The Best 27 Life Insurance Jokes
Following is our collection of Life Insurance jokes which are very funny. There are some life insurance jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these life insurance puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Life Insurance Jokes and Puns
Do Transformers get car insurance or life insurance?
Neither because they live in America.
So, I asked my grandfather why he doesn't have a life insurance
His answer? "Because I want you to be truly sad when I'm gone" :(
Grandpa - why don't you have life insurance?
Asks the grandson. Grandpa laughs and says: "I want you guys to be really sad when I die."
Positive...
James finds a friend whom he hasn't spoken with for a long time, so to be nice, he breaks the ice:
" -Hey Oscar, how are you doing?"
" -Terrible."
" -What?! What about your Ferrari?"
" -Wrecked in an accident... and the insurance had just expired."
" -Well, you win some, you lose some... And what about your son, the intelectual one?"
" -He was the one driving the Ferrari. Died upon impact."
" -But what about your beautiful daughter, didn't she say she wanted to be a model or something?"
" -She did, yeah... And was with her brother. She died too. Only person who wasn't in the car was my wife."
" -Oh thank God! How is she?"
" -She ran off with my bussiness partner."
" -Well, at least you got the company."
" -Yeah, a bankrupt one... I owe millions."
" -Jesus, dude! Do you have anything positive in your life?"
" -Yeah, HIV."
A hurricane walks into a bar
The owner doesn't have insurance so his life is pretty much ruined.
A man dies in an accident
He never drank, nor smoked. He never had sex and never indulged in anything unhealthy.
The Life Insurance Company refused the claim on the note that 'How can someone have died if he had never lived in the first place?'
How much is Trump's life insurance payout?
One pence
The female Praying Mantis devours the male right after mating.
It's easier to collect life insurance than child support.
Serious question here...
Does Lightning McQueen get car insurance or life insurance?
How much is Hillary Clinton's life insurance?
Just one bill.
Your mama's so stupid
She killed herself for life insurance
You can explore life insurance health insurance reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean life insurance dad jokes. There are also life insurance puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I should start selling life insurance for ISIS members.
I'm sure it's gonna be a booming business.
I just got life insurances
It makes me happy knowing that now my life is worth something.
My life as an actor is finally paying off!
The other guys insurance company isn't too happy about it though.
My wife had me take out more life insurance and now there's no grip left on the bath mat. Weird.
My husband is on the roof - only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
I gave my dad a pad on the back to say "Good morning". He said "Social distancing."
I replied, "I thought you already bought life insurance."
Why did the Polack kill himself?
He was trying to collect on his life insurance policy.
A man going to jail buys life insurance....
....To protect his ASSETS!
Why is it too late for emo's to get life insurance?
Because they are already dead inside.
What´s the key to keep a marriage between a young woman and an old rich man?
Life insurance
An old man wants to get life insurance
The employee working at the insurance company asks:
'How old are you, sir?'
'I'm 102.'
'102?! And you wanna get life insurance at *your* age? You know what? Come back tomorrow.'
'Tomorrow ain't good. We'll be celebrating my dad's birthday.'
'Your dad's birthday?! How old is he?'
'He's 139.'
'Okay, come back next week then.'
'Next week is definitely a bad time for me. We're gonna have a week-long party for my grandfather's wedding.'
'Your grandfather's weddig?! How old is he?'
'He's 164.'
'And he wants to get married at *his* age?'
'Nah, he doesn't, it's just that his parents are forcing him...'
What's the best way to make money with a plus-size modeling agency?
Life insurance policies.
What do you calls a life insurance agent ripe with flesh eating bacteria?
A lepper-con
Messing with Chuck Norris is the only thing that will get you disqualified from a Colonial Penn Life Insurance policy - at any age.
Chuck Norris doesn't buy life insurance, life buys Chuck insurance.
A 97 year old man goes in the insurance and says to the insurer: “Hello my son.
I want to have a life insurance policy.”
Perplexed by the old man, the insurer asks: “Sorry for the indiscretion, but why do you want to make life insurance?”
“You know my son I will travel with my father in Europe.”
Even more perplexed the insurer, asks: "Again, sorry, but how old is your father?”
“127. ”
“127? And what will you do in Europe?”
He answers: “We will go to the wedding of my grandfather.”
Even more shocked the insurer asks: “And how old is your grandfather?”
“He is … Oh, 150.”
And the insurer ready to hear everything now, asks: “Oh well, how come your grandfather wants to get married at this age?”
“Bullshit, you know his parents are pressing him!”
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the life insurance jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working life insurance piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.