter, impressed, says "Really? When did this happen?"
"Oh, about two minutes ago."

All men are l**...

An old Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot, and you, what are you?
She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about n**... women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about n**... women. When I shower, I think about n**... women. When I watch TV, I think about n**... women. It seems everything makes me think of n**... women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "are you a real pilot?"
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'