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Life Insurance Jokes

42 life insurance jokes and hilarious life insurance puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about life insurance that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Life Insurance Short Jokes

Short life insurance jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The life insurance humour may include short insurance policy jokes also.

  1. Do Transformers get car insurance or life insurance? Neither because they live in America.
  2. So, I asked my grandfather why he doesn't have a life insurance His answer? "Because I want you to be truly sad when I'm gone" :(
  3. Grandpa - why don't you have life insurance? Asks the grandson. Grandpa laughs and says: "I want you guys to be really sad when I die."
  4. A hurricane walks into a bar The owner doesn't have insurance so his life is pretty much ruined.
  5. The female Praying mantis devours the male right after mating. It's easier to collect life insurance than child support.
  6. A man is asked by his friends why he doesn't have a life insurance policy "Because I want everybody to be really sad when I die!" He grins.
  7. He said he would kiss me or die in the attempt. Well?
    He has no life-insurance, and I pitied his poor old mother.

    Source: 1913 Newspaper
  8. I should start selling life insurance for ISIS members. I'm sure it's gonna be a booming business.
  9. My life as an actor is finally paying off! The other guys insurance company isn't too happy about it though.
  10. I gave my dad a pad on the back to say "Good morning". He said "Social distancing." I replied, "I thought you already bought life insurance."

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Life Insurance One Liners

Which life insurance one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with life insurance? I can suggest the ones about health insurance and car insurance.

  1. How much is Trump's life insurance payout? One pence
  2. Serious question here... Does Lightning McQueen get car insurance or life insurance?
  3. How much is Hillary Clinton's life insurance? Just one bill.
  4. I just got life insurances It makes me happy knowing that now my life is worth something.
  5. A man going to jail buys life insurance.... ....To protect his ASSETS!
  6. Why is it too late for emo's to get life insurance? Because they are already dead inside.
  7. What do you calls a life insurance agent ripe with flesh eating bacteria? A lepper-con
  8. Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
  9. My life insurance agent is a great friend. He promised to never say you're dead to me.
  10. Your mama's so s**... She killed herself for life insurance
  11. Why did the p**... kill himself? He was trying to collect on his life insurance policy.

Life Insurance joke, Why did the p**... kill himself?

Howlingly Hilarious Life Insurance Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening

What funny jokes about life insurance you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean insurance company jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make life insurance pranks.

A man was driving on the highway in the US when suddenly he was hit by a drunk driver, breaking his right arm, puncturing his lung, and putting him into a short coma

Despite not having insurance, he left the hospital without any financially crippling debt that would haunt him for the rest of his life and compromise his future savings.

Positive...

James finds a friend whom he hasn't spoken with for a long time, so to be nice, he breaks the ice:
" -Hey Oscar, how are you doing?"
" -Terrible."
" -What?! What about your Ferrari?"
" -Wrecked in an accident... and the insurance had just expired."
" -Well, you win some, you lose some... And what about your son, the intelectual one?"
" -He was the one driving the Ferrari. Died upon impact."
" -But what about your beautiful daughter, didn't she say she wanted to be a model or something?"
" -She did, yeah... And was with her brother. She died too. Only person who wasn't in the car was my wife."
" -Oh thank God! How is she?"
" -She ran off with my bussiness partner."
" -Well, at least you got the company."
" -Yeah, a bankrupt one... I owe millions."
" -Jesus, dude! Do you have anything positive in your life?"
" -Yeah, h**...."

A man dies in an accident

He never drank, nor smoked. He never had s**... and never indulged in anything unhealthy.
The Life Insurance Company refused the claim on the note that 'How can someone have died if he had never lived in the first place?'

My wife had me take out more life insurance and now there's no grip left on the bath mat. Weird.

My husband is on the roof - only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.

An old man wants to get life insurance

The employee working at the insurance company asks:
'How old are you, sir?'
'I'm 102.'
'102?! And you wanna get life insurance at *your* age? You know what? Come back tomorrow.'
'Tomorrow ain't good. We'll be celebrating my dad's birthday.'
'Your dad's birthday?! How old is he?'
'He's 139.'
'Okay, come back next week then.'
'Next week is definitely a bad time for me. We're gonna have a week-long party for my grandfather's wedding.'
'Your grandfather's weddig?! How old is he?'
'He's 164.'
'And he wants to get married at *his* age?'
'Nah, he doesn't, it's just that his parents are forcing him...'

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy.


The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.
"Ever have an accident?"
"Nope, nary a one."
"None? You've never had any accidents."
"Nope. Ain't had one. Never."
"Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"
"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."

What´s the key to keep a marriage between a young woman and an old rich man?

Life insurance

What's the best way to make money with a plus-size modeling agency?

Life insurance policies.

Messing with Chuck Norris is the only thing that will get you disqualified from a Colonial Penn Life Insurance policy - at any age.

The church is struck by lightning.
The insurance company refuses to pay out for damages incurred, as there is a specific disclaimer clause for "An act of God", which, amongst others, lightning is classified as.
The priest goes to every household and asks for a donation to rebuild the church.
One Christian farmer protested, "I'm sorry, Pastor, but I can't give money to Somebody who set His own house alight!"

Life Insurance joke

jokes about life insurance