Life Experience Jokes

34 life experience jokes and hilarious life experience puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about life experience that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Life Experience Short Jokes

Short life experience jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The life experience humour may include short work experience jokes also.

  1. Why did elon musk abandon his Twitter acquisition? He wanted to experience, for the first time in his life, the sensation of pulling out
  2. Why do kids hate coffee, but adults enjoy it? Because, when you're a kid, coffee is the bitterest experience you've had in life.
  3. I learned from experience that the thing girls want most from life is security. Anytime I approach one of them, they usually yell, Security!
  4. They say geese mate for life But in my experience they fly away as soon as you let go of them.
  5. Did you know that 1 in every 3 people experience Alzheimer's at some point in their life? By the way, Did you know that 1 in every 3 people experience Alzheimer's at some point in their life?
  6. Why are men always happy when their wife are in labor? It's the most painful experience of her life and she can't make him do it.
  7. [Long] I (31m) just had the most uncomfortable experience of my life. Sleeping in a bed which was only 30m.
  8. Life Hack | words coming from experience Never fight with a white guy who has a black guy's nickname.
  9. Life Advice Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
  10. Of all the experiences in my life, I think I can honestly say that getting struck in the hippocampus was the most forgettable.

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Life Experience One Liners

Which life experience one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with life experience? I can suggest the ones about experience and life questioning.

  1. What did Gordon Freeman experience when he turned 40? A Half Life crisis.
  2. Some people think that their life experience compensates for their lack of brain.
  3. Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
  4. Chuck Norris can experience a once in a life time occurrence... twice.

Life Experience Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about life experience you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean lifestyle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make life experience pranks.

A wife told her man to leave....

after finding out that he had a one night stand with another woman.
"I want you to go!" she screamed.
He said, "Please can we just talk about this first?"
"Go on, I'm listening." she replied.
He sat down and said, "It was the most amazing experience of my entire life."

The bride asks her husband

The bride asks her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a v**... and I don't know
anything about s**.... Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,

A group of monks have an encounter with the almighty while tending their flower garden.

The experience so transforms them that they decide to form a new order, with a monastery, dedicated to growing flowers as a form of worship. Two years into the venture they realize that they are running out of funds and decide to begin selling some of their flowers as a way to raise funds to support their ministry and their way of life. Unfortunately a sheep from a nearby farm wandered into the monastery and quickly consumed all of their prize flowers.
It turns out only a ewe can prevent florist friars.

An Amish family visits a mall...

...the mother strolls along an aisle and experience modern life. The dad and the son, however, encounters an elevator.
"What is that, father?", the son asked.
"I don't know either, my son", replied the father, "Let's see what they use it for".
They then see an ugly, fat woman trudge into the elevator. The door shuts, and after a few minutes, a pretty lady walks out alone.
The father then said: "Go get your mother".

My brother recently came out of the closet.

I had been raised side by side with this man for my entire life. The whole experience has really opened up my eyes and made me reevaluate my views on homosexuality. Maybe I DO hate the g**......

Wants to be boss of the world. Has absolutely no experience to be able to do that. Constantly yells things without knowing what they mean. Has had servants all his life. Wants nothing other than control and attention.

My toddler is driving me CRAZY!


Two couples go on vacation together. After a week, they are thoroughly bored.
The men decide that maybe life will take on new meaning if they change partners. They all agree that it's an experiment worth trying.
The morning after the switch, one of the husbands says, ''I'm glad we tried this. It was exhilarating. Come on, let's go in the other room and see how the girls got on.''

Charlie Sheen just received an AA coin in relation to maintaining sobriety for a year

Next to his h**... diagnosis, this may be the second most positive experience of his life.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

An elderly couple gets pulled over by a cop.

The wife is driving, but she has a bit of a hearing problem. The officer notifies her that she was doing 38 in a 25 zone.
The wife turns to her husband and asks "What'd he say?"
The husband replies "He says you were speeding!"
The wife turns back to the officer and says "Oh, sorry officer."
The officer goes on; "License and registration please."
The wife again turns to her husband. "What'd he say!?"
The husband, growing irritated, says "He wants to see your LICENSE." The wife replies, "Oh, sorry officer. Here you go."
The officer inspects her license and comments, "Ah, you're from Brownsville. I'll never forget that city... I had the worst s**... experience of my entire life in Brownsville!"
The wife once more turns to her right and yells "What'd he say!!?"
The husband replies "He says he knows you."

Arab Joke

A young Arab guy joins a college in USA and attends classes everyday in a gold plated and diamond studded Ferrari.
A few days later he writes to his parents about the experience of attending college in USA. He wrote,"Dear Mom and Dad I am loving it over here. The college is very good and so are all of the students. The only problem for me is I am attending the college in a Ferrari while almost all of my classmates come here by train"
The parents replied," Dear Son we are happy to know you are loving the college life and like it over there but please dont embarrass us with small issues like your going to college by Car while your friends come in train. We have transferred 40 million dollars to your account. Buy a nice train for yourself and attend college in it!"

Football in Heaven

Two die-hard football friends ( Jim and Pete ) were sitting after a game one talking abut life.
Jim: do people play football in heaven?
Pete: good question, never thought of it
Jim: Lets make a deal, the first on there check on that and bring the news.
(unfortunately Jim dies and experience his first game in heaven. A week later, he appears in Pete dream.
Jim: Ehh buddy, how is earth ?
Pete: good. Do they play football in heaven?
Jim: Well, i have a good news and a bad news. Good news is , I had my second game yesterday. Bad news, you are selected for the next one.

A homeless man goes to a fortune teller...

A homeless man who spends his days street performing on an old guitar for some loose change decides to spend the money on a fortune teller one day.

The fortune teller tells the homeless man that she has good news and bad news for him. The homeless asks to hear the good news first.

She begins to tell the man about his after-life. She tells him that he will meet Elvis and John Lennon in the after-life, and that the three of them together are going to be the next top hit band.

The homeless man leaps from joy, realizing his experience with the old guitar has aided him well. Having already thanked the fortune teller and shook her hand, he pauses for a moment on his way out to turn around say, "Oh yeah, I forgot to ask you what the bad news was?."

"Auditions are tomorrow."

This is for Robin Williams

A man goes to see a doctor. Doctor asks what seems to be the trouble. The man says, "Doc, I'm depressed. Simply, I can't sleep sometimes, I can't eat, I feel down and irritable most days. I just can't feel 'happy.'"
The Doctor says, "I've got the perfect fix for you. In town tonight is the great clown Pagliacci. He's hysterically funny and will make you laugh til you cry. You will experience a joy unprecedented."
The man bursts into tears. The doctor, confused asks why. "Doc, I *am* Pagliacci."
Robin Williams was legendary. He was also human. He had his demons and battled them all his life. I don't like that he's gone, but I understand what he's dealt with. RIP.

An Irishman, an American, a Jew and a Greek all die...

When they get to Heaven, they're given the chance to go back to Earth and give it one more shot.
"But whatever sin you committed most in life, you must not even think once of committing it again," they're told, "Or you'll be right back up here."
All four end up together back on Earth, and start walking down the street, talking about the experience and what they think their worst sin was.
They pass a bar. The Irishman looks in, gets a greedy look on his face, and *p**...* disappears.
They pass a fast food restaurant. The American looks in, starts drooling, and *p**...* he disappears, too.
The Jew and the Greek keep walking, joking at their friends' foolishness. The Jew sees a dollar bill lying on the street. He bends over to pick it up, and ...
*p**...* they both disappear.

A piece of butter...

A piece of butter, Joe, has lived a long, satisfying life. He's very content with it, and he realizes that he should end his life here, on a happy note. However, before he does so, he wants to cross a few things off of his "butter list".
First, Joe finds a nearby piece of toast, and hops onto it. He spreads himself out, and relaxes there for a little while. It's fun, but he still doesn't feel completely fulfilled with his life.
Next, Joe searches for a second starchy food to hang out on. He picks a bagel, and stays even longer than he did on the toast. The feeling of being split into a circle revs his engine, and it's hard for him to leave.
Finally, Joe finds a third food and spreads on it. He stays a very long time, and another piece of butter comes over to see what's going on. Joe tells him, "I wanted to experience some new things before I die. But now that I've done all of them, I think it's a good time to go. Nice knowing you!"
He is about to pass away when the other butter stops him. "Wait, Joe!" he cries. "Don't stop now; you're on a roll!"